I was surprised at how quickly I got over my depression. Perhaps I didn't have those kinds of feelings for Wookie after all, because before I knew it, I had stopped bingeing on cheese and various other foods (which, I will guiltily admit, I have a tendency to do when I am upset), and was back to my regular schedule, getting up early in the morning, going to my acting class, then going to work. Of course, it was easy to move on from anything when your job wound around the SuJu members. It was easy to lose yourself in the chaos. Leeteuk's visit was over, and he was once again gone, but the members still cycled through the dorm often enough to keep a girl on her toes.

Take, for example, the next Sunday, when I was sitting on the floor of their dorm, waiting for the members to finish their breakfast, a meal in which Heechul had suddenly decided to partake in. I wasn't all that suprised when Siwon entered, but I wondered a bit about the suit. 

"Kyuhyun-ah! Are you ready?" He yelled to Kyuhyun, who was still in his room. 

"He's probably playing Starcraft," I said quite frankly. 

"We were going to go to church together today..." Siwon replied, then looked down at me. "Do you want to come with?"

I looked at him like he was nuts. "Um, no. Churches are definitely not the places for me."

"Why not? What religion are you?"

"Deist."

He seemed confused. "Deist? What is that?"

I was seriously, totally avoiding this subject with Siwon. Religion was slightly important to him. There was a reason the ELF called him "Shisus". And I, on the other hand, was not religious at all.

"Well... it's not Christian..."

"But isn't everyone in America Christian?" 

"Umm... no, Siwon-oppa. A lot of people are, sure, especially in the South, but in the North, we have a pretty good mix."

"I didn't know that. So what is Deism?"

"Um, well, it's a bit... like... Atheism..."

"YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD?!"

"No, I believe in God!" I quickly corrected, doing my best not to feel the wrath of Almighty Lord Shisus.  "I just don't believe... he does... anything..."

"What do you mean by-- You know what, you're coming with us."

"Coming with you where?" I squeaked, receding into the couch.

"To church! After a good sermon, you've got to change your mind!"

"No no no no, I can't do that! I'll turn to ashes at the door! I'll be hit with lightning and be scalded by the holy water!" These were the usual things I said as jokes to my friends when we talked about religion. But right then I'd say anything to NOT go to church. 

"That's ridiculous, just come with! It'll be fun!"

I'd actually been to church before. For a funeral. The Wake was much more fun. But I didn't know if Siwon's religion celebrated Wakes like Irish families did. 

He leaned over, and I scrabbled to my feet and ran to hide behind Heechul.

"Heechul-oppa! He's trying to make me go to church!"

"He's like that."

"Save me! I don't want to go to church! I'll die!"

"Oh, so you're on my side?"

"Of course!"

He seemed to like this situation. "Siwon-ah, leave the girl alone. She's mine."

"You know, hyung, you're welcome to come to church with us any time, too..."

"Not in a million years. I know you mean well, but seriously, leave it be. If she want so go to church, she will. Right, Minimin?"

I nodded profusely, ignoring the nickname in order to let it pass by. Siwon finally shrugged and went into another hallway, and I let out my breath.

"Thank you Oppa, you saved me from hours of endless tort-- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Suddenly I was in the air, and being slung over someone's shoulder. But who-- I just saw Siwon leave!"

"You're coming to church." A very determined voice said. All I could see was a pair of butts, but they were very familiar butts.

"Kyuhyun-oppa! Eunhyuk-oppa! Put me down!" I screeched as I was carried through the door.

After an elaborate escape that entailed crawling underneath the pews, since I had been stuck between Siwon and Eunhyuk so I wouldn't be able to get out without permission, I was able to get out of the church before the preacher was a quarter of the way through his speech. I think the people in the pew behind us were slightly confused, but hey, what were the chances I was ever going to see them again?

Finally I was back at the vocal training room in SM, composing the music to the song that I was teaching English to the members for. It still lacked a bit of flavor to it, so after my dance practice time with Henry (in which I carefully avoided mentioning my kidnapping and experience of church), and after my actual vocal training, I started down the hallways with my notebook and sheet music, to head to the songwriters' building.

"Niuwang!"

I stopped and waited for Zhou Mi to catch up, not taking very long with those long legs of his (Yes, I notice things like that),  and then lengthened my stride so I could keep up with him.

"Where are you going?" he asked in Chinese, and I wasn't sure if he'd done it on purpose, or if it had just come out that way.

"The songwriter's building," I replied carefully, also in Chinese. I had improved rapidly since my first lesson with Victoria (although I still wore my black marker guilt-mark), and was working on fluency.

"I'm going there, too! Want to come with?"

I shrugged. "I don't see why not. So why are you headed there?"

"A song I wrote. I wanted to ask NoizeBank if they wanted to help me compose it."

"Henry's music production team?"

"Yeah. They make a lot of good productions," he exhaled as he talked, and I couldn't help but look at him. He had his own aura of exhaustion emanating from him. I hadn't noticed it at first, but now that I looked at him, I could see that he was slightly stooped, like gravity was pulling him down harder than usual. His eyes were underlined by dark rings, seeming to make the features in his face stand out.

I stopped, concerned. "Mimi... are you okay? You look... tired. Really tired." For the first time, I let my hand glide to his face, barely letting my fingertips follow the line where the dark circles under his eyes met his cheekbones.

He pulled away, like I had shocked him, and I instantly regretted not holding myself back. "No, I'm okay. I've just been pushing myself a bit too hard recently." He went to the company door, holding it open for me.

As we went further down the street in silence, I noticed him clenching his jaw and occasionally shaking his head. Finally, not being able to tolerate the silence anymore, I spoke up. "If you're too tired, you can take a break. No one blames you."

"I have to keep working. I need... I need them to accept me."

I stopped again. "Zhou Mi... you don't have to fight so hard. The ELF love you plenty, even if they're too stubborn to say it. I know I do."

I never got to hear his answer, because suddenly he collapsed, exhaustion and gravity pulling him down... down... down...

And the only one willing to catch him was me.

"Niuwang?" 

"Oh god, you're finally awake. I thought I was going to have to call 119, and then I'd have to explain to the company, and..."

Suddenly Zhou Mi jolted up, looking at me like he'd woken up from a dream and found a nightmare.

"Where are we?! Was I just... laying on your lap?!

"WHAT?! No! You were just laying on the ground! I carried you into this nice lady's tea shop when you collapsed, and was trying to get you to wake up!"

He shook his head, putting his hand to his face. "Oh god, I thought-- I'm sorry. That was really weird."

"You can say that again." I reached out and put my hand against his forehead, and, to my surprise, he didn't jerk away this time, instead just closing his eyes. "Zhou Mi... you have a fever. How much sleep have you been getting?!"

"Not enough."

I cursed in Spanish, knowing he wouldn't understand, then asked the tea shop lady if she could bring me a cool cloth. When I turned back to him, to my surprise, he was looking right at me, his eyes burrowing into my own. 

"I can't seem to figure you out," he finally said.

"What... what do you mean?" I stuttered under the pressure of that feverish gaze. 

"Why do you lie to me?"

"L-l-l-lie?" My heart was beating rapidly, and gaining speed with every word.

"I can't... I see you every day. You're always so expressive, so emotional, and I can always see when you're upset. But when I ask you about it, you always tell me you're okay, even though it's so easy to tell that you're not. Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you, I guess." The tea shop lady returned with the cool cloth, and I put it on his forehead, holding it there with my hand. I wondered if she heard the conversation, but then I remembered that we were speaking Chinese, and dismissed the thought.

"Your problems can't be any worse than my own," he stated bitterly.

"No, no, probably not," I admitted, "but that's exactly why I don't want to burden you with any more."

"I can handle it."

"You have a fever, Zhou Mi. I'm not going to let you talk about your strength until it's gone. Now sleep, for God's sake. I'm calling Henry."

I reached into my purse to find my phone, but he grabbed my arm.

"Niuwang--"

"SLEEP." I demanded, gently pushing him over so he was laying on the floor. "You'll damage your brain this way. You already hallucinated me being way more creepy to you than I would ever be. Now go to sleep. I'll take care of you."

He closed his eyes and was asleep in moments.

"Is he okay?" I asked Henry over the phone the next day.

"He's been overworking himself. But he'll be alright in a few days."

I exhaled, not realizing I'd been holding my breath.

"He was pretty lucky it was you there, and not someone else."

"What do you mean by that?"

"There's still a lot of stress over the two of us being onstage in Super Show. They got over it a bit for me since I released my solo, but Zhou Mi... Almost none of the Korean fans are nice to him, and the ones that are aren't as crazy about it as you are."

"Oh... I... didn't realize..." He was, of course, right. I'd just never thought that I might be the only ELF Zhou Mi had met in Korea that was decent to him.

"Don't sweat it."

"Hey Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"Before he passed out the second time... he was saying really weird stuff. And hallucinated... something. Has he done any of that?"

"Huh? No, not that I can think of... just a few mutterings like 'I'm okay, Niuwang, really...' "

I bit back a smile, although I was still concerned. "I waited with him until you got there. I had to keep his forehead cool, but he was shivering, so I had to give him my jacket, but it was too small, so I kind of had to use it as a blanket... The tea lady was very helpful. She even gave me a discount on some herbal tea."

"People can be nice sometimes. But seriously, you were like a Mom, sitting there the whole time. That's a lot of dedication."

"I would do the same thing for any one of you, including Mimi. You have to remember, even if I'm in a place that shouts 'Only 13' over and over again, I will always believe in fifteen."

"And that's another reason we always keep you around. Good for our self-esteem, you know?"

 I'm sure you're wondering about Min Hee. After the initial shock of discovering that I knew, she was okay. She was initially scared to tell me because she didn't know how I'd react to her dating my friend, but after I assured her that I was fine, and she had my blessing, she calmed down a lot, and was more open about it. It took less than a day for the situation to be perfectly fine again, so she was right there, listening, when I told her about what happened with Zhou Mi. 

"Wow... you weren't scared at all?"

"Well, I was scared for him. Although, I suppose, that moment when he was falling straight towards me was kind of scary. Fortunately, he's tall, but pretty skinny, and really light."

"I mean, when he was feverish and hallucinating, you weren't scared of him."

"Um, no. Should I have been?"

"Just, the things he said were very... interesting to me." She drummed her fingers on the bed, muttering "I'll have to mark him down..."

"Mark him down? For what?"

"What? Oh, nothing..."

"Your face says otherwise, Min Hee. Spill!"

"No."

"Hey!"

"I won't do it. You'll find out someday. I promise."

As D-day, the day of SMTown in Seoul, approached, the chaos increased. I didn't have time to worry about Zhou Mi, although it was incredibly strange not to meet him in the hallways for those few days that he was sick. 

I was so busy with my backup dancer training that I almost missed Leeteuk's birthday, on July first. Unfortunately, with him in the military, there wasn't much I could do but write him a message and hope it got through.

I was so busy keeping myself distracted that I even almost forgot the fourth of July, the United States Independence Day. It was my family's big party, but I wouldn't be there. I barely even had time to give a quick phone call before I was being whisked away to practice for BoA. 

Fortunately I didn't have to worry too much about Heechul's birthday, because he decided to celebrate it with his Psycho Club friends. But I wished him a quick happy birthday and let the day run by.

I was a bit happy for the business, actually. It kept my mind from wondering about emotions, or my coming 18th birthday, when I would have to renew both my passport and my contract with the company, because I would then be a legal adult.

Not that I felt like one, being surrounded by people who also did not act like adults. But I worried about them, as I always did, especially when practice for SMTown got more and more demanding as the day approached, to the point where the members would come home at an ungodly hour and collapse on their beds almost immediately.

It was a difficult time for everyone, but it kept my mind off of feverish eyes asking me why I lied to him, feverish eyes that trusted me because I was the ELF Queen, and yet was friendly to him. Feverish eyes that, for some reason, worked so hard, he was pushed over the limit.

But, as much as I was happy he trusted me like that, I was happy to not have to think about it.