Chapter 2

Department X

It was the sort of building you could walk past without noticing: three storeys high, painted white, with perfectly trimmed ivy climbing up the roof. They had transformed the first level into a little cafe and used the other storeys as their residence.
It was a shophouse set in the corner of the busiest address in the city. Flanked with office building to their left and right, you would probably not notice its existence. That served its purpose well as it was meant to be unoticable.

Balls of orange flames shot up skyhigh in Taeyeon's mind as it replayed what she always dreamt of, the scene of her parent's death. Only this time, it seemed more realistic with the screeches of the brakepads on the wheels, the smell of rubber and pounding sounds. Taeyeon sat up from her bed covered in cold sweat once again, but this time the pounding sounds did not go away. Shaking her head, she realised that the pounding sounds came from her door. Opening the door with groggy eyes, she saw her staff Hyoyeon at the door with her fist raised in mid air. Reacting instantly, she grabbed Hyoyeon's arms before she got pounded.

"Yah! Do you realise its only 7 in the morning? We don't open till 8. So why are you creating such a ruckus now?"

Hyoyeon looked at her palely and muttered one sentence. "There's corpses outside our door" before slumping to the ground, dazed.

Not knowing what she was hearing, Taeyeon decided to make her way down to the door Hyoyeon mentioned to find out what exactly she meant. Walking down the steps, she saw Seohyun in the corner of the cafe holding up a broomstick and Yoona huddling beside her. With trembling fingers, they pointed towards the metal shutters which was partially open, revealing 2 pairs of legs outside their glass door.

Taeyeon bravely walked towards the door, unlocked it and stepped outside. She saw a large box outside her cafe with 2 pair of legs sticking out from the box. Gently kicking it, she stepped back fearing the worst. One of the legs moved a little and disappeared into the box, leaving the longer legs outside.

Feeling a little braver, Taeyeon kicked the box again, a little harder this time while shouting "Yah! what are you doing outside my cafe?" Just then the box moved and she heard a something knocked against the box and an ouch sound was heard. The box moved again in a little while revealing 2 human beings who were both having difficulty opening up their eyes in the bright sunlight.

Taeyeon studied the 2 people in front of her and realised that one was extremely tall and the other was around her height. Both were girls and they looked around her age. She had a feeling that they looked extremely familiar. She started searching her memory to remember where she had seen their faces before.

The shorter one blinked her eyes and stiffled a yawn as she looked around. Nudging the taller one "Hey Soo Young, look, its finally open." Noticing Taeyeon glaring at them, the shorter girl smiled at her and then said "Good morning. I have come for my daily coffee break."
Her words jolted Taeyeon's memory and she suddenly remembered where she has seen their faces before, in a dossier that was delivered to her yesterday from HQ informing her of the arrival of 2 new members to their department.

Expressionless she replied "Tall macchiato, low fat decaf, 3 pumps of chocolate, no whip"

The shorter girl smiled at her and extended out her hand in a handshake, "Hi, I am Sunny and that is my sister Soo Young. We are the new arrivals to the department."

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colleenorcullo
#1
Chapter 55: SooNa is so sweet T~T
Taengoo311
#2
Chapter 68: Umm why no updates? D:
SunnyandTae
#3
Chapter 32: New reader. Love where it's going. I'm up to the Christmas special and love it. It's written so well. I can't wait to finish :)
badtestament #4
Wuuthraad : Hahaha, well. Not everything will go to their food binges. I will have a part 3 to explain what they did with the money
badtestament #5
Forever9 : Haha, *evil gleams somemore* Maybe I should tell Youngie about your suspicious love for rilakuma.. *rubs hands in glee* YAH dongsaeng, wae you no update childcare chaos... *prepares the darts you loaned me*
Wuuthraad
#6
I now feel bad for Kim Tae Woo, now that he's going to jail and all his cash is going to fund SooNa food binges XD
badtestament #7
Vedasone : Thanks for the comments. =) Really thanks.

Mashipao : I will post my reply on your wall ok?? =D Thanks for reading my fanfic and thanks even more for your detailed comments and improvement suggestions
MashiPao
#8
S: LAST COMMENT! I SWEAR! XD
While reading your story, I noticed the pros and cons of your writing. So I want to give you some advice to make your fic better and your writing overall. :P
First of all, you do research on your topics. Which is really good. it's very easy to tell that you did your research on the guns and whatnot. In fact, would you mind helping me with that kind of stuff? LOl The amount of information within your story (and the gun explanations in the sequel) clearly show the amount of research you did. Few authors do this large amount of research so kudos to you!
Next, you have AMAZING vocabulary and details. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Although, your sentences can get a bit awkward at times, it doesn't hide the fact that your details are amazing. However, I think that all the details you have are like a double-edged sword in a sense. It's really great to read a fic with such amazing detail but sometimes it gets...tedious. Your updates are rather short so all I can see is giant paragraph after paragraph. And honestly, it makes me feel like I'm reading an essay instead of a story. So I would recommend maybe taking your giant paragraphs and separating them into smaller ones. That way, it's much easier to read. Not a lot of people want to read giant blocks of text.
Also, your details and whatnot overpower your dialogue. You have more details than you have dialogue. In my opinion, dialogue is what makes a story and fleshes out the characters' personalities. So perhaps add more dialogue into your story?
You have problems writing dialogue as well which is awfully strange because I see you doing it the right way and then you mostly do it the wrong way...such as in Chapter 47. You squish all of your dialogue into one paragraph which is incorrect. (And it causes many readers to run away LOL) There must be a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
So I'm done. Whew that took a long time to type up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and found my comments useful~
MashiPao
#9
Moving on to the next comment! LOL I don't know...I might hit a new high and have to write three comments. I still have much to say. :P Just a heads up, I read teh sequel too so I'll be squishing everything in the comments here. XD
Anyway, continuing about Tiffany. Thumbs up for continuity. I noticed you still had pink dossiers in your sequel. Hehe sorry I just like it when the author stays consistent. I always have smile on my face every time Tiffany enters the cafe: walks/runs in like a boss then glomps everyone. XD (Also yay for slight Taenyish moment in the sequel haha).
Moving on to the highlight of the story that I found the most amusing: Jessica's and Taeyeon's test to get into Department X. Haha it was great. Cucumbers and roasted cockroaches? Wow. Must've been hell. The examiners weren't very smart when they decided not to tie up Jessica's feet. XD Aso I love the background of the Cafe with No Name. I LOL'd at such the lame name and LOL'd even harder when you said "Taeyeon's creativeness". Nice Touch. :)
Moving on the main plot of the story, I must say the Department X definitely have their feet stuck in a pile of crap. Especially Sooyoung. D: It was so sad when she left. Also, I was so surprised at the end when Seohyun drugged Hyoyeon. Why SEOHYUN? WHY? T_T Honestly, I never expected Seohyun of all people. She's too nice and stuff. But you know, the nicest people are probably the most evil and sinister (Does that make me evil? LOL). Going into the sequel, I wonder if Sunny and Hyomin will really fall in love with each other especially since Hyomin is taking such good care of Sunny in the hospital...while Sunny's lover is sulking around, seeking Tiffany for refuge...Shame, Taeyeon. If Sunny caught you, she might have to request you to get into bed immediately. XD Hehe I'm an avid Taeny fan so I'm content with the Taeny development. :P But anyway, Seohyun, why are you so EVIL?! T_T Evil! D: Augghhh...Well, I'm running out of space again. LOL