Love is Not Over
Requested by: pinkypanda675
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Review Requested: July 22nd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 24th, 2015
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Title: (5/10)

Foreword: (6/15)

Characters: (11/20)

Narative Elements: (17/30)

Plot and Theme: (18/35)

Entertainment Factors: (6/10)

Overall Score: (63/120)

REVIEWER'S NOTE:
I really liked how you tried to challenge a new plot instead of simply writing about a nerd falling in love with a popular guy. Though I believe your chapters are really short. This is probably due to the amount of dialogue you have and less descriptions. Most of the story and plot is being told through dialogue in the first few chapters. This should be fixed as just plain dialogue can be overwhelming for readers and boring. Add description to your text. Describe what the character's look like, how they act, what they feel, describe the setting, how the characters relate to it or the situation. Is it tense or a relaxed situation?

There are a lot of grammatical errors, and the sentences do not flow. Are you learning English or is it a second language? You tend to use present tense where past tense should be used and your sentence structure is very simple. "After reading awhile, I realized two female student approaching the seat behind me, junior maybe I thought and decide to let them be but they say something that caught my attention," a sentence from chapter two. Instead of writing your sentences like this, which lacks description, describe what the two female students looked like, how your character assumed they were juniors. Rephrase it into something more interesting and creative like this, "Flipping through the contents of pages, I realized there were two female students approaching the seat behind me. They were probably juniors, judging from the way they were dressed, with their checkered skirt shortened above their knees and shirt tucked in." Something like this allows the audience to imagine what the characters look like.

Okay, enough with the negatives, I really like the relationship you have in mind for Jungkook and your main character. I like the plot, although it sounds cliche at first, when you go in depth you realize that it's similar to the typical shoujo mangas which is really hard to convert into an actual story. I do hope you finish your story despite all the critcisms and I hope to read it in the future. I also apologize for the late review. All you hreally have to do is edit and add more description. Describe the setting, how the character feels, what he/she looks like and what the situation feels like. Overall, keep going on with the story and thank you for requesting.

- Erin

Reviewer's Song Choice: