I curled into a ball on the wooden floor, hoping that if I made myself small enough, I could disappear entirely. I wondered what had happened to Sungmin. I wondered what the press had pinned on me to make me look absolutely awful and cowardly. I wondered a good many things as I curled tighter and tighter into myself, but never having the courage to go and find any of them out. I wanted to disappear, so they would all just go away.

I heard the door creak open, then footsteps, then the sound of someone sitting down next to me. I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was. I could tell. 

"The official story the company came up with is that you weren't yet used to media pressure for our relationship, and panicked. But they're saying that it's done, we don't have to pretend anymore. We'll release the information tomorrow. You couldn't handle the stress of a celebrity relationship, and wanted to focus on your training. It's over, Minsung. It's done." Sungmin spoke softly.

I uncurled from my ball, staring at the blue sky pattern of the wall. Well, more staring through it than at it. My eyes may as well have still been closed. "Oppa, did you know that I thought I was in love with you? I mean, sometimes I thought it was real. That I was in love with Oppa, and Oppa wouldn't return that feeling."

"I did."

"You probably thought I was delusional, huh? Well, maybe I was. I wasn't even in love with you. I just mixed up everything, not even knowing what I felt. I'm sorry, Oppa. I didn't know anything."

He leaned back against the wall, then looked up at the ceiling, not saying anything, so I kept talking. "I just got so confused. Did Oppa mean everything he said? Was he just playing to the media? It all blended together. I would follow you to the end of the earth, no matter what. I always did whatever Oppa said, no questions. Because I idolize you. I love you because you are wonderful to me. But it was a lie. Maybe I just got so into the acting that I couldn't see reality anymore. And that scares me. But it won't happen anymore."

I held up the little silver ring that I'd been rolling around in my hand, actually looking at him for the first time. "Take it," I demanded, setting it in his hand when he finally did. "From now on, Oppa will find girls who truly love him. And I'll find someone I actually love, and not some ridiculous fantasy. I only hope that Oppa won't avoid me after this. After it all, Oppa is still my favorite."

By now he has stretched out onto the floor next to me, looking up at the ceiling. "Of course, Minsung. You're still the ELF Queen. I couldn't avoid you even if I wanted to. Which I don't. You're just a kid. I understand. Everything is fine."

"I guess the story SM gave wasn't too far off the mark," I sniffled in an attempted laugh. "I couldn't handle it, so ran away. I ran all the way here."

"It took me a while to find you. I looked in the cafe, in the vocal training room, in your dance practice room, yet you're here, in Super Junior's practice room."

I laughed, slightly, "I felt a little bit better in here. There's just something about something that so definitely belongs to all of you that helps my heart calm down. I didn't even think about it. Somehow I was just here."

"Well, Minsung, I don't think you've changed after all. You still come to us for everything. But I think sometimes you forget that we're only human. We don't know everything."

"I know. I do. That's why I trust you." I sighed, closing my eyes. "Thank you for being so patient, Oppa."

"You didn't give me a choice," he giggled, ad then the sound of his high, squeaky laugh made me giggle, and then we were both laying on the floor, giggling like complete weirdos. I felt much better.

Suddenly I sat up, jolting out of my laughter. "Oppa! Didn't you say you had to leave?!"

He shrugged. "I'm taking a separate flight. I thought I shouldn't leave you alone in this."

I couldn't help but smile happily, rolling over to hug him. "Thank you, Oppa. I can always count on you."

"I know," Sungmin claimed, shrugging and hugging me back. "And I depend on you. We all do."

I clutched the strap of my purse, wringing it in my hands and looking up at the two CCTVa that guarded the dorm door. They'd seen me every time I'd come into this dorm. I wondered if it would ever be used against me, to start a scandal or something. 

Don't be stupid, Mel, I thought, this is Henry's dorm, too, and you've been here a zillion times before. 

I raised my hand to knock, then pulled it down again. I never knocked on that door. I t was a third home for me. Hesitantly, I reached for the knob, pulled my hand back again, and then finally turned it, entering the dorm, closing the door behind me and kicking my shoes off quietly.

"Zhou Mi?" I asked of the room, my voice weak. "Zhou Mi? Are you in here?"

No answer.

I wandered further in, making my way around the usual mess. Then a patch of movement caught my eye, just between the two beds.

He was sitting on the ground, his back against the side of the bed, focusing very hard on a thick book in his lap. His brow was furrowed in concentration as I approached, smoothing when he looked up, seeing me.

"Niuwang," he simply said. What, was it okay for him to call me by a nickname, but not okay for me to call him by a nickname?! Well, hello, Kyuhyun!

No, no, Melissa. Don't get angry. It won't solve anything.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry," we both said at the same time, much to my surprise.

"What are you sorry for?!" I asked, still awkwardly standing while he sat on the floor. "I should have told you the truth from the beginning. That it was all a sham. But... I couldn't. It's hard to explain why. So I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry," he replied, looking up at me, "I probably terrified you. It felt good, at first, to see your face that hurt when I said all of those things, but after a while I hated myself for it. So I'm sorry, too. I couldn't contr-- I wasn't myself, right then." His voice sounded restrained again, though why, I had no idea.

"Zhou Mi... when did you find out? That it was all fake?"

"Sungmin told me about it, when he was explaining to the other members... the same day we last saw each other. That was when I started hating myself for what I'd said," he added, smiling wryly.

He looked down at the book iun his hands, then back at me. "Could you sit down next to me for a minute?"

Nervously, I did so, still marvelling at how easy it had been. I had been expecting him to be angry, refuse to see me, and I would;ve had to get down on my knees and beg him to listen to me... okay, maybe I'm being a little overdramatic, but still. I wasn't anticipating him being so calm. So... normal.

"I tried to read this book, but I just can't feel it," he began, holding it out to me, looking slightly embarassed, "they translated all of the pieces into Chinese, but I don't see how pretty it is. I was trying to read it in English instead, but... it's way too hard for me. Maybe I could appreciate it more if you read it, instead?"

He handed me the book, and I cradled it in my hands, gazing at the cover, oddly touched by his request. "Oh, goodness. 'A Collection of Poems by Emily Dickinson'." It was the same book I'd seen briefly in his hands the day after Sungmin had rescued me from the airport. Dickenson. Not Dickens.

I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Zhou Mi asked, "Dickens?"

I looked up at him, still dazed. "Oh, sorry. It's just, I saw you reading this book before, but I thought it said 'dickens' as in Charles Dickens, instead of Emily Dickenson."

"Charles Dickens? The father of evolution?"

"That was Darwin, Zhou Mi. Dickens was the man who wrote A Tale of Two Cities, another book I love."

"Amd Emily Dickenson wrote poetry," he concluded, looking proud of himself for getting at least that part right, which made me want to laugh. 

"She was a poetic genius," I gushed, flipping the cover open and gazing lovingly at its contents.

"Would you read some of them to me? In English, so I can hear how pretty they are?" he asked, his voice wavering, but soft.

"Oh, sure. Of course," I answered, my own voice shaking. Quickly, I fliped through the pages, stopping suddenly. "Oh... I loved this one. It's called 'The Snow'. We sang a musical version of it in middle school choir. I always thought it was beautiful," I explained, seeing his curious expression.

"I'd love to hear it," he said, simply, looking over my shoulder at the poem. 

I shifted my weight so  could hold the book at an angle he could see as I read. This way, though, he was sitting half behind me, so that if I wanted, I could just lean back and rest my head on his shoulder as I read...

But I didn't. Instead I leaned forward, focusing on the print in my hands, taking a deep breath so I could speak clearly.

"It sifts from leaden sieves,
it powders all the wood.
It fills with alabaster wool
the wrinkles of the road.

It makes an even face
of mountain and of plain,
unbroken forehead from the east,
un... unto... the east... a-a-again."

I stuttered on the last line. A lock of hair had fallen in my face while I read, and I had ignored it. Instead Zhou Mi had reached forward and gently tucked it behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my skin for only a moment. But it was enough to make my skin tingle where he had touched it. I glanced at him, but his eyes were glazed-looking, like his mind was in some faraway place.

So I cleared my throat and my mind at the same time, starting again.

"Unbroken forehead from the east,
unto the east again.

It reaches to the fence.
It wraps it, rail by rail.
'til it is lost in fleeces,
it flings a crystal veil.

On stump and stack and stem,
the summer's empty room,
acres of seams where harvests were,
recordless, but for them. 

It ruffles wrists of posts
as ankles of a queen,
then stills its artisans like ghosts,
denying they have been."

I smiled, letting the words wash over me. Beautiful, lovely poetry, such as I could never hope to write. "The winters in Wisconsin were like that, you know?" I said aloud, for lack of anything better to say, "The snow would come in during the night and just cover everything. In the morning, before the sun was up all the way, you could see the blanket of sparkling white, even over the tree branches. Winter was never my favorite season, but... I always thought those memories were beautiful."

I looked back at him, and he was smilin, his eyes closed. "It was a lot prettier when you read it," he said plainly. 

Not going to waste a compliment, I opened up to a random page and began to read. I read poem after poem, never particularly choosing any, just reading whichever ones I opened to.

"My river runs to thee,
Blue sea, wilt welcome me?

My river waits reply.
Oh Sea, look graciously!

I'll fetch thee brooks,
from spotted nooks,--

Say, Sea,
Take me!"

I felt a flush creep into my cheeks. "Did you understand this one, Zhou Mi?"

Silence. 

I turned around, about to ask the question again, but stopped short when I saw that he was resting his head against the side of the bed, his eyes still closed, and his breathing even.

Is he asleep? I wondered. "Zhou Mi?" I asked, softly, in case he really was asleep, in which case I didn't want to wake him.

"Mimi," he murmured.

"huh? I asked, scooting closer because I hadn't quite heard him. 

"Mimi. Call me Mimi," he clarified, opening his eyes.

"B-but, you said..."

"I was being a jerk when I said that. Please, call me Mimi. I've gotten so used to hearing that from you... it sounds weird for you to actually use my name."

I really wanted to kiss him right then, but instead I crossed my arms and huffed, "if you hate it, don't pretend to be okay with it just because you feel bad. Because that is SOOOO not okay."

He looked into my eyes, taking one of my hands in the two of his own. "No, I like it. I swear."

His gaze was steady and true, stealing every piece of my attention. I couldn't look away. And he was so close... it was odd, in that moment, because where his hands were on mine sent little shocks through my body, and my heart was beating a million miles (sorry, kilometers) a minute, and speeding up, and I felt blood rush into my cheeks from the mere sincerity of his gaze-- in the way I had felt with Sungmin for the longest time, but had not felt recently. Maybe my fangirl love of Zhou Mi just hadn't worn off yet. 

"I- I should go," I declared suddenly, pulling my hands out of his grasp and clambering to my feet, my heart still pounding. I quickly escaped to the door, then paused in the open doorway. "I'm glad everything is okay now, like it was before," I said, turning back.

"I guess I'll see you soon... Mimi."

I waited just long enough to see him smile, then escaped through the doorway.

"HA! Amber, hand over the llama card!" I shouted, holding my hand out. 

"What? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, flopping down on the floor and clutching the llama card to her chest. "ANYTHING but the llama!"

"Hey, it's mine, fair and square."

"Can you take the unicorn instead?"

"...fine. But this the ONLY time!" I caved, snatching the unicorn car from her hand. 

"Come on, kids, it's just zoo-opoly..." Henry tried, earning him a glare from both Amber and I. They'd come over during my worktime in the empty Super Junior dorm, since the main members of SuJu were gone in Manila, and I was completely bored out of my mind. Enter FASE to end teenage boredom. 

"That means I have both the dragon AND the Unicorn! Stables on ALL my property!" I laughed wickedly, plopping the little lastic houses onto my spots on the board. "Okay, Henry. Your turn."

He fell backwards onto the floor, faking tears. "I'm not going to win... you're enjoying this too much..."

"I'm sorry, it's just that I NEVER win at these games! My sister almost always kicked my !"

"Can we do something else?" Henry whined.

"As long as I can keep the llama," Amber answered.

"Okay, sure. But what do you want to do?" I stacked my cards neatly into a pile, beginning to put the money away.

"When is the trainee exhibition again?"

"Mid November. Actually, I have to leave work early today because the acting exhibition team has practice. We have to start memorizing lines."

"Ohhh... hey, why don't you show us your peformance! Me and Amber will give you pointers!"

"Amber and I," I corrected. "And okay, fine. But you have to promise not to laugh..."

"Rock, paper, scissors! Rock, paper, scissors! Okay, Henry goes to get the tea! See you both then. I have to go practice." I shrugged, starting to head toward the auditorium.

"Oh, hey! Amber and Henry!" A familiar voice called out, prompting me to whip around. "We haven't met before! I'm the new trainee, Lily."

I assumed "Lily" was short for "Spider Lily." You know, the red flower that Japanese people put on graves. Because that's where she was heading if she so much as dreamed of being a member of FASE. 

Fortunately it seemed like Henry and Amber shared my opinion. They could barely hide their look of discomfort when they said "oh... hi." 

"Amber-eonni, I'm from L.A, too! Maybe we can talk about it some time! We're friends already, almost!"

"Y-yeah, sure." I could tell Amber was trying to remain civilized, which was never something the members of FASE were good at. We are, after all, Westerners.

Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill... Oh, hang on a second-- I'm not a Christian. Free game!

"I don't really know Henry-oppa very well, though. But he's so talented! Oppa, can you teach me how you're so cool?!"

In spite of himself, Henry actually looked pleased. "I don't know if that's something I can teach, but I guess I could try." Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth.

"REALLY?! That would be great! Well, Minsung and I have to go to our performance. See you sunbaes later!" she giggled, then joined her group of cronies at the door. She'd gained "friends" amongst the trainees annoyingly quickly, though I suspected that most of them were only worshipping her so she could teach them how to dance. 

"Did you hear him?!" I heard her giggle as she went through the doors, "It's not something I can teach. So self-centered! It's no wonder the guy has no fans."

Her cronies' laughter faded as they went through the auditorium doors, but my overwhelming urge to cut her into little pieces and feed them to the pidgeons in the park-- did not. 

I waved goodbye to Amber and Henry, took a deep breath, and went into the auditorium for practice. 

"You're supposed to hug me!" I laughed at the boy supposed to be acting with me in the scene. "Don't worry, I don't bite... much." 

He looked briefly horrified, only causing me to laugh again. "I'm just kidding! Come on, seriously, I'm okay. SoHee! Help me out here!"

"Sorry, Minsung!" she yelled back, "I have to work with my scene. Maybe when it's done?"

Her scene included the character that Lily was playing, and don't think I didn't catch that evil little grin. I swear, the moment she left this room--"

"YA! Choi Minsung! Back to practice!" the director yelled, prompting me to ignore Lily's snide smile, which only grew wider as I was forced to turn away. 

"Lily whatsherface is driving me absolutely crazy," I complained to SoHee as soon as practice was let out. 

"I don't know, she seems nice enough. I mean, I know she stole your stuff, but it's really hard to hate her. She brought us all snacks yesterday, remember?"

"Are you SERIOUS?! Did you not see the little episode where she got to me and said 'oh, I'm sorry, that's all there was. I guess there's none for you.' And then later, when someone asked her if there were any extras, she pulled one out and gave it to them?!" 

"Maybe she just didn't realize she had more. Come on, Mel, you can't hate her just because of what happened. I mean, maybe it wasn't her fault? Maybe she thought the videos she watched were just instruction videos?"

"You can't seriously believe that."

"I don't think it's impossible. Come on, Minsung. You shouldn't hate someone because of something someone else did. Why don't you try to see things from someone else's point of view instead of jumping to conclusions all the time?"

She hurried away to catch up with one of her other friends, laughing with them while I just watched in horror. Dear god, was Lily brainwashing people?!

"Didn't I tell you?" I heard a voice sweetly croon from behind me. "Soon enough people will realize that you're not as great as they thought." Lily walked right by me as if she'd never said anything, as innocent as a baby Great White Shark. Which, I will have you know, will eat their siblings alive before they even leave their mother's womb.

It would be really nice to believe that I was making all of this up, and that my suspicions and anger were baseless. Unfortunately, I knew that was not the case.

The days sped by faster than I could keep track of them. Super Junior came back from Manila, then Super Junior-M was off to Beijing. I hung out with Heechul. I chased Kangin out of the dorm. I let him back in, but only if he brought his dog. I took the SuJu dogs for a walk. I met Yoochun again. SJM came back from Beijing. FASE, John, Min Hee and I decided to go Trick-or-Treating on Halloween by knocking on doors of artists we knew, yelling "trick or treat!" then throwing candy at their faces and running away. I played video games with Kyuhyun. I was almost late for vocal practice because we both fell asleep on the floor, and I had been using his chest as a pillow (oops).

All the while, Lily got stronger and stronger at the company. Even Min Hee was having doubts of Lily's hatefulness. It came to the point that I couldn't even say anything regarding her without getting shot down as being unfair and not giving her a chance. I even started to convince myself that maybe I was wrong. Maybe she wasn't the malevolent force of evil that I thought she was. If that was the case, though, then didn't that put me in the wrong? Maybe she was right. Maybe people really did just like me for what I could do.

No, no, I couldn't afford to think like that. Not with the exhibition coming up. It was going to be the most important moment in my trainee life, I knew. I couldn't afford to doubt myself just because of Lily.