Growing up means learning what life is.

When we were young, all we want is to grow old because in our minds, we can have the whole world, do everything that we want to do without our parents scolding and holding us back. We want to experience the adult world for it’s so easy, wild, and fun. Also, we’re excited to love, to experience that first kiss, to have somebody to call as your boyfriend that you can be mushy to.

And then your journey to adulthood started. All of a sudden your body is beginning to look odd, your perspective in life has completely changed, your parents are not that strict on you anymore, and suitors here and there are coming. You begin exploring the world and whatever it offers. Fun, love, rejection, sadness, happiness, heartbreak, pain and success, these are what you keep on feeling that more or less shocked you for you’ll realize that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies in the world of the mature.

The moment things gets serious and intense, you’ll plop yourself on the couch and say “How I wish I’m a kid again”, carefree, problem-less, and whole. Out of nowhere you’ll pray to all the Gods in heaven to bring you back to the time when all you know is to play and run around. You also can’t help but compare your life now to the life that you have when you’re still in your parents care. With them, you eat well for your mother cooks for you compared to when you’re living alone, you go home tired from work causing you to just sleep than eat. You’ll look at your childhood photos and see a kid who smiles brightly and watch videos of you running around like crazy, not minding the world and giggling and laughing without any reason at all, and here’s your recent photos, you’re smiling but it’s not as bright as it was, you laugh and giggle but it’s not as pure as it was before.

When we’re young, love is just love. All we know is that we’ll get married in the end, not knowing that the way there is so rough and complicated. In our young minds, a person will just arrive in our lives, whisper sweet nothing in our ears, hold our hands, kiss us and marry us. How I wish it’s that easy.

As we grow older, we started having love problems more than our life problems, making things really difficult to handle. Suddenly, the perfect definition of love in our minds changed, we’ll realize that there are no such thing as fairytale love, that Prince Charming is a rare find and that we have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one, and if you happen to not be destined for love, you’ll grow gray hair without anyone beside you.

But you know, even with these realizations, we shouldn’t stop from experiencing the things that we want to experience and explore the world for life really can be harsh and love can be so draining, but admit it, you keep on going on because these two gives you a feeling that is so wonderful.

Sleeping with a broken heart is really a challenge. When I thought that sleeping my pain off and not thinking about it at all is the greatest way to feel better, I’m wrong for no matter how I want to shut off my mind and stop my heart from crying and hurting, I can’t, which is really frustrating.

What happened a while ago is more than a nightmare to me. Not even in my craziest dreams have I imagined that Jiyong and I will cut our friendship. I’m not even expecting myself to be that cruel to him.

“It’s goodbye…I have to forget you” I said while looking at his framed picture on my vanity table.

Totally wrecked, I covered myself with a thick duvet and cried my heart out. I hope that once I wake up tomorrow, my pain is lessened.

“Wake up…Rae…wake up”

This is bull. Why is it even in my dream I can still hear his voice?

“Wake up…c’mon…wake up now”

And I can feel him too. I’m going crazy, REALLY AND SERIOUSLY CRAZY.

“Stop it!” I shouted and sat up, and almost fall back to bed upon seeing the person in front of me.

This is not real. This shouldn’t be real for if it is, I’ll go insane.

“Aigoo…get up now” he grabbed my hand then tugged it “C’mon”

What the heck is going on? Like seriously, if this is a dream, I want to wake up already for him to disappear. I guess my prayer to have a nice day was not heard by the man above coz what’s happening now is not the best way to start a day.

“Wait” I looked at his hand on mine and felt its warmth.

If this is a dream, it’s so impossible for me to feel his warmth. No. This just can’t be true.

“Omo! OH!” he gasped in surprise upon seeing me slapping my cheek with my free hand.

“Yah! Why are you hurting yourself?” he asked, making me look at him.

“You’re not real…you’re just a dream” I said then shook my head as hard as I can.

He laughed so hard then sat on bed in front of me. I’m telling you, he looks so real unlike in my usual dreams where the people are blurry.

To my shock, he placed my hand on his cheek. He smiled widely the moment my palm touched his skin, while I on the other hand is near to fainting already.

“This is a joke” I said, almo