*calling Shunpao | Spell Bound

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

Spell Bound
Review Requested By: Shunpao
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 23rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 25th, 2015
**Please remember to credit us with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you've picked up**




 


Title (10/10)
The title is perfect. In the beginning I was wondering how it would play in, other then the fact that Kris is a mage and this is a fantasy au. I knew that them being familiars would mean they would be bounded, but when you outright said they were soul bound, it made that connection click officially. So excellent job ^^

Foreword (15/15)
The foreword was also perfect. I adore it (and the poster >.<)
That bear divider was so darn cute, asdfghjkl.
It’s perfect.
The text wasn’t too big, and the excerpts you chose were lovely; they were cute and fluffy (just like little panda Tao) and they can capture any Taoris shipper looking for fluff in an instant.
You said you wanted to find a real panda divider, so I looked for some (I picked out four that I thought were really cute). You may have already seen these, but I thought I'd share what I found anyway, so here's to hoping you haven't seen all of them and like one (though the little bear you have already is so friggin' cute, I literally cannot)

      

 

Characters (20/20)
Your character interactions are priceless. I honestly love how they each have a unique personality, and I especially love Kai’s. That man be sassy af, and I love me some sassy.
All of your characters are pretty likable, too. Even Kris with his 'better-than-thou' personality, and Kyungsoo 'the sassy cat' familiar.
Luhan and Lay are the princes they deserve to be. >//<

Narrative Elements (25/30)
I love your writing style. You chose to write it in present tense, and you hardly slipped up in between tenses (which is especially easy to do when you write in present tense), so good job with that. There were too many comma's, however, and they were in places where other punctuation (like a period or colon) could work better. It's not detrimental to the writing, but be aware of using too many in the future.

Some things to look at:

1/4:

“Yifan certainly didn’t believe in such words, not when at such a young age, he’s got what men of his age would have asked for, the appealing features, the strength (both physically and mentally), the fame, the authority over people, and of course, the power coursing through his veins."

I think a colon needs to be place there, since you're listing things off. So, 
"... he's got what men of his age would have asked for: the appealing features, the strength (both physically and mentally), the fame,...."

“Not everyone is gifted with magic, some has to work for it, some has to exchange something they value for it, and some, some people are just not fortunate enough."

has ---> have

“True enough, Jongin was outside, he’s a mage who has a knack with dark magic, as dangerous as it sounds like, Yifan knows better than to judge the younger male, Jongin can kill someone with just a snap of his fingers, but he chooses not to, because he actually values people’s lives.”

This is what I meant by being aware of commas in the future. There are too many here, and this all one sentence. It can be broken up into multiple sentences, and flow nicer. Also, I removed 'like' because it sounds slightly awkward with it. So, 
"True enough, Jongin was outside. He's a mage who has a knack with dark magic, as dangerous as it sounds. Yifan knows better than to judge the younger male - Jongin can kill someone with just a snap of his fingers, but he chooses not to, because he actually values people's lives."

“Kyungsoo, the cat familiar with a ridiculously long and curled tail hops off Jongin’s shoulder and went on to sniff on the new beast.”

It sounds awkward with the second 'on' so it would sound better if you removed it.

"...off Jongin's shoulder and went on to sniff the new beast."

2/4:

“...his mother shushes him off. “Hush you, he’s clean. I bathe him earlier…”

bathe ---> bathed

“For someone who hate pandas, you sure are something.”

hate ---> hates

Plot & Theme (33/35)
I know there are probably a lot of fantasy au's with Tao as a panda on AFF, but I still think this story is very original. It feels like nothing I've read before, so it's still got an new vibe and feel to it.

Entertainment Factors (10/10)
I honestly loved reading this. Ultimate cute fluffy panda Tao feels overload. It had my feels all over the place. I even sent the link to my best friend, because it was too adorable, I couldn't not share it. \(^o^)/

Overall Score (113/120) **This story has been added to the Hall of Fame**


Reviewer's Song Choice:

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Thank you!
HeadToToesLove
Review Pickup for: omonachu

Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs