"Come on, Mel, just a little bit farther down! You're almost there!"

I screamed in pain, wondering why I had asked Min Hee to help me do this. I was surprised that my screams hadn't made people from all over the company come running.

Min Hee lowered her hands, forcing me to slide further down on the floor. White spots blinked across my vision.

"Mel, if you want to do well in SM, you have to at least be able to do the splits!" Easy for her to say. She'd been able to do it since she was a kid. It's not that I'm not flexible; I can put my foot behind my head. It's just that I'm pretty sure my stocky legs weren't meant to twist in that direction.

I had a death-grip on her hands, trying to lower myself into that position. And then she let go.

I fell backwards, happy to be wearing sweatpants. If I'd been wearing jeans, they definitely would have ripped. 

I rubbed my aching inner thighs and struggled to my feet, stubbornly holding out my hands to her. "Again."

When I was back in the dorm again, it felt good to be able to sit down. I set a mat down on the cold wooden floor and pulled my jewelry-making tools out from under the bed.

Soon I was deeply involved in my work, twisting wire, stringing beads, and tying strings. It moved slowly, but steadily. If I didn't get distracted too much, I could easily finish it before New Year's. 

My phone rang to the tune of SHINee's Sherlock, and I instantly knew it was Eliz. 

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, picking up the phone. 

"We're coming to your dorm to hang out, okay?"

"Sure, I guess. I'm working on a project right now, so if you want, you can help."

"Sounds good. We'll be there in a few minutes, just as soon as the bus gets there. See ya, Melly."

I spent the next couple of days hanging out a lot with my friends, working on my jewelry project, practicing my duet performance by myself, since Ryeowook was almost always busy. I spent a lot of time in the vocal training room, plucking at my ukulele and singing snatches of songs, just to keep my voice in good shape. I'd improved a lot in the singing category since taking my lessons, and I didn't want that to fade away. 

But even after Nakata-sensei would leave the room for the day, I would stay, my notebook balanced on my knees, my pencil flying over the pages, only to scribble over everything I had just written, hard enough to puncture the paper.

I ripped a third useless sheet of paper off of my notebook and threw it in the recycling bin. Originally there hadn't been one in the room, but I'd brought one myself, since I spent so much time in there.

Frustrated, I laid my head on the notebook and closed my eyes, trying to give my brain a break.

"Are you writing our song?!"

I sat up, only to find Eunhyuk's face centimeters away from my nose. I jumped back, startled by how incredibly close he was. He was crouching next to my chair, looking at me.

I clutched my chest, breathing deeply to steady my heartbeat. 

"Yes, Oppa. Or, at least, trying to."

Without asking, he slid the notebook off of my lap and looked at it. "Having problems?"

"How did you know?"

"Well, I can't read English, but I can recognize that the whole pages is scribbled over."

I smiled, glancing at the page. He was right. Nothing I'd written had seemed right. I'd crossed out every single line I'd written. 

He sat down on the piano bench next to me. "So what's the problem?"

I bit my lip, looking down at the page in his hands. "I've tried and tried to write a song that would fit you guys. I have all of these thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head and heart... but I just can't seem to find the right words. As good at English as I am, everything I write seems shallow and insufficient."

"What kind of emotions?"

"Happiness, but wondering if my happiness is going to be short-lived. Just the feeling that... I want to enjoy the happiness, but I'm afraid of being too happy, so I'm not too broken when it stops." I was talking about my time with the members. No matter what I tried, it was always in the front of my mind. I wanted to write a song that could talk about those feelings, without being too specific. 

"So... you're afraid of being too happy?"

"Yeah, I guess you could put it like that. But it's more complicated than that. There's this fear that I'm always striving for a goal, and clinging onto it for dear life, but something always happens to remind me that I'm holding on to a paper wall. But I don't know how to convey it. I wanted to make a song that people could relate to. That you could relate to. But nothing I write ever seems right!" I ran my hands through my hair, resisting the urge to pull it out in frustration. 

"Do you think maybe you're thinking about it too hard?" His eyes were steady, gentle. I felt really bad for my comment about him being self-centered earlier. He wasn't, not at all.

He put the notebook back into my hands. "I had the same problem when I was writing lyrics myself. There was too much to say and not enough words to say it. So when it's hard and nothing seems right, do you know what you have to do?"

"What?"

He leaned close, like he was sharing a secret. "Do something else."

"Huh?"

He grabbed my hand. "Come on, I'll help you take your mind off of it."

I wasn't sure what he was planning on doing, but before I knew it he was pulling me to my feet and out the door. I realized that my notebook was still sitting on the piano bench, but Eunhyuk was taking me somewhere, and I felt little electric pulses everywhere his hand was touching mine. The notebook would be okay.

...Right? 

We were just outside the room when I saw Donghae walking towards us. "Eunhyuk, there you are! I was looking for you!"

I pulled my hand out of Eunhyuk's, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. Wait, what was I embarrassed about? Nothing was happening. And it was just Donghae. Not like I've never seen him before. Still, it was a bit entertaining that I rarely had more than five minutes alone with either of them. The other almost always showed up. Well, that time with Donghae in Mokpo was a exception. Still, it felt like Donghae and Eunhyuk were two sides of a rubber band. The further apart you pulled them, the faster they snapped back together. 

Still, for some reason, I didn't want Fishy to see me holding someone's hand, whoever's it was. 

"Hey, Minsung," Donghae waved nonchalantly, "Where are you going?"

"Just somewhere to take her mind off of the song she's trying to write. Wanna come?"

Donghae shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

He did't even know where we were going, and he just agrees right away? Wow, these guys had some kind of psychic understanding, considering I had absolutely no idea where we were going, and I was quivering with apprehension. To my surprise, we went straight to the the trainee dance practice room. 

"Okay, Minsung! Donghae and I are going to teach you how to dance!"

"You're going to-- what?!" My mouth dropped open. What was with the personal lessons recently? First Kyuhyun, and now EunHae, I mean-- 

"It'll be fun! Come on, we haven't done this in ages!" Donghae urged.

"Done what, exactly?" I asked, suspicious.

"Taught a trainee how to dance. Okay, Minsung, Eunhyuk's going to be your dance partner..."

"Eunhyuk?!" I squeaked. Darn my loud, obnoxious voice. 

"Sure, it'll be easy. Why, are you scared?" Eunhyuk teased,

"You're going to make me look like a slug. I'm NOT a dancer."

"What? You did just fine at the Christmas party."

"That was completely random. I can't-- I don't--" I backed away, my hands up. "You know, I have a better idea. How about YOU dance, and I'll just sit here and watch."

"Awww, that's no fun!" Donghae whined. "Come on, Minsung, you at least have to try!" 

Dear heavens, please save me from embarrassment. "Okay, fine, I'll try, since you know I can't say no to you. You guys are terrible, you know that? You make me do these things just because you think it's funny, don't you?"

They shrugged. "Okay, let's start with something easy. Minsung, can you foxtrot?"

"Ummm.. no." I'd heard of it, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was. 

"Oh man, we've got a lot of work to do if we want you to be in SMTown. Okay, just start by taking his right hand. Yes, like that..."

Within minutes I was too caught up in my own mistakes and feeling terrible for stepping on Eunhyuk's feet to be thinking about the song. I laughed when Donghae and Eunhyuk showed me what I was supposed to be doing by dancing with each other, and then stepping out. I laughed, tried to dance, failed, heard EunHae encourage me, and tried again. It was embarrassing, but I was still having fun. The two of them were fairly patient, and always making jokes, making it feel light and easy. It was a lot different from trying to learn the dances for the musicals I'd been in in high school, where if you had difficulty learning a dance, they'd criticize you, and then move you to the back, increasing the stress level and making you feel terrible about yourself. 

"One, two, three and SPIN! Good job, Minsung! If only you were wearing a skirt! you would've had it flying up over your head!" Donghae teased when I spun just a little too fast, breaking my grip on Eunhyuk's hand. 

I made a face at him. "Oh, wouldn't you like that. Getting a good look at my underwear. erts."

"How could you say something like that of me!" Eunhyuk gasped in mock horror.

"Don't think I haven't heard of your love of . Tsk tsk tsk." I clicked my tongue at him like I was disappointed, even though I was actually laughing. 

He turned red, and Donghae doubled over, laughing that obnoxious laugh he has when he thinks somethings riotous. "Eunhyuk, she completely caught you!"

"Okay, okay, let's do something else for a while," Eunhyuk urged, trying to hide his embarassment. "Cha-cha." 

"I thought Shindong-oppa was the best at that?"

"It doesn't mean we don't know how to. Okay, so the cha-cha goes like--"

"--Forward, backward, cha-cha-cha," I interrupted Eunhyuk. I broke away from him, doing the steps proudly. It was one of the few dances I could do relatively well, because of the hip-moving it required. I kept doing the steps, enjoying myself, until I realized that the two of them weren't saying anything.

"Is there something wrong, Oppa?" I asked, not really referring to either one of them, but both at once. 

"You actually know a dance on your own, Minsung!" 

"I'm so proud... our Minsung is doing so well..." Eunhyuk faked a sniffle, and pretended to wipe his eyes. 

I scowled at them, putting my hands on my hips. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me." Sarcasm, of course. It was my most reliable weapon. 

"Okay, okay, sorry. Don't get mad, Minsung! You're kind of scary when you're mad!" Donghae pleaded.

I sighed. "I could never get mad with you guys. Not really. It's hard to stay mad for more than ten seconds." It was true. Even when they were at their silliest, and teased me the most, I just laughed. Their strangeness was precious to me.

Eventually, Manager Kim came in and picked on them for training the trainees, when they were supposed to be practicing themselves. So in the end, I got my wish, being able to sit down and just watch the two of them dance. They had to practice a variety, sometimes cute, sometimes stylish, but my favorite part was when Donghae took a water break, sitting down next to me while I watched Eunhyuk practice his y solo.

I was having trouble keeping the saliva in my mouth. There wasn't even any sultry lighting or suggestive costumes, but Eunhyuk and the music was enough. 

He seemed to be completely absorbed in what he was doing, moving in perfect time to the music. I wasn't even aware that a man's body would be capable of those kinds of movements. He'd been practicing for at least an hour, and it was getting hot in there. Off came the shirt.

Calm down, Mel. Stop drooling. Deep breaths.

Oh my God, he was so y... Had I been dancing with him a few minutes ago? It seemed like forever.

I could see the sweat gathering on his skin from the tension of dancing for that long. He'd gotten a lot more muscular since his debut days. Back in Don't Don, he'd still been scrawny. But ever since That absolutely... incredible performance of "Sorry Sorry-Answer"... He'd been eye-candy. 

He was eye-candy right now. I wanted to run my fingers over his arms, wanted to wipe away the sweat with my bare hands. I wanted to dip him in a vat of chocolate and lic--

Perhaps I shouldn't tell you the exact details of what I was thinking right then. I suppose Eunhyuk wasn't the only ert in that room.

My cheeks red as a cherry, I realized that I was gasping for breath. 

"I-- I think I need to leave." I managed to get out to Donghae before I had to rush out of the room. I leaned against the wall outside the room, trying to clear the dirty thoughts out of my mind. Dirty, dirty, dirty...

I walked briskly away, trying to escape the unclean thoughts of an unpleasant fangirl. 

"What happened to you? You look like an underripe tomato," Min Hee commented upon entering the dorm. I was sitting with my jewelry piece, focusing very, very, hard on it. 

"Is my face still red?"

"More of an orange. Did something happen?"

Two somethings, I thought. 

"Eunhyuk and Donghae decided to try to teach me how to dance." Was all I said. 

It was ten at night before I realized that I'd left my notebook in the vocal practice room. My other songs were in there!

I ditched my jewelry project, now over halfway done, and dashed out of the dorm, not even bothering to grab my jacket. What if somebody stole it?! What if somebody took it, and claimed that those songs were their own?! I couldn't-- they couldn't-- I lived on my songwriter's checks! Without it, I'd be completely dependent on my grandfather, and I'd wanted to try to stand on my own!

I didn't bother with the bus, running to the company building. Please, please, please let it still be there! How could I have been so careless, leaving it there?! Just because I was unable to pull myself away from the best ship in Kpop...

I shook the thoughts out of my head, knowing they would pull me into far-too-pleasant thoughts about a set of sweat-glazed abs.

I rushed through the streets of Korea just barely slow enough to not bring attention to myself. But I was still walking really fast. I burst through SM's doors, unsurprisingly still open. A lot of the artists stayed there, practicing, until early in the morning. I broke into a run, heading straight for the vocal training room. I ran into it, flicking on the light.

It was gone. 

I remembered exactly the position in which the notebook had been sitting on the piano bench, exactly what it had looked like. But none of that helped, because it wasn't there. 

Frantic, I explored Nakata-sensei's desk, the insides of the piano, everywhere I could think of.  Where could it have gone? It was RIGHT there!

I walked out of the vocal training room in despair. I closed the door behind me and looked up.

Leaning aganst the wall was Heechul. He wasn't looking at me, but at a pad of paper in his hands. He flipped a page, and my heart went cold. That was my handwriting.

He looked up. "Is this yours?"

I nodded, scared to say anything.

He held it out to me. "Sorry for looking. I was just curious, but I can't read any of it, anyway. That's why I figured it was yours."

I took it from him gently, afraid of meeting the same fate as the girl from the other day. 

"Thank you, Sunbae. I was afraid someone else would have found it..."

He looked at me quizzically. "Sunbae? Why am I 'Sunbae' when the rest of the members are Oppa?!" He was play-angry, what I had always seen on variety shows. 

"I wasn't sure if I should call you Oppa or not. But if Heechul-shi wants, I can call him Heechul-oppa."

He laughed. "Okay, so you call me Oppa. And you should go home, it's really late. The members will worry about you if you get sick, and it's so annoying when they worry about you. They don't shut up."

I was still flushed from running, so no extra heat rose to my cheeks, thankfully. They worried about me?

I bowed. "Thank you so much for saving my notebook, Oppa. I'll go home now, so the members won't worry about me and bother you." I turned away, but he called after me.

"Wait, Minsung-ah!" He caught up to me, standing beside me. He was actually fairy tall and thin, easily a hand taller than me.  "It's pretty cold outside. Don't you have a coat?!" I looked down at myself. I'd completely forgotten about it in the frantic run. Only then did I realize that I was cold. Freezing. My teeth chattered. "Here, if you're going home, you need a coat. Take mine." He slid it off of his thin shoulders and held it out to me. "Here, take it."

I gaped at him. "But, Oppa, what about you?"

"I'm getting driven home by a friend. Don't worry about it. Just remember to give it back, or I'll get really mad, okay? I don't like people stealing my clothes." Gingerly, I took it from him and put it on. It was big on me, but still warm from his body heat. "See ya, Minsung." He smiled, something that purified his face, almost hiding the dark circles under his eyes. This was the Heechul I knew.

New Years Eve. 

It had been a whole two years since that first night we had watched You're Beautiful together in my living room. It seemed like it had been my whole life. Ages ago. 

To commemorate, my friends and I crowded around my computer to have a marathon of Panda and Hedgehog. We didn't have punch, instead drinking apple cider and root beer until we had to go to the bathroom at the end of every episode. Midnight came, marking the beginning of the year 2014. As usual, Eliz was the first one to fall asleep, while Jacklyn and I were still wired. 

I enjoyed every moment of it, knowing that my friends would board a plane back to the United States in only a few hours. 

New years day, I went back to the company, feeling a bit empty inside. I'd just watched my friends board their plane, with their promise that they would come back as soon as they could. Whenever that was. They'd all given me hugs and said weird things, finally leaving. But now I was back.

"Is Lee Sungmin here?" I asked of the secretary.

"No, he shouldn't be back until late this afternoon. Why?"

"Oh, no reason. I just wanted to wish him a happy birthday."

 I turned away, my hand absentmindedly reaching into my purse, just to check that the little gift-wrapped jewelry box was still in there.

I would have to wait until Sungmin got back? ...time to go bother Henry.

I watched him play his violin, entranced by it. No matter how close I got to him, I would always marvel over his ability to slide the bow across the strings, pulling wonderful sound out of that beautiful wooden box. 

But he couldn't stay for very long. We talked for a little bit, mostly about what we got for Christmas, and then he had to leave again. Nothing was really going as planned that day, was it?

Capitulating, I went back to my daily haunt, the vocal training room. But Seohyun and her trainee partner were in there, practicing their song. 

Not knowing where to go, I sat down in the hallway, right across from the door. It was where I'd encountered Heechul, I remembered. He'd looked tired, but seemed to be in a good mood. He'd been nice. I'd given his coat to Manager Kim when i saw him, explaining that it was Heechul's, and that I was thankful he had let me borrow it. I hadn't seen Heenim since. 

Sighing, I pulled out my notebook, opening up to the page covered in scribbles. Eunhyuk had completely succeeded in getting my mind off of it. Instead, he had pulled my mind completely and entirely to HIM. I'd never felt like a good dancer, but the two of them hadn't yelled at me for it, only lightly teased. It was more than I'd ever imagined.

I put the pencil down on the page and let my heart take over.

A song I could write for Super Junior.

A song about love, a song about fear, a song about happiness, a song about longing.

A song that told my story without making it too obvious that it was my story. 

A song--

"Minsung?"

I looked up, surprised. It was Sungmin. I hadn't even noticed the time go by, but sure enough, it was four in the afternoon.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

"I'm rather fond of floors. They're quite comfortable. Care to join me?" I joked, patting the floor next to me. Surprisingly, he obliged, sliding down the wall until he was next to me. I realize he'd done so in order to look at the song, and quickly snapped the notebook shut.

"Hey! I was trying to read it..."

"It's not finished. I don't want you to read it until it's finished. Is that okay?"

He shrugged. "Alright. So really, why are you on the floor?"

"I gave up trying to find somewhere to go," I admitted. "Oh, I have something for you!" I dug into my purse and pulled out the little present I had spent hours over the past week making and wrapping. 

He seemed surprised, taking it out of my hands and giving it a curious look. "Is it alright if I open it right now?"

"Sure, why not? It's just something little."

Smiling, he pulled the ribbon off, then meticulously opened the wrapping paper without tearing it. Inside was a little silver cardboard box, the kind you usually buy jewelry in.

He opened it, and pulled out a little pink mouse charm, with a dark eye made of a shiny black bead, and the rest of it, including little pink paws, made of various glass beads. I was very proud of it.

"Minsung-ah... did you make this?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling shy. "Happy birthday, Sungmin-oppa."

"It's so cute! But why a mouse?"

"Umm, well, did I ever tell you that when I was learning the members' names, I always called you 'Minnie Mouse'?"

He seemed taken aback. "No, you didn't. Why Minnie Mouse?"

"Well, the second half of your name is 'Min'. And I always thought you had an adorable face, like a mouse. So to remember your name, I called you 'Minnie Mouse'."

"Hmmm... Minnie Mouse. It's not too bad. I guess I've had worse. Thank you, Minsung. Really. I guess you remembered what I said about wanting a necklace like the one you had?"

"Of course, Oppa. I remember everything you say to me."