Chapter 5

Department X

Author's Notes:
Double update today. Hope you guys will like it. :bunny:

Chapter 5

Their father was a very influential man in the country and on the front, he was one of the top entrepreneurs dabbling in many areas that ranged from supermarkets found in many neighbourhoods to luxuries hotels that has branches all around the world. The truth was, their father was connected to many underworld figures ranging from the Italian mafia to the Chinese triads. He did many dirty deeds beneath that clean business of his and has more than half of the local town police on his payroll. He always made sure nothing could be pinpointed to him and all his tracks were covered or forcibly cleared off the surface of earth.

He had high demands in his children. Having no sons, he placed all his hopes on the 2 daughters of his and hope they could take over his business one day, taking it to new horizons. Because of this, he made his children undergo stringent exercises and the most strenuous trainings he had planned for them even before they were born. His eldest daugther Sooyoung was his pride and joy as she had excelled in all the trainings he threw at them. At the age of 7, she could speak 8 different languages, hack into the most secured websites ever created and to top it all, the trainers he has hired all spoke well of her combat abilities be it with or without weapons. On the other hand, his younger daughter was less commendable in her skills. Although she was still above average, she didn't like training and would rather spend her free time playing video games or singing.

Luckily for the them, they had a mom who truly cares for them a lot. It always breaks her heart to see them coming back from the trainings covered in bruises and scraps. She would always make them go take a shower before sitting them down on her bed and tend to their wounds no matter how small it was. Then she would take them into her arms and told them over and over again how much she loved them.

 Their mom suffered terribly under the iron rule of her husband as he thinks she disgraces him with her plain looks and drab clothings. He would bring different girls home each day and humiliate her in front of them. She suffered silently each time, crying herself to sleep at night while hearing the scraps of disturbing noises that drifted out from the master bedroom.

One day Sooyoung and Sunny returned home after training only to see their mom standing by the ledge of the window. Their dad had his arms around another beautiful girl he picked up from one of his many clubs and he waved a gun in the air screaming profanities in the direction of their mom. Looking down, she saw her kids below and smiled before taking the leap down and landing headfirst on the cold hard cement that was paved beside the new swimming pool that their dad had installed recently. Pulling Sunny into a hug, Sooyoung blocked her eyes from that tragedy and took the full impact of the trauma herself. After witnessing that incident, something had snapped inside Sooyoung as she turned her back from the place they call home and left with Sunny with just the clothes they had on their back.

For days they roamed the streets, eating leftovers found from dustbins in the back alley and sleeping in makeshift beds constructed from cardboards, pieces of wood and metal they found lying around. Throughout these days, Sooyoung never spoke a word nor was there any expression on her face. Her eyes were blank and empty, void of the sparkles and shine that they usually contain. She refused to eat or drink throughout the days and grew thinner and thinner as the days go by. No matter how much Sunny had beg or pleaded, she could not garner even the tiniest response from her. It wasn't until the 3rd day when they were found outside the backdoor of an elderly couple, sheltering themselves from the cold night air. The kind hearted couple took them right in and as they had no children of their own, they treated and cared for them like their own kids. They brought Sooyoung to a psychiatrist who diagnose her with an extremely severe post traumatic stress disorder. Under the care of the elderly couple, they nursed both of them back to health but Sooyoung was never the same again.

It took them 3 full years before Sooyoung uttered her first sentence and even though she eventually returned back to her bubbly and cheerful self, it was very different from what she previously was. Even the psychiatrist was unable to come up with a proper explanation for it. According to him, she remembers all the skills she developed from their trainings but she simply refused to grow up. She has built a wall around herself that was impregnable. The psychiatrist mentioned that the only way for her return back to her normal state would be if she was put through another trauma of a similar magnitude.

They grew up under the care of the elderly couple and when they passed away, Social workers brought them to the girls home and there was where they stayed until Ralph picked them out to join department X.

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Comments

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL