"Henry?" I peeked into the practice room, looking for my puffy-cheeked friend. I figured I'd done enough in the SuJu dorm for the time being. Not to mention I had dance rehearsal scheduled with him. 

"Hey! It's the drunken Wonderwoman! Tell me, how do I count to three?"

I punched him in the shoulder, ignoring his look of pain and closing the door behind me. "So I assume you know everything that happened, then?"

"Seriously, when you told me that you didn't date people because guys are scared of you, I didn't really believe you. But looking at Eunhyuk's eye... wow, you are one tough little fireball."

"Would you care to be this tough little fireball's next victim?"

He winced, his hand going to the place I had last punched him. "No, no, that's okay. I suppose I should focus the conversation on that stunt you pulled on Heechul. I'm a bit curious as to where you got the cat."

"It was a stuffed cat. And I have my sources."

"That Irish guy, right?"

"His name is John," I sighed, "And how did you know?"

"He's tricky. Full of trouble."

I rolled my eyes. "It's an Irish thing. Where do you think I get it?"

"You're Irish?" He seemed genuinely surprised. Had I not mentioned that before?

"Partly. Along with a whole host of other things."

"Including Chinese and Hawaiian?"

"Yeah. Do you want the whole list? It could take a while."

"No, that's okay." He leaned against the wall. "You know, I heard about the whole thing. From Ryeowook. He said you were beating yourself up pretty bad about it."

"From Wookie? He was worried about me?"

"Not as much as some of the other members." He seemed suddenly serious, the jokes he'd been rattling off earlier starting to fade away.

"Like who?"

"Well, for one thing, I think Eunhyuk is now terrified of you." Forget what I just said. "But yeah the other members are worried. Me, especially."

"Henry, you're worried about me?" I'd thought of Henry as my brother, but I'd never really extended that relationship to worry. I wasn't really sure why; it just had never happened.

"Sure. I need to make sure my little sister is safe. It's my job, right? Not to mention your friends told me they would personally cut off my head and parade it around the world as the sculpture on the prow of a cruise ship if I ever let you get hurt." 

I winced, trying to stop myself from picturing it and failing. I assumed it had been Em to make the statement; aside from me, she was the only one who made weird, creepy threats like that. 

"So I just need to know that you're okay, Mel. You know, after having to figure out your fangirl feelings versus real ones, and having to apologize to Sungmin..."

"You know, Henry, I just really don't want to talk about this right now. I'm still kinda trying to figure it all out, so I'd really appreciate it if we could just do anything else but talk about that. Such as, you know, practice our choreography. Which is what we're supposed to be doing anyway."

He grinned, shrugging and taking off his jacket. "Okay, Queen Be. Whatever you say, milady."

I punched him in the shoulder again. "And cut the crap, seriously!"

"One, two, three, four, turn, step, spin out, spin in, good!" The choreographer clapped, as I huffed from the dance. I tried to blow a strand of hair out of my face, but it stuck to my face with sweat. We'd seriously run through that part of the choreography like ten times, and this was the first time we'd finally gotten it right. The last spin had put me in such a position that Henry was behind me, his hands on my shoulders. 

"Okay, Mel, this is the part that's going to be the most uncomfortable. The reason I needed your help. Because I need you to trust me."

I bit my lip. "Well, as long as you know what you're doing..."

Before I knew it, I was spinning away, and my feet were out from under me, and I was falling backwards towards the floor... and then suddenly Henry was there, one hand catching my own to stop the fall from the front, the other around my back. He hovered over me, grinning widely although I swear he'd just endangered my life. My heart was pounding from the sudden fear of the fall, and my eyes were huge as quarters as I stared up at him in shock.

"So do you trust me?" Henry asked, searching my face for any indication of the contrary.

I clung to his grip, an instinct born from vertigo. I took a deep breath. "Of course. I trust my big brother. In every way that counts."

If there was any part of my heart that wasn't beating wildly because of fear, I shut it down immediately.

"Just as long," I added, "as you don't drop me."

He smiled. "Of course not." 

And then he let go.

 The dance with Henry was anything if not demanding. He definitely wasn't making it easy on me, that was for sure. Sometimes one of the other backup dancers had to step in, to show me what I was supposed to do. 

Of course, the most difficult was the part where I fell within inches of the floor, then slid upwards and away. It was a very precise dance, every move having an exact placement, something that wasn't exactly easy for me. The concept of "trust" was repeated over and over again, with a few rapid spins that could end badly if someone wasn't on the other end to stop me, along with a few criss-cross steps that looked absolutely ridiculous if I was doing them by myself. But I always had to trust that Henry would be there. Which was a bit difficult after the first time, in which he had let me fall the last few inches (sorry, the last several centimeters) to the floor, just because it was funny.

After practice for a dance like that, my legs had turned to jelly, and I seriously needed a shower to wash away all of the sweat that had congealed all over my skin, making my clothes smell absolutely horrendous. Unfortunately, the shower would have to wait until I got home, and I still had to go to my vocal lesson.

When I got there, though, I heard the soft sounds of the piano. Peeking around the doorframe, I saw that it was Ryeowook, his eyes closed as his fingers danced over the keys. I went in a little bit further, leaning against the doorframe. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him play; it was always so pretty and calming. It was the song he had composed, wasn't it? "Memories in Breeze"... I loved listening to it. It was a magical song, one that could truly send your mind back to the past, like the name indicated. While Ryeowook's fingers danced over the keys, memories blew through my mind like the wind off of the ocean-- happy memories, sad memories, confused memories, painful memories... I listened to it often when I was going to sleep, because it made me feel at peace. And my Wookie had composed it.

"Oh, Minsung, you're here." His voice snapped me back into the here and now. He'd stopped playing, and now was looking right at me.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't knock. I didn't want you to stop playing."

"Don't worry; I'm the one interrupting your training time. Although I don't know where your teacher is..."

I looked around the room, for the first time noticing that Nakata-sensei was absent. "Huh... I don't know--"

"Minsung-ah, are you okay?" He interrupted, "You looked so hurt yesterday, I didn't know what to do..."

"It's... it's fine. I just feel a little worried about jeopardizing my relationship with you guys... I'm sorry, that sounds a little weird..."

He the piano bench so that he was facing me, then opened his arms. "Come here," he commanded in that sweet voice, and I complied, crossing the room and letting myself sink into his embrace. 

"Minsung-ah, if you're ever feeling hurt, or worried, or lonely, I just want you to know that we'll do our best to take care of you. You don't have to always hold back; you won't scare us away. I know you're not a normal person-- if you were, you wouldn't fit nearly as well with us-- so you don't have to act like you are. You might be a little crazy, but that's what we like about you. You don't have to hide it."

I looked up at him, wondering how he'd read my mind. Maybe I'd been thinking so loudly that even thick-headed Ryeowook could hear me. "So... you're all seriously okay with the way I acted?"

"Minsung, the Super Junior members themselves are unique people. If I can live nine years with them, I think we can handle you. Sober or drunk."

I hugged him again, happy to have my oppa there. Wookie wasn't the smartest member there was, and certainly wasn't as smart as Kyuhyun-- yet somehow he'd been able to lift a huge weight on my heart. I wouldn't try to hide my strangeness from them anymore. It wasn't like I'd been doing a really good job of that in the first place, anyway. I suppose, after the crazy crap I'd done while I was drunk, no amount of strangeness from when I was sober could possibly surprise them now.

I was a bit sad when Ryeowook pulled away. "So, Minsung, since your teacher isn't here, do you mind if I take over your lesson?"

I smiled, feeling more certain of everything than I had for the previous two days. "I would very much not mind."

"So that's everything that happened," I finished, sitting on my bed on my pajamas, hugging a pillow while I explained to Min Hee everything that had occured since I'd woken up with a hangover.

"Wow... Mel, this is GREAT!"

"It is?"

"Well, yeah! Geez, if I knew things were going to happen this well, I would have gotten you drunk earlier!"

"MIN HEE!" I yelled, shocked at her declaration.

"Sorry, love, I didn't mean it like that. But do you really not realize how great this is?"

"Umm... no, I don't think I do."

"Mel, seriously. You've been trying to hold back on your desires to do crazy stuff this whole time, and then when Heechul and Kangin spike your drink, you lose your inhibitions and do everything that you've been secretly wanting to do this entire time, but didn't want them to think you're crazy, and push them away. But you actually did it, and they didn't even care. Do you realize what this means?!"

I blinked, still completely lost.

"Agh, for someone so smart, you're incredibly daft in the romance department," she muttered, and before I could make an exclamation about her words relating to a romantic relationship, she began to explain. "Mel, this means that they're completely accepting you. That you're important to them. That they'll take care of you. Protect you. Mel, this means that somehow, whatever way it is, they love you."

My heart went cold. I could feel it in my chest, like a chunk of ice wedged into my ribcage. "You-you can't mean that..."

"Well, we already know that Henry loves you. Like his little sister. Is it impossible to say that he's not the only one who thinks that way?"

"Well... no, I guess. But you know, Min Hee, I don't think I could handle having twelve brothers."

"Exactly. And from what you told me about what you said to Sungmin, I can tell that you don't want it like that. Mel, you're finally starting to act like a real girl!"

She giggled with glee, and I just stared at her, wondering what I was supposed to interpret that as. Hadn't I already been acting like a girl? I adored dramas, hiding my face under the blankets and squealing like a madwoman at the cutest scenes. I loved watching people fall in love, and adored sweet songs about romance that could never be, about love that couldn't be stopped, no matter what got in the way. If I wasn't a real girl, then I was at least a real fangirl.

Min Hee saw m blank expression and groaned. "You really don't get it, do you? Mel, you've finally started to admit to yourself that you might have feelings for them that go past a fangirl's. When you said those things to Sungmin, you were saying things out loud that you felt but never knew you felt. I'm so PROUD OF YOU!!!!!" She hugged me, jumping up and down.

"Okay, Min Hee, now you're freaking me out."

She let go. "Just be yourself from now on, and we'll see how this goes. This could get really fun... if you need any help, I'm right here."

"You're kind of forgetting about the whole age difference thing..." I reminded her, feeling small. 

"Chincha, Mel. It doesn't matter. Now, since we have to focus even more on making you beautiful, it's time to put on your face cream..."

I groaned, rolling backwards on my bed and covering my face with my pillow. Min Hee grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet, pillow and all. "Come on, Mel, you're not getting out of it that easily..."

"Minsung-ah, you look much better today than you have for months," BoA observed to me as my classmates and I stretched before our backup dance practice with her. 

I felt better. Stronger, more confident. Even when I messed up in dance practice, I was more likely to laugh it off and try again than I was to fight back tears and stubbornly get back on my feet. I didn't actually do any better than usual, but I was suddenly able to handle it better. 

"I've had an interesting few days," I replied, quite honestly. "Interesting" was a slight understatement, but I couldn't think of another word to describe it. 

"Well, I'm happy to see you like this. Oh, and Minsung?"

"Yes, Sunbae?"

"Thank you for your song. 'A Dream by the Sea", remember? It's one of my favorites from the album. Very pretty. I hope whoever you met that made you think of that song... I hope he knows that he has a chance to fall in love with a lovely, strong girl. If you ever meet him again, you can tell him I said that."

I felt my hands tighten, as I thought about who she had spoke of. "Yeah, I'll tell him that, BoA-sunbae. But I don't think I'll ever meet him again."

She shrugged. "You never know. Fate has a weird way of playing with us. After all, wasn't it fate that brought you to this company, to this country, to meet that person, and then write a song about him? If that's the case, then it isn't too strange that fate will have you meet again."

I don't believe in fate, I thought. Fate didn't bring me to SM. My feelings as an ELF did. And it's because of that I know that the person I met that day is different than the one I see every day. "Thank you for the thought, Sunbae. But I really think that my work is more important to me than love. Maybe he feels the same way, wherever he is. But why do you ask me about these things? The other trainees..."

"They don't worry me as much. They're lovely girls, who talk all the time about the boys they want to date, the cutest male trainees... but I wonder about you. You barely glance at any boy in the company. You just don't seem interested."

"I just don't have time for those emotions, I guess."

She nodded. "Well, if that's the way you feel. But don't avoid it completely. I think the song you gave me is evidence that when you let your heart do what it wants, you get the best results."

My heart pulsed, a shockwave that went straight to my brain. Suddenly my hands itched for a piece of paper. 

"Oh my god, thank you Sunbae. I just... I just got a wonderful idea for a song that I haven't been able to finish for a long time."

"Then Minsung, seriously, go finish it," It was Kwon Mei, leaning over my shoulder.

"Chincha? But dance practice..."

"I'll help you practice it later at the dorm. We've still got plenty of time."

"Sunbae?" I asked, looking back at BoA.

"You're just a backup dancer here, Minsung-ah. You're more useful as a songwriter anyway." She smiled, and indicated the door. I stood up, bowed, and ran out the door.

"Oppa! Oppa! Open the doooooor!" I knocked repeatedly on the door of the lower dorm, then gave up and used my key. It had been a pain, finishing the song, then having to wait until the next day, and through acting class, before I could go to the SuJu dorm. 

I slid the door open, kicking off my shoes and dashing inside. "Oppa?! Is anyone home?"

"What is your problem, Jageun?!" Kyuhyun came out of the hallway, his eyes sleepy-looking, his hair tousled, and wearing a shirt over pajama bottoms that I was fairly sure he had just thrown on for a look of mild decency.

"Oh, Oppa, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up..." I hid my notebook behind my back, then stood on my tiptoes so that my hand could reach his head. "Here, let me fix your hair. You're getting a bed-head afro."

He seemed surprised, and in a way, he should have been. Before, I would have hesitated to touch him in any way that suggested intimacy. But his hair was bothering me. 

"There. Better. So do you want me to show you what I woke you up for, or not?"

"I want breakfast, actually."

I sighed, going into the kitchen. When was I going to be able to show this thing to them? I slapped the notebook down on the counter, then grabbed stuff from the cupboards and threw it into a pan. I stirred it together, stabbing the rice clumps apart with the wooden spoon. My vision kept going over the notebook, so filled with my thoughts, but I kept making myself look away. Making myself impatient would only make the wait worse. 

Taking the finished rice into the living room, I set it down in front of Kyuhyun. "Okay, breakfast."

"We have a schedule in a few hours, so you should probably get the other members up, too..."

Cursing in Spanish under my breath, I got to my feet and went to Eunhyuk's room. I knocked on the door, hoping that Choco would hear and start barking, forcing Eunhyuk to get up without making me go in. No such luck. Choco appeared at my feet, wagging his tail. I leaned over and pet him, promising to take him out for a walk and give him some treats later. 

"Choco, can you do me a favor?" I asked, rubbing his ears, "When I open the door, can you run in and wake up your Papa? I'd go in myself, but I have no idea what he sleeps in, or the lack thereof, and I don't feel like finding out. So can you do that for me?"

Choco's tongue lolled out, and I took that for a yes. Very carefully, I opened the door, letting the fuzzy brown dog run in. I leaned against the wall, waiting. In no time at all, I heard barking, then a yell, then a thud, and then next thing I knew, the door was opening, Choco was running out looking quite self-satisfied, and Eunhyuk was stumbling out of the room. 

"Minsung?" He asked, sleepily. His black eye looked so much worse when he wasn't fully awake. It made his eye look sunken in and red, like it was bleeding internally or something. I'm so sorry, Eunhyuk-oppa...

"Kyuhyun-oppa told me that you have a schedule in a few hours, so I should wake everyone up. I had Choco do it for me. I made breakfast already, so you can go eat it. You look like you need some caffeine... what time did you go to bed?!"

He muttered something that sounded like "before Kyuhyun," and started down the hallway, rubbing his eyes, then shouting in pain when rubbing his right eye made it hurt more. With a sigh, I followed him, wondering if I'd ever be able to show them the song.

i passed them in the living room, heading to the kitchen. "What do you guys want to drink? Coffee? Tea? Eunhyuk-oppa, I bought some strawberry milk yesterday, if you--"

I broke off as I walked into the kitchen, encountering Sungmin, leaning against the kitchen counter with my notebook in his hands. He looked up when I entered, a look of slight amazement on his face. 

"Minsung-ah, you wrote this?"

I snatched the notebook from him, hugging it to me. "It was supposed to be a surprise!"

"The lyrics I read... are they the same as the English ones?"

I nodded. "I translated them for you, so you could know what they meant..."

"I'm holding on to a paper wall,
Holding tight as it rips down,
And soon it will drop...."

 He said the words they way they'd been translated into Korean, slightly losing the musicality and careful rhyming they'd had when I'd written it in English. But he smiled as he said them, and I hoped that meant he liked it. 

"Sungmin-oppa, I have to show it to the other members... So if you'd like to have some breakfast, I can--"

"Minsung-ah! Strawberry milk!" Eunhyuk yelled, and I rolled my eyes in Sungmin's direction, then went to the refrigerator to grab Eunhyuk's precious strawberry milk.

"You guys, Minsung has something to show us," Sungmin announced as he sat down at the table with the other members.

They all looked at me, making me feel really conspicuous as I handed Eunhyuk his strawberry milk, and then poured tea for Sungmin. 

"Oh, is that why you were yelling at the door this morning?" Kyuhyun asked, his mouth still slightly full of rice. 

"Yes, yes it was. But of course, you were more interested in breakfast than you were in hearing what I had to say." The words were harsher than I'd wanted them to be, but I was a bit upset from being denied so many times.

"Sorry." He didn't sound very sorry.

"You'd think you'd be more curious, considering that it's the song that you asked me to write," I snapped, sitting down at the table and putting the notebook in front of me. I felt fairly satisfied when Kyuhyun's eyes widened, and he grabbed the notebook and began flipping through the pages, his eyes skimming over my messy Hangeul. He read really fast, I noticed, about as fast as I could. Before I knew it, he was handing it to Eunhyuk, then reaching out and stealing Eunhyuk's strawberry milk while his hands were busy with the notebook. 

"It's good enough. I think we can have it accepted by the company pretty quickly, maybe even start practicing it as soon as SMTown is over. What do you think, Sungmin?"

"Wait, wait, wait," I interrupted, standing up and pushing my glasses onto my nose. "If you're going to be singing this song, you need to have WAY better English than you do right now, or people will just listen to it and laugh because you can't say the words."

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

"Have I ever told you about the negative commentary I've gotten from ignorant Americans when I try to introduce them to your songs? If you want to seriously crack into the Western markets, your English is going to need some help."

"Minsung-ah, tutors take money, and that would take a long time to convince the company to do..." Eunhyuk started, but I stopped him, standing up.

"It won't cost you an extra penny. You don't need a teacher. Here I am, a tried-and-true English scholar, fully prepared to teach you how to count to three and other tricks of the English language. Completely free of charge. All you have to do is let me teach you."