For Eternity
Review Requested By: Chiyakochan
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 12th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 17th, 2015
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Note From HeadToToesLove: I know that this a sequel to A Lovely Week with Park Jimin, so I decided to give an accurate review I had to read the first story and then review this one. Glad to see you requested a review, too. And, I'm sorry it took a while for me to post this. This past week has been super hectic for me, but I finally got around to it, and I hope you like your review. I apologize if there are typos in this, lol. I didn't get the chance to read through as well as I would have liked. ^^

Title (10/10)
I think the title is absolutely perfect. It's a sequel, and the first story was titled A Lovely Week with Park Jimin, so this like the rest of it. Not just a week, but forever. And throughout the story, you can see the conflict between the two that they want to be able to spend eternity together, but there are too many obstacles in the way.
And as far as originality, I haven't seen many of the same titles. I think simpler titles like this are best.
It's absolutely perfect. \(^0^)/
 

Foreword (13/15)
Your foreword is nice. Not too messy and cluttered, but still the perfect amount of information to hook the readers. It's good that you didn't give away the plot with you description (like quite a few author's do on AFF).
The only complaint I would have (it's a small complaint, and it's a personal preference, so it's really got nothing to do with you, but) I usually prefer if a foreword's text is a bit smaller. If it's as large as you have it, or larger, it becomes difficult to read. There's also more professionalism and elegance with smaller text, and it'll look much more mature.
The way you have your chapters laid out is really lovely, so something similar to that would be excellent for your foreword, but other than font-size, it's perfect to me. 
 

Characters (15/20)
To be honest, it took me over half the chapters you already have written to get into the characters, and to even get close to liking them. As it is now, I'm indifferent about Chinhwa (though it's getting better), and I'm beginning to enjoy Jimin's character a bit more. 
Now, just because their personalities aren't the most likable doesn't mean they're bad characters.
In fact, I like the fact that they aren't the most likable people (does that even make sense?)
They're realistic. They aren't perfect and they have their annoying moments, but that makes them relatable. Everyone has their flaws (and Jimin's tendency to get slightly abusive when angry or upset and her tendency to harshly insult in the same moments are all things that real people go through).
All in all: Good job!!
 

Narrative Elements (20/30)
I saw minor grammar mistakes like switching between past and present tense and misspellings (which I think are from a lack of proofreading or just slip ups). I recommend going back every time you have added a couple new chapters and edit the old ones, so the mistakes don't build and you can correct mistakes made that you just missed seeing during the first read through. Also, make use of AFF's spell checker (if you don't know what that is, look it up; It's an immense help).

At first, when I saw your use of italics I became confused, because they're usually used for emphasis of one word in a sentence that normally wouldn't have any. But, you used it for phone calls (which isn't necessary, because everyone knows it's a phone call), and other reasons that I haven't been able to figure out (in addition to emphasis). But, you kept that consistent, so don't worry about changing it, because it's your style.

Also, the names.
Pick a style and use it. You switch from using a hyphen with Chinhwa (Chin-Hwa) to nothing with Jimin, and then you capitalize the second syllable for some names like Namjoon (NamJoon).
Pick one way to do it, and stick with it, or else it'll look messy and unorganized. Either use a hyphen for everyone (Ji-Min, Chin-Hwa, Nam-Joon), or none at all (Chinhwa, Jimin, Namjoon) and don't capitalize the second syllable of the names, unless you do it for everyone (ChinHwa, JiMin, NamJoon, TaeHyung). It just makes it neater and more visually pleasing to have it all the same.
 

Plot & Theme (30/35)
At first, I was wondering how far you could go with the plot; I didn't think there'd be much you could do with it after the first story, but after reading, I realized you have quite a bit planned, and it's good. Luhan has yet to make an appearance, but he's been introduced as a conflict, which is great (adds mystery). I think your plot so far is good, and after getting passed the first few chapters, a reader can really get into it.
There's a risk, however, because of how many chapters you have already. That means this could drag on. Don't speed it up to the point of rushing it, but pick up the pace a little so things to get too drawn out.
 

Entertainment Factors (8/10)
This story took a while to get into, personally, but I think for most, they would enjoy it. It has a couple plot twists as it is, which ups the excitement, and a lot of internal and external conflict to keep readers wanting for more.
Now that I am into it, I even want to continue reading to find out the fate of these two, so keep up the good work!
 

Overall Score (96/120)

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