"Secret secret, don't tell anyone...
Shh, It's just between you and me.
Scandalous, it's our sweet secret..."

I listened to Krystal practice her song, since it had been chosen for the title track of their upcoming album. It was quite satisfying, to know that the evidence of my relationship would now be plastered onto f(x) for the rest of their careers. Oops.

"How did that sound?" she asked me, biting her lip.

"Try and emphasize the 'sshhh' a little bit more. It's supposed to be like he's opening his mouth to say something, and you're interrupting him when you're shushing him."

"Right. Okay, so... the main verse..." She paused, biting her lip again. "This song is like every idol's life."

I laughed. "Love life, you mean?"

"Yeah. There are the relationships that get made up, and there are the ones that get blown out of proportion, but most of the relationships come together and are broken up before anyone ever finds out about them."

And are broken up. I tried not to think about it. "Well, the song doesn't directly come out and say why it's scandalous. Just that it is."

She shrugged, then sang her next lines.

"Hiding when people look,
let go of your hand when we're not alone."

"It's so adorable, and yet so sad at the same time," she commented, frowning down at the paper. "Why are you so good at writing songs?!"

I shrugged. "That is what I came to this company to do. Write songs that won't have Westerners listening to and laughing at because of the Engrish. The acting, the singing, that's just side stuff."

"Don't forget about your musical, though!"

"How could I forget? It's only in a few days."

"Are you nervous?"

"EXTREMELY. But on the plus side, I look totally awesome in the pink dress that I'm wearing to be Glinda."

"I'm coming on the second performance."

"Really?!"

"Yeah! Jessica and I are going. So you'd better do good that day.

"Well. I'd better do well."

"Whatever. But I'm serious! I want a good show, Queen Be!"

I laughed. "I'll do my best."

Everything was chaos. Stage hands ran back and forth. My coordinator compared two different shades of pink eyeshadow to decide which one to use on my face. The entire backstage area was a flurry of sound and movement as people rushed to get everything ready.

My coordinator, a lovely Korean-American by the name of Lela Park, was a true expert. When she finished with my face, I had long, dark lashes, well-defined cheekbones, and smooth, dark skin that would seem to be normally colored under the lights from the stage. I looked beautiful. Not like myself, but like Glinda.

"You ready?" Min Hee asked, leaning against the counter. Her face, arms, and even her legs under her long black dress, had all been painted green, and she looked almost alien, standing there.

"Am I ready to be the pretty one for once?" I asked, glancing down at my fingernails. "Sort of. You look fantastic in green, by the way."

She laughed, leaning "seductively" against the counter. "Draw me like one of your French girls."

We both laughed, and I breathed out, trying to calm my nerves. "We're going to do great. We're perfect for these parts, right?"

"Oh, sure. Who else could be so ridiculously confident in herself that she'd be annoying?"

I laughed. "You're right."

"Ten minutes to curtain!" One of the main stagehands called.

Min Hee and I met eyes, and she nodded. "Break a leg, Queen Be."

"Same, Min Hee. See you onstage." I got up from the makeup counter, patted her on the arm, and then headed towards my entrance spot. Showtime.

 "Remember, the chorus starts, and then you come on. If you screw up, make it big," The stage director's voice rang in through my earpiece. I nodded, mostly out of habit. I knew there was sound all around me. From where I was, I was clearly within earshot of the excitement of the audience. Yet none of it reached my ears. All around me was the pulsing void of silence. It was so much different from the other times I had been onstage. Before, it was just me. The stage that I was able to show my fans. I wasn't trying to fulfill any expectations. I was just showing what I could do.

But now... now I was performing a musical so popular that the very mention of it could get people excited. I had big shoes to fill. Enormous ones. And this time, I didn't have the SMTown family to back me up. It was an honor to be able to play the part of Glinda, but already I was hearing the criticisms in my head. Copycat. Fake. Never be as good as the original. Koreans can't make their own musicals, so they take ours.

I was starting to hyperventilate. My ears felt plugged, and my vision was starting to swim. This can't be happening. I'm a professional. Everything's going to be fine. It has to be.

In my hand, I felt my phone buzz, only once. I had forgotten that it was in my hand. It broke my mental freeze, and sound started to fill the air all around me as I opened the message and started to breathe.

"Had to beg Heechul and Leeteuk to give us their tickets, but Henry and I are in the audience. Excited to see Queen Be on the throne."

The tag I had given to the signature was "Wo De Mimi".

I set the phone into the hands of one of the stagehands, hearing the choir begin to sing.

I'm Queen Be. It started off as just another name. Just a title. But, as cheesy as the line may have been, it did the trick. This was my throne.

Glinda the good fairy. Well, she's not actually the most perfect woman on the inside, is she? Neither am I. Min Hee's the one with the truly good heart. She made me look bad. And I was supposed to be the perfect one. The star of SM. There we go. I found my "Good" Witch. I was Glinda. It didn't matter who did it before me.

"Look! It's Glinda!"

"Fellow Ozians," I replied, trying to choke back the pain in my voice. I wasn't supposed to feel sad. I was supposed to be heartless. "Let us be glad... let us be grateful! Let us rejoice the fight that goodness could subdue... the wicked workings of YOU KNOW WHO!"

Min Hee has a higher range than I do. Honetly, those notes were hard for me to reach. But they were the show-openers. Come at me, Kristen Chenowith. I'm a Kpop-idol.

"Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness  upon them? After all, she had a father. She had a mother! As so many do..."

"Nice job, Queen Be! Don't get cocky!" Min Hee yelled to me as she passed by me on her way to her spot.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Wicked Witch. Your boyfriend in the audience?"

"No," she grumbled, making a face. "He says musicals are too artistic for him. He'll feel uncivilized."

I laughed. "That sounds like something John would say."

"Why do you ask?" she asked, briskly walking backwards, "is yours?"

"Yup!" I cheered, feeling just alittble bit successful in making my friend jealous.

"Shut up!" She yelled, disappearing towards the stage.

I got to the dressing room, where my coordinator automatically began fussing over me, fixing my makeup and making sure there were no big rips in my dress or anything, so I still looked pretty after the first song.

"Nice job, Queen Be," Lela commented offhandedly, wiping the black smear where my makeup had run from the heat of the stagelights, and re-applying black eyeliner over it.

"No celebrating yet. I still have the rest of the show to get through. And then I have to do this for another two and a half weeks!"

"Well, as long as you look fine, that's all I care about. Now stop moving." She grabbed my chin with her free hand, holding my head stady while she edged the black lines around my eyelids. "There. Now go back out. Hurry up! Don't be late!"

 "Elfie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project."

"You really don't have to do that." Min Hee grimaced and shied away from me. Actually, the setup was pretty similar to our old dorm. Two beds, one on each side of the room, and not a very big room. And to talk to each other, we'd go sit next to each other on the beds.

"I know. That's what makes me so nice." The audience laughed, and I felt like I was walking on air.

"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I--
And let's face it-- who isn't?
less fortunate than I?

--My tender heart
tends to start
to bleed...

And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over,
I know-- I know--
EXACTLY what they need..."

Min Hee rolled her eyes and opened her book, doing her best to completely ignore me. In some ways, we'd reversed roles. I was usually the one that had my head buried in the books, who didn't care about looking beautiful, or being popular, or anything like that. I was just the obnoxious one.

"And even in your case,
though it's the toughest case
I've yet to face...
don't worry,
I'm determined
to succeed;
follow my lead,
and yes, indeed...

You will be...

 POPULAR!
You're gonna be popu~lar.
I'll teach you the proper poise
when you talk to boys--
little ways to flirt and flounce...
Ooh!

I'll show you what shoes to wear--
how to fix that hair..."

I grimaced, pulling apart Min Hee's deliberately ugly braid, as it had been dulled so it had lost its natural shine. And once again, the audience laughed.

"Everything that really counts to be Popular.
I'll help you be popu~lar.
You'll hang with the right cohorts,
you'll be good at sports,
know the slang you've got to know...

So let's start, 
'cause you've got an awfully long way to go...

Don't be offended by my frank analysis,
Think of it as personality dialysis,
now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sis--
--ter and advisor,
There's nobody wiser--

Not when it comes to popular.
I know about popular,
and with an assist from me
to be who you'll be,
instead of dreary who you were--
--Well, are--
there's nothing that can stop you
from becoming popu~ler... lar..."

I waved the rhyming correction away, and more people laughed.

"La la la~ la~
We're gonna make you popular.

When I see depressing creatures
with unprepossessing features,
I remind them on their own behalf
to. think. of.
celebrated heads of state
or especially great communicators--
did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!
Please, it's all about popu~lar.
It's not about aptitude,
It's the way you're viewed,
so it's very shrewd to be
very very popu~lar, like me."

I giggled a little, then started playing with Min Hee's hair. Admittedly, it was kind of fun to insult her a little. Even if it was just fake. And then, when my wand wasn't working, the audience laughed, and I huffed and told her to just wear the hideous dress she was already wearing. After a few more tweaks that would have worked on someone not painted green, I stood back, looking proudly at my work.

"Why, Miss Elphaba... Look at you... you're beautiful." I fought back tears, and then laughed, and then fought back tears again.

But Min Hee was fighting back more tears. As she looked in the mirror, they welled up in her eyes, and she quickly moved to walk away.

"I... I have to go." She quickly exited, Her black hair flowing behind her. I watched her go, proud of my work, but sad that she hadn't thanked me for it.

"You're welcome..."

Then I recovered from my injured dignity, even laughing to myself a little.

"And though you protest
your disinterest...
I know clandestinely...

You're gonna grin and bear it,
your newfound popularit--
ty!

LA LA, LA~ LA,
You'll be popular!
Just not quite as popular
As ME~~~!!!!"

I spun around in delight, and when the song ended, the lights onstage went down, and the audience erupted into applause. I exited, smiling to myself. This was fun.

Min Hee and I had debuted at the same time. Roughly. She was more talented than I was. More beautiful. I had been jealous of her ever since I had met her. Not that I ever made it obvious to her. In fact, it was a fact that I rarely ever admitted even to myself.

But, or once, I realized that I, as Queen Be, had more fans than S.A.L.T. Why? I had a bigger company. Pledis wasn't an unsuccessful company, but it just couldn't compare to SM's promotion power. And my U.S. tour had launched me into mild international success.

Min Hee didn't have SM. And there was nothing to do about that. As much as I loved the girl, I couldn't deny that she was my competition, and I couldn't drag myself down just to help her. But I wanted her to succeed.

To be honest, "Defying Gravity" reminded me a lot of when Min Hee got the offer from Pledis, and decided to leave the oppressive SM Entertainment behind. I was angry at her. I was. I was angry that she would leave me behind, trying to find her own dreams, when we were supposed to be a team. Yet...

"I hope you're happy...
Now that you're choosing this."

So many flashbacks. I would be sad when this musical was over. When Min Hee went into the air, her powerful voice carrying the song through the audience, just as powerful as the original was, only singing in Korean, it felt almost like we were back to the beginning, when she was the promising talent of SM, and I was just the little American that was always biting the hand that fed her.

The rest of the show went by without a hitch. All the way through the end, where we got a true standing ovation. And Min Hee and I ended the bow, clasping tightly to each other's hands.

"What do you think, Queen Be? Am I musical material?" Min Hee asked, when we were backstage, finished with the production.

I nodded, grinning. "You make me look bad, Min Hee."

"Well, you know. I'm British."

We both laughed, and then someone called out Min Hee's name. She turned and looked, then turned back to me. "Oh! Hey, I haven't introduced you to Aron!"

"Aron?" I asked, looking in the direction she was pointing.

"You know. My sunbae. Aron."

"Oh. OH! That Aron!" As I said that, Min Hee waved him over, and he came, then waved to me.

"Hey, this is my friend-slash-old-roommate, Queen Be. But I call her Mel."

"Mel? Like my dog?" he asked.

I cringed, but Min Hee answered for me. "Of course not like your dog! It's short for Melissa. That's her real name."

"Ohhhhhh..." He held out his hand, saying, "Hi Melissa."

I shook his hand shyly, then asked, "so are you here to support Min Hee?"

He shrugged. "She's my hoobae. It's good for public relations."

I laughed. "Hey, actually... Aron, are you a member of any major idol friendgroups?"

"Um... no. Not really. Why?"

I brightened, feeling the smile creep across my face. And Min Hee's when she realized what I was thinking. "Really? Do you want to join one? Me and Min Hee are in it. It's called FASE."

"Face?"

"F-A-S-E. Forever and Always Speaking English. We're friends. We usually just hang out together, watch movies, eat Western food... and speak English with each other the whole time."

"Who else is in it?"

"Well, aside from Min Hee and I, there's--"

"MEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!"

"--Yeah, he's one of them." Henry ran over, giving me a great big hug.

"That was awesome! You were such a ditz!"

I laughed, then made a face. "Thanks, Henry."

And then he saw Aron, and started making friends. I tuned his chatting out, biting my lip, worriedly looking around at the people meeting their friends and relatives in the cast.

Ah, there he was. Making his way through the crowd towards me. "You're too small," Zhou Mi teased when he finally reached me. "It makes you hard to find."

I made a face at him. "Oh shut up. You're too tall. It makes it impossible for you to hide."

"Fair enough."

I hugged him, tightly, but briefly, trying to make it look the same as how I had embraced Henry. Which is difficult at different heights.

"You were too busy with your friend Min Hee to talk to me right away, so I waited," he admitted, giving a careless toss of his head to flick his bangs out of his eyes. "You two have been practically joined at the hip lately."

"Are you jealous of Min Hee?!"

"No. Yes. But, you know, it's fine. Don't want to get in the way of you and your friends."

"MEL! Aron says he's going to join FASE!" Henry yelled, pulling Aron behind him, forcing himself into the space between me and Zhou Mi. I gave a quick, laughing glance at Zhou Mi's surprised expression, then immersed myself into Henry's antics.

"Okay, so I'm setting rules," Henry declared as we walked to the vans out in the parking lot of the theater. He carefully walked in the middle, so I was on one side of him, and Zhou Mi was on the other. "One: You don't see each other in public unless Henry is along. Two: If you're meeting in someone's dorm, it better be Zhou Mi's, so then Henry can keep an eye on you. Three: Mel is only nineteen. So there better not be any funny business going on--"

"Henry!" I yelled, my cheeks flaring red. "Too far."

"I'm not kidding! I know you, stupid. Your mind is dirty as a pigpen!"

"Pigs are very clean creatures," I argued. "They kick up mud to keep themselves cool and keep insects away. But they always use the same exact spot to..." I met Henry's eyes and shut up.

"That's not the point!"

"No, Henry. I'm a woman. I have two points."

His mouth dropped open, and both of them just stared at me in shock for a good thirty seconds. It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face. Of course, I'd done that on purpose. What better to shut Henry up than a erted joke out of the blue?

"THAT IS EXACTLY MY POINT!" He yelled, loud enough that other people walking through the parking lot turned and looked, and we had to duck behind cars. "No, no, no, no, no! Agh! Now I'm not going to be able to say that without thinking of that! What the heck, Mel?!"

I laughed, then pinched Henry's cheek and ran away into the darkness of the parking lot, still giggling at Henry's expense.

"Where did you go after the performance?" Min Hee asked. The musical cast had rented a club for the night of our first performance, and were celebrating the successful production with a cast party.

"Nowhere. Just the parking lot. Henry wanted to lay ground rules." I explained to her what had happened, and fairly soon she was laughing so hard that she spilled her drink.

"Oops!" she remarked, trying to dab with a napkin at the splotch on her shirt. "Oh geez, this is dry-clean only. Oh well." She discarded the napkin, then stood up. "I'm going to go get another drink. Do you want anything?"

"Um... Shirley Temple? Kiddy cocktail?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're nineteen in both the Korean age and the international age. You're legal to drink."

I grimaced. "Well, last time I drank any quantity of alcohol, you'll recall that I gave Eunhyuk a black eye, kissed Sungmin, and woke up in Kangin's arms, so I'd really not like to repeat that."

She shrugged, then went to get a drink. She disappeared into the crowd, and one of my cast members came to sit in the spot next to me, where she'd vacated. He was the man playing Fiyero.

"Queen Be! The woman of the night! Why are you sitting by yourself?!" He asked, taking another drink from his glass.

"Min Hee's up getting drinks," I replied, trying not to wrinkle my nose. He reeked of alcohol. "We were up dancing, but we sat down to take a break."

"Ah, I see. Well, why don't I just stay with you until she gets back?"

I squirmed uncomfortably in the chair. "That's very nice of you, but... I think I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" he asked again, sitting even closer to me.

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Queen Be, you're awfully beautiful, don't you know that?"

"I think you've had too much to drink."

He laughed. "Maybe I have. Is that a problem?"

"I'm worried for your health."

"I'll be fine," he replied. "But I felt like you and I were a bit stiff onstage today. And I thought, maybe we should get to know each other a little bit better..."

I blanched, my mind instantly flashing me to Zhou Mi. "I think we know each other just fine," I replied, fighting to keep my voice level. I stood up, trying to get away from him. I disappeared into the mass of dancing, laughing girls, immersing myself in their conversations, focusing on just enjoying myself.

The song changed to my own, the Korean version of "Black Magic," and instantly everyone was cheering for me to perform. I laughed, taking the microphone and giving an exaggerated performance of the song, making it ridiculous instead of seductive, at first, then found that to be too exhausting, and just went into the original performance.

When it was over, everyone clapped, and I looked around to find Min Hee, pointedly holding up a glass.

I started to head towards her, but then a hand grabbed my wrist. It was the same guy from before. "You sure you don't want to chat? We could go somewhere quieter..."

I jerked my arm away from him, rising to my full height. "I'm sure. I want you to leave me alone. We're a couple when we're onstage. That's all. Unless you're not good enough of an actor to be able to make up those feelings on your own."

I knew they were the wrong words as soon as I saw his expression darken. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, breathing the scent of alcohol down my neck. "Don't make this difficult, Queen Be. You know I just want to enjoy myself. Have some fun, you know?"

"Not with me, you're not," I hissed fiercely, and tried to pull away, but he had a firm grip on my arm.

"I could make you, you know," he smirked, and my heart jolted.

"I'm not beautiful," I argued. "whatever you're seeing, it's the effects of the alcohol. Because I assure you, I am not a girl who is easily pushed around. You would do well to remember that I have been single for a very long time for a very good reason."

He held my even firmer, then jerked me so I was pressed up against him. "All the more reason to change that."

It happened in less than a moment. Really, it couldn't have been very long at all. the song that had been playing hadn't even switched to the next word yet. But in that moment, I know that I forgot every self-defense karate move my sister had ever taught me. I know that even though, in most circumstances, when a person is trapped, their mind goes into panic mode.

Mine didn't. It spun very quickly, figuring out the quickest, most efficient way to get this guy away from me, and keep him away.

I jammed my elbow into his gut and then used my one free hand to slam my fist into his sternum, knocking the air out of him, then twisted my captive hand around to press into the pressure point on his wrist with a vicious force. When he let go, I quickly crossed the room, grabbing Min Hee's wrist and pulling her out of the nightclub.

Min Hee didn't ask what had happened. I think she knew. She just handed me the drink and tried to pretend she didn't feel the late autumn chill. I know I didn't.

We stayed there for a long time, with me just shivering in pure fury and fear and worry. Yes, worry. Everything I do has a price. As an idol, every action is watched. And not everyone would have seen the whole story.

Why are women always supposed to be the weak ones? Why? Why is strength in a man so appealing, but strength in a woman so horrifying? We don't have to be weaklings. We are weak because society expects us to be. Why? It just makes it easier to make women the victims. I was not about to be a victim. And yet, by protecting myself, I was a victim anyway.

In fury, I whipped the empty drink glass across the alleyway, and it smashed into the brick wall, shattering into bits of glass.

Silently, Min Hee grabbed my wrist again, gently leading me towards the van.

When Jung Ah came, I sat in silence. Min Hee was calling somebody, but I didn't hear her. She talked in such hushed tones. Not even Jung Ah said anything. She must have found out. Word spreads like wildfire. We had to keep the situation under control, before the audiences found out about it. Or the musical could flop. Why, why is it wrong for a man to move onto a woman, but just as wrong for a woman to protect herself, whatever way possible?! Why is it wrong for a woman to be strong?!

I bit my lip hard enough that it bled, filling my mouth with the metallic-salt taste of it. When the van came to a stop and the doors opened, and Min Hee gently nudged me out, I was ready to rampage. White hot fury at the injustice of the whole world coursed through me like a fire.

But when I felt long, thin fingers running through my hair, the rage dissipated, and the tears came out in a flood. I collapsed into Zhou Mi, letting him see the tears.

"I was so scared, Mimi," I cried, letting him hear the words. "I didn't know what to do. With everything he said, I thought of you, and everything just felt really wrong, and..." my words choked out, smothered by the tears, and I buried my face in his shoulder. He just held me tighter, not saying anything, simply winding his fingers through my hair, letting me cry, letting me not be strong.

I was always strong. I was always strong for him. I was always strong because of him. But when I was with him, for once, I didn't want to be strong.