Chapter 53

Department X

Yoona did what every normal human being would do after hearing's Sooyoung's comments as she drew her hand back sharply and smacked Sooyoung as hard as she could with the pillow in her hand. "YAH! you ert get away from me." Yoona screamed as loudly as she could and tried to hop over the bed to run outside but Sooyoung pulled her arms back stopping her in mid motion and hugged her tightly from the back. Yoona struggled as hard as she could but it was all in vain because the hug of the person behind her felt so comforting and familiar to her bringing back the tears that Yoona thought she had lost forever.

Yoona cried for a long long time releasing all the sadness and tension she has locked up within the depths of her heart and Sooyoung just tightened the grip she had on Yoona, feeling her heart rip apart with every tear Yoona shed. It took a long while before Yoona finally calmed down enough for Sooyoung to release her. Turning around, Yoona looked at the person in front of her in the eye and stretched out her hand "Where's my present Youngie?" Sooyoung took a step back at Yoona's comments as she was quite sure she had made herself unrecognizable and tried denying the fact that she was Sooyoung. Yoona smiled as she lifted up her finger and shook her ring finger before pointing at the ring on Sooyoung's fingers. Sooyoung looked down at the ring on her hand and facepalmed herself as she grinned sheepishly at Yoona and remove the hat and glasses she had on. Yoona saw Sooyoung wince in pain when she reached up to remove the hat and hurriedly ran over to her not caring if her foot got nicked by one of the glass shards on the floor. Yoona cleared everything off the bed as she sat Sooyoung down and gently removed the jacket she wore revealing a red patch that was spreading rapidly across the white shirt she wore.

Yoona opened her drawer and grabbed the first aid kit before ripping apart the shirt Sooyoung wore revealing thick bandages that Sooyoung had on her thanks to the fights earlier. The bandages in her shoulder was stained red with her blood as Yoona hurriedly cut it open with a pair of scissors to apply pressure directly to the wound. as she tried her best to block out the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes again. The bleeding finally stopped after a while and Yoona rebandaged Sooyoung up while gently tracing the injuries Sooyoung carried on her body with her finger. "Does it hurt a lot?" Grabbing her finger, Sooyoung smiled as she leant in for a kiss "Nothing can compare to the pain in my heart from seeing the one I love torture herself like this" Yoona's tears flowed again as she slowly melted into the kiss from Sooyoung and felt all the pain in her heart slowly ebbed away.

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Sooyoung decided to tell Yoona her plans as she didn't want Yoona to torture herself further worrying for her. Briefly outlining her plan, Sooyoung explained everything to Yoona in the simplest words she could find and updated Yoona of her recent achievements. Yoona kept nodding at her words as the furrows on her brows creased deeper and deeper with every word Sooyoung uttered. Finally Sooyoung finished updating her latest happenings to Yoona and Yoona fell into deep thoughts as she digested the information Sooyoung provided. Yoona finally came to a decision as she left the comfortable spot on Sooyoung's arms and returned back carrying the tooth communicator. "Youngie, whatever you have in mind is too dangerous and I am not going to let you be in this alone by yourself. I have upgraded the software for this extending its range to everywhere in the world and even though its still in beta mode, I am sure it will work perfectly," Sooyoung pushed the communicator away rejecting Yoona's help as she didn't want her to get involve in this. Yoona held out the communicator again with a serious expression on her face "If you really love me, please let me help you. I don't want to be alone here worrying for your safety day and night not knowing when anything will happen to you."At least keep the communication on with me so I know you are safe." Sooyoung sighed as she took over the communicator and slipped it over her back molars while Yoona carefully placed in the earpiece for her ensuring that it couldn't be seen from any angles.

Sooyoung glanced at her watch and knew she had to get back quickly before the alert of her going missing was raised. Leaning in, she kissed Yoona gently on her lips and pulled her in for a hug before slipping out from the back door and into the darkness outside. Pressing a hand to her cheek, Sooyoung whispered softly as Yoona heard what she said via the earpiece in her ears and broke into a smile "IM Yoona, I love you so much"

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL