Chapter 11

Department X

Rubbing their bloated tummies, Sooyoung and Yoona gave a contented burp after downing their 12th scoop of ice cream. The people around stared at them in shock wondering where they store all the ice cream they eat. Standing up, they walked towards the cashier and handed over Jessica's credit card. They giggled to themselves as they thought of Jessica Unnie's expression and the punishment they will probably received when they get home. Then after signing on the credit slip, they walked away hand in hand.

At the IT Fair, they took out the request slip that Taeyeon and Sunny Unnie had handed over to them and they started picking out the items. A digital SLR for Taeyeon Unnie, a new macbook air for Seohyun unnie, a new ipod touch for Hyoyeon unnie and a new compact digital camera for Sunny unnie. Then they threw in some web cameras and new upgrades for their laptop and charged everything to Jessica Unnie's card. Realising that its still not maxed out yet, they decided to head to the new shopping center that had just opened recently.  They finally maxed out the card after buying a cart load of snacks. Arranging for the grocery store to deliver it to the cafe for them, they hailed a cab and headed back, tired out from all the shopping that they did for the day.

On the cab, Yoona's promptly fell asleep on Sooyoung's shoulder. Sooyoung smiled and brushed away the bangs that covered Yoona's eyes as she slowly fell asleep against Yoona's head.

=============================================================================================

Back at the cafe. Jesica stormed around with a black face. The aura around her was so chilly that most of the customers in the cafe had to either put jackets on or just takeaway their stuffs to drink or eat in the comfort of the hot summer sun. Sunny, Hyoyeon and Seohyun stood at the corner shivering from the cold and praying that Jessica doesn't find out that they had placed request with Sooyoung and Yoona to buy stuffs as well. Just then a pink Bentley Continental GT screeched to a stop outside their cafe. a lady stepped out in her sheepskin knee high boots and opened the door to their cafe. Walking towards Jessica, she embraced her in a hug completely oblivious to the icy aura that Jessica was emitting out. Then she walked over to Sunny and pumped her hand up and down while smiling constantly at everyone. "You must be Sunny. Nice to finally meet you. I am Tiffany." Walking back towards Jessica, Tiffany promptly locked arms with her leading her upstairs as Jessica said icily "So what business do you have for us again." Tiffany just smiled and ignore Jessica's sarcastic remark and beckoned for Sunny to follow them upstairs. Excusing herself, Sunny headed up the stairs as Tiffany locked arms with her on the other side and led the both of them upstairs.

She dragged the two of them and burst into Taeyeon's room rousing her from her sleep. "Tae Tae, I missed you so so muchhhhhhh." Running over, Tiffany threw her arms over a drowsy Taeyeon and promptly kissed her on each of her cheek. Still terribly sleepy, Taeyeon yawned as she leaned on Tiffany shoulder trying to catch a few more winks. Cupping Taeyeon's face in both her hands, Tiffany carressed her cheeks as she proclaimed "Stop sleeping Taetae, We have a mission to do."

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL