Ten
Requested By:jege2401
Reviewer: -theunniefangirl
Review Requested: August 4th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 9th
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Sorry for the wait! 

Title (9/10)
It's short- but it has a alot of meaning for the story! But, it's nothing too attention-grabbing which can usually make a reader ignore the story while scrolling through asianfa

Foreword (12/15)
I like how you go straight into the reasoning with the number 10. But, I do feel as though the writing is a bit...choppy? Here is a slightly modified version I wrote, it's up to you to change it.

What You Wrote
10 years old was when I first met you
10 seconds were all it took for me to fall in love with your warm brown eyes
10 days were those days I’d spent to make you talk to me for the first time
10 weeks.. Will you fall in love with me in my remaining days?

My Modified Version
I was 10 years old when I first met you
It took 10 seconds for me to fall in love with your warm brown eyes
I spent 10 days trying to make you talk to me 
So in the matter of 10 weeks, will you fall in love with me as well?

Do you see how I changed the placing of the "10"s? Instead of starting with 10 blahblahblah, you should say the adjective or verb, so it appears more like a stronger sentence. And also, do you see how I took out the "remaining days" part? It's because that can give away a lot of the plot. You should keep away from explaining why they have tot fall in love with the other in only 10 weeks, so you can keep the reader guessing why and make them want to continue reading more. 

 Now, I'm pretty sure you can tell that I bolded all the 10's. I did this because it makes the reader focus on it, and it makes them remember it greater. It's similar to the works of a highlighter when reading a passage for school. You don't have to bold it though. You can also italicise or underline it- or all at once.

Characters (14/20)
The characters are pretty okay. They're fun to read about and interesting.  The main problem is, honestly, character development. Character development is a big thing in books, especially angst stories. The reader must become closer to them to make the events in the story seem more tragic, or happy, etc. But, that won't work without character development.

 First let me talk about Eunbyul. She's an okay character and all, but  I really can't talk about her personally without too much development. I really wish you were able to speak about their character traits more- especially their negative ones. She would be a more interesting OC if you made her more dynamic. Other wise, she can be too much of a perfect character. 

 The other characters suffer from the same no-development problem as Eunbyul. I really hope you'll be able to get deeper into their personalities more instead of forcing anything into the reader's knowledge. 

 One last thing that kind of bothered me was why did the EXO members use their stage names? Obviously, their stage names are used when they're idols, but this is an AU in which they are nothing more than students. So why would they use their stage names instead of their real names. For example- Kai and Suho? Those names were created only really because they wanted stage names for their idol careers? Why would they use them as normal every day students? If there is a reason, you should explain it earlier into the story.

 I also kind of find it a bit... unrealistic to have students driving luxery cars. Sure, they are all rich and beautiful and all that good stuff, but still, they're students. It's a pretty normal thing to have students driving cars in High School over in the west (normal cars, to be honest.), but South Korea and Asia period, it's more common to start driving in college. During high school, students usually just ride bikes, walk or take the bus or train to school- not drive such expensive cars. Take everyone's favorite slice of bacon, for example- Baekhyun. He's currently in his 20's and still doesn't know how to drive. 

Narrative Elements (18/30)
You have a very simple writing style. For one, I didn't really see any grammar or spelling errors- but I did catch some choppy sentences. But they weren't anything major- so I will instead focus on other things.

 First off- the Konglish in the story. Using "oppa" is fine, since it's common in Korean and it has greater meaning than just "brother". But, appa, on the other hand, doesn't.  You have no actually reason to romanize "appa". There is no special meaning into it like oppa does. When you say oppa, to translate it you'd have to say female's older brother/friend, and that's a bit too much. But for appa and umma nad such- the only meaning behind it is dad. If you're going to romanize dad, then why not romanize the rest of the story, since they're obviously speaking Korean.

 One other thing about the use of "appa" and "oppa" and such, why do you capitilize it. Oppa and appa aren't collective nouns, so there is nor reason to capitize them. When you type "This is my brother", do you capitilize it? No. Why? Because it is nothing more than a common noun, meaning there is no reason to capitlize them. 

 Speaking of "oppa", people don't say it as commonly as they Eunbyul says it in your story. Eunbyul can just say Chanyeol-ssi or Chanyeol-ah- no need for the constant use of oppa- which can be a bit annoying at times.

 Moving away from the konglish, I would like to note that I really wished you used more descriptions. Imagery is a big part in story making. It makes the reader feel as though they are in the story. But, I don''t feel that in your story. It seems more like a script than anything else, since it is mostly made up of dialogue and actions. 

 A quick simple note here, when someone is yelling (for example "YAH!") there is no real need to capitilize it. I talked about this in another review, but using italics is better for when someone is yelling. It seems cleaner, more professional and usually aids with a better writing style. 

 I definitely recommend editing your sentences, since they can be a bit chop

Plot and Theme (15/35)
I can't really say anything since it's the plot is just now starting, but from what I've seen, it's  a bit cliche. There's nothing really too special about it that makes it stand out from the others. I do like that  you're taking the flow slowly, though. It makes future events in the story more effective.

Entertainment Factors (6/10)
It's not really my cup of tea, to be honest. But, I'm sure others will love it!

Overall Score (74/120)

Reviewer's Song Choice: