*calling ayumi13 | Lies Between the Faded Carved Scars

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

Lies Between the Faded Carved Scars
Requested By: ayumi13
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Review Requested: July 1st, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 10th, 2015
**Please remember to credit us in your foreword with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you've picked it up**
Sorry for such the long wait, we were waiting on a banner for crediting. Mianhaeyo, please forgive us; We'll do our best to make sure to post sooner in the future! Fighting! >.<





Title (8/10)
The title was quite unique, since I've never seen this title before. It's relevant to the story, and you see that through Minseok's past and the title brings a lot of curiousity to the readers.

Foreword (5/15)

Characters (17/20)
Wasn't clear at the beginning but as the story progressed, they were revealed and well developed. 

Narrative Elements (25/30)

Plot and Theme (34/35)
Overall, you've gotten the point of the story across pretty well. There was plenty of conflict within the story, but it seemed pretty similar throughout the chapters; demons feeding on humans.
The past is a very unexpected internal conflict within the characters, and it's quite sad and emotional (emotion is good ^^)

Entertainment Factors (9/10)
 

Overall Score: (98/120)

 

REVIEWER'S NOTE:

The first chapter was too heavy to read as there were way too many details present on the movement every character made. You could also specify more on who's who, since most of the staff here have no idea on who is the main character (though, confusion about characters may have been the goal)
It could be better; I do think that the  first chapter gave enough of the "mysterious effect" to allure readers towards reading the next chapter. Yet, I would feel more irritated to be honest, since the first chapter was more to confusing which leads to the reader being bored. It can hook them, but might also scare some away with confusion.

The theme is supernatural; which seems to be very common among Exo members, yet this plot seems to be one of a kind or unique; which is a good thing. It isn't played out and overused.
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I really thought that this one is one of a kind plot. though one of our reviewers said that she's seen something like this before but its good (the basic concept). Unique and uncommon on AFF.
--The side stories with the other characters were great. The plot is solid, and makes you think. New and fresh.

The description and the foreword presentation could be better.
[TIP] A description is meant to intrigue the reader, almost like luring it's prey. You shouln't have too much in the description, please remember to save some for the foreword as well. 
A description should just be like a quite passage, nothing to deep into the story.
[TIP] A foreword should be the passage that gives the most information, but sometimes, you can also have on it is as an excerpt; monologue, poem or quote. **Remember, you can also go back and change it later if the story turns out to be different than what you originally planned.

I would like to thank bleached sand on asianfanfics for the guide through out the whole description and foreword.

I must admit, the second chapter got me like asdfghjkl, I didin't think that it would be that interesting, especially the part when Minseok got to kill those demons. He got to say those words, which was pretty hot, to be honest. "For the sin you have caused, harming and murdering other people, I am sentencing you to hell," I was looking for Minseok to say those lines at every chapter, like I would killl something if I couldnt find one.

It got more and more interesting as the chapter go by, the flashback especially. The one on chapter eight got me tearing up, it was too sad :') 

The demons Minseok killed were- feeding on humans? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the demons were human who died; but since their/someone else's emotions were very big, they are able to resurect or something and they feed on humans wether they are aware or not, but the problem is; how is everyone around them not aware that they died; unless Minseok had killed them?
Like, after Minseok had killed them, everyone would start to look for the missing body.

"Will...I always be blamed for things I have not done?" was my favourite quote of the whole eight chapters.

There are some grammatical and typo errors (in one of the chapter; you wrote "someone out THEIR" you couldve used "there" instead, but the mistakes are not that obvious nor disturbing. Didn't take away from the story.

I would really recommend this story.


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HeadToToesLove
Review Pickup for: omonachu

Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs