*calling prowlingwolf | A Quick Fix [Rated M]

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

A Quick Fix
Review Requested By: prowlingwolf
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 23rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 24th, 2015
*Please remember to credit us in the foreword with the banner on the right and comment to let us know when you've picked up**
Note from HeadToToesLove: Happy to see you've requested again!! Yay!! I've tried to have it up quickly since I'm going to be rather busy this upcoming week, so I hope you're satisfied with it, even if it may seem a little rushed >//<

 


Title (10/10)
I like how it's short and sweet, and I can find relevance within it from Xiumin trying to find a way to protect Chen, and maybe even Luhan trying to get Xiumin. Also, the whole 'brothel' thing would be considered a quick fix for the lonely men who need that kind of entertainment in their lives. The title has multiple meanings, so I like it.

Foreword (13/15)
You've done a good job with this foreword as well. The description is well done, it introduces the characters and sets up the plot and setting, with ease.

Characters (18/20)
You've out done yourself again with the characters. I rarely read Exo fics anymore, because of how played out and cliche everything gets with it. Your characters are a refreshing change, even the not-so-likable ones (I'm sure you know who I'm referring to).
Lay is almost always a quiet and gentle person, with a ditzy and forgetful personality. But you’ve made him (quite literally) a maniac, and I absolutely love how you take a character and make them your own, despite how they’re normally portrayed.
And, Xiumin’s character is once again someone besides the ever-hungry and baby-faced elder hyung; this time, he’s a stone-cold business man with an agenda, and control (or in desperate need for such). And, despite Xiumin’s ‘rough-around-the-edges’ personality, and how he seemingly tries not to care, it’s so obvious he does, and it makes the readers feel for him even more.
Suho and Kris, I can’t even describe. Kris isn’t much of a surprise, being the mob boss, but Suho’s role… That is definitely a surprise to me.
And Luhan is an even bigger shock. “Tall, dark and handsome” are not words often associated with him, so kudos to you. I can't get enough of your Luhan characters, I really can't.
Ugh, your characterization is beautiful and original, and although I’m not usually into genre’s like this, the style in which it’s written makes up for that lack of interest. I become interested alone in your characters and your words, rather than the theme and setting.
And when you brought SHINee into this, my feels were shot. (*whispers* SHINee's back)

Narrative Elements (20/30)
Your writing is beautiful, as always, but I did find a bit more mistakes and such in this story (probably due to the fact that it's slightly older, and that seems to be the case, as I can already see a difference between the first part and fourth).
There are some places where you have commas, but a period or semicolon would work out better. However, it doesn’t take away from the effect (it’s just the writer in me taking note) so you shouldn’t worry about it, with what you have so far. Just be cautious of it in the future. If you want some specific examples of some that are there, feel free to PM me about it, but I honestly don’t think it’s a problem as of right now, especially since I didn't see it much in the fourth part.
And, also, there are parts where there could be a comma to help with the flow of it, and prevent it from turning into a run on sentence. Again, you can PM me if you want examples, but it's not really something you need to focus on, just be cautious of it in the future.

Some things that I do want to point out, though:

In Part 1:

“You’re gonna regret this Xiumin, I’ll make you regret it…just you wait you , you forget who’s territory this really is.”

who's ---> whose (whose is the possessive word for 'who' and sometimes 'which')
 

"Gripping in frustration he slid forwards until he lay, upper body strewn across the paperwork on his desk."

forwards ---> forward
 

"He smiled, fingers fiddling with the nape of the blonde."

blonde ---> blond (you did this quite often within the story, and most people make this mistake. Both words are correct, but English gets this spelling from the French (or so I'm told), and while one is feminine spelling, the other is masculine. When referring to a male as blond, you drop the 'e' at the end. When referring to a female as blonde, you use the 'e'. 'blonde' is the feminine version of 'blond')
 


Xiumin flinched back quickly “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, it’s just…it’s a little distracting it all…”

it ---> is
 

In Part 2:

"And now the blacknette had the kid bent over, sobbing and blubbering with his lips mushed up against the cool plastic of the counter, as he pleaded for his life."

Blacknette is not a word, so maybe saying something like 'raven haired man' or 'dark haired man' would work better.

 

In Part 3:

"He looked different now, albeit his hair skill wild and unkempt, his smile was not because of Baekhyun nor was it innocent."

skill ---> still (At least I think that's what you meant...)
 

"Lay down Master, you'll much better if you do. D.O has gone to make you some food, he'll bring it soon."

I believe the word 'feel' is missing.

 

In Part 4:

"Minseok had also grown use to spending his nights with Jongdae."

use ---> used ('use' is when you're about to use something, 'used' is when you become familiar with something/someone or have used something)
 

"Once they stand, they sway, dancing to scuffles and cries that bounce of the walls and pound loudly against their ears."

of ---> off

 

I also would like to say, in part four, the repetition of some words and the phrases in italics were absolutely poetic, and I loved it. So much >.< 

Plot & Theme (30/35)
Like I said before, you have a plot not often seen with Exo fics (or at least not as well written as the others) on here. These topics are rarely used, and when they are, most writers like to beat around the bush, and only allude to such things. But, you went full out with it, and made things happen that usually get over looked or avoided altogether. I applaud you for that! Taking risks as a writer, and doing a damn good job of it. \(^_^)/

Entertainment Factors (8/10)
I know any Exo fan who is interested in mafia au's and these types of fics will (and do) absolutely love it. I'm not really a huge fan of mafia/gang/brothel fics, but you wrote it so well, that I found myself enjoying it simply from the literary aspects of it. 

Overall Score (99/120)


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HeadToToesLove
Review Pickup for: omonachu

Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs