Love Spell
Requested By: YinYan
Reviewer: -theunniefangirl
Review Requested: July 13th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 16th, 2015
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Sorry this took long! I had some personal stuff going on and couldn't really get to your review. Here it is though haha! <3

Title (6/10)
It's nothing special, really. And it's pretty cliche. Fortunately, I can see where it relates to your story- since Jiyoo uses spells to solve all of her love life problems and such. But, there isn't anything about it that makes it stand out.

Foreword (10/15)
The layout was fine. You had a character chart (is that what it's called lol), but you didn't give away all of their information. The summary gave away enough information, but one thing I did realize about it is the writing. There weren't any spelling errors, but a lot of grammar errors and choppy writing. If you don't mind, I edited it a bit, so that the writing could be more clear and run more smoothly-

"Jiyoo is a witch living in Seoul, South Korea. She uses spells to take the easy way in life- and love. When she sees a cute guy she puts a love spell on them and they fall deeply in love with her. When she get's tired of them, she breaks up and the process repeats.

 Then came Do Kyungsoo.

 She tried to place a spell on him, but it didn't work. Now she want's answers, and when she tried to get them, her life changed forever."

 Lol I'm really bad at summaries to be honest/ Maybe ask other friends to critic your summary and use all the information gathered to re-write a new one, that's what I usually do in situations like these. 

Characters (12/20)
I can't really get into characters yet since there's only one chapter out, but I'll try.

 First, I'd like to appaud you for your diverse OC, Jiyoo/ I haven't seen many OCs like that (maybe it's because I don't really read OC fics, IDK). She's definitely not a mary sue, with her rude attitude and obvious other negative traits. I hope later on in the story, she'll have some development and change into a nicer being.

 Now, I did feel as if Ji Yoo's feelings were a bit too forced. She just met a guy and she fell straight in love with him? You should instead show how she develops feelings for him. For example, show in the beginning that she onluy really sees him as a possible boy toy but develops more romantic feelings for him as she interacts with him through out the story, and vise versa. 

Narrative Elements (15/30)
You got the perspective right. It is set in 3rd Person, and there was no mistakes in chanigng the POV. 

 But I do remind you to try and keep the story's flow smooth. You shouldn't rush things, especially not in the first chapter. As I said above, don't rush Ji Yoo's feelings for Kyungsoo, or at least have her have some interest in him but not fall head over heels in love with him. 

 I don't know if I'm right, but is this the only part that she spies on him? It seemed like it, since they met each other already and it doesn't seem like in the summary they'd meet while she was spying on him, but that may just be me. If it is, I'd like to go back to the rushing. The summary is supposed to show most of what happens through the most of the story, so you should have her spy on him for the next chapters, while still having other events happening through it. 

Plot and Theme (32/35)
The plot is very unique. I don't think I've ever seen a story like this one. I really like romcom stories and this so far seems to be excelling in all the aspects of a romantic comedy. I'm sure if you follow what I said, this story would be even better. I can't really talk on this part since there is only one chapter out and I don't yet know what'll happen in the future, but far, it's on no way cliche!

Entertainment Factors (6/10)
I really enjoyed this story! It was a fun read, but the speedy pace, kind of ruined it a bit for me. I'm sure if you fix it up it would be even more enjoyable and humourous. 

Overall Score (79/120) 

REVIEWER'S NOTE:

I recommend getting an editor or beta reader for the story, so they can go even further into editing your story than I did. 

 [INFO] Remember that every time a new person speaks, a new paragraph should be formed. I took a paragraph from your story and edited up. I also edited a few mistakes.

FROM YOUR STORY

"We're breaking up," Ji Yoo said calmly. Han Woo stared at her wide eyed. "Why? I could do better! Just take me back!" Han Woo got onto his knees and took grasp of her hand. "Please my love. Take me back." Ji Yoo rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers. She looked down at Han Woo and asked, "Who are you?" Han Woo looked up, confused.

EDITED VERSION

"We're breaking up," Ji Yoo said calmly. Han Woo stared at her wide eyed.

Note that now that someone else is talking, there is a new paragraph

"Why? I could be better! (Be is the right word. not do. While I know that in some ways 'Do' is the right word, but these are people in their 10-30's and since Han Woo has yet to know why they're breaking up, he has no reason to say he would 'do' better since do is usually used when they know what they need to do better in) Just take me back!" Han Woo got onto his knees and grapsed her hand. (Grasp and took are synonyms, so that's practically saying he "took took of her hand")

 Ji Yoo rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers. She looked down at Han Woo and asked "Who are you?" (When you put the action of speaking before the dialogue, you don't use a comma, unlike if you were to put the dialogue before the action of speaking)

Since this action is in no relation to the dialogue, there is a new paragraph.

 Han Woo looked up, confused.

~~~

I hope this is enough information for you to use for your story! I definitely recommend an editor! Any way, I hope this review helps!

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