30 | Moving Forward

***

One lady lying on a bed slowly gaining consciousness from her deep slumber. Her eyelids are heavy and she's breathing lightly. It feels like she had a long sleep base on the new environment she can see.

Few minutes later, she started to remember something. She remembers her room is painted white and sky blue now there's white and green and the ceiling is high. Like in a modern house. The atmosphere is different.

Blinking slowly but surely, she took her time until she was fully awakened.

'Where am I?' She asked herself as she slowly sits up and tilt her head to her right. It's a wide room but she doesn't feel familiar. She remembers three sofas, a bathroom door on her left and big tv screen her bed. Then she noticed the size of the bed and also the outfit she's wearing. She's no longer wearing the hospital gown for patients and that she doesn't seemed like in a hospital. More like a bedroom.

She hurriedly ed two buttons her pajama top and check the part of her heart. There's still a bandage but she doesn't feel pain any longer. And it doesn't feel heavy anymore. The IV on her hand is no longer there also.

'Yoong.' Then his name and image cross her mind. It makes her heart skipped a beat. She instantly gets off of the bed but she wasn't able to reached the door as she suddenly felt dizzy. She took her seat at the edge of the bed and hold her head to give herself some time to relax and get rid of the dizziness. There's a lot of questions floating her mind.

Moments later, she found a new strength and finally was able to reached the door. She walked out and find it still unfamiliar but a picture frame of her with his brothers made her realized she's back home.

'How?' A big question she couldn't answer herself. So, she strolls the hallway, and little by little she started to remember their house that she missed for months. One thing that she noticed, there are Christmas Decorations that caused her to wonder how long did she sleep? And where is everybody?

Making her way downstairs, she immediately recognized Seung-hyun, who is busy watching TV in the living room. "Oppa!" She called out him loud enough.

Seunghyun's attention automatically shifted behind him and his eyes widened in surprised. "You're awake." He quickly got up and meet with her halfway.

"Where are the others?" Seohyun ask still confused while her brother and holding her hand all the way down.

"Siwon and Joongki Hyung are outside to buy foods for our Christmas Dinner. Taecyeon, he's on the way from his job." Seunghyun informs as he supported his little sister all the way to the couch. He took his seat with her immediately.

"I'm thirsty." Seohyun rubs her neck as she finally felt the need of water.

"Coming right up." Seunghyun just automatically runs to their kitchen to get her water.

Seohyun had a lot of questions in mind but he doubts his brother can answer it. It was only the three who were there with her back in Seoul. She barely can remember the past so she has to be patient to be able for her questions to be answered.

Seunghyun returned with a glass of water. He smiled in relieved, watching his sister now looking fine.

"Thanks, Oppa." Said Seohyun as she places the glass down on top of the coffee table.

"Do you remember the past?" Seunghyun wonders and he asks softly.

Seohyun shakes her head. "I don't. I have a lot of questions apparently and I want to ask the three later when they arrived."

"You had been in a coma for six months after your heart transplant. Not surprising you can't remember it." Seunghyun answered in explanation to the reason his sister doesn't recall anything.

"Chincha? That's how long? No-No wonder... the decorations are weird. And tonight, is Christmas Eve?"

"Yep. Christmas 2019." Seunghyun additionally says. "We thought we wouldn't say you waking up anymore but there's a Miracle in Christmas indeed." he smiled, warmly.

"Yoo... Yoong." Seohyun hesitantly mentioned her boyfriend. "Do you know... what happened to him? I mean, is he here also? Why I can't see him? Did he completely heal up? What's happening to him right now?"

Seunghyun didn't expect the questions that made him realize how much his sister really love the doe-eyed. "About that. I couldn't tell you. Joongki, he will definitely explain it later." He shamelessly smiled. He was there when the incident happened that he felt like his brother has the right to explain it.

Seohyun sighs and crossed her arms as she leaned her back to the couch with a pout. "I feel like something bad happened to him." Her heart is anxiously beating while she can only wait for her brother.

"Relax, they're on the way. For the meantime, let's watch TV." Seunghyun changed the channel to Netflix's app. "There's a good Christmas movie here that you shouldn't miss to see."

"Can I call him?"

"Who?"

"Yoong. President Im."

Seunghyun shake his head. "No. You can't. I mean, we don't have number of him anymore. I think he changed it. It's been six months."

"He never visited me then?" Seohyun concluded, feeling heavier inside.

"Yes." Seunghyun sighs as he confirms.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!" Joongki and Siwon's voice was heard from the door as they made their way to the living room, only to stop on their tracks the moment they recognized who is sitting with their other brother. Both didn't move for a minute but once they snapped out of reality, they dropped all the stuffs to the floor and rushed to their sister's side.

"You're awake. Oh my God! Thank you so much!" Joongki embrace his sister as he felt emotional. "I've been praying for this for months. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord." He pulled back, cupped his sister's face and ask her. "You don't feel any pain anymore, do you?"

Siwon is stand next to the sofa, just crying quietly while Seunghyun is watching him in disgust.

"Yes. I feel recharged now, Oppa." Seohyun smiled brightly, happy to see his brothers again. "But Oppa, can I ask what happened? I don't recall anything from the past except when I and Yoong were cuddling in my bed. I don't know what happened after that."

"Will that be okay for you if I tell you everything?"

"I want to know. I need to know what happened." She said seriously, determined and desperate for answers.

Joongki looked up to his brother and the latter nodded, giving him the signal. "Before that, let's go back to your room." He gets up and offered his hand for her to take. He then transferred it to his arm as they went upstairs, together. Siwon decided to give it to Joongki and pick up all the stuffs on the floor to prepare for Christmas dinner.

As soon as his sister was sitting on her bed, Joongki started explaining and telling the story what happened.

Flashback...

Joongki immediately rushed to the President's side where her sister is apparently trying to revived him. They pulled her up as medics came to the rescue and brought him to the emergency room. While he supports his sister to return to the hospital, Taecyeon and Siwon are arresting the police officer who shot the doe-eyed. What he did was against the law, especially that the person who escaped doesn't have any weapon on him.

Just as they entered the entrance of the hospital, Seohyun her back and rushed to the police officer, grabbing him by his shoulder and turned him around. She was about to punch him when he recognized who is behind the cap. He took it out and gasped to confirm it's - "Donghae?!"

"It's been a while, Agent Seo." Donghae smirk and received a hard punch on his face.

Seohyun tried to hit him again but Joongki quickly got her and ask his brothers to bring him to the police car on standby. "Yoong doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve this Oppa." She cried and sob harder than earlier. She feels like he won't ever see him awake again. That was two shots on his head. It's rare to see someone surviving with that shot. She couldn't accept such incident that she wished time will turn back and that she will save him from such cruel end.

"Joohyun!" Joongki got worried when Seohyun fainted that they have to bring her also to the emergency room.

-

The Doctor who was in charge of reviving the young President walked out the emergency room, exhausted and sad. Everyone including the Blue Staffs are waiting for his words.

"He didn't make it." He regretfully told them. "We tried our best but it was impossible to revive him. The damage was severe." He looked down in shame, for not saving the country's youngest president.

Everyone gasps and started crying as they mourn for him. Secretary Kim who is the closest couldn't believe it that she rushed inside and was met by a white cloth, covering the president's body. She bravely opened it and there, the President's peaceful face greeted her. He looked so pale and no life is detected.

He's gone.

"ANDWAEEEE!!!" She cried and whined. She tried to wake him up by shake him through his arms but no use. She couldn't hold back and she just dropped on the floor, sitting, crying her heart out crazily. The Blue House staffs standing behind her are silently crying as they couldn't take the view before their eyes. Just when he had the reason to take a rest, he completely rested before them.

Joongki, Taecyeon and Siwon are standing outside, feeling sad and bad at the same time for failing on protecting him. Donghae disguising as a police officer had never been in their minds. Their worries are not only for him but also to Seohyun.

"President Im actually had a few seconds to comeback. I don't know if I was hallucinating or not but he told me to give his heart to Agent Seo if he doesn't make it. And if his other organs are fine, he'll gladly donate it to others in need also. I thought he will be fine from that on but he loses his consciousness again and his vitals dropped that I have to perform CPR. It was then I realized that was his last words or wish before he gives up." The Doctor said as he shares the video that was caught earlier in the emergency room. "We'll use this as an evidence that the patient is giving us permission."

"Omo." The Seo brothers gasps to see it clearly. And his voice that wasn’t clear but it can be understood. He really tried his best not to give up but it was too painful to handle.

"Where's Agent Seo right now?"

"She's back on her room, unconscious but she's okay." Joongki replied in behalf of her brothers. They're having goosebumps as they keep watching the last scene of the young president. It hurts but it moved them to see his determination to survive.

"We'll preserve his heart immediately." The Doctor said and quickly entered the room again.

Secretary Kim and the Blue House staff got confused.

"What's wrong?"

"We'll proceed in preserving his organ. We'll do a heart transplant for Agent Seo later and his other organs for the other people in need. I have his permission earlier while trying to revive him." The Doctor explained.

Secretary Kim looked down to the lifeless President. She felt her heart aching but proud at the same time. "How can he still think of others at times like that?" She leaned down and give him a kiss on the cheek. "You did well, Mister President. Rest Well." And she whispers. She and the Blue Staffs left the room hesitantly while still crying. They sob harder when Joongki shared the CCTV video.

End Of Flashback...

"A week later, you had your transplant and it was a success. That time also, the country are mourning. His parents were there, leading the funeral. Ladies, gentlemen, kids and seniors, everyone paid their respect on his last night. Countries from all over the world turned off their lights for a whole night in respect of him and condonlences to the country. It was such a hisotirical moment." Joongki softly said and he got up to walk to her closet and took the box he received two months ago. As he returned next to his sister, Seohyun is quietly crying while holding her chest.

Placing the box in front of her, Joongki wipes off her tears and tuck her hair behind her ears. "You can cry whenever you want right now. Here." He patted the box. "I received this two months ago from Miss Kim. I never opened this but I'm pretty sure these are yours and his stuffs. Call me later, okay? I love you, dongseng." He whispered sweetly before he kissed her forehead. He walked out the room casually to give her the space and time to reminisce everything.

Wiping off her tears as she tries to calm down, Seohyun tried to open the box but it was being protectively taped. She got out of bed and look for a scissor from the drawer. She found one and returned to her bed, carefully tearing off the taped around it. It took only a couple of minutes and she had completely gotten rid of the taped. She opened it and she immediately was greeted by stuffs inside, including the stuff toys Yoongie gave. The necklaces Yoon and Yoongie gifted, it was place in another small box that gives her a reason to sob in agony. "Yoong." She keeps calling him in between sobs.

When she saw a smartphone, she immediately knew it was his. He opened it and her wallpaper greeted him. The photos on his gallery are still there, especially all the kissing photos. She brought the phone next to her chest as memories of their good times came flashing back before her eyes that it's hard now to calm down. "Yoong, Yoongie." she misses them so much that it hurts so much. It's suffocating her but keeps sobbing and hugging his phone. She can still smell his scent from it that it's hard to believe he's gone. He felt like a failure for not protecting him that day. She was too slow to do that. It was all her fault he's gone. The country's kindest president ever had been now gone and she felt so sad and bad. It was too cruel end. She hated it. She hated herself.

Meanwhile, in the dining table, Siwon's son couldn't eat well because his favorite Aunt is not eating with them.

"She'll be fine, honey. She's a strong woman, so don't you worry about it." Siwon told his son and gestures him to eat up.

"Should we comfort her? She needs someone right now, Appa."

"Of course, we will. But right now, she needs space and time to grasp everything." Explained Siwon and once again ask him to touch his food. He finally complied.

-

'I'm alone again.' While everyone is having fun outside watching fireworks, Seohyun couldn't leave her bed while watching the fireworks from her balcony. It feels empty and lonely. It's like the Lord just hate her that for the second time she loss another person close to her heart. Does she even deserve to live? She's like a bad luck to anyone she fell for. It really confuses her what's her mission in life? She felt like she's meant to be single forever.

'Yoong, I miss you. Please visit me right now. I just want to hug you again. I just want to feel your warmth again. Your kisses, your touches and your voice. I miss all of them.' Tears are once again dropping from the corner of her eyes. 'How am I supposed to live now?' She tried to wiped off her tears but it won't stop from falling. It's not easy when her heart is in pain.

Unconsciously, she turned to her left and hit the box with her knee. She realized she hasn't seen everything inside. So, she sits up and open the box again. While letting her tears fell, she rummages inside and found a flash drive. It has her initials which curious her. She got out of bed and took her seat before her desk and opens the laptop. She casually put it on and a window pop up. She opens it and two video files are inside that causes her to feel dejavu. The last time she received one, it came from Soohyun. And now, will it be from Yoong?

It took her a minute before she opened the first video and her heart just automatically skips a beat the moment, she saw him on the video, wearing a sweat shirt.

"Hi, Seohyunnine." Yoong is shy as he waves to the camera. "Um, I don't know... Why am I doing this. But... I couldn't sleep right away on this new environment. I mean, I'm back to my house and it's odd. I feel weird. Also, I feel weird that I am thinking this suspension will not be a success. So I just want to take an opportunity to leave a message. You know, something might happen. Yoon might cause a trouble that it might hard for me to come back." He pauses and took something from the drawer and showed it. "It's a ring." He smiled sweetly as he opened the small box containing a silver ring. "Um, I read from the internet that people falling for someone sometimes end up marrying each other. I believe we will be too so I bought one. Honestly don't know your ring size so I hope it will fit in your ring finger. Seohyunnie... My baby. I love you so much. Please marry me. Marry me when I completely healed up, okay? I don't think it will be okay if we get married with Yoon still exist in me... So, marry me when he's gone. And I want you to know how thankful and lucky I am to have met you. Honestly didn't think this will happen to me. But thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me the chance to love you, to experience something I haven't. I feel like a real human. Weird, right? But really, I treasure every moment with you. Wait, why am I doing this? I should have thanked you before asking you to marry me. Aigoo, I'm so stupid. Anyway, love you bebe. If you saw this video, please just silently hug me."

The video ended and Seohyun brought her knees close her face as she once again sobs harder and harder, hugging her knees tight. Her cries are being covered by the loud fireworks outside that no one from her family can hear her.

***

Joongki was surprised to see their sister packing her clothes to two luggage in an early morning. Three days later after she woke up and learned about Yoong's incident.

"I booked a ticket to Seoul." Explained Seohyun while she places her last clothes on her luggage. "I'm flying back today."

"Just when?"

"Yesterday."

"That fast? You didn't even mention about this to us. Will that be fine for you?" Joongki is worried. It was too early to leave. "I mean you just got back from a coma and learned about-"

"I'm fine. I already experienced this when Soohyun passed away too." Seohyun doesn't want her brother mentioning her beloved that she interrupted him. "I think I got the right to visit his grave, don't I?"

Joongki was taken aback but she was right. "Okay, but we will follow later on."

"I'm leaving." Said Seohyun as she takes her two luggage out and didn't bother giving her brother a hug or anything. She went straight to her car and feel like freezing as she forgot to put on gloves. The weather is too cold, she forgot it's winter. She had been inside the house for three days that she doesn't care about what's happening outside.

Hurriedly, she took her gloves from her luggage and wear it. She got startle when Joongki suddenly appeared from the hood of the car, giving her a signal to call him when she arrived in Seoul. She made a heart shapes with her hands and assure him with that before he gives her a way. She took that as a signal for her to turn on the engine and drive off carefully. The snow is starting to fall from the sky but the sun is up.

'I'm coming, Yoong.' She's thinking of him while she's driving to the airport.

***

The familiar sweet forehead kiss gives her a reason to flutter her eyes open. But no one is there as she finds herself sitting in a bench under an apple tree. 'What... is this place?' She felt unfamiliar however with the place she's in. It's like a new world with a lot of different flowers around, colorful butterflies and different trees. Then she can hear noises from playing kids from afar. She felt light inside.

Getting up, she couldn't help and find the source of the happy noises from kids. She stopped on her tracks when she found them, playing around with a man, who sounds like a kid also.

Tears falling when she saw his face, happily running around, trying to catch the kids. She suddenly felt longing for him but he couldn't call him yet as she finds herself watching in awe. She's happy to see him again.

"Yoong?!" It took a couple of minutes before she found her voice. The young gentleman stopped from running when he heard her voice. Their eyes meet and time seems to stop as she runs forward and throw her arms around him. He almost loses his balance if he didn't use his instincts.

Yoong's arms are around her, as he held her close to him. Savoring each second, she's in his arms. It's unreal but he wants to live with it until it lasted.

Pulling back from the tight and longing hug, Seohyun cupped his beautiful face and smile like a fool as tears are falling freely. "It's you. It's really you. You still look so handsome my Yoong." She almost chokes on her words due to heavy mix of emotions. She took his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "My baby still has soft hands and... " She leaned in to kiss his lips. "You still have sweet lips." Then she hugs him. "And your warmth, they're still the same." But she suddenly pauses when she couldn't hear any heart beats from his chest. Then it hits her, it's a dream.

"I miss you." Yoong whispers. "I... love you."

Pulling back again to see his face, she doesn't care if it's a dream. As long as she can feel her. "I miss you too. I really do. I'm sorry if it took me a while. I... "

Yoong took her hand and place it on his chest. "If you don't feel my heart then that means... " He then place it on her own chest. "I'm always here. You have me wherever you go." He smiles charmingly and reassuringly.

Seohyun looked down to his hand on her chest and shed more tears. "Thank you." And finally, she can tell him. "Thank you for giving me your heart."

"Don't mention it. You deserve it."

"But you don't deserve to be here." Seohyun argued.

"Nah." Yoong shake his head. "What happened was meant to be. I have caused a lot of problems to people I've hurt. I accepted the fate I was given to me."

"But that wasn't you, Yoong. You know."

"But I created them. It's still, me." He insisted. "I thought my life wasn't meaningful until you came. Do you know it was enough for me to feel happy and contented? Seohyun, God gave me you to give me a chance at life to be happy although it was meant to be short. I left the world, happy and I never regretted it whether it ended that way or not. I thank the life I was given... " He pause to held her face gently on her hands. "You have a long life ahead of you baby, so please don't waste it. Don't worry, I will always be by your side. And if you like someone to talk to, I can visit in your dreams. I'll be there whenever you call me. You have my heart, either way." She lamely ended it.

Seohyun hug him again as she cried on his shoulders. "I love you; I will always do."

"I love you forever." Yoong whispered. But he cut her cries when he pulled back and kneel one knee in front of her. He opened the box and ask, "Marry me." in his softest and loving voice without unlocking their gazes.

"Yes. Of course, I will." Seohyun is trembling as she presented her finger to him and he gently put the ring in. He got up and she greeted him back with a deep and longing kiss. He opened up and they shared a long passionate kiss.

Opening her eyes again after a long sleep, she can feel tears from the corner of her eyes as she holds up the ring and smile brightly for the first time since she knew about what happened. The ring was part of the stuff Miss Kim gave and she's now wearing it to commit with him forever.

Sitting next to the window makes her looked outside and watch the clouds, feeling like he is just watching her. 'Yoong, thank you. I'll always take care of your heart.' She places her heart that has the ring on her chest as she continues to watch the clouds.

***

"Seohyun-ah!!! Here!!!"

Just when exited the airport, she spotted Miss Kim, waving her hands high while calling her name continuously. She looked bright and happy to see her. "How'd you know I will be back?" But she doesn't know how the latter she's going back.

"I have my source. Welcome back!" Miss Kim spread her arms and throw them around the young agent, bringing her close to her. "It's been six months. I miss you." She whispers. And she tightened her hug.

Seohyun chuckled as she hugs her back. "I miss you too, Miss Kim."

"Wait." Miss Kim pulled back and stepped backward to bow in front of her. "Welcome back, boss Seo."

"What?" Seohyun find it silly and funny. "What are you doing?"

"Here's my resume by the way." Miss Kim handed her resume from her messenger bag right away and smile brightly.

"Eh? You're asking me to hire you as my secretary? I don't-"

"Someone recommended me to you."

"Huh?" Seohyun is seriously confused what's happening. Then the latter smirk as she explains it through story telling.

Flashback...

"Wait, Mister President!" Miss Kim come out running from the blue house when something crosses her mind. She successfully stopped him from leaving but it took her a minute to before she found her voice back. "I thought about what you said. Just thinking ahead like you too. So, I'm curious who are you recommending me to? I doubt I will stay here in the Blue House."

Yoong is glad to her hear it. He took his purse from his pocket and took the card out to hand it to his secretary. "Give your resume to this person." He said and patted her shoulder before stepping inside the car and drives off.

Secretary Kim felt