Chapter 22

Department X

Sunny and Taeyeon laid out the drawings and layout of the building they have gathered so far and realised what they have is not enough to breach the fortress Isao has built around him with the money he had ursuped from the Japanese goverment over the years. Somehow or other, they have to get into the fortress in order to gather more information. As they scratched their head thinking of ways to infiltrate the fortress, an answer came in the form of an email from their contact Tiffany who was stationed back at HQ. She mentioned in the email that Isao is hosting a party for the bidders that have expressed an interest in what he has to offer. This was the perfect opportunity to infiltrate the fortress itself. Now the problem is how are they going to go about securing an invitation into the party.

Jessica gently hummed to the tune of the way you are as she loaded Raufoss exploding rounds into her magazine. Loading the magazine into her assembled AS50, she laid in wait for the target to come cruising by. Minutes passed as she sighted a Bentley Mulsanne crusing along the empty road. Lining up her scope, she winced as she fired, aiming for the engine. The bullet tore into the hood of the Bentley as the round exploded on contact, completely destorying the engine. The car lost control and swerved into the dense forestery at the side of the road before finally coming to a rest 100 yards away. Jessica smiled as she latched on the safety and started disassembling the gun. The girl in the car crawled out from  the wreck after much difficulty. Her driver and bodyguards had died in the crash instantly. She was beautifully dressed as she was on her way to attend a party. When she finally got to her feet, she came face to face with a girl that was no taller than her. A black mask covered most of her face as she pointed a pistol at her, Seconds later a dart flew out from the barrel striking her in the side of her neck as the world around her slowly blackens and then fades into oblivious.

Taeyeon took off the black mask and muttered an apology under her breath. Taking out a length of rope, she tied the girl up as Sooyoung and Yoona stepped out from their hiding place and helped to carry her into the container truck they were currently occupying as a temporary headquarters. As they climbed up the container they saw Sunny rushing about carrying dresses and makeup. Sooyoung and Yoona got to work as they started preparing the equipments Taeyeon and Sunny will need to infiltrate the party. Yoona searched the clutch bag of the captive and took out the invitation card while Sooyoung loaded her latest inventions into a pill box for Sunny to carry into the party. The first invention Sooyoung had packed was a camera that was no bigger than a fullstop. It came in black, silver and white and could be monitored from a range of 2-3 kilometers away. After changing clothes, Sunny came out in a gold valentino evening dress that matches her hair perfectly to a T. She had chose a milky white Marc Jacob piece for Taeyeon that highlighted her shapely curve while giving her body a lengthening effect at the same time. Sooyoung pinned the camera brooch on Sunny as she told Sunny to be careful. Yoona carefully ran through a series of test to ensure that the communication device they had given to Sunny and Taeyeon worked as it was still undergoing experimental stages and she was afraid of it breaking down halfway. The communication device was no bigger than a pin head but it works by sending the sound waves into the ear drums directly enabling the user to hear the commands from whoever was in the same channel as them, The other part of the communication device was fitted over the back molars as it detects the movement of the mouth and also any sound that came within the range of 50 meters. Satisfied that the communication device was working properly, she equipped Taeyeon and Sunny with it and gave them a hug for luck. Getting into the limo they had rented, Sunny and Taeyeon set off for Isao's mansion.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL