*calling CherryL101 | Half A Man

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

Half A Man
Review Requested By: CherryL101
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove (In place of JungAddicted)
Review Requested: August 3rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: September 1st, 2015

**Please remember to credit us with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you've picked up**

 

 

Note: I am so sorry this took so long, even after it was passed onto me. I hope this doesn't ruin your impression of our shop, and if you request in the future, it won't happen again. \(T^T)/
Also, since it's a longer story, I also just focused on the important aspects I thought you needed to work on in the story, rather than going deeply in depth like I would for a shorter one. Hope that's alright.


Title (7/10)
I've seen your title quite often with other angst stories, but your plot brings a different meaning to it, so it's not too negative.

Foreword (10/15)
To be honest, the layout you have for both the foreword and your chapters makes the text a bit hard to read. It's too small and too narrow, and the line-height bunches it together. I actually had to click the 'Make Readable' button to see it and read properly. That's something I've never done before, no matter how hard to read, but with this layout I did. I suggest tweaking it a bit to at least spread the line-height out some. It's okay enough for the foreword, but for the chapters, it's not.
Other than that, your foreword was good. Your description didn't reveal too much. However, I'm not a huge fan of ending descriptions in questions, because it's cliche, but it's not too bad with yours.

Characters (10/20)
Alright, so I don't want this to sound harsh, but you need to work on your character portrayal. Even though this is story is , your characters are still men. And, I get that you may be a woman, so it's not easy writing like that, but your characters are too feminine. Both of them are, especially Jiyong. They need to be more masculine for the story to be realistic.

Narrative Elements (25/30)
I love your writing style in the beginning. It's so dark and ominous. It got me excited and thrilled. It's interesting how you use the characters POV to switch in between present and past, reality and dream. It's unique, and I don't know if I've seen a style like this before. Or not as well done, anyway.
I did notice mistakes here and there, but I think proofreading and editing a bit would solve most of them.

Plot & Theme (30/35)
I have to say, your plot is unique, at least to me. I liked it. It kept me on the edge of my seat while reading it. Your character portrayal did take away a bit, but not much. 

Entertainment Factors (8/10)
I enjoyed reading your story a lot. These kinds of stories are always enjoyable for me, and I know anyone who likes psychological thrillers would love this.

Overall Score (90/120)


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HeadToToesLove
Review Pickup for: omonachu

Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs