Chapter 54

Department X

Hyomin knocked on the door as Sooyoung voice sounded from within "Enter, its not locked" Bowing exactly 90 degrees to Sooyoung, Hyomin stepped aside to reveal Sunny who glared at Sooyoung with fire in her eyes and Hyomin retreated closing the door behind them. Sooyoung gulped in fear when she saw the anger in Sunny's eyes and raised her hand as she smiled sheepishly at Sunny "Hi, long time no see. Missed me?" Sunny gritted her teeth and grabbed Sooyoung by the lapels of her shirt and before she could say anything, Sooyoung shushed her as she glanced at a figurine in the corner and dragged Sunny upstairs via the fire escape staircase located behind her office. When they finally arrived at the balcony, Sooyoung glanced nervously around before whispering "What are you doing here? Appa has his eyes everywhere even that Hyomin outside is one of his trusted aide." Sunny glared at Sooyoung and drew back her arms giving Sooyoung a slap across her face as she smirked and replied sarcastically "Appa,huh, so now he's appa to you again. Don't worry about Hyomin, she's one of the friends I know I can trust with my life." Sooyoung held her cheek as it throbbed painfully in her hands and a tear rolled down her cheek. Wiping it away with her sleeve of her shirt she smiled as she looked at Sunny in the eye. "Every night I awake in fright as the scene of our mom's head hitting the cold hard cement replays in my dreams. I hate him as much as you, maybe even more so now that I know how ruthless he is but I love you and I love everyone in deparment x so this is the only way I can think of to protect you guys from more harm."

Sunny ran into Sooyoung's arms after hearing Sooyoung's true intention and apologised profusely for her reckless behaviour earlier. Raising a hand, she gently Sooyoung's swollen cheeks as the tears rolled down her face. Just then a voice boomed behind them "Sooyoung, who's this lovely girl over here?" Sooyoung gulped as she held Sunny tighter to her chest and turned to face her dad with a smile on her face. "Appa, its nothing actually just some girlfriend problems."  Sunny pulled the cap lower over her face and slipped on the pair of glasses she found in Sooyoung's jacket pocket. LSM arched an eyebrow at Sunny's look and comment digustedly "Oh, so THIS is your girlfriend now?" Sooyoung shook her head as she hurriedly replaced it with a smirk. "Just someone I just ditched. With my current status now I am sure the amount of girls I can get will be of higher quality.I was only giving her the last goodbye hug because she refuse to let me go so easily." Her father nodded his head and laughed heartily as he patted Sooyoung on the back."Not bad at all for someone my descent. We really do have the same blood in us." Sooyoung clicked her fingers and summon two guards to Sunny out carefully as she turned her back and left the rooftop with her arms linked to her dad.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL