Hush
Review Requested By: -inked (Inkless)
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 23rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 23rd, 2015
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Title (10/10)
I love one word titles. They make it so that the reader has to open it to find out what's going to happen within the story, but still gives them enough to want to open it (if done correctly). I was skeptical at first when I saw the quote, and then as I read I realized just how perfect the title is, based off of that quote alone. 

Foreword (12/15)
I like the description, it introduces the characters, and gives a snippet of the contents. But, that line isn't enough on its own, so adding that quote "Hush...I'm here for you... You'll be okay" added the little touch it was missing.
I especially love the mock  'wanted posters', but as it is right now, I don't understand how they fit into the story... I wonder if it has something to do with Junhong's past, possibly, but I'm unsure, since the story is still ongoing and doesn't give much to go off of yet. But, even without the relevance (as of right now) it was a nice touch, and I like it.

Characters (20/20)
Your characters are perfect. I flipped when I got the request and saw Himchan and Junhong (B.A.P is a part of my top three bias groups) so, I was excited already from the fact that it was B.A.P
And, as I started reading, you exceeded my expectations. I love their characters. They're so relatable, and you still have this mysterious aura around both them, as their pasts have still yet to be revealed, so I want to learn more. I wasn't sure what to expect when you used Himchan and Zelo as the mains (how they'd work together) but you pulled it off. They're already beginning to rely on each other, without even realizing it. I look forward to seeing how more of their character and personalities come to light, and how you introduce other characters (like Daehyun, maybe? So far, all we see from him are text messages, so he's also a mystery).
Your character interactions are perfect so far, too. So, keep it up!!

Narrative Elements (24/30)
Your descriptions were excellent. There was a lot of imagery, and I especially love the analogy with the coffee steam in the second chapter. And the personification you had of the smoke was the best absolute perfect (pun intended, cause I'm a dork. \(^o^)/).
From time to time, there would be a mix up of past and present tense, but, to be honest, I think the majority of those mix ups added to effect of the story. Switching in and out of realities, of a sort. They helped the reader relate more the characters thoughts. There were a few that were awkward and stuck out, so I'll give those examples below, but I won't even mention the other ones, because they add to the story telling, rather than take away. Also below, I have a few mistakes that I saw (but there were hardly any), so I've pointed those out as well.

From Chapter 2:

"Himchan recalls how a a hand would reach out beside him and a draw a smiley-face on the glass before the fog eventually fades away."

Just two simple mistakes is all, one's that are so easy to miss (I've done the same thing, many times). Just edit out the extra a's.

From Chapter 3:

"Himchan had barely takes ten steps..."

takes ---> taken

From Chapter 4:

"...as the steam from their coffees would rise..."

coffees ---> coffee (the plural of coffee is still coffee)

"He doesn't feel like out of bed anymore."

---> "He doesn't feel like getting out of bed anymore."

From Chapter 5:

"The skies are grey as ever..."

grey ---> gray (Grey is the name, gray is the color. At least, it is in America)

---> "The skies are as gray as ever..." (I don't know if you meant to exclude the first 'as' or not, but sounds a bit awkward without it)

"...hands bracing back to against..."

Edit out 'to'. ("...hands bracing back against...")

From Chapter 7:

"Junhong's drink is left to cool on the coffee table as they made conversation with each other, ..."

made ---> make or is ---> was (This is one of the tense changes that did need to be changed; you either need to change 'is' to 'was' or 'made' to 'make')

Plot & Theme (33/35)
I feel like this story may be cliche in the sense that it's about two people with troubled pasts, coming together to help each other out. But, as I read it, it doesn't give off a cliche sense at all. Junhong's amnesia and Himchan's mysterious past with whatever accident or incident that happened give it a nice twist, and it seems completely original. And, you have the perfect amount of angst to really grip the readers and tug at their heart strings, pull them in further.

Entertainment Factors (8/10)
This story was beautiful, and I can honestly say that I want to see more out of it. It's really good so far, and I know it will only get better, especially if those 'wanted posters' do come into play.

Overall Score (107/120) *This has been added to the Hall of Fame**

Reviewer's Song Choice: