I stayed with Heechul, every time of the day.

            It drives Leeteuk and the others insane to keep me away from him and remind me of my basic and human needs. Sometimes it feels like as if they were more worried about me than Heechul because of the way I act. I reassure them over and over that I am fine but every time I do, I get a lot of smirks, especially from Kyuhyun.

            “I’m fine.” I must’ve said for the nth time already.

            “No you’re not.” Donghae said.

            Kyuhyun smirks. “You’re such a bad liar, noona.”

            “Eun Hye, we will not steal Heechul’s body.” Siwon said exasperatedly.

            I pouted at them and looked at Ryeowook for support, my eyes pleading for him to make them back off. I sighed, even Wookie won’t help me.

            “Noona, you need to go home and eat.” Ryeowook said. “To do things, you have school.”

            “You don’t go to school.” I said stubbornly.

            “We’re not enrolled.” Yesung said.

            I hate it when they have a point. “I can’t leave him.”

            “Yes, you can.” Leeteuk said. “You won’t stop going to school just because Heechul won’t move.”

            I glared at him.

            Leeteuk doesn’t get it. None of them does.

            I have been here in this stupid hospital even though I hate it here. I have been here for a week, looking helplessly to Heechul’s sleeping figure. I watch everyday as presents and letters from fans came, wishing Heechul to be okay. SM Entertainment has announced Heechul’s condition to the public and you can see how deeply it affected his fans. They were waiting for him to wake up, just like how I wait for him; the only difference is it that it means more to me than to them.

I refuse to think that he’s in a coma. He’s just sleeping, I would repeatedly say to myself. Like Snow White, but he’s more beautiful than a stupid fictional character.

            My Heechul is real. He’s mine and he’s going to wake up soon.

            It’s been a week but Heechul didn’t wake up.

            I cried.

            When they weren’t looking, I cry. I am so desperate for him to wake up that sometimes I grew angry at Heechul for ignoring me for so long. He couldn’t sleep so long. I need him to show me his smile, to make him laugh again.

            “Eun Hye…” Leeteuk said calling me back to reality.

            “Fine!” I snapped. “I’ll go.”

            “Thank god.” Siwon whispered and I glared at him.

            “I am coming back.” I said to him.

            He smiled innocently. “Of course, you are.”

            “Don’t forget to take a bath.” Sungmin teased.

            “Yeah, noona.” Kyuhyun smiled. “You stink.”

            I put on a mock smile. “I am not.”

            “Want me to drive you?” Ryeowook asked.

            I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”

            I glanced at Heechul one more time. I kissed him in the forehead and whispered softly on his ears.

            “I’ll be going for a while.” I said. “You better not wake up while I am not on your side.”

            I gathered my things half-heartedly and waved at them. “Annyeong~”

            I stood outside the hospital, leaving the bad smell of medicine behind me. I decided to grab a quick lunch and go straight home to clean myself.

When I went home in the dorm the first thing I saw was my reflection in the mirror.

            I’m a wreck.

            My hair was lifeless and sticking out in every direction. My face is a little thin. I sighed, no wonder they want me to clean up badly. I am not a very good sight for them at the moment.

            I practically ran in the bathroom and snatched a comb somewhere. I furiously comb my hair and stepped into the shower. An hour later, I am busy drying myself, already fresh and clean. I sat on the edge of the bed trying not to think of anything but its hard. I kept thinking about Heechul. It was like a part of me was left with him.

            I decided to go back to the hospital and check on Heechul again. I have to be on his side when he wakes up. I was about to close the room when I saw the favorite stuff toy of Heechul lying on the bed. It was the lion he always hugged. I smiled and grabbed it. I’m sure Heechul will be happy when he wakes up.

            I’m a little cheerful on my way back to the hospital. I need to be happy and not dwell on stuff because I know Heechul wouldn’t be happy seeing me sad. I went to the floor where Heechul’s room is located and I found the other members gathered in the hallway.

            I frowned as I get closer. Leeteuk seems to be arguing with someone.

            And by that ‘someone’, I meant So Hee.

            I was shocked to see her here. But really, how can I be surprised like that? Of course she’ll come. It was Heechul we’re talking about. Somehow I felt a wave of uneasiness come over me.

            “It was an accident.” Leeteuk explained to her. “He’s in a coma.”

            “I want to see him.” So Hee wailed.

            “You can see him later.” Leeteuk said patiently. “The doctor is checking on him right now.”

            “I want to see him now.” So Hee said more forcefully.

            Siwon made a face while Leeteuk try to reason with her. I approached them and that’s when Leeteuk noticed me.

            “Eun Hye.” he smiled a little strained. “You’re back.”

            “Neh.” I replied the smile sliding off my face. “What did I miss?”

            “Nothing.” Shindong answered. “You’re just in time.”

            I nodded in his direction and I can feel So Hee’s stare piercing me. I couldn’t ignore her so I said politely. “Annyeong.”

            “Annyeong.” she replied. “Can I see Heechul oppa?”

            I wasn’t surprised with her bluntness. “Sure.”

            She smiled a little. “Now?”

            “Geez, So Hee.” Sungmin snapped. “Give it a rest. The doctor is still inside!”

            I glanced at Sungmin’s irritated face. I guess they haven’t talked to each other yet. So Hee kept shut after Sungmin’s little outburst and we waited outside until the doctor came out.

              So Hee insisted again to see Heechul when the doctor went away. We let her get her way and watched as her shocked face broke into tears.

               For the next couple of weeks, So Hee will pop out suddenly to check on Heechul. She couldn’t come often because of her schedule and to be honest I am quite relieved, even the other Suju members were relieved. There was tension whenever So Hee is around.

              Right now it has been a month since the accident. I went to school grudgingly and went straight to the hospital as soon as my school time is over. I received an unexpected call from Hyun Joong the other day and he said he was just checking on me. I was so glad that he called even though I have completely forgotten about him with all the things that have been going on. I told him everything when he sensed that something’s wrong.

               “ I’ll be there.” he said.

               “Wait, mou?” I stammered.

             He sighed over the phone. “I cannot leave you in a state like that. I’ll come back to Korea.”

                “There’s no need for that!” I protested. “I’m fine. I’m with Heechul’s friend.”

               “I’ll be there.” He said firmly and then hangs up.

              I tried to call him back and tell him that there’s no need to go home for the sake of me but Hyun Joong wouldn’t pick up my calls.

              Waiting .

              I feel like a prisoner waiting for my sentence but I waited patiently because I know that Heechul will wake up soon…for me.

              It was a bright Monday morning and I don’t have classes. So Hee is here too as well as the other Suju members and we were just sitting there waiting as always.

               Heechul wake up already.I chanted inside my head.

         Eunhyuk, Donghae, Kyuhyun and Sungmin were doing they’re favorite past time of cracking jokes for Heechul. They were hoping that Heechul will wake up because of their jokes.

            They were telling Heechul a funny story when Kyuhyun stopped suddenly. He became rigid and Yesung, who’s sitting on the sofa, rushed to his side.

               “Did you see it?” Yesung asked.

               Kyuhyun nodded. “Neh.”

               I stood up. “What’s going on?”

               They never paid attention to me. Donghae called the other members whose outside.

               “What’s going on?” I asked again.

              “Heechul hyung’s finger moved.” Kyuhyun said like it was a miracle.

               I guess it is.

                We rushed to his side, me clutching the lion stuff toy. “Jeongmal?”

                 “Neh.” Yesung nodded and like as if on cue Heechul stirred.

               I felt warmth spread over me as I saw Heechul eyes slowly flutter open. I break into a smile as they cheered around me, including So Hee.

                 “Hyung, you’re awake!” Eunhyuk screamed.

                 Shindong whacked him in the head. “Don’t shout!”

                  Heechul looked at us widely, probably overwhelmed. We greeted him and after a moment of confusion he broke into his beautiful smile.

                 “What are you all doing here?” he asked.

                 “We were waiting for you to wake up.” Yesung beamed.

                 Heechul frowned, confused again. “Wae?”

                Leeteuk stepped in and explained it all to him as Heechul listened intently. I waited patiently even though I wanted to fling my arms around him and smother him with kisses. I will get my turn. Soon he will notice me.

                “You don’t know how worried we are.” Sungmin pouted.

                Heechul’s beautiful smile shows up again. “Mianheyo.”

                “Don’t make us worry like that again!” Ryeowook glared.

                “Neh.” Heechul beamed. “I won’t.”

                “How are you feeling?” Siwon asked.

                Heechul grimaced. “Like I have been run over by a truck.”

               We all laughed at this. Even though he’s just recovered he’s already up for making a joke.

                 “There’s someone who’s so worried about you more than us.” Leeteuk smiled.

                 I smiled and stepped forward, eager to have my chance.

                 “Oppa..” I smiled.

                Heechul smiled at me and I felt the warmth again inside me. I grabbed his hand and said. “Oppa…I missed you so much.”

                Heechul’s smile faltered a little and then there’s confusion on his eyes. “Do I know you?”

               I dropped his hand. “Mou?”

              “Hyung, what are you saying?” Ryeowook frowned. “It’s Eun Hye.”

                “Your fiancée.” Siwon added.

              “That’s not a very clever joke, hyung.” Donghae said.

                Yes. It’s just a joke, right? I thought.

                  Heechul turned to them. “Mou?”

                “Oppa…” I tried again. “It’s me Eun Hye.”

                 “Are you a fan?” Heechul smiled.

               I don’t like this feeling. Whatever’s happing has to be a complete joke. How can he forget me? I was half hoping that Heechul will beam and scream “Got You!” but nothing came.

                 “He doesn’t recognize her.” Donghae whispered.

                 NO! My brain shouted, the alarms coming off. That couldn’t happen, Heechul will never forget about me. I clasped his hand again.

                   “How can you say that oppa?” I cried. “Stop it, you’re hurting my feelings.”

                  He took away his hand. “Mianhe…but I really don’t know you.”

                    “Don’t say that.” I said.

                    Heechul backed away from me and he grabbed Eunhyuk. “Who is she?”

                    “Hyung, she’s your fiancée.” Eunhyuk replied.

                   “STOP IT!” Heechul shouted, angry now. “Quit joking around, it’s not funny!”

                    “But hyung—“ Kyuhyun protested.

                     “Yah yah.” Leeteuk said concerned. “Don’t stress him.”

                 The doctor came and calmed Heechul down. I looked away. I couldn’t accept the glare he was giving me, like I have offended him or something. The minutes passed by as the doctor checked on him. I stood rooted to the spot a little away from his bed, afraid that he will get angry again. I looked around, just for something to see. I saw So Hee in a corner just watching quietly like she doesn’t want to disturb anything.

               The doctor came over to my side with Leeteuk, Siwon and Kyuhyun. They were looking so solemn like as if the news will break me.

                     And it did.

                    My ears listened to them as the doctor explained to me that Heechul is somehow in a partial amnesia. Don’t ask me what that means because even my mind couldn’t process it, especially when the doctor said that sometimes when a person is involved in an accident like Heechul they tend to forget the person or people he usually remembers the most.

                 And that means me.

                How can I even believe that? That’s just…stupid. Who can forget someone he always thinks about? I wanted to shout that what they were saying is crazy but I kept my mouth shut.

               “All you can do is be patient and help him remember.” the doctor finally said and he left.

                Siwon touched my arm. “It’s okay, Eun Hye. We’ll help him remember.”

                 I shook my head. It’s not okay. It’s not going to be okay.

               I looked over to Heechul’s bed where he’s more calm now and joking around with Shindong and Eunhyuk.

                   Kyuhyun grabbed my hand. “Let’s talk to him, noona.”

                 I started to protest and say that it’s probably not a good idea but he dragged me anyway. That’s just Kyuhyun. We were by his bed and he turned his head around me. He smiled briefly at me, the incident earlier completely forgotten.

                  I smiled back, even though it hurts.

                 Heechul turned towards Sungmin when he remembers something. “Sungmin, where’s So Hee?”

                    Those four words took the breath out of me and have frozen my heart.

                    “I’m here, oppa.” So Hee’s voice said from behind me.

                    “So Hee-ah!!” Heechul beamed and reached over for her. “You’re here.”

                   “Neh.” she nodded.

                 I looked away, tears spilling down my cheeks but I can’t make my feet move away from them. The room is silent but Heechul was oblivious to that because he kept saying how happy he is to find her here.

               I feel like a masochist standing here and taking all the pain, hearing his sweet words that are not meant for me.

                This cannot be happening.

              I made myself move. I have to. I don’t need to look stupid in front of everyone. I brushed passed them, my pace quickening with every step.

                 Ryewook grabbed my arm but I brush him off. “Noona…”

                 I don’t need empty consolation.

                I was almost at the elevator when I bumped into him. At first I just meant to say sorry and get past him but the man held me back.

                  It’s Hyun Joong.

                  Just one look at me and he knows that everything is wrong. He engulfed me with his big hug and I broke.

                  Just like that, I broke.

                  I wailed at his shirt. I don’t even care that we’re in the middle of the hallway or we might be disturbing someone.

                     Today, I cried again.

                     Today, I got my heart ripped in two.