Chapter 33

Department X

Andy Kwon sat behind his desk as he fidgeted about with everything he could get his hands on. The phone on his table rang as he hurriedly picked it up with a grim expression. A voice over the phone informed that the last sum of 300 million has been succesfully wired over into one of the swiss account that was opened under his late wife's name. Andy sighed in relief as he checked over the internet confirming that the transaction was succesfully done, now he can finally put plan B in action. Plan A had taken 3 years of Andy's time to plan and to execute. On the front he tried his hardest to maintain the image of a successful entreprenuer that donated generously to charitiable needs, but as we know by now he is also the head of a international syndicate that deals in arms and drugs smuggling. What we do not know is the fact that he has been quitely siphoning money off from the profits of both his legal and illegal business. He had first arranged for his daugther to get in contact with Room 39 on the pretext of buying large amount of drugs and when they finally made contact, he had requested for their money laundering service instead. He needed to make sure his money was clean for his plan to be able to proceed.

Picking up a mobile phone on his table, he began to dial a number that was etched in his memory.  It was an old old friend of his and the last person he can probably trust to help him now. The call was answered after a few short rings and a cheery voice greeted his ears. "Hi Andy, how nice of you to call finally." Andy frowned at the sarcastic greeting and replied curtly "Lets meet up tomorrow. Same time, old meeting place." The voice visibly stiffen at Andy's reply and the next response was serious and businesslike. "Noted" The call ended with a click and Andy put down the phone and took out his glasses. As he polished them, different possibilities ran through his head. If this plan works out, he and his daughter would be given a new life and a new identity. Then he could take her for the vacation they never had before. His eyes glinted at that thought as he slowly and methodically cleaned his glasses. It was a habit he could never seem to break from. An action he always does when pondering about stuffs.

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A hand reached out from under the covers over the woman that had somehow found her way beside him. A voice greeted him informing him of the answer he was waiting for. "Boss, your suspicions has been confirmed. Andy has deflected over to the side." Anger flashed in his eyes as he took in the news. With steely voice honed by barely restrained rage "Since the death of his two best friends hasn't seem to have awaken him from his dreams, then perhaps its time he face the damned guillotine, Kill him"

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL