"Minsung-ah, your movie was amazing!" BoA remarked, meeting me in the meeting room. SM had signed a contract with an American company, and we were working together with it to have the songs promoted.

She hugged me, smiling brightly. I tried to match how happy she was. "Thank you, Sunbae."

I hugged Liyin, too, who also complimented me on the movie. "Everyone is talking about it. I think your character has a fanclub."

The weird thing was, she was right. Over the past week or so, Rat had become a vastly popular character, with fanarts and fanfictions about her, fan theories about how she isn't really dead, or how a new Zodiac was created after the events of the movie. It was kind of like Marvel's Thor and Loki, where Loki was technically the bad guy, but he was the one that got so many fans. In Twelve, Rat was intended to be one of the bad guys. After all, she held the main characters prisoner and prevented them from accomplishing their goals. At least until the end. Yet people were crazy about her. 

"I don't even know what to say about it. People keep congratulating me on it, but I can't take credit for it all... I mean, I just played the part. I didn't come up with the character. I'm not a street rat. I was raised in the countryside. I actually hate cities. That's not like Rat at all."

"But you're the face that everyone's going to remember!" BoA reminded me, clapping her hands together. "This is so exciting!"

"So of the three of us, only Liyin needs to break into Hollywood," I laughed, nudging Liyin in the side.

She smiled lightly. "I don't think I'm much of an actress... I think I should stick to singing..."

We laughed, and soon were getting called to start the meeting.

Time flies when you're having fun. Whenever I was working with Liyin and BoA, it didn't seem so bad. But at some point I had to go back to my hotel room, without my cat, and curl up in a blanket that was starting to lose its scent, waiting for the phone calls that never came. And when they did, they were short. It was starting to scare me.

But when we weren't together, working on new songs, practicing English, or being introduced to American groups, I was alone in a big country, and sometimes, that was nice. When I wasn't with Liyin and BoA, it was hard to be alone. I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't haggle at the Asian market in L.A. People didn't treat me equally. People forgot that I had a name other than "Rat." "Queen Be" was a name only those that were already my fans remembered. For everyone else, I was Rat.

Late at night, I would go out to the gym, where I was on personal terms with the attendants. They'd let me go on the climbing wall when no one else was there, or let me use the weights past midnight.

Sweat poured into my eyes, but I kept the rhythm on the bag steady. Use your shoulders and back, not just your arms. Punch, punch, punch, put force into it. Not a martial art. Just get the frustration out.

"Queen Be?"

I jumped, almost punching Liyin in the face. I let my heartbeat slow down, putting my hand on my chest, breathing deeply. She looked concerned. 

"How did you know I was here?" I asked, still gasping for breath.

She sat down on one of the excercize benches, curling her legs in tightly. "Your manager told me. She said you go here almost every night. We're worried about you."

I sat down on the ground, unwrapping the gauze from around my knuckles. "I just... I'm so frustrated, Liyin-jiejie. I like working here. I like singing songs, and I like how successful my movie is. I just... I want to go home. And every time I think I'm going to, I get a piece of news that says 'just kidding! You're stuck here!' " I exhaled, wiping my forehead with a towel. "I'm not having a mental breakdown, like before. I'm still writing, and still enjoying life with other people. As long as I'm working, everything is fine."

She still seemed worried. "Is there anything we can do?"

I shook my head. "Just let me work with you. Because we're both gold, right?"

She smiled. "Both gold. Don't tire yourself out, alright? We have to record tomorrow. A ballad."

I nodded, wiping my sweaty hands on the towel. "Don't worry, Jiejie. I'm still in working condition. And when we get home, we'll have a gigantic party."

"Why haven't you gone to any parties?" she asked. "Everyone else from the movie is going to parties..."

I wrinkled my nose. "I like parties. Love them. As long as there's no alcohol. I have no intention of going to a party, getting drunk, giving one person a black eye, kissing another, and waking up in yet another one's arms. That was traumatizing. I'm never drinking again."

She laughed, standing up. "That's the Queen Be we all know."

Compared to singing with Nick Jonas, singing with SM Gold was like a breath of fresh air. They knew my vocal cues, they could match my voice. Liyin was the most powerful singer of the three of us, and we all followed her voice. We'd spent the past few weeks working on pronunciation, and now it was time to sing the song in English. This one had been written mostly by me, but the music had been written with the help of Liyin and BoA. It reminded me a lot of the harshness of becoming truly famous, of what it meant for everyone to know who you are. It was dehumanizing, almost. I didn't want to be worshipped. I didn't want people to take pictures of me on the beach and zoom in on my s. That wasn't what I wanted at all.

I glanced at Liyin, and then at BoA, both beautiful women, with powerful talents. BoA could dance like no other. Liyin had the voice of an angel. And me... well, I wrote music. I acted. I was frozen on stage, blinded by the spotlight that I tried to escape from time to time, but couldn't get out of. That was what the song was about. "Ooh La La," it was called, a simple melody that would never be a hit, but, to me, felt like releasing a scream.

"Ooh lalala la la la,
Ooh lalala la lala la~
Ooh lala lala lala la lalala..."

"Just another pretty face...
I didn't used to be this way.
I used to be so strong and didn't care
'bout what they say..."

 "I just wanted to see them smile.
Just wanted to mean something for a while...
Hidden beneath the clothes and makeup,
there's a girl telling me to wake up~

Telling them to stop saying,
Ooh lalala la la la,
Ooh lalala la lala la~
"Oh lala lala lala la lalala..."
Who am I?

I'm sick of people who just stare.
They seem to watch me from everywhere.
I'm not an object-- I'm a human girl,
and now I have to ask the world,

"Is there anybody out there?!"
"Is anyone listening to me?!"
"Does anyone even really care...?"

More than saying
Ooh lalala la la la,
Ooh lalala la lala la~
"Oh lala lala lala la lalala..."
Who am I?

I used to be more than something to be seen,
used to be the one to help you find your dream.
That girl is still somewhere deep inside,
and she's getting sick of trying to hide!

No more saying
Ooh la la, lalalala,
She is coming back into the light!
Ooh lala, lala, la-ah la...
She is who I am.

"Who I really am."
"Who I am inside"
"Who I've always been..."
"Who I am."

Songs come and go. The charts never stay the same from one day to the next, no matter what country you're in. "Strong" had stayed on the top of the Kpop and Oricon charts for several weeks. In the United States, "Black Magic" had been on the charts for barely a week before disappearing into North American oblivion. It had just as many views as most of my music videos did, but no more, and not enough to compare to the international sensations like Beyonce or Katy Perry.

This time, though, the strategy was different. We filmed music videos for three of the songs on the album. "A Better Future," using scenes from Twelve mixed with video of the three of us, cool lighting, special effects to layer the green light of the "Spirit" from the movie behind us.

Then, contrasting the electronic rock sound of the first song, "Ooh La La" was released, featuring all three of us as singers competing against each other, each with a different role. BoA as the pop star that everyone adores, that I looked up to and tried to be like, but then got injured and washed up. Meanwhile my character was a new singer that used to have a more tomboyish style that wasn't very popular, and then suddenly went through a style change and became wildly popular, and find myself breaking down, closing doors behind myself and bracing myself against it to hold it closed, terrified for my life. Liyin was the calm one who watched from the sidelines while we desperately held onto fame, picking us both off the ground. The music video ended with the three of us leaving behind the fame life, taking off the makeup, and walking off down the street, bags in tow.

The final video was a compilation video of the three of us, filled with video clips from our tours, from SMTown concerts, and from our music videos. The song in the background was a dance track called "Spotlight", and the music video included a dance break for BoA, showing her stuff.

Altogether, the combination of music videos each individually highlighted talents of each one of us. "A Better Future" didn't have much of us acting in it, so mostly Liyin's voice shined through. "Ooh La La featured the acting, and made me the main character. "Spotlight", of course, was all about BoA.

Jung Ah was pretty sure the comparative success of the group to BoA's and my previous American releases was due to the connected success of my movie. That is to say, people in the United States watched it more because they already knew who I was by then. I hoped that meant people would gain interest in Liyin and BoA, too.

Together, the songs kept us in first place for three weeks exactly. We stayed in the top ten for a while, and then, when Twelve finally left the theaters, our concert tours ended, and Lady Gaga released a new album, it left the top of the charts. Liyin and BoA were scheduled to return home.

But not me. I was staying in the United States. Why? Because I was going to the Oscars.

By early March, the nominations for the Academy Awards were in, and Twelve was still coming out on top. Four nominations total, and two of them involved me. 

So, for an even longer time, I stayed in L.A, focusing on the thrill of it in order to distract myself from despair. Communication back home had gotten continually sparse, no matter how hard I tried.

There. There was the red carpet, already full of people. Stars. People who had been around Hollywood much longer than I had. People who were almost guaranteed to win an Academy Award.

Shay and Liam had arrived together, since they'd been nominated for best actress and actor, and were the movie's couple. But I arrived alone. Any accompaniment I would have had was in Korea at that point. 

The driver came around to open my car door, and I thanked him and stepped out, letting my black high-heeled boots sink into the fabric of the red carpet. I straightened up, smiling and waving at the reporters and cameras that suddenly turned to me. 

The dress I was wearing was a source of my clothing company's pride, designed exclusively for my short, curvy frame. Sapphire blue fabric spiraled around my midsection, over my chest, and across my shoulders, leaving my collarbones and shoulders exposed. curls of lighter blue decorated the front, all the way down to the waistline of the dress, where the skirt belled out into elegant waves of silk that brushed my legs as I walked. My hair was brushed to the side, held in place by a sapphire blue clip in the shape of a butterfly, matching the handmade earrings that framed my face.

I felt beautiful. I was the most beautiful ELF in the world, it felt like, at that moment. I had picked that color completely on purpose, and I wondered how many people would notice.

"Look what we've got! You don't look too bad, Queen Be!"

I made a face up at Liam. "It's easy for the guys to say. They show up at the Oscars every time with the same suit and tie, and no one would even notice. I have to have a different outfit every time."

"Queen Be! Queen Be, can we get a picture of you and Liam together?" one of the reporters asked. I oblidged, but only after asking Liam first. Since he was my Sunbae. Whether he knew that or not, it was hardwired into me by that point.

I looked around, exchanging pleasantries with people my age. Until...

"My brother's nominated for the same award as me. Isn't that right, Liam?!"

I turned to look at the source of the deeper, booming voice, even though it wasn't calling for me. I looked at Shay, and I could tell she was just as curious as I was. I looked up, feeling my eyes widen. "Oh. Well then."

"Just ignore him, Queen Be. He just thinks he's cool because he plays a god..."

I immediately pulled out my phone. "Wait, can I get a picture of the two of you together?! Just one."

Chris seemed to just then notice me. "Oh, I think I remember you. You're the rat girl, right?"

"Most people call me 'Queen Be'. I know, it's hard to recognize me without the dirt. It's my fashion statement. But, seriously. Picture."

"Sending it to somebody?" he asked, smiling widely.

I nodded. "My friend Tiffany. I have to make a point."

Liam made a face. "Isn't she the one that--"

I put a finger to his lips. "Shhhh, Liam, don't speak of these things. It'll disturb the Qi of the red carpet."

Chris seemed a bit surprised. "How old are you, again?"

"Twenty-two. You've got a few years on me. Smile!"

I snapped the picture, knowing that a lot of cameras were watching, that reporters were recording our every move. The picture finished, I stuck a hand out. "I'm Queen Be. Well, that's not my real name, but that's the only one you need to know. I played Rat in Twelve. Other than that, I'm known as that one crazy American who lives in South Korea and doesn't care if she freaks people out."

He shook my hand, leaning over to laugh to Liam, "Is she as crazy as Jennifer Lawrence?"

Liam shook his head. "Crazier. At least Jenifer doesn't start swearing in Chinese or Korean when she gets mad."

I made a face at him. "Ssinyeong kkeora!" I muttered to him, knowing he wouldn't understand. I bowed my head a little bit. "I'm sorry. I do try to be mostly polite. It's a bit daunting to be here with older actors. I was a teenager when the first Thor movie... came out..."

A face in the crowd caught my intention, and I felt my entire face light up. I quickly excused myself, striding over to the most welcome face at the red carpet.

"HAAAAAAN GEEEEEEEENG!!!!!!!!!" I cheered, running over to him with my arms open. I hugged him pretty tightly, my grin stretching from ear to ear. "You were nominated, too?!"

"Foreign Movie," he admitted, smiling shyly. "I don't know many people."

I laughed. "Join the club. No, seriously. You're the only person I know here, aside from my co-stars."

"What were you nominated for?" he asked as we started to walk towards the now-open theater doors. 

"Two things. One, Best Song, which I'll be performing tonight."

"The one with Liyin and BoA?" he asked.

I looked at him wide-eyed. "You saw the movie?!"

"Of course I did, Niuwangfeng. Everyone saw the movie. And you're SuJu's pet."

I laughed, nodding. "True, true... but no. It's 'Farewell', the duet I sang with-"

"FINALLY! Where the hell did you go?!" 

Speak of the devil, and he appears. Actually, no. I think I would have preferred the Devil.

"I was chatting. You know, making acquaintances. I was with Liam and his brother for a while, and then I found an old friend."

I motioned to Han Geng, but Nick didn't even seem to notice his presence. "I can't believe you're sitting here in the red carpet blabbering in Chinese."

I glared at him. "Nick, say hello to Geng Han. Geng Han is from China. Geng Han does not speak English nearly as well as you or I do. He is my good friend, and helped me make it in the Chinese music industry. I admire him very much, and if you insult him, I swear to God, I will break your frontal and parietal bones."

I whisked into the theater, pulling Han Geng with me. He eaned over to whisper to me, "Did you threaten to do something to him? It sounded scientific."

I looked back at Nick, who looked confused, and hid a grin. "I threatened to bash his skull in."

Han Geng shook his head, fighting a smile. "Of course you did."

"So where is the rest of Han Geng's cast?" I asked, looking around the wide auditorium. I didn't see anyone else Chinese that I didn't already know was part of another movie. 

He shook his head. "They're not here."

There were already a lot of people there. Many of the seats were full, and if he was here by himself...

I tapped one of the event staff on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but can you tell me where Geng Han's seat is?"

She looked down at the seat roster in her hands. "He should be in row eight, seat five."

She smiled politely at first me, then him, and I looked around the rows. "That's weird... your seat should be right there..."

There were no empty seats in the eighth row.

"Niuwangfeng, I'll be fine. Go sit with your cast."

I felt my lips set themselves into a firm line. "You know what? You can sit by me!" I grabbed him by the arm, pulling him down a few rows, to the third row, where I was supposed to sit between Liam and Nick. Liam wasn't there, so I pulled Han Geng into his seat. Nick, on the other hand, looked completely taken aback. I smiled at him with as much acid as I possibly could. He quickly looked away.

Han Geng looked nervous. "I'm going to go back to where my seat is supposed to be..."

I grabbed his wrist. "Don't worry about it, Gege. There's space in the first few rows. If they don't want to be considerate, I can do this all day."

The seats eventually sorted themselves out, but I stayed sitting between Liam and Han Geng, Nick on Han Geng's other side, and Shay on Liam's. When the ceremony started, I smiled at them all, even Nick, waiting for the ceremony to start.

I leaned over to Liam. "You think you'll beat your brother?"

He muttered back, "worry about your own award."

I laughed. "I'm at the Oscars. I was nominated twice. Even if I don't win anything, I go home with bragging rights. I'm not worried."

He laughed, shutting up when the ceremony started. I leaned over to Han Geng. "Do you think there'll be pizza this time? Maybe we should get take-out Chinese instead."

He laughed behind his hand, trying to make it look like a cough.

It was a looooooong ceremony. I missed the music awards shows, where there were performances every few minutes. I mean, all of the nominations for "Best Song" had performances, but that didn't take up nearly enough time. Especially considering it meant I had to go up with Nick.

I brushed my dress as I got up, smiling at Han Geng. "Jia You, Niuwangfeng!" he cheered when I got up, and I made a fist in the air as I climbed to the stage. I checked the microphone for the performance before the lights came back on, then nodded to Nick. 

I closed my eyes when I sang, moving to the notes, feeling beautiful in my dress. I opened them to look out at the famous actors, marvelling at how not nervous I felt. I guess I'd just done this too many times. I blasted the notes out, remembering how Idina Menzel had stood on that stage, too, receiving the same award that I was nominated for. I didn't think I was good enough to compare to her, but, you know, she's Idina Menzel. Maybe if I was with Liyin, but...

The music ended, to the sound of polite applause. Not the roar of approval I was used to, but it was decent enough, I supposed. The only real loud cheering came from the area we'd vacated.

We didn't win Best Song. That went to an actual band for a movie I hadn't even seen. I mean, it was a good song, but I had never actually heard it before. Which seemed to happen quite often at the Academy Awards.

Still, I was happy enough. Nick was disappointed, but... meh. Han Geng was proud of me, and that was all that was important. 

The main host of the evening was funny enough, and got a kick out of when I asked if we were going to have pizza. But otherwise, I was sufficiently bored and was entertaining myself by playing Rock, Paper Scissors with Han Geng, and then Liam, and then Shay.

When finally they were announcing the results for "Best Actress in a Supporting Role," I started paying attention again. I leaned back in my chair, waiting for the results.

"Oh, well... all the way from Seoul, South Korea... Queen Be for her role as 'Rat' in Twelve!"

Han Geng jerked me up from my seat and pushed me forward. I made a face at him. "I'm going, I'm going!"

I got to the front of the stage without tripping (One up on Jenifer Lawrence!) and took the gold-plated man-shaped figurine, thanking the host, and stepping up to the microhphone, my mouth suddenly feeling dry.

"Wow... what do I say about this? I've got, like, a million people to thank. My biological family... my adoptive family... Henry, if you're watching this in Korea... I got an Oscar! Isn't that awesome?! Um... anyway..." I heard people laugh, and relaxed a bit more. "I didn't think that, when I auditioned for my company three years ago, it would lead to this stage. I didn't think I'd be getting the little gold man. I'm glad I can take this back to my friends in South Korea and show them what I was able to accomplish while I was here. I really hope I made them proud. I know there are a ton of people in my company who would have deserved to come onto this stage. Without them, I wouldn't be here, either. Like Han Geng-gege, who's sitting there in the audience, pretending he's not totally awesome, and pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking about, that he wasn't an inspiration to me." I raised the Oscar in the air like a toast. "This is for you, Gege. And for Zhou Mi, and Henry... well, for all of my oppas. Thanks, guys. I could never have done it without you."

I stepped back from the microphone, nodding and clutching the statuette close to me. I made my way back down the stage, my eyes dry, but so full of pride that it felt like it was going to overflow.

I sat back down in the audience, next to Han Geng, and closed my eyes, imagining that when I opened them, I'd be back home in Korea, with my oppas, with my Mimi.