"Queen Be, how does it feel to be in another Hollywood movie? It's been close to a year since you were last in the United States."

"Queen Be, do you think your recent marriage will affect your acting career?"

"Queen Be, there have been reports that you wouldn't accept the role unless they casted your husband as well. Would you care to comment?"

"Is your husband an actor?"

"Can your husband speak English?"

I kept my sunglasses firmly on my face, trying to keep my expression calm as I waded through the press that was closing in on me from all sides.

Meanwhile, Jung Ah struggled through them all, answering questions with fairly ambiguous answers like, "he's an idol, just look on the internet", or "Queen Be will be just as active as she always has been."

When we were finally past the security line, I smiled sympathetically at Jung Ah. She looked as tired as ever. "Thanks, Eonni," I said, sighing.

She shrugged, taking out her computer pad. "It's nothing. Just my job. Now, you have to be on set by five-thirty. You have to catch the morning flight to Hong Kong tomorrow, to be back in time for the MAMAs, since you're partially hosting. Oh, and congratulations, your album has gone platinum."

"WHAT?!" I yelled, screaming and hugging her. She smiled weakly, then coughed into her sleeve. "Maybe you should hold off on the hugs, Minsung. I don't need you to get sick, too."

"Eonni, I told you, if you're sick, you should take the day off!"

"Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine! There's too much for me to do. Which reminds me, the company wants to know if it can release your album in January, since you've already recorded."

"But I just released an album in the beginning of August!"

She shrugged. "You're very popular nowadays. And SM makes money."

I sighed. "That's fine with me. Promotions?"

"Fanmeeting in Seoul, a signing, and typical music show performances."

"I'll be sure to make them. But for today..."

"Yes, I know, physical training." She nodded, waving me forward, and then coughed again into her sleeve.

"I miss my rat tail," I joked to Zhou Mi, pinching him in the side.

He grinned and looked down. "No, I think it looks better without the tail."

"Would you two stop flirting?!" I heard one of the staff members say, only making a lot of us laugh.

"I love how we're on opposite sides of this movie. They made me a bad girl. An actual bad girl, unlike Rat."

"I think they chose well."

I made a face and punched him in the shoulder. "And you just get to be a sidekick. LAME!"

Someone came up to me, asking me what name I wanted put on the credits of the movie.

I thought about it, then felt my fingers entwine through Zhou Mi's.

"Melissa. Melissa Zhou."

"Oh, not Queen Be?"

"No, I think I want to use my legal name from now on."

She glanced up at Zhou Mi, looking uncomfortable, but then smiled politely at him. "Of course. I'm glad you two have a healthy relationship."

"I think you look too nice. Too much gray. Maybe we should switch roles. Mimi should wear black, and I'll wear gray."

"You hate gray."

"True. Okay... you wear black; I'll wear red."

I saw the grin peek out behind his lips. "I think red would be nice."

"QUEEN BE! Are you ready to film?!" the director yelled.

"Nae, shiljjang-nim!" I called back.

"English, woman!"

"I'm sorry, Director!"

I kissed Zhou Mi on the cheek, then ran off to go film, so he could have his turn. It was the last day of filming already. We were going home soon.

On the plane ride back to Seoul, we decided to play video games, trying to see if we could beat Kyuhyun's high score on our phones.

"No, Mimi, I need your help! Aaaaaahhhh, no, no, no!!!!"

I died, once again, but laughed when I saw his screen.

"What? I died already."

"Oppa is going to kill us both."

"Of course he is."

"Better try again."

He laughed, and we involved ourselves again, until one of the flight attendants told us to please quiet down. Then we settled down and watched a movie (Spirited Away) under a familiar blanket that was starting to get worn down from constant use.

When he was asleep, I pulled out my notebook and began writing, occassionally humming softly under my breath.

"I've seen oceans turn,
mountains roar,
forests burn
and eagles soar.

I've felt the ground shake,
and seen hearts break,
seen the world in all its glory,
and it's only the beginning of our story.

Together I'll see the stars change,
love everything they've ever called strange.
You've never even had to try,
you've always been a part of my--
my heart,
apart,
we're not as great as we can be,
I'm cold and harsh and lonely
you make me want to sing...
make me listen to the bells ring,
It's a gorgeous, wonderful day,
whenever you're not away..."

I giggled, writing down the rhymes as they came into my head, loving how dorky they sounded. Like something you'd give to SJ-H. My songs weren't as dark as they used to be. They were brighter, full of more joy, and not as conflicted. Though I think I could still write those kinds of songs if I wanted to. I just usually didn't. My writing style had changed. That wasn't bad. Songs still sold, and people said they "admired me for growing up so quickly."

I didn't think of it as growing up. In fact, I thought it was quite the opposite. Now that I was in a part of my life in which I could be calm and rely on others, I could afford to use the time to be free and childish, like I hadn't had the ability to do when I was actually a child.

In the row behind us, I heard Jung Ah cough. I felt my brow furrow, and turned around in my seat to look at her. She slept with a frown on her face, looking miserable. When we got there, I would have to insist that she go home. She was no good to me sick. 

Following my wedding, there had been a whole slew of idols admitting that they were dating. Others were simply being more open about it.

"Queen Be, you're here!" Leeteuk yelled, running to hug me. I pushed him away, bowing to his companion. 

"Kang Sora-eonni! Didn't we meet at the Busan film festival?!"

She nodded, blushing a little, and let me ignore Ahjusshi to chat with her about what it means to like a SuJu member. I finally told her that we should have a sleepover some time, maybe meet with a few other girls.

"Minsung, stop ignoring me!" Leeteuk cut in, waving his hands in the air. "Are you done filming?"

"Yeah. And then I've got a crammed schedule. MAMAs, award shows, all promotions for the album that's releasing soon."

"Oh, you're releasing an album?" Sora asked with interest. "I really like your songs!"

"REALLY?! I thought you were amazing in Dream High 2! It was even better than the original!"

"That's not what they usually say..."

"Well, I find the second one is more identifiable. The first one was about a girl with ridiculous talent who just had no passion and no emotion. In real life, it's the exact opposite. There are people with lots of passion and desire for the business, but are repeatedly told that they'll never make it. There are plenty of people out there who will never meet their celebrities, and when they do, they're lost, and their perceptions are clouded by admiration, and it can be confused for love. Am I right?"

 She laughed, the dimple in her cheek appearing. "I don't know about that, but I guess you're right. What's the name of your new mini-album?"

"It's called 'Our World' because a lot of the songs were written for my fans."

"Really?! That's so nice! Can I listen to it as soon as it comes out?"

"Of course! Eonni has second dibs."

"Who has first dibs?"

"My Mimi of course," I replied, and both of us laughed, while Leeteuk mocked hurling. 

I made a face at him. "Ahjusshi, if you'd hurry up and get married, you wouldn't find this gross! Not every man your age gets a young, pretty girl like me or Sora. You old men should think of yourselves as lucky!"

"Young and pretty alright," he laughed, mocking me again. I lifted my fist, and he shrieked and ran away.

I nudged Sora, watching him run. "There's nothing more scary to a man than a girl who can punch."

We both watched him, laughing.

"Are you feeling better, Eonni?" I asked Jung Ah over the phone, pouring myself a cup of tea.

"I think so," she sighed, still sounding tired. "Are you?"

I sniffled, taking a drink of the warm liquid. "I've been feeling a little bit queasy lately. But otherwise I'm--" my voice cracked, and I took another drink to clear it-- "otherwise I'm fine."

"I'm coming back to Seoul the day after tomorrow. The day your album is released. Make sure you stay healthy, alright?"

I smiled, consenting. "Don't worry about it, Eonni."

"Oh, and have you been wearing those new clothes the company sent over?"

"Yes, Eonni."

"And the director of the movie sent you a preview of the previews that are coming out, if you want to watch them."

"Yes, Eonni."

"And don't forget to take your birth control. I know you said you haven't been experiencing your period much since you've been doing heavy exercise, but we can never be too careful--"

"YES, Eonni!" I laughed, rolling my eyes at KyuMin. "Go to bed. Get better!"

She hesitated, then sighed. "I'm sorry. Just... take care of yourself, okay?"

I agreed, said goodbye to her, and hung up the phone. It was time for me to go record the last of the songs for the album, and then there was dance practice.

"They're debuting a new girl group?" I wondered to Amber, pointing at the posters on the windows of the building.

She took a swig of water and shrugged. "Guess so. A team of four girls, called 'JACK.'

I looked closer. "Oh my god, that's Kwon Mei and SoHee!" I screeched, jumping in excitement. "They're finally debuting those two?! They've been trainees for, like, six years!"

She shrugged, adjusting the baseball cap on her head. "Sure. That's just what the poster says, right? J-A-C-K. Like, 'Japan-America-China-Korea'. I guess there's a member from each of those countries, or something?"

My eyes popped open, and I hugged her, jumping up and down again.

"Oh my god, how did I not know about this sooner?! I need to go congratulate Kwon Mei and SoHee! My god, it's been such a long time, I haven't even run into them in the halls!"

"That was probably because you and your husband were in the States, being all lovey-dovey..."

I laughed and nudged her shoulder. "Hey, I'll see you around, Amber. Maybe we should go get some Mexican food. I haven't had Mexican food in a long time."

"Liar! You had some while you were in L.A! I saw it on your Twitter!"

I laughed, waving goodbye to her while I walked through the company's doors to go find my fellow trainees. Well, they were my fellow trainees. And now we were fellow artists! What an extremely weird thought.

"Hello, are Kwon Mei and SoHee there?" I asked of the man who opened the practice room door.

He seemed shocked to see me. "Queen Be? What are you doing here?"

"I just found out that some of my old friends are debuting! I have to congratulate them!"

He let the door swing open, calling, "Girls, look who's here! One of your sunbaes came to visit!"

I ran in, hugging Kwon Mei. 

"My god, I had no idea it would take them this long for them to debut you two. All of that work, for five years! And to think, out of fifty trainees that year, it only took that long for it to be only us left... I'm glad you both made it."

I hugged SoHee, too, smiling at her.

She looked a bit uncomfortably at Kwon Mei. "Um... sorry, Minsung. We're all sweaty from dance practice."

I pulled away, laughing. "It must be weird, talking to me again, after such a long time, huh?"

"It's even weirder to think that you're married."

"We had bets. On whether or not it would work out," Kwon Mei grinned.

"I lost," SoHee admitted.

I laughed. "I'm very single-minded when it comes to my Mimi."

SoHee sighed. "It's just sad to see how far you've come, and we're just now debuting. It makes me feel so old."

Kwon Mei nodded. "I'm a bit jealous, I admit."

I shrugged. "You both were always WAY more talented than I was."

"We just didn't have the whole English and songwriting thing going for us."

"HEY! I can write a song for you guys! Would that be okay? You could help compose it!"

Kwon Mei laughed. "Miyagi's the music expert out of the four of us. She plays the violin!"

I turned to the girl in question, who'd been humbly waiting quietly, watching the exchange. I smiled at her. "You're Miyagi?"

She nodded. "I'm Takagawa Miyagi, from Kyoto, Japan. You're Queen Be!"

"I am! How long have you been a trainee?"

She thought about it. "Two years?"

"And what about you?" I asked the other girl, who must have been from America. She was taller than the others by several centimeters, and had a darker cast to her skin and a certain shape of her features that indicated to me she was at least part Latina.

"I'm Mia, from L.A. I came over about... a year ago? I think it was while you were still filming your first movie."

"Oh! Wow, SM gets everyone from L.A, hahaha. That's where I was cast from. But I'm from Wisconsin."

"The cheeseheads?"

I laughed. "Yeah, the cheeseheads. Green Bay Packers, cheese, Harleys and beer. That's my state."

"So do we have to call you 'sunbae' now, or..." SoHee asked, with obvious distaste.

I made a face. "No, that would be... really weird. I'm an American. Scrap it. Maybe on broadcasts, but in person... no. That's just weird."

All four girls laughed.

I was happy I was back with them again. "Okay, I have to go record a song now, but when I get back, if it's alright with you guys and your manager, I'll take you out for ice cream. On me."

"Ice cream?" Miyagi asked, her eyes big.

"Ice cream. Or you can all join me and Amber for Mexican food."

Mia looked hungry. "Can we do both?"

I laughed again. "We'll talk about it later. Okay? And maybe while we're there, we can try to write a song together!"

I waved goodbye to them, almost walking backwards into a wall.

Jung Ah came back to Seoul, completely healthy. wasn't as scratchy, and she was breathing just fine. 

I, on the other hand, was miserable.

I rarely got sick, something that had been a saving grace for Jung Ah and I on more than one occasion. But when I got sick, I got really sick.

I could barely breathe through my nose, and when I did, it forced clogs of mucus down my sore throat. In response, I would cough it up, resulting in a runny nose, and after blowing my nose, the whole process would start all over again.

"Niuwang? Maybe you should stay home today," Zhou Mi suggested to me, even as I had my high heels on, and was headed out the door. He had his arms on my shoulders, looking down into my eyes.

I shook my head. "I can't," I burbled out. "I can't let them down. You know that. If you were sick, would you cancel a performance?"

He hesitated for a second, and then shook his head. "No... no, I guess not."

"I love the Honey Be's too much. And it hurts to sing, but my voice still has plenty of volume. It takes a lot more than a silly cold to kill this voice."

"Okay, but... don't work too much, alright?"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be Jung Ah, now."

"Alright, fine. Break a leg, Niuwang." He leaned forward to kiss me, but I stopped him with a finger.

"You'd better not... you'll probably get sick, too."

He laughed, shrugging and letting me go. I patted KyuMin on the head, then gave Zhou Mi one last confident smile before I went out the door.

Okay, Queen Be. Focus, I told myself, waiting for the lights to come on for me, clutching the microphone tightly.

"Our World" was an upbeat song about finding love despite a tough, complicated world, and how much it means to not be alone. It'd been something in my head for a while, and I'd tweaked it multiple times before getting the final edition that could be interpreted both for love and for fans.

My voice needed to cooperate. In its current condition, it would never be good enough to win the show, but it had to at least be good enough to satisfy the fans. That was what mattered to me. 

The lights came on, almost blinding my sickness-weakened eyes. I gripped the microphone tighter, reminding myself to focus. The show must go on.

Focus.

I opened my mouth, spreading my lips into the wide smile that came so naturally to me, even when a strange wave of nausea passed over me.

You're not sick, Melissa. Just hurry up so you can go home to Zhou Mi.

"I've seen oceans turn,
mountains roar,
forests burn
and eagles soar.

I've felt the ground shake,
and seen hearts break,
seen the world in all its glory,
and it's only the beginning of our story.

Thousands in this chaotic sea,
and yet somehow you saw me.
Thank you for all of this pride,
pure happiness I call mine
It's a tough world,
but the sail's unfurled,
over Our World...

Shine, shine, shine with me,
Mine, mine, mine indeed...
I love to be a part of our world!"

I flicked the microphone away from my mouth using a dance move as an excuse, but it was really so I could cough. When I turned back to the audience, I had my perfect happy face on again.

"I've seen people fight
An awful sight,
I've been afraid,
of who this world has made

But to me you're a strong rope
tethering me to hope
holding me so I don't float away,
guiding me so I don't go astray...

Thousands in this chaotic sea,
and yet somehow you saw me.
Thank you for all of this pride,
pure happiness I call mine
It's a tough world,
but the sail's unfurled,
over Our World...

Shine, shine, shine with me,
Mine, mine, mine indeed...
I love to be a part of our world!

You've been with me through thick and thin
when I'm holding on with calloused skin,
let us always have each other through these years,
hear my voice-- lend me your ears!

Millions in a blue, blue sea,
and yet somehow you still see me.
Thank you for letting me have this pride,
pure happiness I call mine
It's a bright world,
and our sail's unfurled
in Our World

Shine, shine, shine with me,
Mine, mine, mine indeed!
This is our world!

Not my world,
our world.
We share it,
a perfect fit
in Our World..."

I winced at a few of the notes, feeling ill. I must have gotten what Jung Ah had. 

Still, I kept the smile plastered on, not letting it fall until I was off stage.

As soon as I was away from the watching fans, I fell into a fit of coughing, a fit that lasted so long that I was soon gasping for breath. It wasn't uncommon when I got colds for me to have coughing fits like that. That was just how my body worked. there is unwanted stuff in here, so let's spasm through Mel's tough throat to get it out. She'll breathe eventually.

Jung Ah ran to me with a bottle of water, looking concerned. "Are you alright, Minsung?!"

I drank, shaking my head. When finally the coughs halted, I capped the bottle and stood up straight.

"Oh, sure. I made it through the song, at least."

The words came out of my throat painfully, and at half their usual volume. That is, at the volume most normal people spoke. 

Jung Ah looked miserable. "Look, you need to go home. I'll tell the staff that you had to leave early due to illness. If you win, you just can't accept your reward."

I frowned. "Okay, but what about the late night show we were going to film?"

"No. We're going home. We shouldn't even have come here."

"But Jung Ah--"

"No. You're sick. If you make me go home, I can make you go home."

"But... the show must go on!"

She froze, then sighed. "Fine. We'll stay the rest of the program. But you're staying home tomorrow. I'll arrange everything.

We got in the van after the event, not feeling very disappointed or even surprised that I hadn't won.

"Don't talk," Jung Ah demanded as we started moving. "Eat some red Ginseng."

"And chicken noodle soup?" I asked, laughing around my clogged throat.

She glared at me. "No talking! You need to save your voice! Get lots of sleep. And I mean sleep sleep. Because believe me, I know what you two are doing in that house of yours."

I tried not to laugh. Because she was absolutely right.

"And be ready to get back to work as soon as you're better. We'll have to make up for what you'll miss." She turned the wheel, heading us out to the highway. 

"Maybe it would be easier if I just went?" I suggested, but soon fell into another fit of coughing.

She looked at me again out of the corner of her eye, giving me the obvious, "do you really need me to answer that?" look.

"Minsung, I know your job is important to you. I know you try hard, because you only had a year of training. But you have to think of yourself first. Okay?"

I nodded, then put my headphones in, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes.

My eyes were closed until I heard the screeching of tires. Jung Ah swore, and suddenly we were swerving, and I was clinging to the dashboard of the car, screaming as I saw lights spinning with the vehicle. Lights approaching us faster than my sick, sluggish brain could register them.

It was only a moment, less than a moment, that I actually saw that car. It was bright red, a sports car swerving between lanes, completely clueless. I remember every curve of its aerodynamics, every line on the curve of its tires.

It came right towards us, smashing into the van Jung Ah was driving, with enough force to snap my neck forward.

Everything was a blur. The van lurched backwards, the front of the vehicle collapsing inwards. We were spinning, and then there was another impact-- the car behind us, lurching us again. Gravity reversed; I was spinning in that can of metal and plastic, utterly helpless, clutching whatever I could, trying to make myself smaller.

I couldn't hear myself scream over the sounds of crunching metal and screeching tires, couldn't feel the pain of my body being thrown every direction by the rolling vehicle. I closed my eyes and waited for the world to stop spinning.

I was coughing again, every breath burning my throat like acid. There was so much smoke, I couldn't see. I couldn't stop coughing, but it only made it hurt more. My lungs filled with the stuff, like breathing pepper spray, only magnified a thousand times. I couldn't tell if I was crying, or if the haze was bringing tears to my eyes.

It took several moments for me to unclip my seatbelt and try to get out of the mangled vehicle, the car completely overturned. The body was crushed like an aluminum can, leaving no room for me to try to get out. I forced myself out using my legs, cutting my arm on the window glass as I fumbled about for the window, unable to see what I was doing through the haze in my eyes, and unable to control the way my body was spasming from the coughs. 

I kicked against the seat, finally falling onto the road, out of the van. I was still coughing.

When I looked up, I saw lights coming towards me. 

Help, I thought. Help me. Help us. Please.

I reached towards the lights with my hands, my eyes blurred, making those thoughts into words.

Help me, please. I need... to go home... Someone... help! HELP!

My lips moved, and acid air rushed through my lungs, but no sound escaped my throat.

The darkness was pulling me down, even as I desperately tried to call out, to no avail. It dragged me down, utterly silent and alone.