Chapter 41

Department X

Taeyeon invited them to sit in a corner of the cafe as business was pretty bad that day and the cafe was pretty much empty except for a few solitary people. Yoona and Sooyoung volunteered to make drinks for everyone and they rushed about behind the counter giggling and cracking up every now and then. Returning with 6 glasses, they served the drinks they had prepared. Taeyeon and Sunny got normal american coffee while Yuri got a glass ice blended ma. Lastly they set down two hot chocolates for themselves and gave Jessica a glass that looked and smelt like latte. Jessica arched an eyebrow as they set down the glass while maintaining a perfectly straight face.  Jessica watch everyone take a drink from their glass and observed to see if there was any abnormality in their expression before picking her glass up and taking a sip from it. She set down the glass immediately as her face turned extremely red while Sooyoung and Yoona held their stomach and rolled around the couch laughing. Yuri held on to Jessica's arms and tried asking her what had happened while Taeyeon sniffed at the drink Jessica had suspiciously. Jessica ran to the tap to gargle and wash while Taeyeon explained with a pale face what had happened to her in five words. "Hurts so good hot sauce." The puzzled look continued on Yuri's face as she ran after Jessica trying to see if there was anything she could do to help.

They returned minutes later from inside the kitchen. Jessica was still red in the face as she held a wooden rolling pin in her right hand and was smacking it on her left palm. She advanced intimadatingly towards Yoona and Sooyoung while Yuri kept trying to get her to calm down. Sunny and Taeyeon stood up immediately in front of the two kids and tried holding Jessica back but a wild swing from the rolling pin sent everyone reeling back as they released the hold they had on her. Sooyoung immediately stood up in front of Yoona and stretched out her arms to her side and took the full blow of the rolling pin heads on. Closing her eyes, she waited for the impact to reach her but nothing happened after a while. Opening her eyes, she saw Jessica's face looming in front of her with her tongue stuck out. Jessica cupped Sooyoung's face with both of her hands and cooed "Aww, that was soooo sweet of you. Protecting your little girlfriend huh." as Sooyoung stared blankly at her with a puzzled look on her face. It took a while for Sooyoung to realised that Jessica had tricked her and she sat there with a smug look on her face as Sooyoung silently burnt up inside.

Taeyeon faked a cough to catch everyone's attention as they put down all grudges for a while to concentrate on the matter on hand. Jessica quickly outlined the enemies Yuri had mentioned and Taeyeon feedbacked what the mission dossier said. Apparently, Yuri's dad had seeked solace with Tiffany's boss and worf had gotten out to the boss somehow that he was still alive and kicking. As he was currently being kept safe in a highly impregnable forttress, the boss had switched target onto Yuri instead. A bounty had been placed on her head and bounty hunters from all over the world are on the lookout for her so department x has been tasked with the duty of protecting Yuri as it was part of the deal that Yuri's dad had made. His daughter's safety for the information he has on the boss. Yoona piped up as she questioned, so who exactly was the boss of this whole operation? Taeyeon took out the dossier as she refered to it. A picture fell out from the envelope as Sunny picked it up and turned it over revealing the face of the boss, she paled instantly when the face was revealed and Taeyeon noticed her hands trembling violently as the picture fell from her hands back onto the ground. Sooyoung turned just as pale and she buried her head into Yoona's shoulder. Her hands gripped Yoona's shirt tightly as she shivered in Yoona's embrace. Not knowing what had happened, Taeyeon and Yoona could only hold on tightly to their partners in the attempt to calm them down. Yoona felt her shoulder getting wet from Sooyoung's tears as she gently kissed her forehead and told her everyrhing will be alright. It took a long while before Sunny finally calmed herself down enough to reveal why they had such a violent reaction to the picture. The man in the picture was known as Lee Soo Man and he was the man that had killed their own mother, In other words, he's their dad.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL