I exited the gate of the Incheon International Airport and grabbed my bags, then looked around. It was only about six in the morning, but there was Min Hee, standing on her tiptoes and looking over the crowd. She saw me and started to wave me over, grabbing one of my bags when I got to her, then throwing her arms around me. "Mel! You're back! We were all getting so worried!"

"We?" I asked. As if on cue, suddenly I was being swarmed by girls from all directions, asking me if I was okay, if I had brought anything back from home. After my initial shock, I realized that they were the other trainee girls, mostly the ones from my class.

"How did you all get here?" I asked, trying to keep hold of my bags.

"We took over a bus," SoHee grinned.

"You took over a bus? Won't you get in trouble?"

"Not really. We just filled the seats. It's not like we took out the driver."

"Oh, right. But why'd you come all the way out here?"

"Because you're a trainee, Minsung! We have to stick together! If we work together and support each other, we can keep each other in the company!" one of the other girls explained. "Now come on, we're planning on going to a Noraebang."

I grinned. "Noraebang? Oh, I'm totally going to kick your , Kwon Mei!"

"You wish!" 

Then, as a group, we scuttled out of the airport and into the sun outside. 

I was tired from jet lag, so as soon as we got back to the dorm, I crashed, falling asleep in my clothes. I woke up the next day to Min hee shaking me, her eyes urgent.

"Mel! Mel! You have to get up! If you're late for practice today, you'll get in trouble with the company!"

I was out of bed in seconds, into a change of clothes, and had my hair up in a ponytail to hide the fact that it wasn't washed. I downed a quick bowl of cereal and dashed out the door, running to catch the bus. 

I made it to my acting class just in time. Everyone was assembling onstage forattendance, and I took my place in line next to Soo Yun, who shot me a disgusted glare. I smiled back at her in return, bowing to the teacher as he passed with the clipboard.

"Oh, Minsung, you're back."

"Nae, Sunsaeng."

"Well, I'm glad things turned out well, but... you're no longer on my class roster." He tapped the clipboard with his pencil, his eyes scanning the page.

I felt my face whiten, and I strained to see the page. "That's absurd-- I was never notified that I was being taken out of your class."

"Well, to my knowledge you were taken out a week ago. I'm not sure why. Tell you what, since you're such a good student normally, we'll let you stay for the duration of this class period, and then you can head to the main offices to inquire. Does that sound fair?"

I bowed, smiling nervously. "Nae, Sunsaeng. Kamsahamnida."

By the time class had finished, I'd almost forgotten that something was wrong. We'd been working on comedic performances, and how to keep a straight face when doing something funny. The things we'd done had been so ridiculous, I hadn't been able to stop laughing. It was extremely hard to keep a straight face when the person you were on stage with had a dead serious face on when she said "Minsung, I have something to tell you. My chest... it isn't real. I'm a man."

It wasn't until the teacher came up to me after class was over that I remembered. "Minsung-yang?"

"Nae, sunsaeng?"

"I called the secretaries to say that you were back, and working on your training already. They told me to send you to office ten."

"Office ten? Okay, thank you. I will go there right away." I bowed to him, smiling politely despite the knot forming in my stomach. What could possibly have happened?

I knocked on the door of office ten, opening it when the man on the other side told me to come in. I kept my head bowed as I entered, not wanting to disrespect him. "I'm Minsung, Shiljang. I was told to come here and talk to you about my name not being in the acting class's roster..."

"Yes, Minsung. Take a seat."

I did, biting my lip and wringing my hands.

"Do you have any idea why you aren't on the class's roster?" He asked, leaning forward.

"No, sir. I wasn't told of anything like that."

"That's because you weren't here to be told."

I nodded, still looking at my hands. I couldn't explain why, but my heart was in my throat. "I returned home to the United States for a short period of time, to take care of my sister, who I was afraid would die. I had every intention of returning as soon as possible."

"I see. Well, Minsung, perhaps you shouldn't have wasted the money to come back."

My head snapped up. "Sir?!"

"Your name wasn't just taken from the acting class roster. Minsung, you'll find that you're no longer a member of any of the classes. You're being removed from the company. Your one-year trainee contract with us has expired, and, after your actions, we have no intention of renewing it."

I sat still for a long time, letting his words seep through my skin. My breathing quickened, as the weight of it pushed down on me, crushing the air out of my lungs. "You mean... you're removing me from the company?!"

"You've already been removed."

"Sir, I-"

"It doesn't matter, Minsung. The decision was made."

"But my sister was DYING! Does that mean anything?!"

"Did she die?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then our decision is final."

"Sir... can I ask what I did wrong?" I asked through gritted teeth, seething with fury at the unfairness of it all.

"Do you not know?" He raised an eyebrow, his jaw set. "And here I was told that Choi Minsung was a smart girl, able to get good grades, maybe even study psychology."

"It's because I left, isn't it?" I choked out, finally.

"You're right. Your little trip to the United States was never permitted. you never even asked for permission, or told any of your teachers of your plans. You interrupted our training schedules. You acted irrationally and selfishly, and we cannot afford to have an artist like that at our company. You may continue your work as Super Junior's housekeeper, if you choose to stay in Korea. But you will no longer be a part of this company. As such, you are commanded to clear your belongings out of your dorm in no more than two days. If you choose to take a flight back to your home country, the company will even fund it. What do you say? Stay here and work, or go home on our money. It's your choice."

I swallowed, fighting tears. If I was to leave the company, I wouldn't do it crying. "If I can't be a trainee, my reason for being here in Korea is gone. If the company has decided to send me home, then that's what I would like to do."

I knew the decision was correct, even as I said it, but the words still filled me with a bitter ache. There was so much that I would be leaving behind when I left. A chance I had shattered for my sister's sake, yet I couldn't even blame her. I had no one to blame but myself.

"We thought you'd say that." He reached into a folder and held out a plane ticket. "Your plane leaves in two days. It's a pity, you came all the way back here just to leave right away. But that isn't our problem. 

I took the ticket, bowing my head and standing up. "Kamsahamnida," I choked out, "for letting me have this chance, at least for a while. I'll remember it forever." I turned and went out the door, still forcing myself not to cry.

"But you just got back!" SoHee whined. I had gone into the dance practice room to get some of my stuff, not realizing that the girls were in there. Apparently another exhibition was coming up, and they were practicing hard, since this one would be for the public. Not that it mattered to me, because I wouldn't be in it. 

"What about your songwriting? Do they not consider that as valuable?!" one of the other girls added, starting a fervor of complaint. But I didn't have the energy to complain with them.

"I can just send it into them if I really want to. It was never something I had to be at the company for," I explained, tiredly. "I'm happy you guys sympathize with me, really. But it's not your problem. I don't want you to get in trouble for protecting me. Out of everyone here, I had the strongest spot in the company. If I'm taken out this easily, yours would be much easier. You girls are all so talented, the company would really be at a loss if you guys lose your spots. I don't want that to happen." I smiled weakly. "Promise me you guys'll hang on, okay?"

After a moment's thought, they nodded. "Take care of yourself, Queen Be, okay?" Kwon Mei laid out carefully in Chinese.

I gave one, quick nod. "I will. But I'm not Queen Be anymore."

I went back to my own dorm, beginning to pack my bags, my regret like a dead weight in my heart. I folded my clothes, carefully laying them into the massive suitcase. I had a lot more clothes now than I'd had when I'd come, mostly thanks to going shopping with Min Hee and Tiffany. It was much harder to fit it all. I couldn't bear to part with any of it, though. So even as I had to put it in the other bag, I didn't throw any of it away. Then, of course, there was the problem of all of the rest of my belongings.

If I didn't bring the food, I realized, I could fit it all. I would have to tell Min Hee that she could keep all of my cheese; I could just get more now that I was going home. Everything but the food, though, I took. Everything that I called mine over the past year, back into two bags. It was crushing. I collapsed onto my now bare bed as the room began to darken with twilight, staring at the ceiling as the glow-in-the-dark beads began to show their light. ELF Queen and SHINee Girl. I'd have to take that down, too. But that could wait until the next day.

I stood up, opening the door. Maybe I should go sign out of the residents roster, too. When I opened the door, though, Min Hee was standing there, grabbing her keys out of her pockets. She looked up when the door opened, smiling, but the smile disappeared. "Mel, what's wrong?"

"I have something to tell you." I said, letting her into the dorm.

It felt peaceful and painful at the same time, to walk through the Incheon International Airport, to get on a plane to return to America, knowing that this time, I wouldn't be coming back. It was a relief to think that at least now I wouldn't have to think about murderous trainee schedules, continual starvation, or being careful not to anger the management, but it hurt when I had the thought that I looked kind of like an idol, walking through the airport with my headphones in. But I wasn't an idol. I never would be. I had tried and failed.

The members were at their fanmeeting, I knew. Their schedules were forever branded into my brain, a reminder of the life I had had for just a short while there, in Korea, that would linger with me for the rest of my life. They would be furious that I left without saying goodbye, i knew. But I didn't have any more strength left in me to face them and say that I was no longer Queen Be. I could no longer stay with them, take care of them.

I could just imagine it: Eunhyuk would start crying, Sungmin's face would fall, Kangin would get angry and start yelling, Donghae would get quiet because he couldn't figure out how to say what hee feels, Siwon would bless my journey back home, trying to be the nice guy, and Heechul would just fall maddeningly silent, not looking at me, not saying a word.

No, I couldn't say goodbye to them, because it would make it so much harder for me to let it all go. And I would never be fully able to return to any resemblance of a normal life in Wisconsin if I couldn't let it go.

So I tuned my mp3 player's radio into the channel covering the live broadcast of the fanmeeting, the closest I could allow myself to being there, as I made my way through the airport.

They must have had just finished a song, because i heard applause. I zoned out a little as they talked a bit, instead focusing on the board with the flight schedules. My flight was delayed an hour, so I started towards the nearest waiting area.

"Annyeonghasseo."

The voice made me stop dead in my tracks. I scanned the crowd around me, my eyes frantically searching the faces near me for the source of the voice-- THAT voice-- before I realized that it had come from my headphones. It was the sudden silence in my ears, and then the pained, yet loving scream from the audience, that had given it away to me finally.

Yesung.

SuJu's songs were not the same without him. The dorm wasn't right without him. But he was in the military, still due for a long time. Yet that was his voice, the Artist of the Vocal Cords. I could recognize it anywhere. I had waited for it for too long not to know it right away. 

"It feels like it's been such a long time... since I saw you all like this. And I still have more waiting to do after this. But... the military gave me this one day to be here, with you. And I want to use it well."

I listened to every word he said, letting my feet carry me forward. Yesung was back, I thought, back for the one day that I would leave, to never return. It felt like fate was laughing at me.

"One of the main reasons I'm here, actually, is because of a girl. Personally, I've never met her, but from what the members have said, she's a very tough, strong girl than won their respect. But she's had a really hard time recently. Things happened to her that would really hurt even the strongest of people. So, to make her feel better, we wanted to dedicate a song to her. A long time ago, the members asked her what her favorite song from Super Junior was, and she said 'She's Gone' by me, Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Sungmin, Donghae, and Kangin. But she said it wasn't any good if I wasn't there."

I was having trouble keeping the tears in. They were talking about me, I knew. Those were things I said.

My hands shook as I sat down in the waiting area, pulling out my laptop, flipping it open, and frantically searching for the fanmeeting feed, until I finally found it. I transferred my headphones from mp3 player to computer, just staring in awe at Yesung as he talked.

"So... if you're listening to this... it's for you." He backed up, joining the other members, and the audience quieted so they could begin.

When they did, I felt my heart snap into pieces. If I could do everything again-- no, if you would smile for me just once more-- By myself, I can't seem to hold your heart. Maybe it's because of my foolish pride.

They were singing this song for me, even though they had no idea that I would never speak to them again. I would never again do aegyo or play the ukulele with Sungmin, play video games with Kyuhyun, cook dinner with Ryeowook, argue with Heechul, dance with Donghae and Eunhyuk, get teased by Kangin, or discuss religion with Siwon. I would never again run into Zhou Mi in the hallways, or get kidnapped by Henry.

I would never meet Yesung.

I was gone. Just like the girl in the song. No, I was the girl in the song. Because the song was for me. And they didn't even know.

Love is leaving me. And I didn't even know I had it to begin with.

My heart screamed in pain with every word in the song, but in some way, I felt oddly at peace. This was my goodbye, I thought. This will be the final favor they do for me. This song.

I let it wash over me as they sang, swallowing back the tears. I could always see them again, the way I always had in the time before I had come. Not as Queen Be, not as ELF Queen; just like every other ELF. But after having so much more, now it felt like it wasn't enough. But at least I could have this.

Kyuhyun's incredible voice, Kangin's airy notes, Sungmin's angelic tones, Ryeowook's amazing falsetto, Donghae's harmony, and Yesung's magnificent aria... perfect.

Yesung finished the song, and I closed my eyes, letting the memories go. Letting it go. This was no longer my life, and somehow, with that song, I had been able to be comfortable with it.

They sang more songs as K.R.Y, and then I heard an announcement.

"Flight 142 for San Fransisco, boarding in fifteen minutes. Passengers, please prepare for boarding." That was my plane. My flight back to a world I hadn't lived in in so long. But I was ready for it now.

With a sigh, I snapped the laptop closed and pulled my headphones out of it, sticking them back into my mp3 player. I listened to the music of K.R.Y as I gathered my carry-on bags, ready to head to my gate and leave my brief chance at being a star behind me.

I was fairly close to the gate when I heard someone calling my name.

"Minsung-ah! Minsung-ah! MELISSA!"

I turned around to see someone forcing his way through the crowd towards me. As he shoved past them, they continued to stare at him, and it didn't take me long to see why.

"Sungmin," I breathed when he reached me, throwing his arms around me. "You can't be here... the concert... how did you know-?"

"I left as soon as Henry told me you were leaving," he answeres seriously, not letting go, "I can't just let you leave like this."

"But how-?"

"-Not here," he interrupted, breaking away and grabbing my hand. He dragged me through the awed crowd, out of the airport doors, and into the parking lot.

"Henry just got this feeling, as soon as Yesung-hyung started talking about 'She's Gone'. He started to ask the staff why you aren't at the fanmeeting, because you'd told us when you called that you would be there. They told him and Zhou Mi that you weren't in the company anymore. I didn't know it at the time; none of the main Super Junior members found out until we got offstage. And then suddenly Manager-hyung was calling me, telling me to go to the airport right away, to stop you. It had to be me, because I was the only one who could get here fast enough AND get your attention."

"Why are you the only one who could get here fast enough?" I asked, letting him lead me past car after car after car, still in awe that this was happening. I had been completely ready to leave, but the members had stopped me. It was a dream.

"Because," Sungmin answered, "I can ride this." 

We stopped in a parking stall I thought was empty, until I saw the mass of metal and black leather. 

A motorcycle.