Chapter 46

Department X

Sooyoung followed a guy watching as he crossed the streets and entered an office building that was located in the middle of the busy office district. She waited a while before entering and was stopped by the two guards that stood guard at the glass entrance. She tried lying her way in pretending she was there for an interview but they refused to let her in without the appointment letter. Closing her eyes, she muttered a quick prayer under her breath as her fingers jabbed up aiming for the pressure point at the side of his neck just slightly below and  in front of his ears. The guard dropped to the ground immediately as he laid spasming on the floor. The other guard immediately whipped out his baton from its sheath, held it above his head and rushed at her bringing it down in the process. Sooyoung calmly sidestepped as she used his momentum against him sending him crashing to the floor. She raised her feet and sent it crashing down onto his nose feeling it crush under her boots as the blood poured out uncontrollably.

Heading into the building, she further disarmed 3 more guards that was stupid enough to rush at her with their batons or pistols raised and broke every bones in their bodies until they resembled 3 piles of lumpy mashed potatoes. Entering the elevator, she pressed the button for the highest floor and leant against the walls, fiddling with the ring she wore on her finger she took a brief break against the violence that is going to happen. The elevator jolted to a stop halfway through and the doors opened up by itself. Bullets ripped into the elevator walls almost instantly as the guards stationed outside were given the command to fire at will.. The 8 guards finally stopped their incessant firing as the leader raised his hand up in the stop motion. When the smoke finally cleared, an empty elevator greeted them as they all cursed under their breath. The leader stepped into the lift noticing the opened escape hatch and pounded his fist into his palm angrily as he radioed in to raise the alert level.

Sooyoung pulled herself bodily up the cables that supported the elevator as she made use of the shaft to move upstairs. The elevator below her suddenly started its motion quickly moving upwards in the bid to crush her to death, Sooyouhg hurriedly flattened herself against the walls as the rushing wind created by the moving elevator caused her to teeter a little. She struggled to grab onto something that could support her weight and luckily for her, she managed to grab onto a piece of metal that was jutting out from the elevator shaft and pulled herself close to the wall. Realising that she could not use the elevator shaft anymore, Sooyoung forced open the elevator doors on the 8th level and pulled herself out entering into the silent corridors outside.

She moved as quietly as death itself taking out more guards along the way. A quick jab to the solar plexus here and an elbow to the soft bone of the nose there reduced the guards in the building to quivering piles of sweat, blood and urine. Sooyoung moved swiftly as she finally kicked open the door with a sign that says Chief Executive Officer and spotted the guy she had been following for days. He was the guy that had planted the bomb in the cafe and she rushed at him wanting to pummel the out of him as she got pulled forcibly back as two huge arms that were the size of logs encircled her waist, lifting her bodily over the ground. She heard the sound of a spent bullet ejecting itself from the chamber as it plinked to the ground and the bomber dropped onto the ground in front of her, his blood gushing out from a bullet hole between his eyes.

A familiar voice rang out sending chills down her spine as the guy seated behind the table turned his chair over revealing the face of Lee Soo Man, the man she had wanted to kill since the day he sent the one that loved her the most plummeting down onto the cold hard cement. Her eyes flashed with anger as the man in front of her merely handed the gun over to the beautiful woman that sat on his lap and dusted his hands fearing as though the gun powder residues on his finger would corrode the expensive suit he was wearing. He smirked at the body on the ground "Failures like him don't deserve to share the air we winners breath." Turning his eyes onto Sooyoung, he saw the fire within her eyes and smiled warmly at her, Standing up, he walked over to her extending out both of his arms in the bid to embrace her as he commented. "AH, what a gorgeous creature you are." Sooyoung swatted his arms away angrily as she struggled to free herself from the crushing grip his bodyguard had on her. "Woah, and a feisty one at that." Lifting her chin with his fingers, Lee Soo Man glanced into Sooyoung eyes deeply "Tell me my dear, whats your name." Sooyoung spat in his face as she uttered the name she hated "MY name is LEE SOO YOUNG. Missed me much... APPA?"

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL