"Twisted Lies".

By: Paula1988.

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: The title of your story is easily perceivable, quite common and can be individualised and improved. It naturally entails of a melodramatic journey, perhaps belonging to the Bildungsroman genre; a narrative that follows the psychological and emotional development of the main character, maturing at an incredible speed. I've seen titles similar to this one, on this platform and in the local library, I think adding a sub-title might make it more interesting and unique without going for any drastic changes.

Rating: [8/10].

2-Description/Foreword: The length of the description is suitable and sufficient, the content sums up the plot perfectly, again the plot is not original and I have read similar stories to this one. It draws the reader in without revealing too much and it definitely employs suspense in your favour. The foreword section is neat and organised, the poster is beautiful and assists with fashioning an image to the major characters. I don't recommend changing a thing.

Rating: [10/10].

3-Plot: I see you've used the third-person narrative to tell the story which means you have a wide field of advantage when it comes to illustration of emotions and motives. So, put that to good use and open your story with a proper briefing on the background information regarding this character, and I'm only suggesting this because we understand this character will fall victim to fate and circumstances in the future, meaning that the past of this character and her dialogues represent the collective emblem of motives. So, don't miss out on supplying your story with a sturdy backbone that can benefit any future development of the plot. The characters have not been introduced properly. Here's a tip for the road, whenever you're building a major character, make sure to supply it with an emotional capacity; you can do so by deciding certain psychological traits and how do those traits play out during events and how do they interact with other characters. However, let's discuss the characters' construction in the Character Development aspect.

Another issue you have is that your story is not encapsulated, it's loose; in prose literature, there needs to be an encapsulation of events, in other words, settings. There's no mentioning of any sort of environmental themes or factors during the initiation of the story which can be a let down to the slice of the audience who's anticipating a full story where the weather, temperature, and specific local isn't something to be so easily neglected. It's incredibly easy to build an environment in novels; the first thing you must keep in mind is the relevance of the location. Does the story open in a cafe? Is it summer? Okay, begin to describe the significant aspect of those elements and how do they correlate to the plot and characters. Is the main character a regular at this cafe? Why? Is she caffeine junky? Why? Is she a student? Those questions need to be covered while drawing a sequence between the current settings and the characters' background information. I so do wish you would re-edit this character's introduction because it's weak and hasn't left any impression on myself as a reader.

Have you considered building a background just like you've done in the second chapter? That was done beautifully and efficiently, wise in content and professional in length. Also, correct me if I'm wrong but I keep running into these little plot-holes and senseless things, for example, the group heads down to the club when the name of this place hasn't been mentioned before, so how did they know where they're going? Was the interview not held at the club? If that's the case then it wasn't clear at all. The group encounters this Xiumin character IN the club where they address the presence of strippers alongside the boyfriend's, yet he isn't aware that the possibility of Eunji becoming a st