Chapter 32

Department X

Her heels clicked on the floor as she stroded towards the room situated at the very end of the walkway. Remembering her manners, she knocked on the door and waited to be invited in. A voice sounded from inside the room inviting her in. As she walked in, she bowed to the figure that was seated behind ebony desk as he pointed to the chair opposite of his, indicating to her to take a seat. Smoothing out her dress as she sat down opposite one of the most prominent figure in the world, Tiffany seemed pretty much at ease.

A dossier was slided over to her across the table as she deftly caught with her hand and picked up the new mission they were going to undertake. Skimming through the pages, she quickly familiarised herself with the mission onhand. Their latest target was Andy Kwon, one of the most succesful entreprenuers in the country. He was the CEO of not one but two publicly listed companies in the country and he was also on the board of directors for many other prestigious companies in the  world. Nodding her head curtly, she bowed to the figure and left the room quietly.

Back at her office, she read through the briefing to find out why this Andy Kwon was selected to be the latest target.

Andy Kwon, 58. CEO to one of the largest shipping company in the whole of East Asia. His wife died during childbirth leaving him with only a daugther. According to the dossier, Andy kwon has been under the scrutiny of the CIA for many years as he has always been suspected to be using his company as a front to backup the secondary business of his. He was believed to be the leader to a arms and drugs smuggling syndicate that has its claws worldwide. Although nothing could be pinned on him as he had always managed to maintain a clean front, a recent footage from their last mission had given them the break they were always looking for. A contact between a representative of Andy Kwon and Isao Watanabe, the guy whom they had to eliminate as the designs he had created could potentially cause a danger to the society. After running facial recognition software on the video, they have confirmed their suspicions as the representative was non other than Andy's own daugther. Kwon Yuri.

After running a search on the database, Kwon Yuri was placed in more than one meeting that were monitored by CIA agents. She was spotted at Khyber pass, Pakistan where she met up with the dealers in one of the largest illegal arm markets in the world. She was also further spotted at Chechnya Russia and at Pyongyang, North Korea where she met up with a representative suspected to be from Room 39, a secretive group that deals with money laundering, arms and drugs smuggling. It is not known why and what she was doing there but its enough to give them the evidence they required to undertake further actions. Pressing a button on her speakphone. Tiffany called for a meeting with the tech guys under her as she gave them the mission to dig up everything and anything they can find out about Andy Kwon and his daugther, Kwon Yuri.

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL