Chapter 10

Department X

When Jessica finally got back, it was already past noon. Yuri drove her back and they spent another 15 minutes saying their goodbyes. Stepping into the cafe, she was nearly knocked down as Seohyun bumped into her nearly dropping the plate of food she was carrying. Steadying her, Jessica made her way into the bar area to face a glowering Taeyeon who screamed at her. "Yah, where the hell were you last night. We tried calling you so many times, I even made Yoona and Sooyoung hack into the police database to see if there were any recently found dead bodies." Jessica took out her phone from her pocket and realised that it had died. "You made all of us worry for you. Esp Taeyeon. She didn't go to sleep at all last night as she stayed up and waited for you to come home." Sunny chipped in as she scuttled about clearing the tables. Apologising profusely to Taeyeon, Jessica took her hand and led her upstairs to cool down.

Inside Taeyeon's room, she explained to her what happened exactly last night and told her all about Yuri and her. Arching an eyebrow, Taeyeon took in all the detail and when Jessica finally ended the story, she smiled. "I am glad you found someone that you love. Just don't do this the next time ok? My blood pressure might not be able to take it." Jessica smiled at Taeyeon's comment. "Don't worry, I am sure my beloved Taeng can take all the I throw at her, because she just loves me so so much." Taeyeon's eyes narrowed "Go out now, before I really throw at you." Laughing, Jessica ran out of Taeyeon's room to help out in the cafe downstairs.

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In the corner of the cafe, Sooyoung and Yoona peered out from behind their laptops and sneaked a glance at each other. Sooyoung lifted up three fingers as she counted down 3 seconds and the two of them held hands and silently blended into the lunch time crowd that was leaving the cafe. When they were outside, Yoona hailed a cab and they showed an address to the driver and the cab drove off. Jessica came down into the cafe and as usual, she would take a look to make sure the two babies of their department were not up to some mischief. Looking at the corner they always occupied, she only saw their laptops but they weren't there in their corner. Stopping Hyoyeon who was busy running around leading the guest to their respective tables, she asked if she saw the whereabouts of Sooyoung and Yoona. Hyoyeon shook her head and rushed off as a customer waved her hands at her. Walking over to their corner, she saw their laptops still and there was a note on Yoona's laptop.

"Dear Jessica Unnie,
We are going for an ice cream buffet =D. Don't miss us too much. We'll be back in time for dinner.

Ps : We took your credit card. We are going to the IT Fair downtown later. Taeyeon unnie said it was okay for us to max it out.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love

Yoona and Sooyoung

Jessica's hand trembled as she read the content of the note. In the room upstairs, Taeyeon roused from her sleep as she heard Jessica's voice screaming her name from the cafe below and smiled to herself. "Revenge completed."

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL