I never really thought that going to the province to take care of my sick grandpa would change my life… In every possible way there is. And more importantly, I learned what it feels like to love unconditionally and what it means to sacrifice.

 

“Please wear your seatbelts. We are going to land soon” doing what the stewardess said, I put on my seatbelt because the last time I didn’t the stewardess and I got into a not so friendly conversation and it ended up with my clothes being crumpled and my hair messy while her uniform is at mess. Yes it’s THAT bad. It was a good thing they didn’t banned me from the airport. I’m not really a troublesome kid. It’s just that I’m curious about a LOT of things and not wearing your seatbelt while going to land on a plane is included.

 

I saw one stewardess giving me a nasty stare. Then it struck me. It was the same person whom I argued about not wearing my seatbelt. I gave her one of my most cunning smile and pointed my gaze towards the seatbelt then back at her. With a sneer, she turned to leave and I took that chance to make a face at her. Which I did without getting caught. Hehehe…

 

After about 5 minutes the plane has landed and I immediately went to the luggage counter to get my things. Grabbing my simple black luggage, which only contain books that are enough for me throughout the entire summer. Then where the hell are my clothes, you ask? I already have my things on grandpa’s house since I always spend my summer there. Me and grandpa spend a lot of time together every time I take a vacation at his place. He taught me how to fish, how to paint, how to play different instruments and even how to climb a tree. But unfortunately it won’t be that way this year. His condition got worse and the moment I heard it, I took the earliest flight to go here.

 

As I hailed a taxi I gave the driver the address of the house and just sat silently. I look at the window when suddenly little rain drops of rain started pouring softly but nevertheless splashed some water on the window. I remember the time when me and grandpa decided to go fishing but it turns out that a storm was coming so our trip was cancelled. I was very disappointed at that time but grandpa took out some horror movies and some cake (because I love cake) for the both of us. We both sat in silence watching the movie. Well… he was silently watching the movie wincing now and then because I was too busy screeching and screaming at the character not to go inside the room because she’ll die. She didn’t listen so she ended up getting killed by the ugly ghost.

 

“Miss we’re already here” I was too busy reminiscing that I didn’t realized that the cab was already in front of the house. “Oh right. Thanks” I got out and took my luggage. “Miss!” the driver called out. “What is it?” he rubbed his thumb and middle finger together “I’m sorry. I don’t have any medicine for itching fingers” I said. He mumbled something that I didn’t understand “come again mister?” he look annoyed then grumbled “you haven’t paid yet”

 

I slapped my hand on my forehead, mumbling a quick apology then handing him some bills. Soon enough he drove with a dash. “I should really remember to pay things” I said to myself as I walk the path lined with stones and plants leading to an old classic house. You know? The sliding doors and basically made out of wood house. The kind of house usually described as haunted by evil spirits. Yeah, that’s the one. It also has a tea house, garden, pond and everything that spells out classically old and ancient. Our house is a mix of Japanese and Korean culture considering my great grandma is Japanese while my great grandpa is Korean.

 

I stopped in my tracks when I saw someone rushing out of the house. “Young miss” it’s one of the maids Soojin. She stopped in front of me gasping for air. “Young miss” I look at her “what is it?” she put a hand on her chest and a hand in front of me. For a few moments I stand there not moving while I let her catch her breath. “Young miss” I sigh exasperated because of the same thing happening again and again.

 

 “Yourgrandpawasrushedtothehospital” okay… I didn’t quite catch that because she was too fast.

 

“Soojin speak slowly” she nodded “Yyyooouuurrr gggrrraaannnddd—“ I put a hand in front of her “speak moderately” she nodded again “your grandpa was rushed to the hospital” I smiled “that’s better” then after a few seconds what she said registered in my mind. “WHAT?!” I shouted. I put both hands on her shoulders and shook her “why didn’t you told me?!” I kept on shaking her. She removed my grip on her shoulders and said “I just did miss”

 

Grabbing the luggage that has fallen on the ground, I made my way towards the house with Soojin still following me. “When was grandpa rushed to the hospital?” I ask “about two hours ago” she answered. Clucking my tongue I directly went to my room with Soojin still following me. “What hospital was he brought to?”  I put the luggage in the corner of the room near my cabinet. “Xxx hospital” I nodded “okay thanks. You may now leave. I’ll go there later after I have rested and freshen up” she obediently nodded and left the room.

 

Waking up, I look at the window and saw that it is already afternoon. Deciding to take a bath I opened my cabinet to pick some clothes. I decided to wear a simple pedal, a blouse with floral patterns and a pair of converse. I don’t really care about fashion so it’s okay for me to wear anything even if it’s outrageous.

After taking a bath and wearing my choice of clothes I went to the dining room and ask someone for some food. The maids serve a simple dish consisting of rice, fish, kimchi and a glass of water. “Would you like Mr. Lee to drive you to the hospital young miss?” Soojin asks.

 

“I think that would be the best thing to do” after eating I was in front of the house waiting for Mr. Lee. Soon enough a car stopped in front of me and the window located at the driver’s seat were rolled down and revealed Mr. Lee with a warm smile.

 

I opened the door and went in. “To xxx hospital, please” the car started and went through the familiar streets. The ride was quite pleasant considering that Mr. Lee was chatty as ever that I didn’t notice how time passes by so fast.

 

“We’re already here young miss” I was about to go out when I remembered that I don’t know grandpa’s room number and I’m too lazy to ask at the reception desk.  “Do you know grandpa’s room number?” I ask “Room 118” I smiled “Thanks” then got out of the car.

 

As I search the room I entered a door thinking its grandpa’s room. “Grandpa are you—“I stopped in midsentence when I saw a young man about my age maybe even older who is reading a book. He looks up and suddenly my breath was suddenly hitched. I couldn’t find my voice when I saw his dark smoldering eyes looking at me with a slight hint of curiosity. His perfectly shaped nose and pink plump lips gives me more reasons to just melt in a puddle right then and there.

 

When I finally found my composure slowly rebuilding, I awkwardly coughed and glance around the room. “Where’s my grandpa? This is room 118, right? And who are you?” he chuckled “sorry to disappoint you. This is room 116. And my name is Kim Myungsoo” I scratched the back of my neck and made a peace sign. “Sorry my bad,” I was about to go out when he stopped me “wait” I look at him “What’s your name?” he asks “Nam Kyungmi” I said “then I hope we meet again soon and have a chance to get to know each other” I smiled “sure” and with that I left the room and searched for grandpa’s.

 

Finally finding grandpa’s room and double checking the number, I entered and saw grandpa sitting on the bed eating peeled apples while watching TV. “Grandpa!” I immediately rushed to him crushing him into a hug. “What happened? Why were you rushed here?” I ask immediately as I step backwards to look at him. He showed me a bandaged finger “I got a paper cut and was worried that it might get infected” he laughed as I gave him a disbelief look. “A PAPER CUT?!” He suddenly jumped from the booming of my voice.

 

“What’s wrong Kyungmi?” he asks. What’s wrong…? WHAT’S WRONG?! “You’re asking me what’s wrong?!” I gritted my teeth as I walk nearer to him. “Kyungmi, you don’t hurt the elder!” he put his arms forward in a protective stance. I was about to nag him when the doctor opened the door and went inside.

“Oh Dongjin ah you saved my life” he said and sighs in relief. The doctor chuckled “If I was her I’d do more than that because of the trouble you cause” he rolled his eyes “that’s no way to treat your hyung” I stand there awkwardly as the two converses. Finally looking at me the doctor ask “so you’re his famous granddaughter Kyungmi I presume?” I nodded.

 

“Me and your grandfather are both classmates way back then. You could say we were also best friends” he chuckled “well, I got your test results” I look at the doctor when I noticed a different tone when he said the test result. “Test results?” I ask.

 

“Y-yeah. You know… for paper cuts” I look sharply at my grandpa “seriously?” he shrugs “you never know” I look at the doctor “then what does the test say?” I ask “apparently your grandpa is over reacting and has a great sense of stupidity” he laughs but I could tell it was force. There is something odd about these two.

 

After a short conversation the doctor finally left and I sat on a chair. “Why am I not surprise that you have a friend like that?” grandpa laughs “for whatever reason there is, I think you could figure it out yourself” I leaned my back on the chair “true. You guys are a bunch of odd balls”

 

Sitting there doing nothing I ask my grandpa “so when are you going to check out?” I ask “I don’t want to leave yet. Can you give me 2 weeks to stay here?” this old man really =.=

 

“Fine whatever” I went out and decided to have a walk. As I went to the garden part of the hospital (which is outside mind you) I saw someone sitting on the bench. Going nearer I saw it was the same person whom I intruded.

 

“Myungsoo ssi?” I ask. He look at me quite surprised but soon gave me a soft smile *badump* *badump* is there something wrong with me? I touched the area in my chest where my heart is located. “Are you okay?” he asks. I shook my head “never mind, it’s nothing” he patted the space beside him and I took the cue to sit down.

 

There was nothing but silence. “Soooo…” I started off but then I find my voice fading. *silence* I heard someone laughing and I look at Myungsoo beside me who was chuckling “is there anything funny?” I ask him with confusion.

 

I don’t know why but his laugh is seriously contagious because I find myself laughing along with him too. Tears were even streaming out as I clenched my stomach because of the uncontrollable laugh. After settling down I find myself unconsciously looking at him and saw him looking at me too, smiling. Suddenly I became flustered so I look away. Again it was silent.

 

“Why did you laugh?” he asks “because your laugh is contagious” I said and it caused him to smile.  “You know you’re quite talented” he suddenly said “huh? Why?” I ask “because you’re the first ever person who made me feel like this” I look at him “like what?” he shrug “I don’t know, I just suddenly feel free right now” he grinned and we started talking animatedly.

 

I don’t know why but I always visualize myself in a dark room staring at a close door. But now I could see a little crack on it and a few light started streaming in.

 

After that, I always find myself talking to Myungsoo., I don't call him oppa because I don't call anyone oppa. Be it at the garden, the lobby, or even in his room. When I’m with him I always get this weird feeling but it seems like I don’t seem to care. All I want to do is to see his smile and to laugh together with him.

 

“Myungsoo, you read books right?” I ask him “yeah why?” I showed him my Pride and Prejudice book. He nodded “yeah I’ve read that though in my humble opinion it’s just another chick flick that was set at the 18^th century or something with long sentences and unfamiliar words that will make someone’s mind go short circuit unless the said person is good in English or a lover of classic books”

 

I just stared at him “okayyy…  but the events are quite interesting when Mr. Darcy professed his love to her” I said “but then before that his cousin wants to marry her” added Myungsoo and I nodded “what insane minds they have” I said and both of us agreed.

“Have you read the secret series of Pseudonymous Bosch?”

 

After talking to Myungsoo I went to grandpa’s room to see him coughing quite badly. “Grandpa are you okay?” I ask worried lace through my voice. “Yeah, I was just choking” he said and I nodded. Medicine lined the table and I frowned. I never really noticed these stuffs before.

 

“Grandpa are you sick?” I ask “don’t worry about me, I’m fine” I was about to talk again when he suddenly ask “so, how was your date with myungsoo?” I blushed but then smiled “we aren’t dating grandpa. We’re just good friends” but I couldn’t help the smile creeping on my face. “Your expression says otherwise” he smiled. “Whatever grandpa we’re not dating” I said but something inside me is wishing that maybe someday we’ll be.

 

I went to the garden and saw him already waiting for me. A smile immediately painted my face as I sit down beside him “hey” I greeted “hey” he smiled but somehow it’s not as bright as before. “Is there something wrong?” I ask. He shook his head “nothing” I nudge his shoulder “come on. You know you can tell me”

 

He sighs “I’m going to be admitted out of the hospital” I smiled “that’s good then. That means you’re already healthy and in a good condition” he nodded and rested his head on his palm “I know but I’m going to be sad” I confusedly look at him “why?” he stared into my eyes “because I’m going to miss you”

I bet all my life that I’m as red as a tomato right now. “We could still meet” I spluttered he laugh “yeah, and I’m going to wear much better clothes. Not like this dull hospital gown” I laughed “yeah” it was silent “you know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, why are you in the hospital anyway?” I could feel him stiffen “is there something wrong?” he shook his head. “I got into a… accident” I could sense something weird when he said accident. I just nodded my head and said no more

.

It’s been exactly 2 days 6 hours 22 minutes and 27 seconds no wait 28 seconds since he left and I haven’t heard anything from him. Grandpa saw my expression and he chuckled “missing your boyfriend already?” I glared at him “he’s not my boyfriend” he raised an eyebrow and I did too. We were having a silent contest “are we just going to… you know? Raise our eyebrows all day?”  We both laugh and I just stared at my phone. We exchanged phone numbers but he hasn’t replied to any of my messages.

I got tired staring at my phone so I fell asleep...

 

I woke up when I felt something vibrating. Looking at my phone, I almost dropped it because I saw a message coming from Myungsoo. Quickly opening it I almost jumped in joy when I read the message.

 

Let's meet tomorrow at xxx cafe, 10 a.m. is it okay? --- Myungsoo

Sure :)) I'll be there--- me

 

Now I know I'll sleep tonight with a smile on my face.

As I prepare for my day with Myungsoo (yes it's just a day not a date) someone knocked on my door. I opened it and saw Soojin holding a small box. "Young miss, you're grandpa want to give you this" after taking it and thanking her I closed the door and opened the box to see what is inside. Truthfully, I was expecting something like a magical box that when you open it. it'll shine and take you to a magical place.

 

Too bad it wasn't =.= but the inside is almost as magical because of what is inside. Inside is a silver necklace with flowers as decorations with diamonds in the middle.

 

 

Inside, there is a note stuck on it.

 

Surprise? This is what my mother gave me when I proposed to your grandma. She said that intead of a ring I should give her a necklace. Weird? That's how our family works. It is a family heirloom so take care of it. It's the only one in the world which means that women in the Nam family is like a diamond flower that will continue to shine even in the darkness. I want you to use this in the happiest occasion in your life. Like your first date with your boyfriend... hehe

 

--Grandpa

 

Aish! He's not my boyfriend. 

 

Setting the note aside, I put the necklace back to the box and set it aside. I don't want to wear something as precious and as expensive as this. Besides, with my clumsiness I'll just lose this thing ^^;;;

 

 

Wearing a simple denim shorts, a white v-neck shirt topped with a blue checkered polo shirt and converse. I decided to let my hair down and to put a simple pink lip gloss. 

 

I smiled in the mirror with satisfaction. I'm not really the type to wear dresses because at the end of the day it will just have lots of stains. What? Eating ice cream is not a sin!

 

I went out of my room and was met by Soojin. "Miss, do you want Mr. Lee to drive you to your destination?" I shook my head "Nah, I can handle myself" I said. "Be careful and please don't get lost" I laughed "No worries. I can handle myself! And I'll try my best not to get lost"

 

I was outside the house when I stopped in my tracks. Now which way was it again???

 

~~~

 

I arrived at the cafe slightly out of breath. Who would've thought that I'll get lost... again?

 

I look around and saw him in a lonely corner sitting alone. I went behind him and covered his eyes "Guess who?" I said in a deep voice "Let me guess..." he said in a playful tone "Santa Claus?" I giggled and removed my hands “Wrong! It's me" I sit in front of him "How surprising..."

 

We ordered ice cream and started chatting casually. I never realized but I always feel happy and comfortable with him around. And how empty I feel when I can't talk to him anymore. Why brain? Why? 

 

"You have something here" he showed where using his own face "here?" I wiped my left cheek and he shook his head "here?" I wiped my right cheek and he shook his head. Then I brightened "here?" I wiped my forehead and he shook his head chuckling.

 

"Here" Instead of reaching out for a tissue wiped something near my lips using his thumb. How cliché this might sound but I blushed at his actions with my heart pounding against my chest and feeling all flustered I can't help but speak gibberish.

 

"asdfghjklpoiuytrewq;'/.mnbvcxz" I kept muttering. "Huh?" he asks "excuse me" I dashed for the restroom and stared at myself using in front of the mirror. "Stop being flustered Nam Kyungmi! Don't make yourself look stupid in front of him!" I slapped my cheeks and stared hardly in front "Stop assuming things! And no you don't like him! Remember, it's okay to expect but hard to assume. Understand?" 

 

I went out and saw him waiting for me. When he saw me approaching he stood up "let's go?" I smiled and the both of us went out of the cafe.

 

We were walking by the river bank and both our hands were brushing. "You know I'm kind of annoyed by this?" he said "by what?" instead of answering me he just grabbed my hands and clasped it with his. "Much better" he smiled at me then looked ahead.

 

*dugun* *dugun*

 

 

Blood rushed to my cheeks as we walk pass people who keeps looking our way. "Why are they looking?" I ask Myungsoo. "Just don't mind them. Let's go?" he suddenly sprinted causing me to run with him. 

 

We went to different places. We played at the play ground, went to the zoo, arcades and a lot more. All I can say that it was fun.

 

"We have one more place to go" he said and we went to a very familiar place.

 

"The sunflower field" I whispered as he took me to the top hill letting us view the magnificent golden field. He looks at me "You know this place?" I nodded "I always go here whenever I feel sad" he smiled "So I guess it's full of bad memories?" I don't know how to respond to his question because basically I only go here whenever something bad happens.

 

"Well we got to change that" he climbed a tree and when he went down he was already carrying a picnic basket with a guitar. "Surprise?" he asks. I nodded "very."

 

We spent half of our time in the field playing and talking. I opened up to him a bit about my family.

 

"When I was a kid I had an older brother" I said "Had?" he asks "yeah, had. He was the most perfect son a parent could ask for. Smart, handsome, talented and most of all obedient. I love him so much and I could tell that he love me too. The two of us were very close. Every night he would go to my room and would read me a story. I treat him like my mom and dad than my biological ones. He acted like a parent for me so I won't feel lonely and yearning for my own parents who were busy with their business than us.

 

One day when I was playing outside, I heard shouting in our house. I recognized it as my parents' and as my brother's. They were fighting about an arrange marriage. My brother at that time already had a lover but our parents were against it. They want him to marry the heiress of another company so they could merge. My brother for the first time disobeyed their orders. They were mad and the more they force him the more he disobeyed. Until one day he... he..." I can't say the next word as a sob threatened to rise up my mouth.

 

He rubbed my back with comforting circles. I tried to stay strong. No matter how many times I try to recall this story it never failed to make me cry.

 

"He committed suicide. That time his girlfriend broke up with her. I knocked into his room but he didn't answer. I took out his spare key and entered only to find him swimming in his own blood. Lifeless." I cried and I felt Myungsoo engulf me in a hug.

 

After a while I calmed down and stared blankly ahead. I could still feel the emptiness that my brother left me. Why Woohyun oppa? Suddenly I hear the strumming of the guitar. I look at him as he continued.

 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3nCVLlhXmc)-- In Heaven by JYJ

 

As of right now, I can’t say anything
The miracle of you- it all seems like a fantasy
The last image of you seems to be locked only in my memories
I wonder if you are watching me from somewhere
Even if I regret, it’s too late- I can’t see you anymore
The tears of the shadows of my memories are watching over that place

I can’t say those words, I really can’t- as much as you were by my side
I’m sorry but I can’t- everything comes shaking back to me now
By waiting a little more, by wandering through my dreams
I’m afraid I will close my eyes inside of you

* Don’t leave, don’t leave- can’t you stay by my side?
Lies, all lies- I don’t hear anything
I love you, I love you- can’t you show me those words?
I love you, I love you- will you love me again?

Time already passed like this
I try looking for your traces but they are erased
The last memories of you are locked in the rims of my tears

Just end it, end me- if you’re not going to be next to me
I’m sorry but I’ll leave now- following your footsteps
Following the road with no end- as I wander to find you
I’m afraid I will lose you and be sad

* repeat

Don’t leave, don’t leave- can’t you stay?
Lies, lies, I don’t hear anything
I love you, I love you- can’t you show me?
Can’t you love me, love me, love me?
Don’t leave, don’t leave- can’t you stay?
Lies, lies, I don’t hear anything
I love you, I love you- can’t you show me?
Please come back

* repeat

We slowly watch the sunset that seems like an eternity. He held my hand but neither of us mind as I lean my head on his shoulder. Neither of us said a word as we sit in comfortable silence.

It seems like there is a silent agreement that at some time in the day we would go to the field either together or we'll meet and we'll watch the sunset together with him holding my hand and my head on his shoulder. It became a habit and every time we meet my heart continues to pound harder against my chest. Much harder when we would be in this position. I dare not to say a word afraid that it would suddenly stop. And just the thought of it makes me feel uneasy. 

 

Am I falling for him? No... Maybe... Yes... I'm afraid I did.

 

 

One day when the two of us sitting beside each other he suddenly spoke "If I die first will you promise me that you'll pick a hundred sunflowers and put it on my grave?" I don't know why the heck he's asking such questions "Why are you asking this?" he shrugs "Just promise me. And I'll promise to do the same if you die first" =.= Seriously? But the way he looks and the way he speaks is so serious that I can't help but to nod. "Okay. I promise" I locked pinkies with him and the both of us fell silent.

 

"What would you do if you would die tomorrow?" he suddenly asks. I look at him bewildered. This guy has some serious issue.

 

"Just answer me" he said.

 

"Me? I'll spend the last day with my family and with those people whom I love" I don't know what has gotten into me but all I know is that I can't look anywhere but with him. I'm lost in his gaze. When I realized what I was doing I quickly avoided my stare and returned to him the question "how about you?"

 

He was silent until he looks at me "This" then without any warning he leaned in to me and captured my lips with his soft ones. It was my first kiss and I involuntarily closed my eyes as I felt my world spinning around. 

 

The kiss was delicate. It was soft and sweet. Much sweeter than my favorite ice cream. The feeling is wonderful. The most wonderful feeling that I have ever felt. Adrenaline pulses through my body and thousand of butterflies fly inside my stomach. Every bone of my body feels like it is being melted. It felt dizzying yet addicting.

 

We broke off as we stared at each other. "I love you" I suddenly blurted out. He looks shock and I realize what I just did.

 

Stupid

 

I stood up and was about to leave when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a hug. "I love you too" he whispered.

 

Who.What.When.Where.Why?

 

 

I look at him in pure disbelief and he chuckled "I'm not joking. I really do. You were the only person capable of making me smile with just one word. Making me feel elated when I see your shining smile. Making my heart beat wildly when you're near. Making me feel weak yet strong at the same time when I hold your hand. You're the only person who can make me feel every different type of emotions at the same time. And when I see you crying I thought that you were the most beautiful girl in the world and it's when I realized what I feel for you. I love you Nam Kyungmi."

 

 My mouth was opening and closing and I stared at him like a gaping fish. When I was about to reply wmy phone rang.

 

I answered the call and it was Soojin. "Young miss your grandpa is in the emergency room!" It only took me a few seconds before cutting the call and walking out. Myungsoo asked me what's wrong as he followed me and hailed a taxi. Once inside I explained it to him.

 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcDDrRq5WXM)-- Starlight tears

 

We reached the hospital in 30 minutes only to see people gathering outside the room. I look at the doctor and he shook his head. My eyes widen as I look inside seeing the nurse put a white cloth over grandpa's body.

 

"NO!" I shouted "Tell me this is a joke!" I shook the doctor as Myungsoo tried to pull me away. "Tell me it's not true!" he shook his head as he muttered a soft 'I'm sorry' "Sorry? Do you think it would bring back my grandpa alive? Sorry? Do you think it's just that easy? Sorry?! When you haven't even tried your best? What kind of doctor are you?!" I entered the room pushing them out. "NO! no! no! no!" I cried. "You can't leave yet grandpa! Please wake up." I cried. A hand patted my shoulder and I look up to see the doctor handing me a letter.

 

Dear Kyungmi,

           

If you're reading this right now then that means that I already left this world. I know it's quite hard for you to accept this when everyday you see me in a healthy state then the next I'm already inside the ER. I'm sorry for keeping this away from you. But I'm already in a horrible condition. I don't have the heart to tell this to you because I know that this news will break you. I know that you'll feel alone. I'm sorry I haven't kept my promise that I'll live longer. I'm sorry that I have to leave so early.

 

            Please understand that I can't hold on much longer. I wanted to tell you but seeing you so happy with your special smile plastered on your face I can't bring myself to break the news. I love you Kyungmi. You know that I love you more than the deepest depths of the sea and the highest level of heaven. Smile. No matter what happens you just have to be strong and keep on moving forward. Show them that Nam Kyungmi is a strong person. I'll be watching you in heaven. Remember that, eh?

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                     Love,

                                                                                                                                                                                       Grandpa              

 

I dropped the letter and cried. I don't care if I cried a river or even an ocean. I just want to cry. I miss my grandpa. I miss his smile, his laugh everything about him. And now he's gone.

 

A hand gripped my shoulder and I look up to see Myungsoo. I hugged him as he whispered comforting words. I sobbed even louder. "Why do all the people I love kept leaving me?"

 

"Shhh..." he my hair as he hug me. "Promise that you won't leave me" he stayed quiet as I kept crying.

 

"I promise to be here as long as I can" he whispered.

 

It was grandpa's funeral and I was blank. Why did this have to happen?

 

I was sitting alone when I heard the oh-so-familiar voice. I look up and saw them... My parents. 

 

Suddenly I felt anger rushing. Why did they have to be here? They don't even deserve to be here. After all that they've done. "Why are you guys here?" I ask. They didn't answer my question directly "You're going home after the funeral" my mom said.

 

"No" they look at me as if measuring my very being "You are going home" my father said. "I already said no so that means no!" I shouted. I don't care if the people looks at me. After everything they just popped in and say that I'll go back? They didn't even paid respect to grandpa! They think that I'll just do what they said?

 

Hell no.

 

"If your brother was here he'll-" I cut my mother off "So what? He's dead anyway and you can't make him go back! You know why? Because he's dead! Because of you guys!" 

 

*SMACK*

 

My mother slapped my face and everything was quiet. "Is that all you can do? It doesn't even hurt. Compared to the things that you have done before this can't even be compared!" I said.

 

"Do you know how hard it is trying to live up to your expectations? Do you know how hard it is to live in a ing household wherein every move you make you’re compared to someone. All my life I've been trying my best to please you guys. I tried everything but you won't even look at me without any hint of disgust. Why? Because all you can see is my brother. My perfect brother. And me? Nothing. Right? You forced me to grow up too soon. You forced me to be who I'm not." I cried.

 

"Kyungmi" 

 

"LEAVE!" I said 

 

"But-"

 

"LEAVE!"

 

The funeral passed like a blur. I didn't see my parents and I was with Myungsoo this whole time. I didn't cry when they were burying grandpa's coffin. I was too numb from the pain already. I already poured all of my emotions until nothing is left. There's nothing left of me now that he's gone. Those times when we were together flashed through my mind.

 

Oh how I wish that he was still here. I just wished that it's one of the jokes he would pull and would say 'Surprise! You got fooled!' But it's not. "But it's not" I whispered

 

Everyone said their condolences and then left. Only me and Myungsoo were left staring at grandpa's grave. Suddenly it started raining really hard.. My clothes are getting wet but I don't care. I suddenly feel that I don't want to be in this world anymore. Now that I'm all alone.

 

"Kyungmi let's go! You're already soaking wet" he said and tugged at my arm.I didn't budge and just remained at my spot. "Kyungmi!" he called but I don't have the heart to respond. "Let's go" he started dragging me but I shook his grip away from me.

 

"No" I said almost quietly. "What?" he looks at me "I ALREADY SAID NO SO THAT MEANS NO!" I shouted. He looks shock. Stunned even. 

 

"Kyungmi what's happening to you?" he asks and I didn't respond. Why? Because even I don't know. "Nothing you know what just leave me alone" I said as I feel the coldness of the rain against my skin.

 

"You'll get sick. Come on I'll bring you home" the word home almost sound foreign. And before I could stop myself I was at the verge of breaking down.

 

"Can't you see that I don't freaking care anymore if I get sick?! Everything's gone. There's nothing left of me. My only family is gone. My parents? They only care about their stupid business! Do you know how hard it is thinking that everyday when you wake up you're already alone. Do you think it's that easy to just move on and continue living with my life?!" The raindrops are pouring much harder and at the same time my tears that I thought were already gone started falling again.

 

"Crap! It's all crap. Living has no meaning to me now. Do you know the feeling when someone who's very important to you; someone who's always there is suddenly gone and you knew that he won't come back! Do you?! Of course you don't! No one understands me. And when they do, they immediately leave. Why can't it just be me? Why of all people?"

 

He went near me and hugged me. Maybe in a different place and a different time I would consider this romantic but not here. "I'm still here" he said. "For how long?" I ask. I broke away from the hug "For how long?! Answer me!!!" He hugged me again as I tried hitting him to escape! My hits get weaker and weaker as my cries got louder and louder. 

 

"For how long Myungsoo? For how long can you promise me that you'll stay by my side? All of the people; those people who became important to me always leave. How long are you going to stay? For how long are you planning? Because if you plan to stay for just a short time then please... Just..." I didn't finish my sentence when he sealed my lips with his. I immediately responded

 

It feels wet and taste salty because of my tears that joins in. For how long are you going to stay in my life Myungsoo? I ask inside my mind.

 

"I'm sorry if I can't promise you anything. I'm sorry if I can't answer your question because even I don't know what might happen. All I know is that I'm going to be beside you for as long as you need me. For as long as I can. For as long that I can stay beside you to support and love you. And I'm going to say sorry in advance if I can't fulfill it. I'm sorry if I can't stay for long. I'm sorry if I'll hurt you in the future. But please remember that you're the only one whom I'll give my heart to. The only one whom I want to spend every last breath that I have" he said while holding my face between his warm hands.

 

Somehow I feel afraid. 

 

Afraid that I might lose him too.

 

I sit inside my room staring blankly at the window wherein it's still raining. I needed someone to comfort me. I needed someone whom I can lean on. I went out of the house because everywhere I look, every place I go, it reminds me of grandpa.

 

I decided to go Myungsoo's house. Earlier he gave his address and I decided to go there. I ask Mr. Lee to drive me to the address. I rang the doorbell and I introduced myself as his friend. His house was huge. A beautiful mansion with fancy designs.

 

A beautiful lady approached me and said that she was Myungsoo's mom. No wonder, she's very beautiful. I wouldn't have guessed that she's already a mother because she's so elegant.

 

"W-where's Myungsoo?" I ask "oh... Myungsoo's in his room Upstairs the 3rd door to the right" she said then smiled. "Are you her friend?" she asks and I nodded "Such a very pretty friend. Please take care of my son" she smiled but I noticed that it's a very sad smile.

 

I climbed up the stairs and looked for his room. "1...2... there 3!" I was about to knock when I heard voices inside. There are 6 voices including Myungsoo's.

 

"How's your condition?"

 

"We heard that it got worse"

 

"If it did then why did you went out of the hospital?"

 

"Hyung, are you trying to kill yourself?"

 

"Sometimes we just don't know what to do with you anymore. Look at you! You don't even take care of yourself anymore! Do you want to die immediately?"

 

My heart was beating faster than usual. What are they talking about? Could Myungsoo be... I shook my head as I continue to listen to their conversation.

 

"My condition... It got worse. More than worse actually that I was admitted out of the hospital in my own will because there's no chan--"

 

I covered my mouth to bit back a sob. I was right. He is sick.

 

"Bastard! Don't go around saying things like that!"

 

"Yeol hyung stop that! You're going to hurt him"

 

"But this guy is asking for it!"

 

"Why do you easily give up huh?"

 

"Yeollie is right. We can always go to the states. We'll go with you. There's still a chance"

 

Desperation is evident in their voice.

 

"I'm sorry guys. But I think we should stop this madness already. It's already clear to all of us. I don't have much time left so could we just please spend it peacefully?"

 

I never heard him use such tone. A tone that clearly says that he's giving up.

 

"Then what about her?"

 

"Who?"

 

"Don't act stupid. We know that you like wait, no, you LOVE her. Are you clearly giving up?"

 

"I don't know"

 

"Why you!"

 

"Hyung/Yeol"

 

"3 months"

 

"Huh?"

 

"The doctor said I only have 3 months to live."

 

Tears were b in the corner of my eyes. I opened the door and saw Myungsoo stand up. "Kyungmi?" before he could approach me I ask "Is it true?" he went towards me and hugged me but I pushed him away "Tell me, is it true?!" he nodded. "Damn it!!!" I ran out of his house.

 

"KYUNGMI! Wait!"

 

How could I be so stupid? Suddenly memories flashed through my mind.

 

“Hey” I greeted “hey” he smiled but somehow it’s not as bright as before. “Is there something wrong?” I ask. He shook his head “nothing”
 

 

"If I die first will you promise me that you'll pick a hundred sunflowers and put it on my grave?"
 

 

"What would you do if you would die tomorrow?"

 

 

"Shhh..." he my hair as he hugs me. "Promise that you won't leave me" he stayed quiet as I kept crying.

"I promise to be here as long as I can" he whispered.

 

"I'm sorry if I can't promise you anything. I'm sorry if I can't answer your question because even I don't know what might happen. All I know is that I'm going to be beside you for as long as you need me. For as long as I can. For as long that I can stay beside you to support and love you. And I'm going to say sorry in advance if I can't fulfill it. I'm sorry if I can't stay for long. I'm sorry if I'll hurt you in the future. But please remember that you're the only one whom I'll give my heart to. The only one whom I want to spend every last breath that I have" he said while holding my face between his warm hands.

 

I continued running as tears started to fall down my face. I wasn't paying any attention tso I didn't notice the loud honking. I look up to see two headlighst heading my way. I stood there frozen until I felt my body being tackled to the ground.

 

I look up and saw Myungsoo panting with his body wet all over.

 

"ARE YOU STUPID?! WHY DIDN'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING? YOU ALMOST DIED THERE!" He shouted at me and I can't help but to cry. "So what if I almost died? Isn't it a bit unfair that everyone kept leaving me? Even you! You're going to leave me in 3 months! So why can't I leave first?" I tried hitting him but he pinned my hands beside my head.

 

"I can't let you leave first" he said softly. "WHY?! I ask. I struggled to get out of his hold but he's too damn strong. "Because I love you" tears fell sideways down to my cheeks. "Why are you so unfair?! Why is it that every time I--" for the second time to shut me up he covered my lips with his. I closed my eyes as I kiss him back. He let go of his grip as I wrap my arms around his neck.

 

I hear footsteps stop a few feet ahead of us. Then it was followed by cheering. "Myungsoo got a girlfriend! Myungsoo got a girlfriend" the two of us broke away as I immediately sat up. "Great way to ruin the mood" he grumbled and I chuckled. I introduced myself and so did they.

 

"Hi! I'm Nam Kyungmi" I bowed "I'm Sunggyu" said the hamster guy "I'm Dongwoo" said the red hair boy "I'm Hoya" the one that is full of violet things, his clothes and his accesories. "I'm Sungyeol! Myungsoo's best friend" a tall guy said "I'm Sungjong! the youngest and the cutest" the one that looks like a girl said.

 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bNGFGdNoPo)--Scared to Death (a/n: Please repeat the song again until the last punctuation. Haha! LOL ^^)

 

We return to Myungsoo's house and it was full of confrontations. It was tearful when he explained everything to me. How he was sick even when he was a kid. How he met his friends and how his condition got worse.

 

It was hard to accept especially when I realize how much space he already has in my heart. It was difficult to know that I only have a short time to be with him. It's excruciating to go through the same process over and over again. It's like I understand something that I don't know about.

 

I'm scared to death.

 

Especially when I know he's going to leave all of us yet we don't know exactly when. The fear keeps growing in me every day. I'm scared to lose him even more than I thought. 

 

Days pass and the two of us sometimes with his friends go to the sunflower field to just pass time and to watch the sunset. A lot of things happened. I grew much closer to Myungsoo. So close that it hurts too much when the thought of him leaving is always there. I also grew closer to his friends and started treating them as my brothers.

 

More days passed and I decided to study in Busan. And soon enough I move into his house with his parents practically dragging me to their house and so does his friends.

 

I tried spending each second worthwhile with him. Did everything to give him memorable memories. But as days passed by his condition got worse. He started losing weight and he got paler than before. It scared me to death seeing him like that. I could feel the day that I'm scared of is coming closer and closer. Death is already knocking at the door.

 

One day he called me. "Kyungmi" I held his right hand with both my hands and kissed it "yes?" I ask "take me to the sunflower field" he said. "What? Myungsoo... You're sick" he shook his head "I already asked mom about this and she agreed. Come on" he tugs my arm and I can't help but sigh. "Okay"

 

I feel nervous about this day.

 

I assist him as we walk outside of his house. I look back and saw at the balcony his five friends gazing sadly at us. I wave my hand at them and tried to give them a smile but I know that it came out as a broken one. Only Dongwoo, Hoya and Sungjong waved back while Sungyeol suddenly ran out with Sunggyu following him.

 

We hop in the car and told the driver our destination. As soon as we arrive the driver immediately drove back as we went to our usual place.

 

"Kyungmi" I look at Myungsoo "I love you. Remember that okay?" My heart pounded against my chest. Why is he saying this at a time like this?

 

"I want you to remember that you're the first and last girl I've ever loved" I held his hand "Myungsoo please..." he hushed me using his finger putting it on top of my lips "I'm sorry if I can't fulfill my promise" I shook my head "No... Please Myungsoo. Don't do this to me" a tear escaped my left eye. "Kyungmi" he my hair "All I wish is that you'll be happy"

 

"Happy? How can I be happy when you're going to leave me?" I ask a bit angered. "Can you please smile? For me?" he my cheek. I held his hand "Why of all people? Why must it be you who should suffer like this?" I ask him. "I don't know" he said. 

 

"I'm going to say goodbye to you right now" I shook my head as tears kept cascading down "No! You haven't said goodbye yet to your parents, to your friends? What about them?" I tried desperately. I don't want to hear his goodbye. Not now, not ever.

 

"I already said goodbye to them personally. I want you to be the last person whom I'll say goodbye to. Kyungmi I'm not saying goodbye" I sigh in relief.

 

"But I'm going to say until we meet again. Until we meet again Kyungmi. Until we meet in heaven. Until we can be together for eternity" I cried "you can't do this to me Myungsoo!'

 

"I have two favors to ask you Kyungmi" he said "what is it?" I look at him. "First, I want to hear you say you love me for one more time" he said. I purse my lips as I tried to stop crying. "Myungsoo!" "Please?" he pleaded with his weak voice.

 

"I love you Myungsoo. I love you so much! And if I'm going to choose all over again even for a million times I'm going to choose you as my true love. Even for a thousand times I want to be inside your arms. Even for a hundred times I want to feel your lips moving in sync with mine. Even for ten times I want to feel your body against mine. And only for one time I want you to be my lover starting from the first up until the last" I could see him crying too as I hug him.

 

"Second favor, I want to hear your eulogy"

 

Grey- for the eulogy speech

Black- for the current events

 

Unconditional Love. At first I thought I always have it with me. It turns out I was wrong. I realized that unconditional love isn't measured by time but by how strong you are for that person. I realized that unconditional love means being selfless enough to give up that special person. Today I stand in front all of you to say that I love Myungsoo. I never really thought that going to the province to take care of my sick grandpa can change my life for the better. I learned what it means to love unconditionally and what it means to sacrifice. 

 

As I started to speak I could feel Myungsoo's breath getting weaker and weaker the same time as the sun starts to set. "Kyungmi. I love you so much" he said as I lean in to kiss him with my tears dropping on his face. His warm lips suddenly feel cold. I broke away only to see him with his eyes permanently closed. "Myungsoo? MYUNGSOO?!"

 

They say First love never dies. Oh the irony. They say true love can bury your first love alive. But what about my case? He's my first and one true love yet he died and he's going to get buried. *everyone laughs* Loving someone doesn't always mean that you're going to end up with him. Sometimes you often let that person slip away from your grip.

 

I called the ambulance and we got to the hospital. "Myungsoo please stay strong" he was rushed to the Emergency Room. Everyone was waiting as I started breaking down. "Myungsoo no!" his mother went to hug me as both of us cried. After hours the lights were off and the doctor came out. "I'm so sorry" all of us cried. "NO!" I tried going inside but the nurses stopped me. I see the other nurses covering his body with a white cloth. "NO! Please bring him back"

 

During the past five months I learned a lot of things. That no matter how the world turns its back on you there will always be that one person who'll run all the way just to be there and comfort you. That when you feel everything crashing down someone will help you bring everything back up. 

 

As I sit on the chair watching his coffin someone called me. "Kyungmi" I look and saw Sunggyu "Some people came here to see you" he stepped aside and there revealed my parents. I feel my eyes watering as I stood up and went to hug them. "I'm so sorry" I said. "Shhh... It should be us who should be saying sorry. Not you" My mother said. "Just let it all out" I cried as I let all my emotions be poured. "We're so sorry for not being better parents. We promise to make it up to you."

 

I learned that no matter how you stop yourself from falling in love. You will always fall if it's what fate has planned for you. Even if it means falling for a person who you know can't stay for long. It's fine. Because the feeling of being loved back in return is the best feeling in the world. All those memories are the only thing you can give a person that he could bring to the other life. The last promise that is fulfilled is the last thing you could to for that person.

 

I went back to the sunflower field and watched the sunset. It was beautiful as usual but it doesn't feel complete now that he's gone. I started picking the sunflowers to be put on his grave. It was the last promise that I can do for him and I'm not going to fail him this time. As I look up I already saw the sun rising. My clothes were dirty but I don't care. I directly went to his funeral and put it above his coffin. People stared but I don't care. It hurts so much to see this.

 

During those five months I realized that my time with Myungsoo was short yet it can't be compared. If I would be given one wish I'd wish that I'll have a longer time with him. I wish that I can tell him more often that I love him so much. Until now I can't get over his death, I think it would take a long time before I can move on. Yet I don't know if I can love again. But if I do I think I can't love someone as much as I have loved him.

 

I watch as his coffin is being lowered down to the ground. I cried and so is the others. I thought that I prepared myself for this but I realize I'm not. The sky is very cheerful yet I can't bring myself to smile.

 

"I love you Myungsoo" I said.

 

I love you Kim Myungsoo. I'm saying this in front of everyone yet you're not here to hear this. I'll keep on loving you until the end. As you said, we're not going to say goodbye but until we meet again. Until we meet again Myungsoo.

 

Everyone slowly left and I'm the only one left alone. Déjà vu, the only thing lacking is you Myungsoo. I left his grave but before I leave I left a sunflower with a note that says 'I love you'.

 

3 years have passed and a lot of things have changed. I'm already graduating college and I decided to visit Busan. As I went to the cafe where we had our first date I saw a very familiar face.

 

"Myungsoo?" As if on cue the person turned to look at me and I gasped. He looks just like him. I tried to chase the man as he was about to leave "Mungsoo! Wait!" The person looked at me.

 

"I'm not Myungsoo. I'm L"

 

Months passed and I decided to bring him to the sunflower field. "This was our favorite place" I said as I refer to me and Myungsoo's favorite place.  He suddenly back hugged me and suddenly I feel his presence all over again. 

 

"I know"

 

Suddenly I feel hot tears drifting down my cheeks. I turn to face him.

 

 "I'm never letting you go again." he said and suddenly I feel his lips on top of mine.