Wickedly Infected
Requested by: taelite-
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Review Requested: August 23rd, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: September 2nd, 2015
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Title (8/10)

Foreword (6/15)

Characters (15/20)

Narative Elements (19/30)

Plot and Theme (25/35)

Entertainment Factors (4/10)

Overall Score (77/120) 

REVIEWER'S NOTE:

Okay, first of all, I'd like to apologize for the late review.

Your title isn't that creative but it gets its job done. It doesn't really evoke much emotion, but it was simple and revelant to the story. The foreword was extremely weak. When I read the summary, it didn't really tell what happens in the story. The description should give a brief overview of the story and the foreword you have provided didn't really give much information. Other than that everything was fine, no layout was used but a layout is not required for a good story.

In the first few chapters, there were a few grammatical errors like where you used past tense when present tense should've been used. 

e.g "Did you ing had ?" was used in the first chapter and I found that you repeated this mistake throughtout it. Instead of 'had', it should be 'have'.

You also used "satted", which had me cringing throughout the sentence as "satted' isn't a real word and 'sat' should be used instead. Also, aside from the grammatical errors, i believe the story is overwhelmed with dialogue. You tell your story through the dialogue, which can become boring and uninteresting as the story progresses. Readers want descriptions. They want to imagine what kind of scene the character is in, what they are feeling to relate to the characters and what their situation is like.

Adding more descriptions can help improve the progress and flow of the story. 

The scenes as well, can be described more. I found it very short and exaggerated. Instead of telling us what Yura is feeling during that scene, show us.

e.g Instead of writing "Oh, baby, you're so big," Yura planted her face onto his clothed bulge and began it. "Oh, ! Right there!" Taehyung threw his head back." Write something with more description like, "Yura his bulge through the thin shorts he was wearing, and he moaned in esctasy, throwing his head back and pressing his back against the couch to steady himself. Pleasure began shooting up his spine and legs when his girlfriend finally leaned in and gave a tentative that had his legs quivering in delight and his throat grumbling, begging for more." Something like this is more interesting and it slows down the pace of scene which builds tension.

Aside from all the negatives, I really liked your writing style. It's simple and straight to the point, although it can be improved. All I really recommend is to edit your story and add more descriptions to your chapter. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. It wasn't really heavy and was easy to read and understand. I'm also very sorry for the extremely late review.

Reviewer's Song Choice: