Chapter 48

Department X

Yoona looked at the ring on her finger lying to herself that the warmth of Sooyoung hands still remained as she felt the urge to cry again. The tears refused to come no matter how much she tried and she screamed from the frustration of it. Slamming her palm against the dinner Sunny had brought for her, Yoona sent the plates crashing to the ground as she buried her head into the pillows on her bed and breathe in deeply enjoying the remains of Sooyoung scent on it as she hugged herself to sleep.

Sunny heard the plates crashing to the ground and sighed as she looked at Taeyeon. "Its been the third day now and she's still not eating or drinking anything. If this continues, I really don't know how long she can hang on for. Are you sure you don't know where Sooyoung has gone to?" Taeyeon nodded in reply as she turned her back against Sunny and pretended that she was falling asleep. Taeyeon felt Sunny settling down beside her as she mouthed the words silently "I am sorry baby."

Yuri fired the gun in her hands as she emptied the magazine into the target in front of her. Jessica removed her headphones when the last bullet was spent and pressed a button to retrieve the target practice paper. "Not bad. You managed to get 18 out of 20." She mimicked the action of leaving a small gap between her fingers as she laughed. "You are now so close to being on par with me." Yuri scowled in reply as she turned around with her back facing Jessica. She suddenly bent down and swept Jessica's feet off the ground with her foot and hurriedly rushed and grabbed hold of her waist before Jessica's head could hit the ground. Bending down, she looked deep into Jessica's eyes as she smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "You are now so close to being the one on top."

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Sooyoung panted hard as she leaned against the wall behind her for support. 3 men surrounded her as they forced her into a corner of the room each wielding a different weapon. One was tightening the piece of cloth that he had tied around his hand and the hilt of his sword as he slashed the air in front of him preparing himself to go in for the kill. The second guy rotated the bo in a circle around him as he shifted his weight from his left to his right looking for the right opportunity to strike and the third guy smirked as he flicked his wrists and the whip in his hand cracked threateningly on the wall inches away from Sooyoung's face. Lsm looked at their fight through the computer screen and smiled to himself as he wondered how Sooyoung was going to get herself out of this situation. Beside him a psychologist gave him a running commentary of her mental state and a device at the side of the screen revealed everything about Sooyoung's physical state as it constantly measured her exhaustion level, her blood pressure and her pulse.

Sooyoung decided to drop one of them first as it was really too difficult to take on 3 at one go. She faked a movement to her right changing her direction in mid air at the very last moment and striked hard as she cupped her hands forcefully over the sword wielder's ears rupturing his eardrums in an instant. He fell onto the ground as brain concussion took over his body and he jolted uncontrollably for a few times before drawing in his last breath. Landing on the ground, Sooyoung lowered her body immediately as the bo swept forcefully above her head crashing into the wall behind her. She kicked out with her foot aiming for the bo wielder's shin and felt exhilarated when her foot connected and she heard him cry out from the pain. Sooyoung watched as the guy's legs gave way beneath him sending him crashing hard into the cemented ground. Sooyoung was about to close in for the kill when she heard a whistling sound in the air behind her. She moved sharply away as the end of the whip grazed past her face and red hot blood flowed freely from the wound. The whip whistled through the air again and Sooyoung caught it with her hands this time. Forcing herself to blank out the pain of the wound on her face and arms, she pulled the 3rd guy towards her sharply and striked the side of his head with her elbows. He laid on the floor dazed as she wound his whip tightly around his neck and pulled it with all her might. His face slowly turned purple as he struggled to breathe and he was saved when a voice sounded over the intercom. "Thats enough Sooyoung. let him go. You have proven yourself to me." Sooyoung released the death grip she held on his whip and stood away from the guys on the floor. She walked out of the dojo to the sound of clapping hands as LSM looked proudly at her and pulled her in for an embrace. "Well done Sooyoung. Very well done indeed. You have improved a lot over the years and you have proven yourself worthy enough to work for me." Sooyoung nodded curtly as she wiped away the blood that streamed down her face. LSM motioned to his guards to clean up the dojo as he placed an arm around his daughter leading her to the infimary to get her wounds attended to. Behind them, 2 sounds of gunshots rang out as LSM's guards cleaned up the scene after Sooyoung.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL