Bittersweet Lies
Review Requested By: InfinityGirl
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: August 1st, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: August 4th, 2015
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Title (10/10)

I like the feel of it, since it leaves an impression upon first glance. Also, it specifically relates to the story, because of the lies told, and the effect they had over Ara and their relationship.

Foreword (14/15)

I like the layout of it. Simple and to the point.

‘trust’ should be ‘trusted’ and ‘isn’t’ should be ‘wasn’t’ and ‘stays’ should be ‘stayed’ since everything is in past tense in the description.

Characters (20/20)

Okay, can I just say (and this has nothing to do with your score or anything, because I review from an objective standpoint regardless of characters and bias) but, I love Bangtan, and there are still very few Jin centered fics, so when I saw your request, I got really really excited. Bangtan fics are on the rise, but it’s still rare compared to Exo. So, my point, YAY!!
Anyway, onto the part that matters, how you portrayed your characters.
I liked it. Ara seems like a fool in love, and is so easily relatable (especially to those who have experience relationship troubles).

Jin… well, he’s… He is who he is, and although he made a mistake (many mistakes) he’s still just a man.

And, Taehyung is like Ara. Loving someone who doesn’t feel the same. He’s also relatable, and perhaps my favorite character in your story. He was there to protect Ara, and she needed that.

You portrayed your characters amazingly well, and each one was perfect and realistic.

Narrative Elements (18/30)

There is a slip up between tenses here and there (I have pointed a few of them out below, so you know what to look for). You wrote everything in mostly present tense (i.e ‘stares’ and ‘turns’ - basically verbs that end in the letter ‘s’ are present tense), but every once in a while you’d slip in a word that’s past tense (i.e ‘missed’ and ‘slipped’ - verbs that end in ‘-ed’)

Examples:

What You Wrote:

            Ara wasn’t expecting him to be there but she let her eyes fix their gaze on the pillow that lies inches away from the one her head was resting on.

Edited:

Ara doesn’t expect him to be there but she let her eyes fix their gaze on the pillow that lies inches away from the on her head is resting on.

What You Wrote:

    She missed him.

Edited:

    She misses him.

I also noticed minor mistakes here and there, as well, but nothing serious that’ll draw people away from reading, just little slip ups. A few examples below (if you want more information on them, then feel free to PM me personally about it ^^)

Examples:

wanders ---> wander

reach ---> reaches

tried ---> tries

blinds ---> blind

meets ---> met

And, the mistakes that I found were all minor and simple, and no one who is honestly interested in reading your (lovely) story would leave because of them. Especially since most people on AFF aren’t native English speakers as it is, it’s totally understandable and no one will hold others accountable for it, so long as it’s still easy to read.
If you’re worried about the mistakes affecting anything, then maybe hire a beta reader or editor, or have a good friend look it over once and show what could be amiss. But, the mistakes don’t take away from the overall meaning and feeling of the story, so Hakuna Matata [no worries! \(^~^)].
You said in your foreword that you weren’t sure how good you would be at angst, but this is really good. You’ve captured the emotion well, especially for someone who says they’ve never had experience with writing it before. You put emphasis on the right phrases (i.e ‘she needs Jin’) so excellent job.

Plot & Theme (33/35)
Like I said before, there aren’t a lot of Jin centered fics on AFF yet, let alone Jin+OC centered fics with angst involved. And, you did not disappoint.
The pacing, especially for an angst fic, was really good. It wasn’t rushed nor did it drag on. I like how you had the clock sort of ‘count-down’ (or is it ‘count-up’ since the time was getting later and later…? *shrugs*). It added to the suspense and made everything all the more dramatic.
I had a sinking feeling when I first read about her being sick what it meant, and you confirmed my thoughts when Taehyung took her to the hospital. It was a good twist to make, and it set this apart from other angst stories of its kind, so great job.
And, you have an even bigger twist at the end. It literally made my heart hurt, but it was perfect. You ended the story like the title says.
Bittersweet.
The ending wasn’t a happy one, but with the flashback, there was still a sense of lingering happiness that can only come from memories, and you got all of the emotions across so well.

Entertainment Factors (9/10)
I loved reading this story. Angst is my favorite genre, and like I said, you got all of the necessary emotions across so well. It was cliche as far as the character tropes, but still unique in it’s own ways. I want to read more of your works because of this, and I will.

Thank you for requesting this review.

Note about the song choice: It's a cover by Jungkook, and the original song is by Crush. I think you should look at the English lyrics of them, they really fit the story in my opinion.

Overall (104/120) **This story has been added to the Hall of Fame**

Reviewer's Song Choice: