Everything comes with time. Some things take more time than others. But eventually, life goes on, though maybe not the way that it always did. 

It would be a long time before I stopped waking up in the morning and expecting Jung Ah to come barging in, telling me all about the day's schedule. Before I stopped waiting for someone to tell me to hurry up and go to the recording studio or get some dance practice in. 

Suddenly I found myself with more free time than I knew what to do with. Surely at some point in my life there had been a time when I had had more than that, but I didn't remember it. True, only a quarter of my life had been spent in this chaos of busy schedules and very little sleep, but it was so much a part of me that anything else felt strange. 

The news hit the press like a bomb. They seemed to respect Jung Ah's death at least a little bit, probably because I'd mentioned it, and they always made sure to take notice at least once every time they talked about me. I heard about myself in almost every language, everyone saying that Queen Be had been forced off of her throne. North America, South America, Europe, pretty much every developed country in Asia, all talking about what Queen Be would do now.

What they didn't know was that Queen Be was quite busy throwing up. I'm fairly sure that was what I spent a good amount of my time doing.

I should have known, with PMS as bad as mine, my morning sickness would be just as crippling. Unfortunately, I couldn't exactly take the birth control pills anymore. So I had to it up and deal with it. Along with everything else.

"Amazing how quickly I can sink," I remarked sarcastically to Zhou Mi over the dinner table. "I look like a ghost, smell like vomit, and sound like a dying bullfrog."

"You do not sound like a dying bullfrog," he replied exhasperatedly.

I stabbed my salad with my fork. "Maybe not, but I do look like a ghost and smell like vomit."

"Are you sure you don't want me to--"

"For the last time, no! No, not only do I not want you to stay home, I won't allow you to. If I have to give up on my singing career, I refuse to let you do it, too. That is why I came to this country, you know."

"To make sure I don't quit singing?"

"To help everyone be as successful as they possibly can. Songwrite, act, everything. Maybe it's for the best, you know? I can focus on my original goals again."

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Now, I'm going to be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom. To throw up."

When finally the growing baby gave my stomach a rest, I was able to sit down and set my notebook on my lap, poise my pencil over the paper, and wait.

The doctors had diagnosed me with some kind of depression caused by Survivor's Guilt. Nothing happened with it, though, since my pregnancy prevented them from giving me very many drugs with which to combat it.

I had several million dollars of spending money from my music career, and did not rely on my husband for my living. On the contrary, by this point I had earned more money than he ever had, my success inarguable. No one could say that I was weak because I was a woman. I would stand strong as one of the idols of feminism, and fight for it. I had done everything I had set out to do, and I would continue to do so.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

I set the pencil down, watching it glide over the paper, seemingly of its own accord.

Make a wish on a falling star,
never knowing how lost you are. 

I closed my eyes, setting the pencil down. I laid my hands on my stomach, resting for a moment. The words had come out with no real thought behind them. It wasn't a song yet, merely banter that rhymed. But it felt like the world had been taken away from my shoulders.

Maybe when I finished it, I would give it to JACK. Jung Ah and Kwon Mei, just starting their careers. Maybe they could shine even brighter than I had, if I gave them a bit of a push. They'd probably sing it beautifully. Maybe I could help their dreams come true. Like a falling star.

I wondered what it had been like, for my mother. Tougher than lots of people gave her credit for, not able to attend her college graduation because she was pregnant with my sister. Babies were gentle things, and soft. My lifestyle would have to change in order to take care of it.

Did I want a girl, or a boy? Would it be okay with KyuMin and Ni Qiu? Well, KyuMin was probably fine, since he was declawed and was generally difficult to bother, but I hoped the dog was okay.  Maybe I should prepare myself a bit more for this. I mean, I was definitely not going to quit my job, but I should learn the proper things to do. Maybe I should take classes. No... it'd have to be a private tutor. Going into public for it would be a hassle.

I shook my head, removing the thoughts spiraling through my mind. Maybe I should just focus on writing this song.

The press had just as much fun with the news of my pregnancy as they did with the news of my injury. Especially when I showed up at the red carpet for the movie with Zhou Mi, and everyone was sure to congratulate us for the child, wondering if I had been okay during the flight to L.A.

"Well, I'm not throwing up quite as much anymore, so mostly I just had to go the bathroom a lot," I commented, and heard the people laugh.

"Do you think your vocal injury will affect your ability to find roles?"

"Not at all. At this point, I'm not in any real hurry."

"And, Mr. Zhou, can you tell us about how this has affected your relationship?"

I broke in. "You all can question Zhou Mi as much as you like. If you'll excuse me, I have to pee."

I rushed off, hearing more laughter behind me.

No luck in the Oscars department, but I'd gotten plenty of offers for my next job. Which I guess is a win. Of course, not until after the baby, but plenty of people still wanted me in their movie. One of the other people who worked with us on the movie said that I sounded "ier than before". Which earned him a laugh from me and a glare from Zhou Mi.

And then, once again, we were headed home, quietly and comfortably. The little thing kept still for a while, and I was able to seep, mostly.

"Are you having any cravings?" Zhou Mi asked, nudging me.

"Don't tell me you've been reading parenting books."

"Um..."

"Knew it."

"You caught me. But seriously. Anything?"

"Fish sticks and custard."

"Seriously?"

"No. I just got that from Doctor Who."

"So there's nothing?"

"Lemon poppyseed muffins. Sushi. Oh, and spinach."

"Spinach?"

"I happen to like spinach."

"I know, but..."

"You asked."

Later, at the hospital, waiting for my first (well, second) ultrasound. "What do you want?" Zhou Mi asked, playing with my fingers.

I thought about it, leaning back in the chair. "A girl."

"Really? Not a boy?"

"Of course you want a boy. All fathers want boys. Even if they don't say it. Though I suppose, in China..."

"My parents got lucky, I admit."

"Modest, are we?"

We both laughed.

"But really, why a girl?" he asked.

I sighed, looking at my watch. "I'm scared of what would happen if I had a boy. My family has a long history of autism. Both sides. Fragile X syndrome in all of my uncles on my father's side. Asbergers on my mother's side. It doesn't really show up in girls, but it shows up in boys. I love my little brother a lot, and I don't want him to be treated differently than everyone else, but I know that the world is hardly ideal. I don't want to have a son that's going to grow up and have to deal with that. I wouldn't want him to suffer like that. It's painful. I'd rather not have any sons at all if that's what it means."

He grimaced. "You're probably right."

"Sorry."

"Why?"

"That I don't want a boy."

"Don't be. We won't agree on everything."

"So... girls?"

"Girl. Besides, if she's like you, I wouldn't really need a boy anyway."

I punched him in the shoulder.

"Alright... now let's see what we have in here..." the doctor mused, pressing the scanner against my skin, while I resisted the urge to twitch against the cold gel.

"Well, it seems to be healthy, which is remarkable, considering what you went through. Have you been eating well, Melissa?"

"She already eats a lot," Zhou Mi answered for me. "I don't think we'd notice any difference."

The doctor laughed. "Well, that's good, I suppose. Yes, it seems to be developing well. Like you, miss Queen Be, your daughter seems to be a fighter." She winked at me, keeping the scanning wand at a certain point on my skin.

"It's a girl?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, ma'am. Sometimes it's difficult to tell, but she's in just the right spot for us to see. Congratulations."

I hugged Zhou Mi, happy that something was going right for once. Even if I was bloated like a balloon.

 "You're really giving this to us?!" SoHee remarked, looking at me incredulously over the sheet music I had handed her.

I slowly lowered myself into a chair, groaning around the size of my midsection. "Yeah. It's not like I can sing it."

She winced, and handed the paper to Kwon Mei. All four girls looked at it together, occassionally peeking at me around it.

"Minsung, this is the most amazing..."

"It's depressing, that's what it is," I interrupted. 

"No, actually, it's not," Mia corrected. "It's... inspiring. You're sure you want us to sing it?"

"For the last time, yes!" I snapped. "SM doesn't debut untalented people. That's a fact. I was hoping I could be your falling star."

SoHee jumped up and hugged me. "You're not a falling star, Minsung..."

I smiled bitterly. "No. I am. I was on top of the world, and suddenly an accident knocked me right out of the sky. But if I have to come back down, I might as well grant some wishes in the process. You guys want to make it to the top of Billboard? You got it. Your wish is my command."

She squeezed tighter, and I gently tapped her shoulder. "Um, Honey, don't squeeze too much. It's a bit soft in there."

SoHee jerked away, her face pink. "OH MY GOD, I'm so sorry!"

I laughed. "Don't worry about it. But practice that song, alright? It'll be on your next album, right?"

"Yes, Queen Be!" Miyagi answered cheerfully. And we wanted to cover your song, 'No Place For Weeping' for our concert."

"You sure? Rock?"

"Miyagi's awesome at it," Kwon Mei mentioned.

I smiled. "If you insist, Kwon Mei. I'll be in the audience, 'kay?"

"Absolutely. We'll pull you up onstage."

"Don't you dare."

"We'll do it!" SoHee teased.

"Oh, and by the way, we're looking for girl names. We have a box in the lobby. So if you think of a name, put it on a slip of paper and in the box, 'kay?"

"Really?! You want us to help?!"

"I'm asking pretty much everyone I know, in, like, five countries."

"We'll think of some good ones."

There was a knock on the door. Their manager. "Queen Be, the girls have to start practicing soon."

I nodded. "Of course." I started getting to my feet, and he ran over. I waved him away.

"Good god, I'm pregnant, not crippled."

"Yeah, but--"

"Take care of your team, honey. That's what a good manager does."

"How do you know?"

I looked at him darkly. "Trust me, I know."

Time changes a lot of things, and it doesn't take nearly as much of it as you might think. It had only been a few months, and it felt like my world was growing and changing just as fast as the baby inside of me.

Eunhyuk, to my surprise, had actually maintained contact with Kalafina's Keiko. The two of them made a nice couple, I thought. She was really a very nice girl, with whom I bonded quite well over nail polish and ice cream.

Emily had come to Korea as a professional photographer and was working on getting successful enough to open her own studio. She and Minho were doing well, even after he had gone with her to my family's house in Wisconsin and watched her search the rocks for hours, looking for a very specific frog, and then demand that he surrender the real Minho. But, then again, that was Emily.

Eliz had scored a job teaching advanced English at Incheon International School, the same place I had finished my last year of high school. Fortunately, poor Kevin hadn't had to deal with her getting drunk ever since my wedding, even as much as they saw each other. I think he admired her, in a way. There was something infinitely incredible about stumbling upon fame and deciding that you didn't want it. They contrasted each other in just the right ways, but were alike in a ll the ways that were important. Eliz could be very shy and easily embarrassed. Kevin, on the other hand, wasn't really shy at all.

I remembered, at my wedding, Min Hee had brought Aron along and insisted that he dance with Jacklyn. That had been awkward, at first, but sweet. Now Jacklyn had come to Korea, and had taken over my spot as DJ of Arirang Radio. We didn't pressure them to date, but I admit, there was a bit of poking there. They still weren't quite there, Aron being so completely clueless. But there was always hope.

Ali worked for Samsung, programming computers, and often visited the country for business. She'd won the spot through lots of hard work, leaving hundreds of male applicants behind her. Goes to show that we Wisconsin Girls don't need a man to hold us up. Not that there was anything wrong with having a man to lean on once in a while.

I remembered a line from "Somewhere Far Away", a song it felt like I'd written ages ago. It had been a few years, true, but it was fairly accurate, wasn't it?

"My friends have left their family homes, in hopes of finding their dreams. They'll find them someday, I know they will, despite how hopeless it seems."

It had taken some time, and a considerable amount of luck, but I think they really had. They hadn't really been happy as idols. Famous, yes, but not really happy. Now, I think they were happy.

I sat on my couch with the box of baby girl names in my lap, rifling through the contents, wondering what kinds of names were in there. Something beautiful, but something strong.

My parents were excited to have a grandchild. I don't think they even really knew what to do with themselves. Of course, neither did my grandparents, any of them. At times, I had wondered if they would make it this far, but thanks to my large paychecks, my paternal grandmother didn't have to work anymore. My entire family awaited the arrival of my daughter, wanting to know what her name would be, wanting to hold the newest baby of the family. There hadn't been any in a while. And I honestly don't think my family members expected it to come from me at all.

How long had it been since I had left? Six years?

I flipped through family pictures on Facebook, gingerly touching the picture my sister had taken with my little brother. Not so little anymore, of course. He towered over her, dark-skinned and charming, with that grin of his. He was a real young man now. Made me feel old, and I was only twenty-three.

I put my phone on the table and reached over to my lazy cat, sitting next to me on the couch. He purred, letting me rub his belly, getting up so he could get more petting. Cute, fat cat. Actually, he wasn't really that fat. He just acted like it. Just like he always had.

"So what are the names?" Zhou Mi asked, plopping down on the couch next to me excitedly, scaring away poor KyuMin.

I rolled my eyes, leaning back. The two of us got along quite well, I do believe. I mean, we fought occasionally, but I'd been told that was healthy. The last time had been when he tried to get me to stay home from a trip downtown because "I needed to be careful." It had bloomed into a full-blown argument of me reminding him that just because I'd been permanently injured, I wasn't a piece of fine china, and refused to sit in a cupboard for people to look at for the rest of my life. In fact, regarding fine china, I think I might have broken some in the process.

We didn't always understand each other 100%, and it didn't help that I was always moody, but things always got better, and back to normal. And now, everything was just fine, and we'd agreed to look through all of the baby names our friends and family had so graciously offered.

"Okay, ready? Number one." I reached into the box and pulled the first little slip of paper out, opening it up with my carefully-manicured fingers (since I couldn't do much else with my time, with all of my acting offers saying "after the baby"). "And, from Zhou Mi's mom we have 'Li Mei'. It's pretty, I suppose. 'Pretty Flower', right?"

"Should we put it on the keep pile?"

"Sure."

"Okay, number two. From... Oh, from Niuwang's mom! You're curious for this one, aren't you?" Zhou Mi asked, laughing.

"Not too much. I think I know what it'll say."

"What's that?"

"Kalani. It's my cousin's name. Hawaiian for 'Heavens'."

He peeked. "Darn. I was hoping you'd be wrong." He set it on the table next to 'Li Mei'. "Okay, your turn..."

We kept going until every piece of paper was either laid carefully out on the table or thrown in the recycle bin with names like "Ultimate Master" (Joke from Tessa), "Juliet" (since everyone knows that I hated Romeo and Juliet, and would never name my daughter that), and Caoilfhionn (courtesy of John, thrown out because even I couldn't pronounce it, so nobody in Korea would be able to.)

Finally they were all laid out, after quite some time, and a pause to get some food. I took my chopsticks out of my mouth and looked down at the names, thinking while I chewed. "The biggest vote was for 'Sora'."

Zhou Mi, at this point, was just tired. "From who?"

"Umm... One from Eunhyuk-oppa..."

"He wants you to name our daughter after his sister?!"

I laughed. "Well, it's sentimental. He's a little cutie. It means... 'seashell'... in Korean. I think. And this one's from Keiko! They must have voted together. Though, come to think of it, 'Sora' is a pretty common name in Japan, too. It means 'sky'. Which is beautiful."

"Who are the others?"

"Ahjusshi. Aw, he's so cute! He put Sora-eonni's name in for her! And then there was Sora herself, with a little smily face. It says 'I feel like being selfish, heeheehee' on the back."

"What do you think?"

" 'Kalani' and 'Sora' mean the same thing in Japanese and Hawaiian. And it reminds me of Jung Ah. In heaven, watching over me, like always. What about you?"

"Sora sounds beautiful."

The audience roared around me while I remained sitting, holding my swollen belly, smiling up at the stage. JACK, with its truly mixed members, was a resounding success in plenty of countries, just like me. And, just like me, they had shot to success in a short amount of time. It was easy for me to forget that half of the group was older than me.

SoHee, the official leader of the group, stepped forward, smiling beautifully. Their opening number had been a killer, and now she was glistening with sweat, but still pretty as ever. All of them were.

"Is everyone having fun?!" she shouted, and the audience roared even more.

"That's good. So, before we go on, we wanted to stop and tell everyone about the wonderful woman who wrote this next song." She smiled down at me, and then went on.

"A lot of people think that it's the company that makes the artist. But that's not true. Not entirely. I think-- WE think-- an artist is nothing without her songwriter. Because you can sing your heart out and blast notes that bring down the house, but if your songs are no good, you'll never make it. But by some work of magic, we found our own falling star."

Kwon Mei nodded. "Everyone knows Queen Be, right?"

She was met by more screaming. I tried not to stick out too much, even though I was one of few people still sitting down.

"Well, she wrote this song, and it means a lot to us. I think... I think it's her story. It's our story, too. Sometimes we put everything we have into something, and just don't get everything back. But we make the best of it. That was what she always did. We just wanted to sing this song, and remember her, and her manager. Both of them were trainees with me and SoHee. We made mistakes, and we had our arguments, but in the end, we always come to the same place. Here, onstage, in front of all of you."

SoHee took over again, her arms around Miyagi's shoulders. "Queen Be released two full-length albums and three mini-albums, plus singles in Japan and China. In addition to that, she's written over a hundred songs for people both in and out of SM. So when we sing this, please think of her, and all of your biases. All of your Oppas and Eonnis, and think of at least one thing you can thank Queen Be for. I can think of thousands."

The lights dimmed, and the audience cheered around me, then went silent. It started off quietly, with gentle piano, lights coming up on SoHee, playing on the white piano with her eyes closed, her fingers dancing over the keys. Then the lights revealed Miyagi, leaning against the other side of it, microphone to her lips.

"Kept my eyes focused on the sky.
Always knew someday I'd fly.
Always knew I would fight for a dream.
Always hoped I could be seen..."

Kwon Mei now, sitting on a stool, exactly like I'd done when I'd said goodbye. 

"Against all odds I fought my way through,
never forgot what I said to you.
My story had only just begun,
and someday I'd shine as bright as the sun."

All four girls, singing in harmony, like experts. I didn't know Mia and Miyagi very well, but they were definitely singers. I had been the one writing the words, but hearing their beautiful voices behind it, I could see every moment of those years play before my eyes.

"Make a wish on a falling star,
never knowing how lost you are,
while it comes crashing back down to earth,
and we forget what we're all worth,
it comes plummeting in a blaze of light,
and we'll never go down without a fight.
Hoping and praying for our dreams to come true,
because in our hearts we know what stars go through.
A falling star, descending from the sky,
encouraging wishes while its own die.
Make a wish while it stays;
never let it fade away."

Mia now, her Korean having a slight accent. A bit like mine. Only without the Mokpo tinge.

"Enemies watched every step I took,
Smiling faces wherever I looked.
Time and time again thinking 'that's it, it's over'.
while the dream is really just one step closer."

SoHee now, her voice clear and pure.

"Make it or break it,
Take it and shake it.
Artificial, obsessed with beauty,
but that wasn't supposed to be my duty."

SoHee and Kwon Mei together, going into the last refrain.

"The road to heaven isn't paved.
To get there, you have to climb.
Face the fear, you have to be brave.
Can't afford to lose a moment of time."

"Make a wish on a falling star,
never knowing how lost you are,
while it comes crashing back down to earth,
and we forget what we're all worth,
it comes plummeting in a blaze of light,
and we'll never go down without a fight.
Hoping and praying for our dreams to come true,
because in our hearts we know what stars go through.
A falling star, descending from the sky,
encouraging wishes while its own die.
Make a wish while it stays;
never let it fade away."

They bounced back and forth into the bridge, with Miyagi blasting the most powerful of notes.

"I thought that time was on my side."
"The day I fell was the day I died."
"Knocked so harshly out of the sky,"
"watching the stars go sailing by...!"

"I won't fade away
until I hear you say,
that you'll take my place
someday!"

"Make a wish on a falling star,
never knowing how lost you are,
while it comes crashing back down to earth,
and we forget what we're all worth,
it comes plummeting in a blaze of light,
and we'll never go down without a fight.
Hoping and praying for our dreams to come true,
because in our hearts we know what stars go through.
A falling star, descending from the sky,
encouraging wishes while its own die.
Make a wish while it stays;
never let it fade away."

"Let me be your falling star...
please, keep me in your heart."

They finished to the sound of resounding applause, and I was hunched over my stomach, holding back the tears. And, of course, right then, my daughter decided she was sick of tears. And she'd have to see whatever it was that made her mother cry with her own two eyes.

"Oh god. Oh god, excuse me. I have to leave," I said to the person next to me.

"How can you leave after a performance like that?!" She started to ask, before she turned and saw me. "Oh... Oh my god, you're Queen Be!"

"Yes, I am. And I'm eiht and a half months pregnant, and would love to stay for the rest of my concert, but my daughter doesn't seem to want to. So, if you could please let me through, I would be much delighted."