"Every Frayed Page"

By: Emilieee.

Review: Gtoprenaissance.

1-Title: "Every Frayed Page" sounds like an appropriate title for a post-modernist tragedy, especially one which discusses contemporary notions such as psychological maladjustments or domestic abuse. The determiner "Every" symbolises the reoccurrence of a theme; whether it's self-harm, domestic violence, or another sensitive issue. "Frayed" entails of a personalised insight into either of the main characters' psychological capacity. All in all, the title is most fitting and its effectiveness is enunciated with the help of the description.

Rating: [10/10].

2-Description/Foreword: The description, though useful, it's plentiful considering the current length (9) or future length (15) of your story. You could easily edit out the first paragraph because it doesn't necessarily present something of primary importance. What we read and learn from the description can easily be introduced by the main character or the "bystander" as you've mentioned during the first chapter. The description is lengthy which isn't the only issue here, it's also boring because it doesn't contain any valuable information that can be digested quickly and easily, the information regarding his mother is unnecessary and shouldn't be in the description because it doesn't affect the main character directly. I think it should be edited out.

Rating: [7/10].

3-Plot: Right on, first your narrative position must be assigned from the start during the initiative chapter. If you've chosen the third-person narrative then there must be a definite sign and assurance that the narrative view and the leading POV aren't mixed together. If the story is told from the point of view of the leading character, then that should be different from the general narrator of the story (in the case of the First-person narrative and second-person narrative only). It's confusing, isn't it? It basically means in order to retain your readers' interest and avoid displaying any further confusion, there must be a shifting point or a mark that differentiates between the general narrative voice in events responsible for the narration of the third-person's narrator and the everyday narration of the main character or the "bystander".

Unless your story is led by the first-person narrative-which would be even more confusing- your narration might get messy every once in a while, especially once you decide to make this character more interactive with events and characters. I'm not sure how you'll manage to describe and illustrate any scenic environment or how you'll manage to transcribe the other character's emotions and thoughts without resorting to dialogues.

Regarding the use of diction, the speech correctness is there and it serves your narration quite well, which is an important factor in tragic stories. The speech effectiveness could be enhanced by retaining the primary elements of poetic language which can assist in working as a connective agent between the main theme of tragedy and the emotional reception capacity of the readers to achieve a complete, unforced catharsis. A poetic language doesn't need to be anything exuberant or purple; as long as you can manage to elicit an emotional reaction to the plot or characters using merely literary-appropriate synonyms without resorting to overstepping any logical limitation then you should be able to achieve a satisfying effect of speech despite the quickness of the story.

Speech clearness is also steady and healthy however, I believe you've missed a word during the scene where she first meets him in the metro. It says "He has his earbuds plugged in when he sits down his to me" if you haven't missed a word then I believe the phrase doesn't make all that sense. Make sure to re-edit it.

There's no subtle, sufficient plot to this story, and if there is then I must have missed it. In romantic stories or at least stories with a romantic aspect, there must be a detailed elucidation of each important event, and those events must contribute to the nourishment of the romantic relationship between the characters. During the first and second chapters, most events are hollow and don't carry along with them significa