Everyone told me to go. "The only other one of us who's gone to Hollywood is BoA-sunbae" I was told, over and over again. "That's so exciting! Everyone would be interested in SM!"

I didn't even know who I'd be. I didn't know who the character was, or why Mr. Hong was so adamant that I act as her. What exactly it was about me that fit her so well.

While the rest of SM flew back to Korea for a brief break between tour dates, Jung Ah and I stayed in Beijing, to film for a variety show.

I dressed well, in a dark red shirt with a black rose pattern and a simple black skirt. I was extremely nervous.

Filming began, after I had greeted everyone there. Happy Camp, featuring some of the best people in Chinese show business.

"We're happy to welcome Queen Be, all the way from the United States! But she works in Korea. How do you feel, coming here today?"

I blushed. "I'm very nervous. Here with a legend, practically."

"Who? Mr. Chan?"

Like it wasn't obvious. I'd grown up watching Jackie Chan movies. i admired everything the man did. He was an inspiration to me.

"She's not American at all!" he said, jumping up. "I go up to her earlier, before we started, with my hand out, like this, thinking 'oh, she's American. Shake her hand.' But then she sees me and her eyes go like this!" He used his hands to widen his eyes, looking crazy, while everyone laughed. "And then before I can shake her hand, it's 'Oh, it's so nice to meet you. I'm so honored," he said, while bowing repeatedly.

I laughed, too, mostly because it was a pretty accurate representation of what had happened. I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. 

"You admire him?"  the host asked.

"Absolutely. Jackie Chan is the person I want to be in the industry. Like... you go to any country in the world, say his name, and everyone just knows. And he does good things for people. That's the kind of idol I want to be. That's what I want people to know me as. I want 'Queen Be' to be known that well."

"You want people to know you for being loud and funny?"

"That too."

"You'll do well in China. Stay a long time," the hosts commented, making the cast laugh.

"We were surprised, too. She has such good Chinese!"

"A lot of people help me learn. Song Qian, Henry Lau, Zhou Mi... Han Geng..."

Truth be told, I'd been e-mailing Han Geng quite a bit. And now I knew whenever he contacted one of the members. He'd been very friendly, more than any of the ELF knew, and it killed me that I couldn't tell them that.

"Oh, really! So, we have you here since your popularity in China has exploded ever since you released your song, 'Strong' Would you mind showing us a little bit?"

That's the way it went. Me performing a tidbit of the song and dance for them, then doing really weird, embarrassing things for the show. Hundreds of people watching me trying to blow a piece of paper off of my face. Bragging about my flexibility, then showing everyone how I could put my foot behind my head (hard to do and remain decent in a skirt... but I was wearing shorts underneath).

All the while in the presence of someone I respected a great deal. At one point, I asked him for a picture together, so I could show my parents and sister, who were big fans. 

"Okay, okay, one funny, one nice."

Funny was easy. I just had to look at Jackie Chan's face and start laughing. Nice took a few tries.

"I hope you do well, Queen Be."

"Thank you very, very much. I can't say how wonderful it's been."

After that, it was decided. I was going to America. With encouragement from Jackie Chan, I knew that I could go to Hollywood and not destroy myself. Not destroy the me that came to Korea to help my sunbaes.

"So our Jageun's going to be an action star?" Kyuhyun asked. I'd returned to Korea, and was now sitting on the floor of one of the SuJu dorms, looking up at my Oppas.

"I don't know about star... I don't know what my role would be yet... but... yeah."

"How long would this be?"

I tried not to look at Zhou Mi and Henry. "A year. Maybe more."

"A whole year?!" The overall reaction was not pleasant.

"It's a long time, I know. But the filming takes place in the U.S, Tokyo, Seoul, Beijing, and Hong Kong. I don't even know what the plot of the movie is, but I know the filming locations. I think they told me that to ensure me that I'd be back in Asia."

"You wouldn't mind, you know... recommending one of your great older friends to... help you out..." Donghae attempted to mention nonchalantly.

I laughed. "I'll put in a good word."

I curled my arms around my knees, rocking backwards. "What about your fans, though? Are you going to make any music?"

"The company's going to announce that I'm on hiatus while filming. Eonni got everything set up over the past few days."

"When are you leaving?" Finally, the question. Asked by dear, sweet, adorable Sungmin.

"As soon as possible," was the answer I had to give. It was the answer I'd been given. "The company wants me to record a mini-album before I leave. So a few weeks, maybe."

"Do you already have songs written?" Leeteuk asked.

"Just one ballad right now. But I don't think writing about five more is going to be hard."

"You sure? You're not just going to disappear into your apartment for a few days?" Henry asked.

I punched him in the shoulder. "I'm going to be fine. No more mental break downs. At least not while I'm still in Korea."

"So I guess you're bailing on SMTown?" Heechul asked, bouncing a crumpled-up piece of paper off of my head. 

"I have to. One more in Tokyo, and then I'm off to Los Angeles." I threw the paper back, but it missed him by a good half a meter. "The company's already re-writing my schedule around the filming. I-I'll be back. Quickly. It's only a year."

"Well, you'd better get us some souveneirs. And don't forget that honorable mention."

"I'll do my best." I laughed, leaning back on my hands. "And I'll be back before you know it."

"Do you know what the movie's called?" Zhou Mi asked as we both went down to the parking lot.

"No. Apparently it doesn't have a permanent title yet."

"You'll be coming back, though, right? You'll still work for SM?"

"Of course. I didn't come all the way to Korea just to go back to the United States. That would be a complete waste of my time."

"Good."

"Want dinner?"

"Where?"

"I'll cook."

"Are you sure?"

"You can help."

"You want me to help cook?"

I laughed. "Come on, Zhou Mi. I'll shock you with an old family recipe. I make fantastic salmon."

The salmon recipe I had made up at some point when I was still living with my parents in Seymour, when my family insisted that I learn to cook, so I had made supper every Saturday night. One of those Saturday nights had resulted in my "curry salmon", something that had been adapted from a recipe I'd found online. I hadn't had all the ingredients, so I'd had to compromise. The resulting blend of random ingredients had been delicious.

"Sure glad Henry isn't here," I commented, sliding the fish out of its container. One difference between the U.S. and Asia? The fish doesn't come in packages, unless you go to a supermarket, and there it was way too overpriced. Local markets were the best bet, where you got your fish in buckets of ice.

"Why?"

"Spicy. He hates spicy stuff, remember?" I flicked a piece of salmon scale at him.

He made a face. "You've cooked for Henry?"

I laughed. "Jealous? I've cooked for a lot of people. As has been said before, I make the perfect wife. Provided I don't do all the work."

Zhou Mi stood up quicker than an instant, coming up next to me. "What can I do?"

"Can you run the rice cooker for me? That would be awesome. Oh, and put the carrots in the steamer. Vegetables are the best when steamed."

"Where did you learn to do this?"

"My kitchen. Where do you think your mother learned it?"

"But why? If you didn't want to have the typical woman-stays-in-the-kitchen role, then why learn to cook?"

I shrugged, turning and putting a piece of rosemary under his nose. "Because I like good food. And if I don't cook it, then who will? And smell that. Isn't that just delicious?"

"That's really strong... I heard you go down to the market yourself, when it's really early."

"I am an expert haggler, let me tell you. That old woman looks forward to it every day, I tell you. It's a personal challenge. But she usually ends up giving it to me a few thousand Won less than she originally asked. That's a skill I never would have used in the U.S. There just aren't enough places you can haggle. Sometimes the other fish ladies will watch and cheer us on. Every morning. I'm surprised it's not bigger news."

I finished seasoning the fish, then put the pan in the oven. He slid the rice cooker door closed, andwe had about a half hour before everything was done. I washed my hands in the sink, smiling. "There, was that so hard? You now know how to steam things. Practically a gourmet chef."

He madea face. "You sure you can't just cook for me?"

I whacked him with the towel. "No! I want no lazy bums in my life!"

"What about that Irish guy?"

"John?" Oh, he's a regular pain in the . But he's not as lazy as he pretends to be. Like, that mural we painted in art class for the school. That was actually pretty cool."

"Isn't that when you dumped a bucket of paint on one of the girls that was bullying you?"

"I did not drop it on her. She bumped me."

He laughed. "Of course she did."

"People think I'm going to take their crap just because I'm small. People think I can't stand up for myself just because I'm small. People assume that I'm rude and inconsiderate just because I'm an American, and then when they realize that I'm not, they think they can walk all over me. I do not stand for that kind of thing. I don't know how you ever just took it."

He shrugged, taking a bite of one of the leftover vegetables. "I never saw the point. It would only make things worse."

"Oh, whatever. Things have to get worse before they get better. That's how it always works."

"And that's why you're going to the United States?"

I bit my lip. "You know why I'm going to the United States. My family needs that money."

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing, then picking me up off the ground. "And that's why I like you. Always, always family. And SuJu."

I kissed his cheek. "And that's why I'm going to come back before you know it. Because I'll miss you too much."

My coming to the airport was a well-kept secret, with no one coming to see me off. My hair was hidden under a hat, my face covered with a face mask, not uncommon to see at the airport. All that peeked out were my eyes. No one recognized Jung Ah, who was dressed as normal, in her business suit.

I looked back at the Incheon International airport one last time, not a single person looking to stop me. No one would have any idea of where I was going until I was already long gone in the United States.

"Minsung, it's time to go," Jung Ah whispered.

I nodded, turning away from the full airport of people not even looking at me. How different would it look if people knew? Would it be full? Would I be fighting through crowds, receiving gifts? There was no way of knowing.

I turned and left, sighing, going back to my original country once again, even though it was no longer where I could call home. After all, for all I knew, Hollywood, California was as different from Wisconsin as South Korea was. 

"Oh god... I swear, that company is the most evil in the history of the planet," I cried, smelling the air. "Cinnabon, here I come..." I followed the sweet, cinnamon-ny scent towards the store with the best marketing strategy in the world, wafting delicious smells through the airports, where starving travelers arrived from far-off lands.

Jung Ah grabbed the collar of my shirt. "Uh-uh. You're in Hollywood now. Need to watch that waistline."

I could see the cinnabon store. "Come on, Eonni, just one! Please! I'm so hungry! See, my hands are shaking! I need food!"

"There's an organic foods store over there."

"Oh, really? You should go check it out. I'll wait for our luggage." Jung Ah nodded and went to grab some lunch, and I waited for her to be out of sight before I quickly ran to get a cinnamon roll.

When Jung Ah came back to find me standing next to our luggage, my fingers sticky with icing, she popped me over the back of the head with her computer pad. "You little troublemaker."

"So I'm fat? Hollywood can deal. I'll excercize it off."

"Yes, you will. Now grab your cat; we have to go check in at your hotel and then meet the director."

I saluted her, picking up KyuMin's cat carrier. 

The air in Los Angeles was much like I expected, warm and sluggish, with the sun determined to beat down on us through the city smog. Not much different from the way it had been when I'd gone there the first time, to audition for the company. Wow, that felt like ages ago.

We took a cab to the hotel I'd be staying in, at least for the first few days. I let KyuMin out, letting him go to the bathroom in his litterbox, giving him some food, then grabbed a few granola bars for myself.

At first, due to the secretive nature of the project, I was afraid that the studio we were going to would be some kind of sketchy deal that would try to use me, but it turned out to be a well-established building in the south side of Hollywood, well-lit with sun. One of the security personel met us outside. 

"Hello, and who might you be?" he asked in English, and Jung Ah wrung her hands, her face tightening in concentration. 

"We here... to meet director for mobie. Dis iz... Kuween Be. From Sout Korea. We hab a meetingu."

He raised an eyebrow, then seemed to hear something in his earpiece. "Oh yes, the director is expecting you, Miss... Queen Be."

"It's a stage name," I clarified, and he nodded.

"Right. This way, then."

We followed him into the building, a fairly open space that reminded me vaguely of the main SM building, with its large windows.

The air conditioning there, though, was brutal. I never understood the necessity to use so much electricity to make yourselves freeze to death. I should not be wanting to put my coat on when it was close to thirty degrees outside. I mean... over 85 degrees.

"Miss Queen Be?" A secretary asked, coming up to us. "Thank you for coming all this way. If you would please come with me..."

The building was practically a maze, everyone in such a major rush to help me. How many people does it take to get to the director of a movie?"

"Ah, just the girl I was looking for!" The man I assumed to be the director said as soon as we finally reached his office. He was a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair that looked like it had once been a dark reddish-blonde. He stretched out his hand, and I bowed, then remembered myself.

"I apologize, sir. It's become habit."

He chuckled. "That's good. Please, have a seat. Do you mind if I smoke?"

I could already smell the cigarette smoke. Why yes, I do. But I doubted that was the kind of thing I said to a Hollywood director.

"I apologize, sir. I run an anti-smoking campaign back in Korea."

He looked down at the cylinder in his hand. "Ah yes. I suppose it can wait." He sat down at his desk, leaning over it. "You're curious about your role, aren't you?"

"I would say so, sir. You've left me a great deal to be curious about."

He chuckled. "You don't need to be so polite, Queen Be. Mr Hong told me you're a Hell-raiser in Korea. That you were perfect for the role because of your sass. I hope he wasn't wrong."

I felt my lips twitched, and I looked at Jung Ah. She kept her cool manager face that she'd worn all through Chile, when she didn't want to let on that she had no idea what was going on. She didn't speak, so I turned back to the director.

"Well, if that's the reason I was cast, then I guess I'll be blunt. With all of the girls in the United States, why go all the way to Asia just to find a white girl? Why the secrecy?"

He smiled. "The movie we're planning is expected to be a sell-out. A multi-country project, with major starring actors and actresses. If word gets out before we want it to, the whole thing could flop. Do you understand?"

I whispered to Jung Ah, and she nodded.

"That doesn't answer my first question, though."

He nodded, leaning back in his chair. "The character you were cast as, admittedly, we fully expected to be unable to find, and expected to have to make adjustments. The project has been in the works for a few years, after all. And, considering she's not even one of the two main characters, we could afford to. But then we got word from Beijing about Queen Be, the American-turned-Asian. Your particular character is a girl who lost her memories and parents in China, and grew up in various Asian countries. Your knowledge of languages, your experiences in the culture, and even your specific body type... all what we were looking for."

I thought about it. "So if I sign the contract, I can find out?"

"Exactly."

I explained the whole thing to Jung Ah. She stood up, brandishing her phone. "Excuse me. I need to call Kuween Be's company."

I was proud of her English. She tried so hard to pronounce things correctly, refusing to let people look down on her for being Korean. 

She disappeared, and the Director smiled at me. "Queen Be. Interesting name."

"It's my pen name."

"Pen name?"

"Pen name. Stage name. My real name is Melissa."

"Oh, really? Can we call you Melissa, then?"

"No."

"Okay, so filming doesn't start for another month. The entire month of August you're going to be working with a personal trainer, and you will be on a diet. It's a high protein low-fat diet. You'll be spending afternoons at a climbing gym, too."

"All for the sake of being a rat."

"A rat?"

"Yup."

"Isn't that insulting?"

"No, actually, she's pretty freaking awesome."

"About being awesome... haircut."

"Haircut?"

"SHORT haircut."

"What?!" I grabbed the picture she was holding out to me, of the artists drawing of the character. "I've never had hair that short..."

She nodded. "Now you do. Today. It's the first thing on our list."

Clip. Eight inches gathered in the hands of the hair stylist. I closed my eyes, peeking every time I heard the scissors close. Clip. Fifteen years of long hair. Clip. Fold the hair over, pulling the part to the side. Clip. There goes my black streaks. Clip. I guess I'm now a real idol. Clip. You're not a Kpop idol until you cut off all your hair at least once. Clip. Clip, clip.  Now she's cutting it to frame my face. Clip. Clip. Pinning a layer up to cut the bottom. Cut the top layer. More details than I'd ever gotten. 

Finally it was over. I felt the smock being removed from around my shoulders, and uncovered my eyes. I ran my fingers through it, shocked at how short of time it took to reach the bottom.

"This is weird," I said to Jung Ah.

"Oh, you'll get used to it."

"No, this is weird. When my hair was long, six inches was like, nothing. Barely any difference. But going from long to short is a MASSIVE change."

"Personally, I think the short cut suits her face better," the hairstylist suggested. "And the cut is perfect for the sassy personality they tell me you have. I think it's more you."

I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to see it from their point of view. But all I could think about was how different I looked. It didn't look bad, but it made my face seem different.

I pulled my phone out and set the camera, making a contemplating face before snapping a picture.

"You're taking a selca?" Jung Ah asked. 

"Of course. I have to ask my fans what they think."

"Hurry up, you have to go meet your personal trainer."

I put the phone away, running my fingers through my strangely short hair one more time. We thanked the stylist and paid her, heading out the door.

"Oh, hello there! You must be Queen Be. I'm Lola; I'll be your personal trainer over the next few weeks!" She extended her hand, giving me a firm handshake.

She surveyed me, looking me up and down in my workout gear. "You have very thin arms, Queen Be... but very thick legs. We'll have to work on that."

I frowned. "Most of my excersize involves leg work. Running and biking mostly. That's all muscle down there."

"Well then, let's focus on your arms, then. We need to develop those muscles, so the guys with you will be scared silly."

I laughed. "In Korea, they already are."

She seemed shocked. "They are?"

"I elbowed a man once and bruised his ribs. I punched one of the guys I know in the face and gave him a black eye. I'm stronger than I look, Miss..."

"Lola."

"Miss Lola. I'm not here to lose weight. I'm here to build muscle. Because that's what my character is supposed to look like. A girl who has made her way through life on her own two feet, never agreeing with society. I'm not going to encourage the concepts that encourage girls to starve themselves for that perfect body. Because they don't need that body. Can we get along, that accomplished?"

She smiled. "Of course, Queen Be."

A month of hard work. Protein shakes and bars, egg sandwiches and milk, even bone marrow soup (Jung Ah's idea). In the mornings, it was personal training with Lola, lifting weights, doing push-ups and sit-ups, sitting at the bench press, adding more weight every day, until my arms felt like they were turning to jelly. In the early afternoons there were meetings. Always, always meetings. Contract signings. Meeting the rest of the cast, a surprising amount of which were Asian.

Except two.

"You've got to be kidding me. Cancel my contract right now. I am not working with Nick Jonas." I hissed the name.

"Oh, please, Minsung, don't be ridiculous," Jung Ah scolded as I lifted the bar over my head once again, exhaling carefully.

"The last thing I need is to deal with a better-than-thou attitude. I have worked too hard to get here to have to deal with old Disney stars. And he's not even cute."

"Would it have swayed your opinion if he were cute?"

"Of course not. I have a boyfriend." I lifted the bar one more time, setting it back on the holder. I was sweating, and tired.

"So you're playing one of the zodiac members, right?"

I nearly spit out the water I was drinking. "Yes." Of course, it was Nick, in the workout room with us, all of us together.

"Then why are you white?"

"Did you read the script?"

"Did you really come from China?"

"No."

"Really? I thought-"

"I came from South Korea."

"Oh, right. So do you speak Korean?"

"Yes." I'm sure most people would be bothered by the fact that he was looking right at me while I wore only a sports bra over my quite voluptuous chest, but I didn't care. We were in a hot area, after all.

"We sang with a group from there once."

"Yeah. Wonder Girls. They're from a different company, though."

"Have you met them?"

"No."

"Who else is there?"

"Well, there's me, for one thing."

"You can sing?" he asked.

I turned to Jung Ah. "Can I punch him in the face?" I asked her, in Korean. "I really want to punch him in the face."

She scowled. "Be nice, Minsung."

I sighed and wiped my sweaty hand on a towel, then held it out to him. "Hello, I'm Queen Be. I was born in Wisconsin, U.S.A, and now work for an entertainment company based in Seoul, South Korea. I'm playing Rat."

"I'm Nick Jonas."

I smiled as nicely as I could manage. "And what a pleasure it's going to be to work with you."