Haneul’s POV

“You murdered my son!” I yelled into Junhyung’s face.

Stop it, Haneul. You know it is not his fault.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized softly, his eyes welled up with tears yet again.

“Get out.” I muttered.

Get away from me, Junhyung. I don’t wish to hurt you further.

He nodded slightly and made his way out of the room. I sank back onto the bed, hugging Loki’s photo close to my chest. If he were here, he would not allow me to treat his Daddy like that. But then again, if Loki were still around, none of this would have happened.

“Loki baby, what am I doing to your Daddy? Why have I become like this?” I cried.

I must have cried myself to sleep again. My head throbbed in pain and my stomach growled. I could not remember the last time I actually ate. Perhaps it was a week ago, when my baby boy was still jumping around the house and yelling my name.

I turned to the side, expecting to see Junhyung curled up in a ball, but instead, it was cold and empty, like my heart. I switched on the lights and made my way out of the room. My legs wobbled a little. It felt like I have not left the bed in a long time.

The entire house was cold and dark, it was as if Loki took the light and cheerfulness with him as he left. Perhaps he really did. I went into Tae Hyun and Ji Eun’s room to check on them. It felt like I have not seen them in awhile.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized to their sleeping self.

Ever since Loki died, I was so absorbed in my own unhappiness that I forgot they needed me as much as I needed them now.

“Umma~” Tae Hyun called out as he opened his eyes slowly.

“Shhh~ Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.” I said as I tried to pat him back to sleep.

“Umma~” He called out again as he snuggled his face into my chest.

“Shhh~ Sleep. Umma is here~” I rubbed his back.

I watched them for a little while more before leaving. I passed by Loki’s room and found myself standing outside. If I opened the door, would I see my baby boy sleeping on the bed? I grabbed onto the doorknob. I in a deep breath and turned it, pushing the door open.

I flicked the switch on. The bed was empty. My baby boy is not there. He is gone, for real.

On the floor next to the bed lie Junhyung, hugging onto Loki’s pillow. He appeared to be asleep. I sat down gently next to him.

“No~ Please. No~” He muttered when I tried to pull the pillow from him to shift him to a more comfortable position.

“Please~” He kept muttering.

I pushed his fringe away to reveal his full face. Dark eye circles stood out against his pale skin. His cheeks were sunken as if he had not eaten in days.

“I’m sorry~” He started crying.

“No. I’m sorry.” I apologized as I smoothed his hair.

For as long as I watched him sleep, he kept mumbling words and crying at the same time.

What have I done to him? How could I treat the man I swore to love and protect with my life like this? Loki would not be proud of me if he knows I have been treating his hero like this.

“I don’t wish to blame you. I really don’t, Junroro. I know it’s not your fault, I know you’re in as much pain as I am, or perhaps even more because of my harsh words and the fact you were there to witness the death of our baby boy. But, Junroro, I’m sorry. I just.. I just can’t seem to look at you anymore. It’s wrong of me, but I don’t know what to do.” I cried.

Junhyung’s POV

When I woke up, I had a blanket over me. I don’t remember covering myself with a blanket, or did I do it and forgot? I turned to look at the time. It was close to 7.30AM.

“Damn~” I muttered under my breath as I ran out of the room.

I ran into the room Ji Eun and Tae Hyun share to wake them up for school, but I was greeted by silence. They were not asleep and their beds were already made. Did they wake up already? Or did Haneul take them to school?

I went into our room, expecting to see Haneul either asleep or glaring at me, but the bed was empty too and like Ji Eun and Tae Hyun’s, it was already made.  There was an eerie silence in the house and something inside me told me what could have happened, but I refuse to believe. Haneul would not do this to me.

I made my way downstairs only to be greeted by expected silence.

“No. No. No.” I muttered as my eyes glanced over to the food on the table.

This is not happening again.

I picked up the folded piece of paper under the cup of coffee.

I love you, Junhyung. I really do. But I just can’t face you anymore, neither do I want to hurt you further. Live well, Junhyung ah. I’m sorry.

I clenched my fists tight and bite down onto my jaws.

Why are you doing this to me, Haneul ah? You of all people should know how painful it was for me. Why are you making me go through this again? Is this your punishment for me?