Chapter 18

Department X

Raising a hand to her cheek, Sooyoung touched the spot that Yoona has kissed and looked at Yoona. "Where did you learn that from?" Yonna shrugged in reply. "I don't know, but I saw Taeyeon Unnie doing that to Sunny Unnie at the party and Sunny unnie seemed to like it so I followed them. So how does it feel? Is it nice?" Sooyoung smiled as she turned the other cheek to Yoona and replied. "I am not sure, maybe you have to try a few more times before I can be sure."

The next day, Taeyeon went to Yoona's room to check on her condition, only to find her room empty. Searching around she saw Sunny tip toeing out of Sooyoung's room. She beckoned to Taeyeon who walked over to find Yoona and Sooyoung sleeping together. Sooyoung was smiling in her sleep as she had one of her arms draped around Yoona's waist. Taeyeon looked at Sunny who smiled and put a finger to her lips as she closed the door behind them. Taeyeon looked at Sunny arching an eyebrow at her and Sunny simply nodded in reply. "I think they have finally realised the feeling between them is not just friendship." Taeyeon frowned as she took Sunny's hand absent mindedly runing her fingers over the calluses that had developed on Sunny's hand from all the training she had received. "And you don't mind that happening to your sister?" Sunny smiled as she replied "Why should I mind? Yoona's a great girl and I am sure she's more than compatible for Sooyoung. Plus, don't you think they looked so cute together?"Sunny gushes from the thought as she imagined eventually having to host a wedding party for them. Taeyeon shooked her head as she knew from the look on Sunny's face that she is starting to think too far ahead again. Shrugging her shoulders, she dragged Sunny into the kitchen and her and ordered her to help with breakfast preparation.

Jessica rushed out from her room trying to do two things at once. Taeyeon tried calling her to come have breakfast but she waved her arm in response as she searched in her bag for her phone that had started ringing a while ago. Finally finding it, she answered the call and spoke in an apologetic tone. "Yes yes, I know I am one hour late, I will be out soon, just let me put on the final touches ok?" Stopping in front of the mirror in the hallway, she hurriedly comb through her hair with her fingers ensuring that everything was perfect and walked out of the door as her heels clicked on the tiles. Hearing the door slam, Taeyeon looked at Sunny. I guess its just you and me again. Sunny's smile changed as her eyes reflected off the kitchen's light. Walking over to Taeyeon, she grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, leaving only a few inches gap between their faces. Staring into Taeyeon's eyes she smiled suggestively and said  "Isn't that even better?" Taeyeon gulped as she could foresee her future for the next few hours, as a pair of lips closed down hungrily over her own devouring it.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL