*calling KillerGal | Perfection

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

Perfection
Review Requested By: KillerGal
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: August 10th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 11th, 2015

**Please remember to credit us in your foreword with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you’ve picked up**

 

 


Title (10/10)
I don’t even think I need to elaborate on how perfect this title is. It fits the story so well. This story is about the strife for perfection and the realization that true perfection doesn’t really exist in the way that we believe it does. And... not everything (or everyone is who or) what it seems.

Foreword (15/15)
Short. Simple. Perfection.
(Pun was definitely intended, cause I'm a dork).
I loved your foreword. Plain forewords with short descriptions are amazing, especially for oneshots like yours. Your description is perfect to hook the readers and make them want to read everything.

Characters (19/20)
Your characters are like metaphors for life. It’s odd to describe, but you’ve outdone yourself. Good job. I don't want to spoil anything for potential readers, but your characters are really great. 

Narrative Elements (28/30)
Present tense is a tricky tense to choose to write in, and it’s often hard to keep up with if you do choose it (many slip into past tense without even realizing it). You didn’t (that I could find) slip up with this at all.
However, I did pinpoint a few awkward phrasing and some expressions that weren’t correct.

For example:

He is nose bleeding, again.
We do not commit acts of nose bleeding, our noses do. 'nose bleeding' is not a verb. It should be:
His nose is bleeding, again.

And,

Kai's eyes are fixated on the blank canvas. He eyes the texture of the canvas while he feels the roughness of the canvas under the touch of his delicate fingers.
There’s a lot of unnecessary repetition here.
Kai’s eyes are fixated on the blank canvas. He eyes the texture of the canvas while he feels the roughness of it under the touch of his delicate fingers.

Plot & Theme (34/35)
Your story is incredibly unique. I’ve never read anything like it, in my opinion. You have so many hidden messages within it, and it’s beautiful. I don't have much to say other than you're a great author and this story is lovely.

Entertainment Factors (9/10)
I really enjoyed reading this, but many might overlook the hidden and deep meaning within it (which you have an explanation for anyway). But, if they do, it’s their loss. But, I enjoyed this story immensely, and it's worth the read for anyone.

Overall Score (115/120) *This story has been added to the Hall of Fame*


Reviewer's Song Choice:

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Thank you!
HeadToToesLove
Review Pickup for: omonachu

Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs