I left more notes than I could count. Notes for Min Hee that something was wrong with the shower, that there was plenty of leftovers in the fridge, that I was paying for the flight using an advance on my paychecks, and the money we had been saving would pay for groceries for a while, and that John was welcome in the dorm while I was gone. Notes for the SuJu members, that I had washed all of the laundry for the past week, and instructions on how to do their laundry in case I didn't come back for a while. A note for Ryeowook, on how to make a lot of my recipes, since he was most likely to take over the cooking duties for me. A note for Sungmin to stop feeding Caocao people food. A note for Kyuhyun that he should stop falling asleep playing Starcraft, because it messed up his save data and made his bedsheets hard to sort out. A note for Eunhyuk that I had left bottles of air freshener in his room and three sticks of deodorant, and that he needed to wash his blankets at least once a week, because Choco shed a lot. Also, I'd bought enough strawberry milk to last him the next few weeks. A note for Kangin that his favorite pair of underwear was ripped, and I had got him a new pair. A note for Donghae that I had thrown out two of his hats because they creeped me out and I was sorry for it. 

A note for Henry to remind him that he knew why I had to go, and I would try to be back as soon as I could, but I didn't know when or how that would be, and I was scared to find out. But he was in charge of telling FASE that I was gone, and they would have to pick on a different Maknae for a while. 

A note for Zhou Mi, written in careful Chinese and taped to the vocal training room door. I was happy that he was better, and I hoped he could sleep more, and not work so hard. I would be gone for a while, but I was still cheering for him. I hoped that knowing that, he would have confidence in himself, and not make himself sick, like before.

Even as I boarded my plane for the United States, I worried and fussed that I hadn't left enough notes, even though my sticky note pad was completely empty. But I couldn't turn back now. All that was important was forward. Back to my home. Still, as the plane lifted off, I watched the South Korean landscape disappear beneath me, and wondered if I would really feel like I had returned home when I got back to Wisconsin. Or even if the circumstances in which I was returning would allow me to think about it.

I hadn't really thought about how I would get to Saint Elizabeth's after the plane touched down in the airport, since I had barely any leftover money, so I just grabbed my bags and walked. I hadn't been able to sleep at all on the plane because of worry, so I probably looked like a zombie, stomping through the streets. Fortunately, I had a rough idea where the hospital was. I didn't hesitate at all, heading straight there from the airport.

Finally I arrived, not feeling the pain in my ankles. I walked up to the front desk, where the secretary looked down at me and my rumpled clothes, and my bags, and didn't even try to hide her look of disapproval. "We don't have any beds open, Miss. This isn't a homeless shelter."

"I'm not a homeless person! I live in Seoul, South Korea!" I snapped, not caring if it sounded strange. "I just got off a plane and came right here, because I am worried about my sister. Spiderbite victim?"

"Oh... I see." Now she looked sorry for me, and a bit apologetic. Great. "You must be Melissa."

"I am. How is she? Is she okay?" I pleaded, searching her face for some information.

"Her room is on the fourth floor. You can speak with her doctor."

Without another word, I went to the elevator, bags and all, pressing the button impatiently as it took too long to get up the stairs. Finally, I burst onto the floor, scanning the hallways. Then I saw my mom, sitting on the floor just outside one of the rooms, with her hands in her hair. She looked like she was getting ready to tear it out.

"Mom!" I yelled, running over to her.

"Mel?" She looked up, as if she'd seen a ghost. "What are you doing here? Did you take a plane back for this?"

"Of course I did. Mom, I couldn't just stay in South Korea. And I told you I was coming yesterday. Over the phone, remember?"

Mom looked lost, as if reaching for something that wasn't there. "Oh, right. I guess you did."

"Oh geez, Mom..." I dropped to my knees and hugged her, more for my own sake than for hers. "I'm back, I'm home. How is she? Can I go in?"

"They've been consulting with doctors from Australia that handle this kind of bite. The poison is a really fast-reacting one. She's lucky she was able to get to the hospital at all. But so far, all they've been able to do is slow it down."

I hugged her tighter, biting my lip hard enough to draw blood. "You need to tell me if there's anything I can do."

"The poison put her in a coma, they told me. And treatment is tricky. They said that the last thing she said before she went under was 'I still have to call my sister'. Maybe you talking to her will help."

I nodded, stood up, and knocked on the door. When there was no response, I went in, pulling the door shut behind me. It was an odd sight, to see Jackie unconscious like that. I mean, when she was asleep, she was always moving around, messing up her blankets so much that they often fell off of her bed. But right then, she was as still as if she were dead. 

I took a deep breath and sat next to the bed. "Seriously, sibling. What did I tell you about poisonous arachnids! They're not pets!" No response. Even though I knew I wouldn't get one, I half-expected one. So I waited, and continued anyway. "So... I'm here. You don't need to call me. You want to hear about what happened in SMTown? I don't know how much you care about it, but it's for your little sister's future, so, you know, maybe you want to hear about it. And besides, it's kind of funny. And when you wake up, you can tell me all about Australia, okay?"

I forced my voice to stay level, so she didn't think I had already written her off as dead, and was crying over her. No, I was talking to her like she lived. Since she was still alive. "So, I made this really dumb mistake. I tripped. Typical me, right? But I think, if you were there, you might have been the only one who knew, because Henry made it look just like it was supposed to happen. Personally, I blame those high heels..."

I talked like that for a long time. I talked about everything that had happened to me in South Korea, from the funniest antics of FASE to the moment when Ryeowook had trusted me enough to tell me that he had a girlfriend. I told her about the party where I had gotten drunk and kissed Sungmin, and about almost getting kicked out of the company for standing up for Zhou Mi. I told her about my performance with Ryeowook of "Good Enough", and that I thought she would have been happy for it, because we both liked Evanescence.

I told her whatever came to mind. Super Junior's dogs, Yesung's turtles, Eunhyuk's manga collection, and how freakishly clean he was. I told her about Min Hee dating John, and how I had first caught them. I taped the picture of my drawn-on face from my first Chinese lesson with Victoria and Zhou Mi, onto the wall next to her bed, so she could see it and laugh. I bragged about how good I was getting at Japanese, Chinese, and Korean, and how much cooler it made me than her. 

Soon enough the nurse was coming in to say that visiting hours were over, but I could stay because I was family. I asked her to let me, since, in Korea and Japan, it was almost expected for family and friends to stay in the hospital room. Of course, I didn't tell her the real reason. Really, I just didn't have anywhere else to go. It would feel strange to go back to the house, to a room that was no longer filled with my stuff, and to a family stretched to their limit with stress over their eldest daughter.

I fell asleep that way, on the cold floor, my head over the mattress. Suddenly I was awoken by the sound of rapid beeping. Nurses were rushing in, and I found myself out in the hallway, wondering what had happened. Had she woken up?

"We're still working on getting the poison out of her system," a tired-looking nurse informed me before I could fall asleep in the hallway. "It's a dangerous neurotoxin. We have to practically pump her entire system clean. Which requires lots of blood bags and IV."

"You need blood? Take mine!" I insisted.

"Excuse me?" 

"My sister and I are both O-positive. It's totally fine. If I can help her..."

"Melissa, you've just come from a foreign country. You're carrying bugs that she won't be used to. You shouldn't even have been able to come in, but we let you in because of her unique situation. Blood transfusion would be directly giving her the bugs you've been carrying."

"I'm completely fine! I haven't been sick in months!"

"I can't risk that your sister get sick."

"She won't get sick! She NEVER gets sick! Even if everyone in the house caught a bug and was throwing up, or had a fever, she never had anything. Maybe a stuffy nose. She'll be fine. That's why... it's so weird... that she'd be the one in that room."

"Melissa, I know you're worried. And your sister is fighting it. But she just went through a brief period of cardiac arrest. I know it's hard, but you have to be patient and let her rest. The only one who can really stop it is her. If she has as strong of an immune system as you say, maybe she can get through it. Most people don't," she said sadly, as she hurried on her way.

I woke up the next morning to find myself still in the hallway, but with a blanket tossed over me. It was my little brother's blanket, I knew, from the multi-colored crochet. My mom had spent months working on it.

I went into the hospital room, to find my parents and my little brother in there.

"Patrick!" I exclaimed, opening my arms. He came over, giving me a hug, and I squeezed him so hard that I lifted him off the ground, crushing him against me. I knew he could take it. He was a tough kid. 

"Hi Patrick!" I shouted, waving my hand.

"Hi Jackie!" he giggled, making my heart sink, and my eyes to travel to the bed in the corner. 

"No, Pat. It's me, Melissa."

"Hi Melissa!"

I held out my hand for him, and he took it, letting me pull him to the bedside. 

"Jackie's there, see, Patrick?" I asked, gently.

"Jackie."

"Yes, Pat. And... she's going to be asleep for a while. But I'm back for now, so I can take care of her. Okay?"

"Jackie." He seemed confused, looking at me, then back at the bed. I was starting to cry. 

"She's going to be okay." I hope. "And when she wakes up, we'll go and get some ice cream, okay? The three of us."

"Ice cream!"

I nodded to my mom, who led him out of the room, leaving just me and my dad.

"So how much money did you waste, coming back here?" he criticized.

"It was in Won, so I don't feel like doing the conversions for you," I hissed. Seriously, was this the time to be berating me about money?!

"And you're going to want to go back, too, aren't you?"

"Eventually. Whenever she gets better."

"What if she doesn't?" I could tell he was worried, too, but didn't want to show it. He was too proud for that.

"She's going to. She always does." I said, more confidently than I felt. "But in order for that to happen, you need to get your head out of your a** and figure out what's important."

"Excuse me?!"

"I come home, and I don't even get an 'oh thank you, Mel, for coming' from you. I don't get 'you shouldn't have come,' either. And as soon as you heard about what happened, you insisted that you told her going to Australia was a bad idea. Is that really important?! NO! And why the hell weren't you the first person to call me and tell me that my sister was in serious trouble?! Why didn't you tell the family about this?! Did you think at all about that?!"

Less than a year ago, I would never have said these things to him, because I was scared of my father. But after months of figuring out how to force my way through the Kpop industry, I wasn't scared of much anymore. Let alone him. And I would fix the rift that had formed between him and my sister years ago, even if I had to use force to do it.

"Because Melissa's been everywhere and knows everything, huh?" He argued, his gray eyes staring into my own, a glare I met eye-for-eye, not backing down. 

"I seem to know more than you do. If you think you're going to guilt me into anything, you're an idiot. If you think playing on my conscience is going to do anything, you're even more of an idiot. I have been through too much to let it happen anymore. So, for once, I'm not going to let this be an 'I'm your father and I know what's right' discussion anymore. Because you need to start listening. Not just to me, but to her, too. You can't be right all the time. You're our father; we should be able to count on you. To depend on you. I haven't done that in years."

I poured as much fire as I could into my glare. I'd had enough practice with it from standing up to horrible people at SM, and ahjummas and ahjusshis that thought they could harass me because I was American. I was quite comfortable with that glare by now. He could hit me if he wanted. It wouldn't mean I was backing down.

Eventually he turned around and slammed the door open, disappearing down the hospital's hallway.

I continued my vigil over my sister for days. People cycled in and out, bringing me food, blankets, other things they thought I'd need. My grandma, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, Jackie's karate friends, but none so often as Tessa and Ariel, who both looked like they hadn't slept in a week. And they always told me that I looked like hell. I didn't even want to know how I looked, if they looked like that. 

Tessa's light demeanor was greatly diminished, reminding me a lot of Heechul when he was having one of his bad days. Her eccentricity was much, much darker. 

Ariel, frosted mini-wheat that she was, did her best to keep the mood up, no matter how bad it got. One of the many times I got chased out of the room because my sister was having a small seizure, it had looked like she wasn't going to make it. Still, the coma prevailed.

I continued to talk to her, when there wasn't anyone else visiting. How I had learned a whole bunch of Korean recipes, and I would cook some for her some time. And how I now knew the perfect way to cut a watermelon, or how to know which watermelon was perfectly ripe.

It wasn't until the fourth day that I actually remembered to look at my phone. When I did, I found that I had over forty missed calls. Min Hee, Min Hee, John, Min Hee, Henry, Henry, Ryeowook, Ryeowook, Min Hee, Henry, Min Hee, Zhou Mi, Kwon Mei, Amber, Krystal, Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Sungmin, Henry, Henry, Zhou Mi, Min Hee...

I didn't have the energy to answer any of them. I just slipped my phone back into my purse, thinking that I would answer them later.

 My own friends came, filling the small hospital room with their presence. Ali offered to let me stay at her house, while I was there, and then she was followed by a chorus of similar offers. I showed both them and my sister all of the videos I had been in so far, to include the performance of "Good Enough". They told me about starting their different colleges in a little while and how Eliz and Ali were moving all the way to the western side of the state. We were splitting up, I knew, even more than when I had first left to go to Korea. Now it was everyone. But that happens when life goes on. 

Life does go on.

I finally answered the phone calls, having to explain to every single person what was going on, why I was gone. No, I didn't know when I would be back. No, she still hasn't gotten any better. Yes, I'm doing okay. I think. Yes, I've been eating. No, Wookie, I don't think you're going to be able to cook anything for me. But I appreciate the thought. I would feel a lot better if you sang to me, though. Yes, I feel much better now. Yes, Kyuhyun, I'll make you some curry when I get back. No, Min Hee, I don't know how to fix the shower. Don't tell me what happened to my bed. I seriously don't want to know. 

I went outside the hospital for the first time in days, feeling a bit ill myself, and glad for the fresh air. I wandered through the city for a while, not actually knowing where I was going. I was lost in this city, that I had been to a thousand times. But it had been so long, I couldn't remember much about it at all. 

I eventually found the street I'd been looking for, coming back out with a little box tucked into my purse. I returned to the hospital, not really concerned about food, and being unable to afford any, anyway. I went back up to my sister's room, sitting on the edge of the bed and opening the box. 

"I went outside, today, sibling. Even spent my precious money on you. You should be happy. Anyway, I got this for you."

I pulled out the charm, dangling it from its necklace chain. "It's chlorite. It's supposed to push out any negative influences. So it should help, right? I don't know. Why don't you try it on, and see if you like it?" I carefully clasped the chain around her neck, letting the green stone settle at the hollow of her collarbones. "There. So... that's that."

"You know, the whole 'let-Mel-talk-and-never-say-anything-back' thing is getting kind of annoying. I mean, I tell you to shut up all the time, but I didn't realize how frustrating it would be for you to not say anything. Who knows, maybe I should just shut up and let you die. Is that what you want? Should I just let you die, Sibling? It would sure be a lot easier. You know, it was kind of stupid to stick your hand in the shoe like that. You never checked it at all? You know, that spider must have been really upset, getting carried across continents like that."

I didn't really know what I was saying anymore. Just that I was saying something. 

"If you never say anything back, I think I'm going to kill you myself, before the poison does." And then I buried my head in the mattress and cried myself to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of quick, repeated beeps, even faster than any before it. I looked up to see the heartrate meter going crazy. I jolted awake in time to see the nurses come rushing in. They started to push me out of the room, just like the last time, and the one before it.

With each beep, I could practically hear my sister's heart beating. As they opened the door and forced me through it, the beeping got louder and faster and faster, and faster, then...

One steady, high-pitched note.

"No, no, no, NO!"

I tried to fight back, to get back in that room. But I was being pushed out into the hallway, the nurse giving me a sympathetic look as she closed the door in my face.