Assigned
Review Requested By: YinYan
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: August 9th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 11th, 2015
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Title (8/10)
It’s very relevant when your read the foreword, seeing as how she was ‘assigned’ as Chanyeol’s guard. I haven’t seen many (if any) stories with this title on AFF, so the originality is there. I love one word titles as well, because they leave an impact while still making someone have to read the description before deciding whether or not to read the story.

Foreword (13/15)
Nothing to really say. The text was borderline too big, but not quite, so it isn’t a huge problem.

Characters (17/20)
Eun Soo: The premise is cliche. “She’s unlike any other”. She isn’t the classic fangirl the prince has going after him, making her “different”. Now, that part of her wasn’t different from other stories I’ve read, but I suppose her being his bodyguard is. To be honest, this is the very first historical fic that I’ve read. I don’t really have a keen interest in them, so I haven’t read them before, or rather never found the time to set aside for the genre.
Chanyeol: He’s the cliche almighty prince type, who’s arrogant and has every girl swooning after him (except for Eun Soo, that is).
Do Kyun: He’s got a cliche character trope, as well. The man who’s supposed to have brotherly affection for the main character, but has been in love with her his whole life.

Your characters aren’t all that special, so I suggest just throwing in some uncommon traits, or future characters that will surprise readers.

Narrative Elements (17/30)
There were some switches between tenses and a few other mistakes. Below are all examples from the first chapter, so you know what to look out for.

Examples:

1. They all clapped in awe as the same person has won again.
‘has’ is present tense, and in all honesty, doesn’t need to be in the sentence at all.
They all clapped in awe as the same person won again.

2. His other hand rested on hers and gave her a look of worry.
You need to add a pronoun there, or it makes it sound like his hand is what gave her the look of worry. Add 'he'.
His other hand rested on hers and he gave her a look of worry.

3. He made a a face that amused Soo.
Two 'a'.
He made a face that amused Soo.

4. He didn't want to do calligraphy but his mother forced him to do so anyway since he didn't attend the meeting, involving his mother. Instead of being free, running around the garden, flirting with girls. He had to sit in his quarters, do calligraphy while the whole Palace parties in the garden, filled with girls.
There’s just a lot of unnecessary repetition in here that makes the flow kind of stiff, and makes everything seem redundant.
He didn’t want to do calligraphy, but his mother forced him to do so anyway since he didn’t attend the meeting involving her. He had to sit in his quarters and do calligraphy instead of being free to run around in the garden and flirt with girls while everyone parties.

5. There was people in dark clothing with large swords, crowding the audience.
‘was’ ---> ‘were’
There were people in dark clothing with large swords, crowding the audience.

6. Swords clang eachother
'Each' and 'other' are two separate words, they cannot be conjoined. Therefore 'eachother' isn't a word.
‘clang’ ---> ‘clanged’ ('clang' is present tense)
Swords clanged each other.

7. The intruders have dropped dead along with their leader whose sword have flown over close the Crown Prince's feet. Chanyeol feared it striking him.
The tenses are wrong:
‘have’ is present tense. (And, you can get rid of the first 'have' to make the sentence flow better)
Need to add ‘to’ for the sentence to be grammatically correct.
The intruders dropped dead along with their leader, whose sword had flown over close to the Crown Prince’s feet. Chanyeol feared it striking him.

Plot & Theme (28/35)
Like I said, this is the very first historic fic I’ve read on AFF, so I don’t know all of the cliches of the genre and what not. But, there are the basic cliches, so it lacks originality there. You also said that you were inspired by a drama, so some cliches are understandable, however, you should do something to give a little flavor and make your story different from all the others.
The pacing of the romance seems to be moving a bit fast. You’ve only got three chapters but you already revealed Do Kyun’s feelings. You should pace it out a bit more. Also, it’s already very clear that Chanyeol will have a thing for Eun Soon, so slow that down, too. The plot of the story seems to paced well, so the romance is the only problem I see.

Entertainment Factors (7/10)
I’ve never read a historic fic on AFF before, but not because I dislike them. I’ve just never really been interested in them. That being said, I did enjoy what you have so far, but it’s hard to say how well other readers will enjoy it, since there’s only three chapters so far. If you keep it up with what you got, work on the common mistakes I pointed out, and slow the romance down a bit, I think it’ll be an excellent read when it’s all finished.

Overall Score (90/120)

Reviewer's Song Choice: