Chapter 47

Department X

Lee Soo Man visibly stiffen when he heard Sooyoung's name and turned to observe her more closely. How could he have even missed it in the first place. That chin and that eyes of her, it was an exact duplicate of his late wife. He laughed heartily as he motioned the body guard to lower her down "AH, so the prodigal daughter of mine has finally returned. Where is that useless sister of yours. Died because she couldn't survive in the harsh reality outside?" Sooyoung gritted her teeth gripping tightly on the arm rest to prevent herself from killing him right there and then and replied harshly. "Its none of your business how Sunny.." Realising her mistake, Sooyoung clammed up immediately and glared fiercely at the man in front of her. "Ah, so her name has been changed to Sunny. No wonder I couldn't find any traces of you two no matter how hard I looked." The woman behind laughed at his comment causing him to frown as he raised his pistol at her and shot her from point blank range. "No one laughs at my failure but myself." Motioning to his guards, he ordered them to dispose of their bodies appropriately as he turned his attention back to Sooyoung and embraced her with open arms.

Sooyoung struggled as hard as she could against his embrace but her dad only tighten his grip on her as she slowly stopped struggling and broke down in front of him.

"WHY? Why did you want to kill my friends?"

Her dad frowned when he heard what she said and released her from his hug.

"Who wanted to kill your friends?"

Sooyoung sniffed in reply

"Don't try to deny it. I followed the person that placed the bomb back to this office." She pointed at the spot where the bomber previously laid

LSM furrowed his brows as he thought back to the order he had given.

"Yuri was last seen in that cafe, kill everyone inside it."

He quickly replaced it with a smile as he looked sincerly at Sooyoung

"So you were in the cafe with your friends?"

Sooyoung shooked her head remembering the lies she had planned out with Taeyeon during one of their late night dicussion.

"No, I work there and the staffs there are all my friends"

Her dad nodded his head as he gently brushed away the tears on Sooyoung's face.

"Since fate has led you to me, then don't leave me anymore. Stay by my side and help me with my business ok?"

Sooyoung nodded her head and slowly broke into a smile as she embraced her dad once again.

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LSM told his guards to bring Sooyoung back to where he was living and help her settle down. When they finally left the room, he dialed a number on the phone by his table and a voice informed him of the damages Sooyoung had done to his guards outside. He chuckled and shook his head "Not bad for someone that hasn't used her skills for a long long time." He ended the call and pressed a button to ensure his calls were routed across servers set up around the world before dialing the number in his memory. A voice greeted him cheerily in spanish as he barked out an order. "Find out everything you can about Lee Sooyoung. I want to know where she has been after the age of 10.The person replied "Si Senor" and the line was cut. Lee Soo Man lowered the phone as a sneer slowly appeared on his face. "What a nice coincidence for my prodigal daugther to return just as I was about to kill Yuri." Dialing a number on his speed dial he spoke softly but firmly. "Lets meet up. I have a job for you to do."

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL