Twisting Paths
Review Requested By: -Tigress-
Reviewer: rectangular_smile
Review Requested: July 23rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 1st, 2015
**Please remember to credit us in your foreword with the banner on the right, and comment to let us know you've picked up**

Title (10/10)
There is nothing to talk about really. The originality is there, and the relevance is there too. To put it simply, this is a perfect title that I salute you for! It attracts readers easily and gives a small yet mysterious pinch on the story's plot. The present tense on the title made it more unique than most titles; to tell you the truth, if this was my story I would have named it as 'twisted path' so you should be grateful it isn't mine. 

Foreword (9/15)
This is where you messed up. First of all, the foreword revealed the entire plot - everything was basically written beside the reason JR needs a protection and the person he needs protection from. To be honest when I first saw the two first sentences from the foreword, I was ecstatic! It was beautiful how you portrait the trusting issues in a faerie and how it was a line instead of lying it out like the rest of your foreword.

            "Never trust a Faerie."

It's a phrase that Aron has heard his entire life, so when a powerful Faerie comes to the Earth Realm and asks him to return to the Fae with him, he's inclined to say no.

This part my friend was perfection, literally. I was totally engrossed with the foreword until I read further, and got disappointed. You don't need to write the other part, this part here is a whole piece of mystery that us readers wants to solve. You could just add a small part and you'll be good to go, like this:

           "Never trust a Faerie."

It's a phrase that Aron has heard his entire life, so when a powerful Faerie comes to the Earth Realm and asks him to return to the Fae with him, he's inclined to say no, but something pulled him to the Faerie's words, he was bonded to go and he found himself following the steps of the Faerie, not knowing that he had just stepped into a trap of lies, deceit and magic by his own feet.

You can use whatever vocabulary you have and your own style because mine seemed really different than yours. I just wanted to give you a point on what I meant ^^ But, you can do whatever you want, its just an opinion. 

Your foreword wasn't even that bad to be honest, what was really bad was the pictures. Never ever put pictures as your characters Introduction, not only that, but you had given out every role the character was playing in your story. We can literally predict what's going to happen as its all written in a picture. Don't introduce your character before you start the actual story, because we like to know a person's personality by how you viewed him/her on your story. That's a trait a lot of AFF writers are use and I really don't like it; I skip the introduction because they appear completely different in the story anyway so why bother? That's the forte that cause you to lose points more than the foreword, because the foreword was epic.

Characters (20/20)
Oh I love it! I just do, I couldn't help but get attached to the way they treat each other. It's described well, it's not rushed and I feel like I'm in the presence of real life characters. They were real, and the way they talked and conversed with each other was appealing. This is just perfect.

Narrative Elements (30/30)
Okay, so I'm in love with your vocabulary. It's so wide and personally speaking, I've read a lot of new words that I haven't come across before, you see I'm not an english speaker, but I know a lot of stuff. But, some words weren't familiar to me and I found them daring. I really like your style of writing as it blends well with that vocab of yours. I felt like I was reading a book instead of a fanfic and I was truly amazed.
It felt like I was living in an ancient/modern life as there were laptops, cellphones and lots of modern things, but still has this old, vintage pinch in their speech that makes me bewildered *in a good way*. Honestly, I've read a lot of failed versions of old stories, but yours was just good and I liked the mix in modern and old.
Your grammar was perfect, your punctuation was perfect, everything was perfect and you deserve the score I gave you!

Plot & Theme (30/35)
Honestly, the plot isn't unique because there are a lot of stories of the normal protagonist who is living his normal live but suddenly discovered he is a prince or some powerful being and blah blah blah..
Endless stories with the same plot line and yours wasn't different.
However; there were a lot of new creative things in your story that made the plot seem unique, the whole idea is overused, but you managed to give it a twist which I applaud you for! Good job in creating your own magic mixed with the old plot.

Entertainment Factors (10/10)
I really enjoyed reading this story, even though it's boyxboy and that's not a genre I would read - I still liked the story because everything in your story was amazing that I didn't care about anything negative in it. This is really a piece of art and I would be honored to place it in the Hall of Fame.

Overall score: (109/120) **This story has been added to the Hall of Fame**

Reviewer's Song Choice: