*calling KillerGal | Perfection
ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)Perfection
Review Requested By: KillerGal
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: August 10th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 11th, 2015
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Title (10/10)
I don’t even think I need to elaborate on how perfect this title is. It fits the story so well. This story is about the strife for perfection and the realization that true perfection doesn’t really exist in the way that we believe it does. And... not everything (or everyone is who or) what it seems.
Foreword (15/15)
Short. Simple. Perfection.
(Pun was definitely intended, cause I'm a dork).
I loved your foreword. Plain forewords with short descriptions are amazing, especially for oneshots like yours. Your description is perfect to hook the readers and make them want to read everything.
Characters (19/20)
Your characters are like metaphors for life. It’s odd to describe, but you’ve outdone yourself. Good job. I don't want to spoil anything for potential readers, but your characters are really great.
Narrative Elements (28/30)
Present tense is a tricky tense to choose to write in, and it’s often hard to keep up with if you do choose it (many slip into past tense without even realizing it). You didn’t (that I could find) slip up with this at all.
However, I did pinpoint a few awkward phrasing and some expressions that weren’t correct.
For example:
He is nose bleeding, again.
We do not commit acts of nose bleeding, our noses do. 'nose bleeding' is not a verb. It should be:
His nose is bleeding, again.
And,
Kai's eyes are fixated on the blank canvas. He eyes the texture of the canvas while he feels the roughness of the canvas under the touch of his delicate fingers.
There’s a lot of unnecessary repetition here.
Kai’s eyes are fixated on the blank canvas. He eyes the texture of the canvas while he feels the roughness of it under the touch of his delicate fingers.
Plot & Theme (34/35)
Your story is incredibly unique. I’ve never read anything like it, in my opinion. You have so many hidden messages within it, and it’s beautiful. I don't have much to say other than you're a great author and this story is lovely.
Entertainment Factors (9/10)
I really enjoyed reading this, but many might overlook the hidden and deep meaning within it (which you have an explanation for anyway). But, if they do, it’s their loss. But, I enjoyed this story immensely, and it's worth the read for anyone.
Overall Score (115/120) *This story has been added to the Hall of Fame*
Reviewer's Song Choice:
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