*calling jackieway | I Like Your Pink Bunny Socks, Sungmin-ssi
ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)I Like Your Pink Bunny Socks, Sungmin-ssi
Review Requested By: jackieway
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove (In place of JungAddicted)
Review Requested: August 3rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 27th, 2015
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Note: I apologize immensely for such a late review. JungAddicted has been having problems with communication and internet, so it took so long. I hope you don't mind me taking over, and I promise something like this won't happen again.
Title (9/10)
I think your title is perfect, based on the excerpt in your description. It's misleading in the sense that readers will believe it's fluff, but upon seeing the tags and reading the foreword, realize that is far from the truth. I like it, and it's very unique and lovely.
Foreword (13/15)
Your foreword is just about perfect, too. Your text wasn't too large, and you used an excellent excerpt to go ahead and show the relevance of the title, and to draw reader's in. Based on your "Trigger Warnings" at the bottom, I thought maybe you would need to put a trigger warning on the story as a whole, but not so much anymore after reading. If you do put more suggestive things in there, or have the actions you talk about partially or fully committed, then yes, you should. But, as of right now, its's okay.
Characters (16/20)
You have an array of unique characters, and each has some important (or close to important) role in the story. They're all balanced really well.
I get there's a connection with everyone wanted to be in the entertainment industry, but that aspect did make it a bit more cliche.
But, even so, your characters are great. They are all pretty relatable.
Narrative Elements (24/30)
I usually find it harder to get into if a story is in first person (which is weird since my first two stories were written in first, myself). The reason for this is, is because with first person, you can't see as much of the other characters emotions and things going on outside of the single characters view. But, with your story it works. Having it in first person gives that effect of not knowing, which is an advantage to this story. Gives it a sense of mystery and adds to the angst. Using first person was a good choice for this story.
Your grammar was (almost) absolutely perfect! However, I did find a few thing here and there. Such as:
I said nothing in reply and lay back down on the cot, which creaked as I did so.
'Lay' is a present tense word, and it isn't correct in this sentence. You should've used the word, 'laid'.
---> I said nothing in replay and laid back down on the cot, which creaked as I did so.
That mistake actually happened a couple of times, so I'd be on the lookout for it. The rest were almost always little mistakes that poof reading or going through again would solve.
Plot & Theme (30/35)
Like I said, having all of them wanting to be in the entertainment industry was cliche, but the story as a whole wasn't. It was very unique, and kept me interested. I haven't read many on AFF like this one. I'll elaborate more on the plot in the section below.
Entertainment Factors (7/10)
Your story was quite enjoyable. I liked it a lot, and I plan on reading more when you update. However, I think it could take a really cliche turn in the future, which worries me. The more you mention SM entertainment, the more this feels like this story is becoming a 'idol searching for his dream against all odds' type of thing, and that would take away from the meaning of the story. You've focused a bit on them helping and healing each other, so put just a bit more emphasis on that (which you may already be planning to do, based on the last chapter, so far).
Overall Score (99/120)
Reviewer's Song Choice:
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