Empty
Requested By: ChaeLi-yah
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 17th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 18th, 2015
**Please remember to credit us in your foreword with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you've picked it up**
 

Note from HeadToToesLove: This review is pretty long, and I apologize for the length. Hope you don't mind. And sorry for mistakes, I tried to get it done for you as soon as possible.

Title (10/10)
The title is perfect in the sense that:
1) It's from a song by WINNER, and
2) It's got that angsty feel to it that really capture's the emotions of the story. 

Foreword (10/15)
You need to put a trigger warning on this. It's not enough to just be Rated M. Anything related to physical abuse, ual abuse, violence, and things like disorders (i.e Taehyun's eating disorder) are all taboo topics that fall under a trigger warning. I highly recommend putting your story under a trigger warning.

As for your Foreword, it's simple and plain. To the point. There's a couple mistakes in there, but that's all I found as far as the foreword is concerned.

1) What you wrote:
 "Taehyun blames everything on himself and tries to gain control over his life, much to late realizing that the relieve turned into an addiction."
-- The proper word to use there is 'too'. 
-- 'relief' is what should've been used.
 

Characters (17/20)
I am a er for angst stories, I really am. Psychological stuff really gets me going.
All of your characters are so complicated and I love it. I think you've done an amazing job of capturing the internal conflict they have and the struggles they face, and portrayed it in a way that people in real life, who have these very same problems, can relate to.
I love Mino's character just as much as I hate him (for obvious reasons) and that means you've managed to make the characters have more depth to them than what's there at first glance, and make the reader's constantly rethink their views and see it from a different perspective.

Favorite Character: Seunghoon
-- Let me just say that, you're characters are all amazing. But, I always tend to root for the underdog, and Seunghoon, although sweet (and, quite frankly, sane) will never honestly have a chance with Taehyun. Taehyun loves to torture himself (emotionally), and to be tortured (again, emotionally). Seunghoon wants nothing more than to protect him, even though that's impossible. (Also, Seunghoon is my bias in WINNER. #LeeHee \(>.<)/ )

Narrative Elements (17/30)
Since you approached me for this review, as a Native English speaker, I figured you'd want me to go in depth with some things you'd want to improve on. So, I'll give specific examples. Overall, though, I believe you've done a good job, and there aren't many fatal mistakes wrong with it. Just minor mistakes that happen repeatedly, but that do not take away from the story.

1) When you write out before the POV change, you need to add an apostrophe.
For instance, when you put 'Minos pov', it should be 'Mino's POV'. Apostrophe's show possession, and it's HIS point of view.

2) You switch between tenses occasionally.
Ex. What you wrote:
"Sitting on a chair, his head tilted to the side a little, he stares at me with a knowing smile as if he knew exactly, what I’m thinking."
In order for it to be a consistent tense (either present or past) then there's two things you can do to change it.

For Past tense:

"Sitting on a chair, his head titled to the side a little, he stared at me with a knowing smile as if he knew exactly what I was thinking."

For Present tense:

"Sitting on a chair, his head tilted to the side a little, he stares at me with a knowing smile as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking."

This was something you did quite a few times, so I suggest going back and choosing a tense and editing things a bit. But, like I said, it doesn't take away from the essence or feel of the story as a whole.

3) You have a lot of unnecessary commas, and your spacing can be spread out a bit more to flow better.
Ex. What you wrote:
"Unwilling to let you go I cling to your body a little while longer before softly pushing you off, supporting you when you stumble a bit and sending you a worried gaze which you shrug off with a shy smile. I’ll talk with you later, you seem worn out and sick and should rest but now we have no time for that, I just hope you’ll manage the dance training because now that I monitor every one of your movements when you get into position I notice how weak they are.

The music starts and we slide into motion immediately, so concentrated on our choreography that we barely notice the fancy dressed guy entering the room, leaning against a cupboard casually, supervising our dancing lesson with a critical expression on his face."

What you can change to make it flow better (but, it's your decision, since this is your writing and your style. This is only a suggestion from one writer to another):
"Unwilling to let you go, I cling to your body a little while longer before softly pushing you off, supporting you when you stumble a bit and sending you a worried gaze which you shrug off with a shy smile.

I'll talk with you later.

You seem worn out and sick, and should get rest, but now we have no time for that. I just hope you'll manage the dance training, because now that I monitor every one of your movements when you get into position, I notice how weak they are.

The music starts and we slide into motion immediately, so concentrated on our choreography that we barely notice the fancy dressed guy entering the room, leaning against a cupboard casually, supervising our dancing lesson with a critical expression on his face."

4) And, lastly, there were minor spelling mistakes. Nothing serious, and nothing we haven't all done at least once in our lives.
Ex. You used 'tight' for 'thigh'. Thigh is the leg muscle that I assume you meant to refer to, based on the context of what you wrote.

I apologize if any of this seemed a bit harsh. I didn't mean it in a harsh or rude way. Hope you won't be upset. (>.<)

Plot & Theme (35/35)
I love your plot.
Like I said before, I love psychological thrillers and angst. This story is perfect. 
It captures internal conflict and struggles amazingly, and really makes the readers think.
Ugh, I just really love it. I can't even find words to describe how much I love it. There's so much more to it than what meets the eye.
I hope you continue to write stories like this one.

Entertainment Factors (10/10)
As someone who loves angst and such, I found this story enthralling. I can't even get over how much it made me want to read more. And, I say it again, write more stuff like this. You're so good at it, and I would really love to read more of your work.

Overall Score (99/120)

Reviewer's Song Choice: (You should look up the English lyrics. I feel like they fit well with Taehyun and Mino's feelings)