I wake up the next morning with a splitting headache and when I look in the mirror my eyes were puffy because of crying.

            I sighed.

            “Yah, Eun Hye!” I talked to myself as I stare in the mirror. “What are you doing?”

            I prepared myself when I can’t bear to look in the mirror anymore. I called Leeteuk to check on Heechul and I got…scolded.

            “How is he?” I asked when he picked up the phone.

            “The doctor said he can go home after three more days.” Leeteuk informed me. “There’s still some series of tests to be performed.”

            “He’s going to be okay.” I smiled to myself. “Heechul is strong.”

            “Eun Hye, you should give yourself a break.” Leeteuk’s soft voice said.

            “Hmmm?” I asked thoughtfully. “Is something wrong?”

            “Everything is wrong.” he said softly and I detected a little note of pity.

            A sighed as I closed the door of my room. “It’s going to be okay.”

            “Eun Hye…you can’t do this over and over to yourself.” Leeteuk said. “It’s not Heechul we’re concerned anymore, it’s you.”

            “Mianheyo…Leeteuk-ssi.” I replied. “I didn’t mean to be a burden.”

            Leeteuk sighed. “You’re not a burden Eun Hye. We just don’t want to see you hurting like this. Save something for yourself.”

            “Are you asking me to stay away from him?” I asked horrified as I walked outside SM Entertainment.

            There was a brief pause. “If it means saving you from all this pain then I think- we think- you should do.”

            A tear escaped my eye. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

            “Eun Hye please…how long can you take this?” Leeteuk said trying to reason with me.

            “Do you know what you’re asking me do?” I choked back a sob. “You’re asking me to leave someone I love.”

            “Think about it.” Leeteuk said, defeated.

            I buried my phone inside my bag and wiped the tears angrily from my face. I hate it that Leeteuk is starting to sound like Hyun Joong and I hate that they both sound reasonable. But I can’t leave just thinking about it makes it more painful.

            What would be my life without Heechul, his smile and occasional smirks, his never ending ability to make me smile just by being in the same room?

            Why can’t I stay?

            I’ve asked myself all the possible questions and my mind played every possible scenario without Heechul in my life and by the time I arrived at the hospital, my mind is pounding with headache again.

            I tried to relax by grabbing coffee in the nearest cafeteria but it taste even more unpleasant to me.

            I climbed the stairs to pass the time, hoping that my mind will be clearer when I arrive at Heechul’s room. I noticed that there’s no presence of any Suju member outside Heechul’s room.

            I was about to knock on the room when I heard Sungmin’s voice. I know its wrong but theres a part in my brain telling me not to interfere.

            “Oppa.” I heard So Hee’s voice.

            How can she still call him oppa?

            “Where’s Heechul hyung?” Sungmin asked.

            “Heechul oppa wants to take walk around the hospital alone.” So Hee explained and I heard a little disappointment on her voice probably because Heechul doesn’t want company. “He just left.”

            “Why are you doing this?” Sungmin asked suddenly.

            I heard a chair being moved. “What do you mean oppa?”

            “All of this!” Sungmin exclaimed. “Why do you keep putting yourself in a place where you shouldn’t be?”

            “If there’s someone who’s shouldn’t be here, it’s Eun Hye.” So Hee said bluntly and all of the sweetness on her voice was gone.

            “She has every right to be here.” Sungmin told her coldly. “She’s Heechul hyung’s fiancée.”

            “He can’t even remember her.” So Hee shot back.

            “You’re making him forget her.” Sungmin said disgustedly.

            So Hee laughed. “Oppa…it’s Heechul oppa’s choice to forget her.”

            I froze. Mou?

            Sungmin let out a curse. “Yah! How did you turn to be a liar like this?”

            “It will be better for Heechul oppa to just forget about her.” So Hee answered. “He shouldn’t be bothering to try and remember someone who will just destroy his career someday.”

            “Mou?!” Sungmin demanded.

            “Can’t you see oppa? So Hee asked. “Eun Hye and Heechul live in two different worlds and it should be Heechul and I together.”

            “Yah! Stop it!” Sungmin shouted.

            “You’re supposed to be the one to stop!” So Hee shouted back.

            “Wae?” Sungmin asked. “Wae?!”

            “I know why you’re asking me to leave Heechul oppa.” So Hee answered. “You’re still mad at me because I choose him over you.”

            “Mou?” I heard disbelief on Sungmin’s voice. “You dare bring that up?”

            “Mianhe oppa but no matter what you do, its Heechul oppa I love.” So Hee said. “Heechul oppa said that he was happy with me and he doesn’t want to know Eun Hye anymore.”

            There’s silence and I backed away quietly.

            My mind reeled with their conversation; it was something I shouldn’t have heard. I tried to make my mind go blank so that I wouldn’t have to think of their words but it keeps replaying in my head over and over again.

            Heechul doesn’t want me anymore…

             My eyes blurred as tears and sobs took over me. I walked and walked without knowing where my feet are taking me.

            I hate it that So Hee said those things to Sungmin. It’s wrong and cruel because I know Sungmin still like her. But I cannot deal with Sungmin’s pain right now, not when I can’t even make my own pain go away.

            I started to run. Maybe f I run the voices will go away.

            But no…nothing can make the voices go away.

            I heard Heechul’s voice telling me that he won’t leave me. I heard So Hee’s voice saying that Heechul doesn’t want me anymore.

            I heard Hyun Joong’s voice asking me to come with him and I heard Leeteuk’s voice telling me to save something for myself.

            What do I have to save and why?

            There’s nothing left.

            It hurts.

            I grabbed the door and l found myself in the hospital’s rooftop. I didn’t check to see if anyone is here but judging by the silence, I’m alone.

            I ran towards the banister and gripped it hard. Looking down I saw passing cars and busy people getting on with their life.

            I wish I was one of those people.

            I sobbed and cried.

            I screamed through the pain. I know no one will hear me.

            “Wae? Wae?!” I cried. “WAE?!”

            I tried to calm myself down because I am starting to hyperventilate.

            “Eun Hye…?” I heard a voice call my name and I froze.

            I turned around slowly and I find Heechul staring at me with concern. His hand was outstretched like as if he will grab me if I try to jump of the building. I felt a new wave of pain hit me and Sungmin and So Hee’s voice echoed in my mind again.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked.

            He’s standing away from me. It was just the right amount of distance to make him look as if he’s afraid of me. I stared at him and I pictured everything that we’ve been through: the happy and troubled times.

            And the predicament we are in right now.

            “What’s wrong?” I repeated my voice just above a whisper. “You’re asking me what’s wrong.”

            “Neh.” he nodded slowly. “I know we’re not that close but you can tell me what’s wrong.”

            Not that close?

            “You look like as if you’re in so much…pain.” he continued.

            I stared at him. “Do you really want to know what’s wrong?”

            He nodded once. “Neh, maybe I can help.”

            “You can’t help.” I said shaking my head.

            “You shouldn’t bottle things in your heart.” Heechul said motioning where his heart should be.

            I nodded and took a step forward to him. “Fine, I’ll tell you what’s wrong.”

            He waited for me to say it as I advanced towards him.

            I pointed at him. “You, you’re the reason why I’m like this.”

            It was his turn to stare at me.

            “You’re the reason why it’s so wrong.” I sobbed.

            Heechul bowed his head and sighed sadly. “Mianheyo…Eun Hye. Mianheyo if I can’t remember you.”

            “Sorry?!” I screamed and I am standing so close to him now. “I don’t need your sorry!”

            “What more can I do?” he asked weakly.

            I raised my fists and pounded his chest as I cried and cried. “I don’t need your sorry…I need you to remember me!”

            Heechul stood still as he accepted all the punches a throw at him.

            “I need you to say that you remember me that you love me.” I sobbed. “I need Heechul… the one who swore that he loves me.”

            He just stood there saying nothing and I grew tired of hitting him.

            I’m so tired of everything.

            “But I know now…I know better know.” I said to myself and he looked up puzzled.

            “It’s hopeless.” I mumbled.

            Heechul touched my arm but a jerked away from his touch.

            “I love you oppa.” I looked straight into his eyes. “What have you done?”

            He flinched at my last question and I pushed past him. I arrived at the door and saw Kyuhyun halfway up the stairs.

            “Noona, what are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asked. “Did you see Heechul hyung—?”

            He must have seen the tears and the pain written on my face because he reached for me but I pushed his hands away.

            “He’s up there.” I mumbled as I walk past him. “He probably has new bruises.”

            “Noona—.” Kyuhyun called back but I ignored him.

            I went straight home and grabbed the first bag I saw.