I woke up to find myself in a hospital bed, a concerned, but very familiar face floating above me.

"Min... Hee?" I croaked, wincing at the harsh sound of my own voice.

"M-hmm." She handed me a glass of water, which I gladly took to drink.

When my parched throat had been soaked, I asked, "Why... why are you here?"

She scowled down at me. "I received a phone call at about one o'clock this morning saying that you'd fainted. Really, Mel, I'm gone for what, two months, and you're already in the hospital? Can't take care of yourself, can you?"

"I've been doing just fine," I countered. "I was just..." I trailed off, not really knowing how to respond.

Min Hee sighed. "You fainted because of exhaustion. Awake for over an entire day, deprived of food... You quite literally fainted on Eunhyuk-sunbae, and he carried you to the car that you and Jung Ah were using. Then she drove you here. At least, that's what Eunhyuk-sunbae told me."

I colored at the thought of fainting on Eunhyuk. Oh well. It was better than giving him a black eye."But then... why are you here instead of him?"

Min Hee's eyes were cooler than I remembered. It hadn't been that long, had it? "He called asking if I could please come and try to talk some sense ito you, since apparently you weren't listening to him." Her lips twitched, as if she were almost going to smile. "It's funny, really. From what I remember, it was always me asking them to talk some sense into you, because you would always listen to them more than me. It seems strange to me."

I looked down at my hands, realizing that they were shaking. I must've been hungry. I swallowed and opened my mouth, but Min Hee cut me off. "So spill it. What in the world were you thinking? From what I remember, you'd never starve yourself because you loved food too much. The Melissa I remember came to SM to change it. She wouldn't have stood for letting them work her until she collapsed. So what stupid thing were you thinking?"

I swallowed again, still staring at my shaking hands. "I didn't know how to handle it. The pressure. Suddenly, people were recognizing me on the sreets. People online were telling me that they wanted to be just like me. As an actress it wasn't so bad, but then suddenly I was going to be an idol. A singer. I wanted to make myself the best I could. Pretty, strong, thin... I was being really stupid, wasn't I?"

Min Hee's lips twitched again. "A complete moron. You can't go rejecting your own values just because you get a little bit of pressure put on you. How do you think the ELF would react if they found out how much you were worrying Eunhyuk-sunbae?"

My eyes widened as my mind conjured images of thousands of hands beating down my door and carrying me out of my bed in the middle of the night. I shuddered, even more than my hands were already shaking. "You have a point there."

Min Hee leaned back, crossing her arms. "That said, now what was the real reason you didn't eat your dinner on set?"

"...it was kimchi radish stew. And not that well-made, either. I took one bite and wanted to throw up," I admitted. 

Min Hee started laughing, and pretty soon we were both laughing, By the time we had recovered ourselves, I had salt stains down my cheeks, and my stomach hurt. 

Min Hee shook her head, still chuckling a little. "Now that's the Mel I know. So do you plan on telling me why you couldn't tell these things to your sunbae?"

I bit my lip, then quickly remembered not to do that. "It's starting to wear off. The fangirl emotions, that is. I still love them, but...  not the way I thought I did. Everything's all mixed up. Now, suddenly, we're at the same level. I have this fierce urge not to let them down. I don't know why. I just have to."

She sighed. "Such a pitiful sight... I feel sorry for you. You still haven't figured out the difference between romanti feelings and fangirl ones, have you?"

I nodded, grimacing. "I just don't know, Min Hee! I can't think for myself anymore! Everything is the fans, the viewers, the SM family..."

Min Hee patted me on the head, shrugging. "I know. It's the same in my company. My members and I spend way too much time thinking about our fans. Keara would've gone anorexic if we hadn't literally started stuffing food down . So let's just say that when I was told of this little event, I had to make sure I didn't have to come do the same thing. And the whole romantic scene gets skewed."

I looked down at her purse, wondering what looked strange about it. Finally I realized it. "Min Hee? What happened to that blue raspberry charm? That John gave you?"

She looked down at her purse, and suddenly her smile disappeared. she hid her purse behind her, closing her eyes. "And here I thought you wouldn't notice."

I had a hunch. I hoped I was wrong. "Min Hee... did he... break up... with-"

"No," she interrupted before I could finish, "No, I broke up with him."

I thought of all those little cute messages they had sent each other, and the time when Zhou mi, Victoria, and I, had encountered them on one of their dates. "But... why?"

"Didn't I tell you? Romance is hard when you're in Pledis, too. When everyone's expecting everything of you."

My own smile was long gone as well. As far as I had known, Min Hee and John had still been the most annoyingly cute couple on the planet. I didn't know how long it had been the opposite. When  spoke again, my voice came out as a whisper. "You... you lied to me?"

She blinked back tears, looking down at her hands. "Well, I guess we all have our little secrets, don't we?"

I stared at her in horror, unable to think of anything to say. She reached into her purse, pulling out the blue raspberry charm that used to hang from the side of it, looking at it as she spoke. "It's a part of the job that we chose. As much as we fight to be ourselves in front of the audiences, there are always some things we keep to ourselves. Things they'd be disappointed to know. Even you, as loud and outspoken as you are, keep things to yourself. You're exhausted, always trying to help the ELF, but you don't show it. Just a little secret. It adds up."

She dropped the raspberry charm back into her purse and looked up. "I guess I'm not the right person to be giving you advice, huh?" she asked, sadly. "We just have to find our own ways, now. In romance, in life, in music... we can't really rely on each other for help anymore." She stood up, her voice cracking as she spoke again, as if she was choking down tears. "As it is, the other girls are wondering where I went. When your music video comes out in a few weeks, we'll be competitors. Hopefully we can be friendly competitors, but that still doesn't make us the same team."

She went to the door, then turned back around. "I'm sorry, Mel. That I never told you. I didn't want to scare you. Just stay healthy, okay? And take care of yourself. I'd never want my competition to lose to me just because she collapsed onstage."

I stuck my tongue out at her, and she laughed as she walked out the door.

"WHERE IS SHE?! Is she alright?! Will she need surgery?! I want answers!"

I laughed. I could hear Henry coming from two floors away. As he ran down the hallway towards my room, I could hear the nurses plead, "Lau-shi, please quiet down... you're disturbing the other patients..."

The door slammed as he rushed into the room, followed by some very annoyed-looking nurses. "MEL! Why did you faint?! Are you okay? Will you be able to make it to your next schedule? Do you want me to carry you?"

I was still laughing. "Henry, I'm fine. Shut up and stop freaking out."

His mouth snapped closed, and his cheeks puffed out. I leaned past him and bowed an apology to the nurses, who scowled at him. They closed the door behind themselves, leaving only Henry and I in the room. 

"I just made a little flub, that's all. Was so focused on my work that I forgot to eat. I'll be out by today; don't worry. And besides, can you even carry me?"

A grin flashed across his face. "Should I try?"

"Um, no, that doesn't sound like a good-"

Before I knew it he had grabbed my arms and wrapped them around his neck, and then pulled me out of the bed, then stood up. "Oh my god, Mel, you're like a feather! You weight almost nothing! Gain some weight, would you?!"

"Says the boy who can't even move his legs because they're overburdened," I scoffed, but curled my arms tighter around his shoulders. I loved my dorky Mochi.

"What are you talking about?! I can walk! See?" Straining, he moved his right foot forward further, then picked his left one up to rejoining him. I thought about getting off of him, to lessen his pain, but it was just too amusing.

"Come on, Mochi! Siwon-oppa can throw me over his shoulder like a wet towel!" I jeered, giggling. 

"That's because you're so light! See? This isn't hard at all!" He took another step forward, and I tried to hide my laughter. I knew what he was trying to do. I'm not blind. Henry tried to pretend he was being stupid and didn't know what the problem was, but he did. So he did what he could to fix it. "Come on, Henry! Be a man!"

"I'm going to carry you all the way out of this hospital!" he cried, running forward. I screamed, then started giggling. I underestimated him a little."

By the time we got down to the lobby, though, he collapsed onto the floor, gasping for breath. "Okay, I admit it, you're heavy."

I patted him on the back, still laughing too hard to say anything. He rolled onto his back, ignoring the weird stares from the other people in the hospital. Finally we both sat up, still laughing a little. "Don't kid yourself, Henry. It's not that I'm heavy. You're just scrawny."

"HEY!" he exclaimed, standing up. "I am not scrawny!"

I meant to mess up his hair, but my hands were shaking badly enough at the time that Henry grabbed them before I could get there. "Mel! Your hands are shaking! Were you caught for drug abuse or something?!"

I snatched my hands away and punched him in the sternum, hard enough for him to gasp for breath. "NO! Of course not! What do you take me for?! I'm just... hungry," I admitted, just as my stomach grumbled. 

His eyes widened, and he grabbed my hand and yanked me to my feet, and then ran us both back up the hospital room. He grabbed my shoulders, then sat me back on the bed. "I almost forgot. Ryeowook-hyung made this for you."

He grabbed a traditional multi-level Korean lunchbox from next to the bed and began setting it out. "Personally I think he went a little overboard, but..." When all was said and done, there was a tray of rice, of egg rolls, spiced fish, fried chicken, and... kimchi. 

"You should have seen the members when they heard that you'd fainted. They were all running around like a chicken with its head cut off," he declared, handing me the chopsticks and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"They don't actually run." 

"Huh?"

"Chickens with their heads cut off. They don't actually run. They kind of... flop."

Henry rolled his eyes. "There you go, being all smart and technical."

I shrugged, picking up a piece of the fried chicken with my chopsticks and dropping it into my mouth. Before I knew it I was shoving it all into my mouth all at once, so hungry I could barely stand it. I'd been planning to eat supper as soon as I'd gotten home from filming. But I never got home. 

"Oh my goodness! My kitten! I never fed KyuMin!" I suddenly screech, lurching out of the bed, almost spilling the food all over the place. I would have, actually, if Henry hadn't grabbed my shoulders and forced me back down.

"Woah, slow down. Jung Ah took care of your cat. And that's just like you, naming the thing KyuMin. Do you name anything not using anything SuJu related?"

I thought about it, then shook my head. "Not since I became an ELF. I even named my Pokemon after you guys."

Henry stared at me for a few seconds, then started laughing. "Was there one called Henry?"

"Of course. I think you were my Raticate. Not a chipmunk exactly, but close enough."

"I was a Raticate? But what about Sungmin? Isn't he 'Minnie Mouse'?"

"He was my Pikachu."

Henry just shook his head, still laughing a little. "What about Heechul?"

"Umm... I don't remember. I know that Han Geng was my Gyarados, though."

"Just shut up and eat," he sighed, still shaking his head. "You nerd."

"Hey! I am not a nerd. I'm a geek. There's a difference," I snapped back, indignantly.

"Okay, you're such a geek. Now eat, before you let Ryeowook's work go to waste."

Reminded of the cook, I shoveled the food into my mouth, even doing my best not to grimace as I choked down the kimchi. I was starting to get used to the stuff, after so much time in Korea, but I still didn't really like it. The rest of the food was amazing, though. Not that I was surprised.

When I finished eating, I stacked the trays back up and stood up, straightening my clothes. "I need to get out of here. I hope I didn't mess with the filming by ending up here. The director would kill me." 

Henry shrugged. "Beats me. You're going to have to ask Jung Ah. So does this mean we're leaving now?"

"Absolutely. I have a reputation to make. I won't get any fans by sitting in a hospital bed all day. I have to work."

Henry frowned, but before he could say anything, I added, "don't worry, Henry. I'll be more careful this time. But nothing you say can stop me from working for this."

He smiled, shrugging again. "You want me to carry you again?"

"No, I think I'll walk," I replied, trying not to grimace. "That was terrifying. And I don't want you to break your back. Come on, Henry, I'll buy you some coffee."

"Coffee?! I'm coming!"

Two weeks later, it was if nothing had ever happened. Filming continued, and the music video came out. Apparently having Eunhyuk guest star was a wonderful idea, because most of the comments said things like "I was brought here by Super Junior" or "I'm here for my Hyukkie!"

Still, enough of those comments also said that I did fairly well, so I took that as a good thing. It meant that I was attracting attention, at least. Hopefully that didn't mean Sasaeng fans. Not yet, please. My dorm didn't have as much security as EXO's. 

The same day as the music video came out, it was my first stage performance. That's right- SBS Inkigayo. Competing for the big titles. 

I didn't expect much, really. Rookies never won the award on their first try. EVER. Still, it was good to get my name out there, so people could see me onstage. 

"You're not giving me a mic?" I asked the stage hand. 

"Of course not. Your company said you were doing lip-sync."

"What? No! I can sing it!"

The stage hand raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure, Queen Be?"

I bit my lip, then nodded. "I have to sing it live. Otherwise people will think I'm just a fake who autotunes everything. I'd rather people hear me mess up than think that I don't have any talent at all."

He shrugged, then handed me a microphone. "Suit yourself. The mic's all ready to go. I checked the batteries. You sure you can dance and hold the mic at the same time?"

I nodded, acting more confident than I felt. But why did I need to be afraid? I'd practiced it both ways. I practiced it every day for weeks. It had taken me a long time to finally get it right, but I'd finally gotten it. So I could do this. Right?

"You're on after S.A.L.T. Hope you're ready." He left the dressing room, leaving me alone with Jung Ah and Eunhyuk. The second verse, before it goes into the "teach me how to dance" part, actually required a male dancer to do the choreography. So Eunhyuk had learned it with me. He was kind of our go-to guy, since he was in the music video. But it was planned that throughout the weeks, I'd be performing with other artists, too, like Taemin, Kai, and Donghae. Although, I admit, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do as well with the other guys as Eunhyuk and Donghae. Taemin was adorable, but... I just really didn't know him very well. 

I wrung my fingers, trying to steady my breathing. Every time I thought I was going to throw up, I sat back down. "This is a smaller audience than what I had for the final trainee exhibition, right Oppa?" I asked, sitting down next to Eunhyuk again.

"Not by much, but yeah. Hey, don't worry! I'll cover you if you make a mistake."

I glared at him. "Yeah, thanks."

He shrugged. "Don't mention it. Just focus on singing. That's the most important part. It doesn't matter if you screw up, remember?"

I exhaled, nodding. He was right, but... "I can't do that with every song, though. This one, yes, but if it goes anywhere after this, the songs can't follow that same pattern every time."

"We'll fix that later."

"We?"

"What, you don't think I'm going to help you?"

"You don't have to..."

"Do you not want me to?"

I blushed, shaking my head vigorously. "No! No, of course I'd like your help, Oppa."

"Ya! Queen Be! You're up next!" One of the stage hands called, and I stood up, taking a deep breath. I held out my hand to help him up, still holding onto it even when he was on his feet. 

"Thank you, Oppa."

"For what?"

"Just for being you."

"I took advantage of my time with you,
and now, I...

I can totally dance!
Now I know how to dance-
I know how to da-ance
Keep in step with you, finally good enough
never feeling insufficient,
never really was.
I got it, got it,
I'm not perfect, but I got the moves
And not keeping myself from you,
because, because of you,
I finally know how to dance."

I froze, waiting for the audience to stop clapping. It was weird, I was getting a lot of cheers. I hadn't done that great. My voice had cracked three times, but it was like they couldn't even tell. I looked out at the lights in the crowd, trying to determine exactly who was cheering for me.

I saw a whole bunch of sapphire blue lights flying back and forth. Oh, of course. The ELF. They were here for Eunhyuk-oppa. I squinted, almost starting to laugh when I saw the sign.

"Queen Be is 1 of us! ELF <3 forever!"

I guess I'd won the hearts of the ELF enough. 

I turend and smiled at Eunhyuk, who just shrugged. The applause ended, and we went offstage, into the side rooms. 

"THAT WAS TOTALLY AMAZING!" I squealed, limiting my voice as much as I thought I could. I launched myself into Eunhyuk, hugging him as tightly as I could. He wiggled, trying to get out of my embrace. "Can't... breathe..."

I let go, still giggling wildly. "It was as exhilarating as a roller coaster. What do you think is going to happen? I screwed up a few times..."

He shrugged. "Don't know. I'm more interested in the group that came before us. S.A.L.T. What do you think that stands for?"

I shrugged. "Don't know. I don't know who they are."

He rolled his eyes. "You need to start paying attention to groups outside of SM."

"I do. CNBlue, B2ST, MBLAQ, Nu'est, B1A4, JYJ..."

"Ya! Why are they all boy groups?!"

"...because I like men?" I answered, like that was obvious. Because it was. 

"No. The only handsome men in your life are the SuJu members. Understand?"

I grinned, nodding. "One hundred percent. Nobody but SuJu, or Eunhyuk-oppa will get jealous. But what about my little brother?"

"Is he handsomer than me?"

"Absolutely! Nobody can escape Patrick's charm!"

"...okay, fine. Because he's your little brother. But no one else."

"Or else you'll get jealous?"

"I am not jealous. Just... posessive."

"What if I said I liked Fishy-oppa more than Hyukkie-oppa?"

"Then you'd be lying."

"Actually, I would be. Because I like them both equally." I giggled, plunking down onto the couch to wait for them to announce the awards.

I didn't win. Not even close. It's a bit hard to when you're competing against veteran groups like 2ne1, Boyfriend, B1A4 and Crayon Pop. Especially 2ne1. Not intimidating at all.

But it was fun, nonetheless. Definitely an experience I never wanted to forget. And a good lesson-learner. I still didn't want to lip-sync during performances, but I'd have to remember to warm up my voice more before I performed, so I could keep it steady, even while dancing.

I have to admit, I was a bit afraid of S.A.L.T. I'd told Eunhyuk that I didn't know them. Actually, I did. They were rookies, just like me. Actually, they were-

"Good job, Mel," Jung Ah claimed, interrupting my thoughts. "So are you excited for next week? You get to practice with Kai!"

I frowned, glancing at Eunhyuk, riding with us in the van back to the company. I really needed to stop being so clingy, but I couldn't help it. I didn't really want to perform with anyone but him. Except maybe Fishy.

Still, I was a professional, so I had to act like a professional. "Of course. The more fandoms I can get interested in me, the better."

"The articles are calling you 'the American BoA'. Pretty cool, huh?"

I grimaced at the article she held up. "That's a completely wrong title. I'm nowhere near that talented. Not to mention she's a dancing queen, and I'm, well, NOT."

Jung Ah sighed. "Can you just take a compliment for once?"

"Not if it's a compliment that will turn into insults as soon as people realize what a mistake they've made. I'm not a dancer."

"No, you're not," Eunhyuk replied, looking out the window. "You're a singer."

I shook my head, leaning over so I was resting against his shoulder. "No, not that either. I'm a songwriter. I might sing, I might dance, I might act, but I came here to help my sunbaes at SM break into the western market. And that's what I'm going to do. Everything else is just a hobby."

Eunhyuk looked down at me, then put his arm around my shoulders, smiling. "You already have. Thank you, Minsung."

"For what?"

He grinned, pushing my head back down so it was again resting on his shoulder. "Just for being you."